Chapter 9

I tried leaving but my father threw that idea out the window he made sure to tell me after so long am no longer leaving  Gatsha and Mongameli were in UKZN Phila and Langa were more than excited to see me again i had been gone for so long that i didn't know that now instead of one but two of my brother's were now in university i hadn't brought anything much but just weekend clothes i hoped but didn't hold my breath.


"Sisi how is Johannesburg i want to go there one day" Langa said we were sitting eating dinner i hadn't had courage to tell them about the wedding yet i was afraid what if they start hating me again.


"Well..." i sigh shaking my head "Johannesburg needs self control Langa it's not for the faint hearted" he wanted to go to UJ he was doing grade 11 "every weekend there everyone is partying the peer pressure of drugs and most definitely for a guy there you would get sick way quickly people do in those school because of unprotected sex so if you want to go there you need to know why you there first" i said he nodded his head.


"I'll know why am there too i wouldn't fall into peer pressure so are the clubs there lit or what" he asked i chuckled as dad shook his head.


"I wouldn't know Langa i was in TUT that's far from Johannesburg but i did live in Johannesburg from what i had seen it's not a nice place people get hurt easily especially for girls so i hadn't been comfortable in staying seeing man there already planing on drugging you" i lied pure lies but i needed to be the good girl in my parents eyes.


"What exactly did you do in Johannesburg" phila asked i chuckled shaking my head at his endless question.


"Study and job hunt the is plenty of time for playing parties and alcohol when you have your own things langa imagine being able to drive yourself in clubs not relying on someone" i can't believe what my mouth was spewing lies pure lies i wish someone had told me these words before i went to TUT after dinner ma collected the dishes washing them while i dried mine my phone had been switched off

my mind kept going creating different scenarios if i told my parents the truth the real reason that pushed me here to make matters worse i was marrying someone 17 years older than me would my father approve he didn't know how much i needed this moreover i appreciated Noni's approval too was i willing to give up this newly forgiveness on my parent's what was more worse being away for 3 years or marrying this man.


"What's on your mind your mind is somewhere else" mom said pushing the plate on the table i took a deep breath at her intense gaze.


"Nothing just stressing about school now that i admitted loud " i told half truth yet again she dropped another dish while i took it to wipe it.


"As much as that is true you might have left Liyana for 3 years but you haven't changed i am your mother i still can see beyond those lies tell me what's wrong or you no longer comfortable talking to your old women" i chuckled at her words. "Talk to me what has you so tense while you were laughing a minute ago" she says.


"I met someone" i lied pure lies but i had to sugarcoat things couldn't say a week ago right she nods her head "we've been together for a while now and he wants to take things to the next level" i say she nods.


"How long have you been together " she asks now interested in this topic fully focusing on me now.


"A year"i say 


"So you lied about still being sealed" she says i shook my head immediately.


"We haven't took things to that step i wasn't exactly ready to take them that far"i say immediately she nods yet again.


"And now you ready" she asked my mouth dried out immediately marriage meant sex oh god i cringed at that thought alone was i ready to have sex yet or would i ever be ready "you do know marriage means taking things that far right " she says "you look like you've seen a ghost" she said laughing at my face perhaps i could talk to him right. 


"Yeah i know and am ready" i clear my throat she doesn't exactly look convinced at all at what i just said. 


"Okay so what's the problem why do you look tense why hadn't you told your father"she asked continuing what we were doing. 


"His 17 years older"i closed my eyes at her waiting for an earful but it never came she kept quite i opened my eyes looking at her she put me at arms length.


"You know you have to tell your father right" she said i nodded my head she was right i needed to tell my father sooner or later. "We won't judge you baby dissappointed yes but we'll always want what's best for you and the fact he waited this long without pressuring you he has my respect all i need from him is he takes good care of you that's all" her voice is gentle.


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