Chapter 3

With each step i took the heels echoed in the quite night i wrapped my hands around my arm as the coldness seeped in i was walking alone in the cold night just to avoid going home early  it didn't help that i was wearing a dress scared that wasn't something i felt though I've seen a lot with these bare eyes that nothing suprised me the world was a bigger place yet it felt too small for me i remember 4 years ago at the age of 18 stepping in exactly these ground carrying my black suitcase with my mothers Tupperware on the other hand excitement fear had crept in as i asked the taxi's around going Pretoria and some guy had pointed where i would find them he was carrying a black lunchbox bag in his left arm his exact words were. 'This is Johannesburg baby girl you don't go around asking anyone direction instead look for nearest shops and ask security guards or a taxi driver' he has said as we got into the same taxi the conversation flowed between the both of us he had even asked me where am from and why i was in Johannesburg all alone at this young age i had told him everything and my reasoning before his last words before getting out were.

'My brother this lady doesn't know where to get off can you do me a favour and drop her off " he had said "with all the women missing we better take part in protecting them" he had said before shouting 'short left' he got out while i remain in the taxi the driver had told me where to get off and i did exactly that when i got off the long line in Tswane University of Technology was what welcomed me yet i was patient i was excited because i was to study my diploma in journalism there i had a plan here and that meant nothing will get me to stop that but who was i kidding i had been locked up in a shell my whole life in the name of protection my parents were strict so i didn't have the life of a teenager my teenage years were spent with me and my parents the only best friend i had ever had was my brother who was 2 years younger than me ofcause they weren't treated like me since they were boys. The first year i had spent i was determined i had a roommate who was exactly what i was so it wasn't hard i worked hard and boom 10 modules in the bag as i went home for recess in December holidays my father was proud my mother too i was a good example and my brother was finishing  his matric year i had to help him apply at varsities and UKZN had accepted him when i left he had good results the following year i went back to school and everything was perfect but i wasn't so lucky with roommate this time i had a different ratchet roommate through her i had met my beautiful kind friend Inyoni i should have never let her convince me about letting my guard down but i did in the name of 'living my best youth life' i lost direction of life. I search my purse for anything that can take my mind away from these thoughts that had crept in and engulf me my hands return carrying a cigarette i look for the lighter before pushing the nicotine between my lips and light it up puffing out the smoke. Till this day i still question whether my family thinks about me or not whether they worry or not its been 3 years since we lost contact with them since i cut them off after my shame i didn't have the stregth to go back home and face the village i was even lucky that i wasn't pregnant even now I've always feared the unknown towards sex probably the reason why even in my retched days i never found myself going to that part of life even after the pressure i was getting

19 yet still a virgin i still have that fear hearing the amount Sex workers yes we have to respect them hearing their monthly no actually daily income i was tempted temptation was too hard to fight from joining them but the fear of actual penetration was what stopped me yes i did have a boyfriend before Thabo or Thabiso i don't remember his name because he had once broken my heart and cheated to me with a friend of mine then the was Thapelo we actually explored much with him towards sex who said sex has to be the actual penetration we did had oral but a time came for penetration and i backed off i was too afraid that i didn't after that he ghosted me jokes on him right i don't know why but jokes on him then the was Khaya who cheated that's not the worst part i was the side chick lastly was Neo the worst i was actually a bet oh i remember Neo came after Thabo/Thabiso yes in a period of 2 years i was never really lucky in love department. I needed something something big that can make me money and i could go back to school and continue where i left off so i can finally go home. It was working as i inhale and puff my nerves were calming down the fast heartbeat of my heart was slowing. In my trance i hadn't realise how now i was already in hillbrow flats a taxi stopped me midway of my walk the were four guys i dropped the nicotine and squashed it with the heels i recognized him immediately this time he was wearing white golf t-shirt tucked into the Brentwood trouser he was wearing a black cap on his head covering him but i could recognise him anywhere i slowly crotch down unhooking the heels before taking them off and carrying them in hand ready to run if the need occurs i was stuck in one spot as two more guys got out of the flats stairs carrying a mat they were carrying a mat that was rolled into a circle the shoes that were visible gave me an idea what was what was happening i held my mouth trying to neutralise my shaking i had never been a witness of murder before i had never been in this situation before what had i gotten myself into the USB i had in my purse i was curious i now had a little bit idea why it was important it had his dirty laundry but why record his dirty laundry or perhaps someone was threatening him i don't know i glance at the taxi yet again to catch the number plate but my eyes fell on words printed on the windows 'Maphumulo taxi association' it read it's not everyday a valuable information falls on your hands and if i had gotten myself in situation then i might as well milk the advantage i was given.


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