Prologue

I was in my room rapping deep lyrics of Wet dreamz by J.cole. While I articulated some naughty imagination in my notebook.

Me: "It started off so innocent

She had a vibe and a nigga started diggin' it.

I was youngin' straight crushin' trynna play the sh** cool

But a nigga couldn't wait to get to school

Cause when I see 'em thighs on her

And them hips on her and them lips on her

Got me daydreaming man what I'm thinkin'.... "


Got disturbed by a knock. I took off my headphones.

Mathapelo: Obakeng

Me: Mma?

Mathapelo: We need you in the lounge.

I furrow my eyebrows

Me: Have I done something wrong?

Mathapelo: Just find out by coming in the lounge. We'll be waiting.

Me: Okay Mma.

She walked away. I sigh nervously hiding my book. She said "we" I wonder who else could be there or rather I'm being called for a meeting. But what trouble could I have gotten to? I hope Mma didn't even bother to call that bih from KZN I'll be really mad.

" Obakeng!! "

Me: Ee kea tla Mma!! (I'm coming!!)

I yell back and made my way out of my room.


I got to the lounge and sneered.

Me: (scoffs) As much as I thought! 

Mathapelo: Sit down Obakeng.

Me: Why should I sit in the same room as this woman?

Mom: Hee mntana ndini ndingu nyoko (Hey child I'm your Mother)

Me: Nyoko nge gama izenzo zona? (Mother by words what about actions?)

Morake: Okay okay we can't go on like this. Let's all calm down and handle this well. 

He looked at me

Morake: Son

Me: Papa?

Morake: Sit down

I took a seat.


So this was a family meeting just as I expected. There were 2 of my older brothers my biological Mom Morake & Mathapelo plus their daughter.


See here's the thing. Mathapelo & Morake are a married couple who took me in at the age of 11 and raised me like their own son. Whilst my mother was there all this time and it's not like she couldn't raise me she could she had all the capabilities to raise me she had all the money to raise me. She was left a filthy woman but never gave me one thing I needed Love. Her emotional abuse was way too much that I decided to call my big brothers one day and tell them everything about it. My brothers; Hlonolo & Hlompho are Mathapelo's sons from her previous marriage (with my dad) before Morake. What relates me with my brothers is that we have the same biological father but he passed on when I was still a baby I was unfortunate to meet him.


So Mathapelo got divorced with my real father when he married my mother. Then she married Papa Morake they got blessed with a beautiful daughter Gomolemo. We all live together as a family except for my brothers they have their own houses. What repulses me is this woman's presence infront of me.


Mathapelo: Okay I'm glad everyone managed to come to this family meeting. I'm sure you're all wondering what is it all about.

We all nodded. She looked at me.

Mathapelo: Well it's about you Obakeng.

I frown pointing myself.

Me: Me?

Mathapelo: Yes son. I've stumbled this in your room.

She brought forward my book. I hissed in embarrassment as I place my fist over my lips. The book contains everything about my personal life feelings and matters. She wasn't suppose to see that.

Mom: What's in there?

Mathapelo: You can look for yourself.

She handed her while her gaze weighs on me. So I had to face down.

Mathapelo: Obakeng

Me: Mma

Mathapelo: Obakeng

Me: Mma?

Mathapelo: Nchebe ha ke bua le wena (Look at me when I'm talking to you)

I lift my eyes up and her seriousness scared me. Mathapelo is a good woman and by far the best mother I've been blessed with. When she's like this I get nervous.

Mathapelo: Is it true?

Me: But Mma why would you invade my privacy?

Mathapelo: Invade your... Heeey wena! metlholo. Sebakeng sa mang? (At whose house?) Tell me.

I kept quiet playing with my hands.

Mathapelo: You know I go to your room to clean it and collect your laundries weekly sometimes everyday. Surely when I bump to stuffs like this it concerns me as your parent.

(Silence)


Mom: Tjuuu! Intsha ke le nda qaluyiva. Yho Buzwe yazenza izinto ezoyikisayo. (This is new first time hearing it. You becoming creepy Buzwe.)

She says paging through my book and seeing everything in it.

Morake: Let me see what's in there.

They passed the book while me and Mma continued having a staring competition.

Mathapelo: Gomolemo

Gomolemo: Mma?

Mathapelo: Are you dating Obakeng?

Family: (exclaims) Modimo!! Tjoo!!! 

Everyone didn't expect that. I rub my face in shame.

Mathapelo: Gomolemo... Are you dating Obakeng?

She shyly shakes her head.

Mathapelo: You know what we said about lying mosetsana ke wena bua nnete! (little girl tell the truth!)

She bites her teeth looking down

Gomolemo: Eya Mma we dating

Family: Eh! Eh! Eh!

Me: But it's not like we are sinning. Me and Gomo are not blood sisters nor brothers.

She beats the table repeatedly

Mathapelo: Hey! Hey! Hey!

Mom: Nankonke uTsietsi evuka emathuneni (Tsietsi has resurrected)

I glare at her at the mention of my father.


Mathapelo: Let me not hear you speak of such nonsense again boy. You'll be sorry! What you and Gomo are doing is abomination to the nearest incest. Akere nna le Papa took you in as our son at 11 tot now. All this time we were feeding both of you. Now we must continue feeding lovebirds? Clothing lovebirds? Live under my roof? Not as daughter and son we knew but as lovers?? Haa phela that's insane! really insane.

I kept quiet looking at Gomo who wanted to cry and my disappointed brothers.

Morake: For how long have this been going on?

Me: First time I came here but I started coming out about my feelings recently.

He looked at his daughter.

Morake: And you agreed?

Mathapelo: Basically when we leave them Papa we might as well expect to find them having sex in our house!

Gomolemo: Mma!

She throws her hand near Gomo's face motioning a slap.

Mathapelo: S'kare Mma ke tlau klapa! (Don't say Ma I'll slap you.) What can we trust in 18 year olds?

(Silence) 


Hlompho: You have disappointed us OB we have no words. We put in a good word for you to Mom feeling sympathy for you yet you came for "date my family." Totally unacceptable.

Mathapelo: This has to stop. You have to stop all this nonsense.

I shook my head

Me: I can't I'm sorry Ma I can't I really love your daughter.

Mathapelo: Wareng?? (What did you say?)

Morake: Obakeng come back to your senses son. Stop this.

Me: I can't Papa I really love her I really can't control myself.

Mom: Buzwe!

Me: Shut up wena

I looked at them

Me: I'm sorry but I love Gomo so much with all my heart. She's my first love first person I think of when I wake up and... the last when I lay my eyes to rest at night.

Mathapelo: Tjeeerrr moshanyana enoa (This boy!) It's either you leave this sick relationship of yours or you leave my house! You have to choose one.

I blinked looking at her in disbelief as tears formed in my eyes. I got up.

Me: So le wena Mma you disown me just like that? The only person I felt a mother's love from. The only person who cared. You kick me out? When am I really receiving true love?

Mathapelo: If you stop this sickness with Gomo then we can talk.

I shook my head.

Mathapelo: (teary) There are many girls out there Obakeng not my daughter.

Me: They are not Gomolemo!! They are nothing like her they'll never be like her!

I composed myself.

Me: You know what? It's fine I'll go if it's what you want. It was a good time being here.

I stormed out.


I went at the back of the house and covered my face weeping.

Gomolemo: Buzwe

Me: OB

Gomolemo: OB I'm sorry about what really happened in there. I really wanted to give us a chance but they have a point we can't be.

I removed my hands off my face.

Me: Why??? It's not like we siblings

Gomolemo: True but my parents raised you that makes us siblings. 

Me: That's insane!

Gomolemo: We have to stop.

I grabbed her hands in mine

Me: Babe it's your choice. You're 18 you can make your choice and it's your heart that feels a different way. They shouldn't choose your happiness for you.

Gomolemo: I'm sorry but they're right and I can't go against my parents' wishes.

Me: Gomo??

She kissed my cheek.

Gomolemo: It was good while it lasted.

She slid her hands off mine and left.

Me: Gomolemo!

More tears streamed down and I felt my heart sting when she walked away from me for good.

Mom came out of the blue with my stuffs.

Mom: You ready to go?

Me: Yeah.

I got the bags from her and loaded them in the car and she drove off while the family was staring and waving at us. Mom hooted I looked at Gomo with my tear running. 

I waved weakly at her but she turned around and left. We left Mpumalanga and headed to KZN.

.

.

.

8 MONTHS LATER

Mom: Yii Buzwe here's your suit I bought for your farewell.

Me: Thanks Ma ndiyabulela.

I took it it was nice and red in colour.

Mom: I'm heading to my restaurant ke neh. Will you be okay?

Me: Come on Ma I'm not Keneiloe

She chuckles. Keneiloe is my sister who has earned herself all my mother's love and stole it all away from me. My father cheated on my Mom with his P.A and Keneiloe came about. Her biological Mom passed on when she was a baby. Mom took upon adopting her after Dad passed on since he never left her an inheritance.


Me: I'll be fine don't stress

Mom: If you need anything talk to Bhongo okay?

Me: Yeah.

She hugs and kisses me.

Mom: Goodbye have a nice evening ahead. I love you

Me: I love you too 

I watched her walk away. 

I also went to my room and prepared for the night. I looked at the book of my drawings with only Gomo and smiled alone.

I went to have a word with Bhongo he used to be close with Dad and knew most things about him plus he's now dating Mom so he knows everyone's secrets in this house.

I asked him to help me find Dad's favourite suit. He did help me it was instead a black tuxedo. I looked so good in it even my sister complimented when she saw me.


I drove straight to Mpumalanga. I'm actually going to Gomo's farewell not mine. We once had agreed that I'll be her partner pity I've changed schools. But a deal is a deal right?


I parked infront of the school and waited for her. I dialed her number. Still have her numbers even when she changes them constantly. I don't call more often cause she blocks me. This is the first time dialing her.

Gomolemo: Hello. Who's this? Hello?

I just froze seeing her walking with another dude they looked cosy and fabulous. I snort as I clenched my teeth. They went past my car and I sank lower in my seat so that they don't see me.


I later saw her walking alone towards the toilets.

Me: Gomolemo.

She startled and screamed. I covered her mouth.

Gomolemo: OB what the hell man!

She says in a completely pissed tone and pushing my hand off her mouth.

Gomolemo: What are you doing here? Are you following me?

Me: I'm here for you for us. Remember we planned this day together? That we'd make it memorable.

Gomolemo: Stay away from me Obakeng! My parents warned you about this. Don't let me report you for harassment. Stop stalking me! We're over there was never us!

Me: But I still love you

Gomolemo: (scoffs) Love? Nigga move on!

She walks away. 

Me: Gomo Gomo!!

I paced up and pulled her

Gomolemo: Yee wena kgaogana le 'na maan nxa (Leave me alone) I'm warning you.

That guy appeared from nowhere.

Him: Everything okay there?

Me: Help yourself saan and vai. Don't get involved in things that don't concern you.

Gomolemo: Mxm! Areye Thato a re tlogele sematla se (Let's go Thato let's leave this fool.)

My chest immediately burned and I felt something heavy building up.

Me: U bitsa mang ka sematla? (Who you calling a fool?)

The guy laughed. I glare at him in fury.

Me: What you laughing at?

Him: You fool.

In split seconds I jumped on top of him and beat him up brutally with Gomo screaming and stopping me till I blacked out.


My mind came back when I was taken by a police van with blood all over me and Mom kept shouting at me on top of her voice. It then dawned to me that I might have killed him. But Mom surprisingly came through for me with bail. She made sure to burn every belonging of my father's and went on about me taking after him.

.

.

.

PRESENT DAY

Psychologist: Welcome back Mr Buzwe

Me: OB

Psychologist: O?

Me: ..B for Obakeng

Her: But it says your first name is Buzwe.

Me: I'd rather you call me by my second name Obakeng if you fail keeping it short with OB.

She smiles and notes down.

Her: You hate your Mom Mr OB?

I tense up a little.

Me: No

Her: But it has got to do with her that you don't like your first name?

I frown making a confused facial

Her: Just that I've noticed your Mom has been frequently calling you by your first name and you get sensitive when someone else calls you by it.

Me: I just like Obakeng.

She nods and wrote down.

Her: You angry at your Mom?

Me: Sort of

Her: Why? 

Me: She never loved me.

Her: Why do you feel that way?

Me: She would rather give her love to other random people than me. She'd rather be Mother Teressa to the world but treat her own offspring like trash. She resents me for what my father did to her. She kept crucifying me for every little thing I did as a child and would say I'm becoming like him. Even when I had no idea what she's talking about cause I never knew my father. He died when I was a month old.

I exhale

Me: So one day I finally got curious of knowing the person I'm being compared to. I had this sudden interest about him and I kept learning everything new about Dad cause I knew she wouldn't help me doing so. She avoids talking about him and has been hiding everything about him. That's where we never clicked.

She nods with a sigh

Her: So you forgive your Mom for that treatment?

I sigh heavily

Me: I don't know I really don't

She wrote down

Her: Okay let's move on from there. What's your favourite colour?

Me: Red & Black.

Her: Okay why the combination?

Me: It describes me. Red stands for love that there's still a part of me that's capable of loving. Even though I don't know how to love right.. and Black is for darkness.

She nods.

Her: Are you in a relationship?

Me: No

Her: For how long have you been single?

Me: Woah it's been.. I can't tell you that but it's been really long.

Her: Have you dated after Gomo?

I smiled just by the thought of her.

Me: No. I do shag a few women though but it's not something solid. My heart's still with Gomo.

Her: Even though she has moved on?

Me: Even though she has moved on and we've been apart. My heart's still beats the same way for her... I'm glad seeing her grow from a girl who used to live in shells to someone strong and more bold my type.

She looks at me.

Her: Mr OB would you agree that you're obsessed?

I glanced at her without saying anything.

Her: Your medical records say you have an OCD after the incident you had many years ago. And seems like you haven't gotten over that lady. I advice you to find ways to drift your focus somewhere else. Cause you tend to act impulsively when you seeing her around people more especially males. Which is not fair cause she's human too she's bound to interact around other people. Not every male is into her.

She wrote down.

Her: You still eat your treatment?

Me: I do.

Her: How do you feel about pets? Just us drifting your focus elsewhere. No one's gonna judge you for talking to pets.

I laughed.

Me: It wouldn't be a bad idea.

Her: That focus is better than landing yourself in jail right?

Me: Yah

Her: Now we getting somewhere. Our session is over. We'll do this again next week.

I stood up

Me: Thanks Miss Anderson.

Her: Pleasure

We shook hands and I left.


I believe in Love. All I need is Love. Only Love can tame me and save me from myself and everyone else.

My Name is Buzwe Obakeng Serame take this journey with me to find out more.

...

>>> To be continued...


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