Mom: It all started on Facebook. Your father and I met on social networks. He sent me a friend request I accepted and we began chatting.
I smiled a little.
Mom: One night I decided to go out with my friend. We went to this other hot club in Grahamstown. We were grooving and having fun then out of the blue a barman came to us with a bottle of Strawberry lips. He said it came from an anonymous person. I kept asking who it was from...
I smiled more shaking my head cause I could imagine all the scenario.
Mom: Your father out of nowhere appeared.
Me: (sarcastically) Wow
Mom: Enge muhle enge muhle eliciko. (He was really handsome)
She exhales while smiling.
Mom: I got shocked seeing him there because I never imagined him living in the Eastern Cape. But that night we went ahead and chatted more over drinks. At first I didn't trust where it was gonna lead I was a bit afraid of it becoming a one night stand cause at the time I had my own boyfriend. I was also too drunk and I knew how easy it was to take advantage of a drunk woman. I then made excuses to leave the place and I successfully did so.
She takes a deep breath.
Mom: We then started having altercations with my current boyfriend and we broke up. Meanwhile Tsietsi was there for me he was kind and nice to me he was my shoulder to cry on and ready to be my shining armor. He showed me more of his nice side. I then got taken by his life and was surely catching feelings for him.
Mom: (sighs) I then decided to move out from home and go move in with him... Being with Tsietsi made me go against everyone. When we lived together it is where he had showed me that not everything is as glitz and glam as they seem. He showed me all his true colours.
Her eyes glistened with tears.
Mom: He became controlling vindictive demanding isolated me from everyone couldn't accept me for who I am and he changed me to become someone else to suit him.
Mom: Every time my senses would come back he would change and become this sweet loving man yet he was manipulating me to fall for it and end up forgiving him. But there came a time where I decided I've had enough of him and left him for good.
Me: Then what happened?
Mom: What happened? (Scoffs) He kidnapped me and I woke up in Nelspruit the next morning.
I raise my eyebrows in shock.
Mom: See Buzwe your dad has a dark past. He had a tough upbringing and went through alot. He was abused and it led him to having a mental breakdown then later got diagnosed with bipolar. In his relationships he didn't wanna be left. Love was everything to him because it's something he didn't get. His mother treated him badly when his father was no more.
Me: Seems like history is repeating itself.
Mom: I know but ours is different and I'm so sorry son.
Me: Different how? You heard how Dad opened up to you about his upbringing. Yet you made me go through the same thing!
Mom: Tsietsi abused me!!!! okay?
I looked at her
Mom: He wanted to kill you - us Buzwe!
She cried touching her tummy.
Mom: He abused me while I was pregnant with you. He used to kick and kick me senselessly while you were in my womb.
She wiped her eyes.
Mom: The day I gave birth to you I was taken to the hospital unconscious because he didn't care about us! Whether he killed us or not he didn't give a damn.
I run my hands over my face.
Mom: He used to spite me with Keneiloe's mother. Living with her under the same roof as me while I was pregnant! He engaged her Buzwe while I was his wife and they'd mock me... Bhongo was the only person who cared for me at that period and took me for checkups. Tsietsi also locked me up to give birth by myself while he went on a vacation with Nthabi. And before his death he wanted to kill my family and drugged me.
I shook my head
Mom: Your father was a monster I had so much hatred for him because of all the pain he caused me. Yet all I ever did was to love him. Then when I looked at you all I wished for - was for you to not become like him.
Me: Kutheni kodwa Mama sew'zo zigqibela lonto? (Why would you decide that for yourself?) While you didn't know what exactly I'll grow and become. I mean look at my brothers look at Hlompho and also look Lehlohonolo... are they like Tsietsi?
She slowly shook her head.
Me: It's because Mathapelo didn't constantly remind them not to become like Tsietsi. You don't know by that you actually drove me to become a monster just like him! Cause you didn't care about loving me all you cared about was me not to become like Tsietsi.
She looks at me.
Mom: I'm sorry my baby I feel bad for what I did. I just want us to fix things.
Me: I'm sorry too for what you went through. You've been through hell and most I feel for you I really do. But why treat me like that?
Mom: I just...
She shook her head and tears escape her eyes.
Mom: You made things worse by looking exactly like him it was like I'm seeing him all over again. And the will changed everything
Mom: Yes he gave you everything of his including his clothing shoes and accessories. To me it's like he was preparing you to take after him. It just revived my anger and changed my whole mindset.
Me: I hear you
Mom: So do you forgive me?
Mom: Are you agreeing on us starting afresh?
Me: I do.
Mom: Look Buzwe I didn't tell you all of this to poison you or change your perspective of your father. I'm telling you this so that you know why I behaved the way I did and I know I was wrong please forgive me. I also know you didn't know him but I wish we remain respecting his memory.
Me: So you burnt all his items?
She got her hands in her pockets and handed me a key.
Mom: Funny enough some of his items I've kept. He didn't want them divided even though half of them I've destroyed. I believe this will be the closure you'll need of him.
I reach the key.
Mom: 3 rooms away from us and you'll find everything.
I stood up and left going to the room
We got back from the salon. I had highlighted my hair it was now a mixture of blonde & black.
Pearl: You look so cute girl
Me: Thank you! Please take a few snaps of me.
Pearl: Alright! Promise I'll be on the next shoot as well?
Me: Yeah ofcourse
I posed for the camera and she took some pictures of me. After we then took other pictures of ourselves.
Me: This place is nice I like the background.
Pearl: You haven't seen none of it
Me: Really? Can you show me more
Pearl: Moghel it's been just a day. We've still got more days to ourselves so don't worry.
Me: I just can't hold myself sorry.
Pearl: I understand. Are we eating or we head straight home?
Me: Nah let's eat first then you take me to Jozea's gym.
She eyed me
Pearl: Aha! So you wanna catch some few hotties there?
Me: No no no. Just wanna catch the gym vibe and stuffs. Not there for dudes I'm here to focus girl
Pearl: Mmmh "catch along the gym vibes and stuffs" where people sweat nuh?
Me: Ugh! Will you just stop. I'm just curious to see the place that's all.
Pearl: I wasn't against anything sweetheart. We'll go check the vibe.
Me: Thank you hunnay.
We giggled and went to search for a restaurant.
I was at the toilet holding my stick waiting for my results. I checked my wristwatch 60 secs to go.
I stood up and paced up and down.
Me: (whispers) Come on come on
A minute later I breathed heavily and checked the pregnancy test. Two lines! I screamed on top of my lungs and jumped around.
Me: Oh my God thank you Lord aah.
I can't believe this was happening. I've always wanted a baby and wished for a girl. Knowing that I'll be carrying our first baby with my fiancé's is great news to me.
I didn't know whom should I share the news to first. Hlelo was away still busy at the kraal... I can call Mma right away.
Her phone rang and she answered.
Me: Mama! How are you?
Mom: Keteng ngwanake wena okae? (I'm fine my child how are you?)
Me: Nna tlhe I'm over the moon.
Mom: Hehe! What is it?
Me: Well ke nale dikgang (I have news)
Mom: Ke reeditse (I'm listening)
Me: Ke imile! (I'm pregnant!)
She instantly beams and ululates over the phone in excitement.
Mom: Aah congratulations my baby I'm so happy for you. Heeh! you bringing us another grandchild.
Me: Eya Mme and ke itumetse thata (I'm so happy) I've always wanted a baby.
Mom: And God is granting your wishes.
Mom: What is Mkhwenyana saying to these great news?
Me: I haven't told him yet he's still busy with the cattles. I'll tell him once he gets back.
Mom: Ohh dilo tse ke tsa jaanong? (Ohh these are recent things?)
Me: Yes I kept wondering why I'm sick not knowing I'm bringing a little angel.
Mom: Eeh I can't even contain myself right now I want to tell Morake these news.
Me: Go ahead Mama and tell him all about it even fill my brothers that they're becoming uncles.
Mom: I'll do so.
Me: Meanwhile I'll prepare for the Zondos.
Mom: Good luck on that sweetheart
Me: Malebo (Thanks) we'll chat again later. Bye
Mom: Bye ngwanake.
I smiled moving my body in excitement. I called Hlelo but his phone rang under the pillow.
Me: Argh! Hlelo bathong.
I kept smiling looking at the pregnancy test in my hand. I can't wait for him to come and share the news with him.
Sheree and Pearl came to pay me a visit. Seems like they got done at the salon sooner than I had expected.
Me: Ladies hey
Me: Nice hair Sheree
Sheree: Thanks Jojo. I came to check the gym and how the space is looking.
Me: I'm glad you came feel free and be my guest.
I walked with them showing Sheree the place around.
Me: So should I expect you joining us soon?
Sheree: Definitely I wanna be fit and gain some assets. I heard the squats are the way to go.
Me: I'm sure Yolandi can help you more with that. She's our female trainer and does yoga classes too. Come let me introduce you to them.
Sheree: For sure.
Pearl: May I stay behind? Cause I know all of them.
Sheree: Don't be a bore Pearl
Pearl: I don't think I'll be of any use
Sheree: Ofcourse you will come.
She rolled her eyes and followed us.
I introduced her to my team as my cousin. She got along with everyone and joined the membership that delighted me so much that I'll be having her around.
When we got done she touched around the equipments and wanted to try some of them except for weights. And it seemed like Pearl and her enjoyed skipping ropes more than anything.
I smiled at them from a distant and took a short 30secs video of their joyful moment and uploaded it on our business Insta account captioned: "Family values❤"
I then left them and went to train a new group that just got in. The love I have for my job is really unexplainable.
I received a call from my sister and answered.
Her: Hi how are you?
Me: I'm doing good and you?
Her: I am good too
Me: You received the money?
Me: You managed buying Mommy her medication?
Me: Then bothata ke eng? (what's the problem?)
Her: What do you do for a living?
Me: Excuse me??
Her: No serious o dirang mo Jozi cause next thing you're studying next thing you're a cleaner next thing you're unemployed next thing you're a street vendor... and the money you sent us was more than the usual one you used to send.
Me: Keke a o nale dankie neh? (You're ungrateful ) gore I'm doing what where and how... it's none of your business. All you should care about is receiving the money that'll help you at home and with your studies. What I'm doing is called hustling if it's confusing you it's fine but se ke se dirang ke se direla lesika lame (what I'm doing is for my family)
She kept quiet
Me: What else do you wanna know?
Keke: O lebelete? (Are you a prostitute?)
Me: Heelang! Watch your mouth monnyane ke wena. Didn't you hear a word I said?
Keke: I think I got the answer I want so shapo akere.
She hang up.
Me: Mxaa uhu! People who don't appreciate your efforts.
I place my phone on the counter and went to feed the Pitbull it was chained I just had to move its plate.
I then got back inside and opened my bag staring at my brother's photo.
Me: Thato I know you're not proud of what I'm doing right now. But I have no choice since you passed on I am Mommy's only hope Kelebogile le ene she looks up to me... I have to fill in the big shoes and take care of them. I swear I'll find your killer and deal with him.
I got hold of Buzwe's whiskeys and gulped a glass after another.
I then felt like lying down. I stagger around looking for a room to rest. I bumped to the other room and tried opening it but it was locked.
I threw myself on the other one. It was so dark seemed like no light came through in this room. I picked a journal book and left with it to the other room definitely won't sleep in a creepy room.
I was still in the room that had daddy's stuffs. I touched and felt most of his things.
I held on to his photo.
Me: (tearful) Why Dad? why did you do the things that you did.
I took a step closer to the mirror staring at myself with his photo still in my hand.
Me: Am I really becoming like you?
Seeing the pain in my mother's eyes when she narrated everything really got to me. And the hatred she had for him for so many years that it also got me affected. I swear that I don't wanna put any woman through that.
Me: The cycle is gonna change. I'm gonna be a better man as of today. I'll be a better remake of Serame.
First thing of becoming a better man will be by letting go of Gomolemo and let her live her life freely and peacefully. By that I'll need to destroy the journal book that had everything of her.
I dialed Latoya cause my heart paced for no reason.
Me: Hi you still good?
Latoya: I am
Me: Na u tahiloe? (Are you drunk?)
Latoya: A little got tempted with your whiskeys
Me: Watch out
Latoya: Akere it's boring being here all by myself.
Me: Soon we'll be there with my sister.
Latoya: You have a sister?
Me: What are you up to?
Latoya: Just fed Funo now I'm lying in bed.
Me: Did you bump to the locked rooms when you were cleaning?
Me: You sure?
Latoya: Yes I am.
Me: Cool then. Enjoy your day
Latoya: You too
I ended the call and sat down thoughtful.
I was driving around at night to get my mind clear. I saw a young lady dressed in a short dress sitting and shivering outside the building of Hilbrow.
I checked the time it was past midnight.
She looked at me not saying anything
Me: Why are you sitting out there so late at this time?
Me: Come get in.
Latoya: So that you can screw me too? And throw me aside of the road.
Me: No so that I can provide you a place to sleep. It's cold.
She glanced at me sort of believing my word.
Me: You can trust me come.
After a while battling it she got up and came in the car. I drove us back home and gave her my tracksuits to wear then made her some coffee.
Me: Feeling warm?
Me: What's your name?
Latoya: Latoya Pilane
That surname sounded familiar
Me: Where you from?
Latoya: From Nelspruit
I nodded thoughtful.
Me: How old are you?
Me: You need to be careful. You're a lady and it's not safe for you to be out at this time of the night you might get hurt.
Latoya: I'm used to what I do. I'm hustling for my family. There's no hope for my family... Mommy has been sick after losing my brother Thato. She has a stroke and lost her job since then nothing went right for the Pilane family. I also have a little sister behind me. I had to stand up and do something... even if it means putting my life at risk and selling my body so be it.
I huff while rubbing my face.
Me: Please give me a moment.
I got up and left.
Since then I've kept Latoya close because of guilt. I killed her brother who was Gomo's farewell partner. I am trying to better her life but she'd go back to her old ways.
She says she's being owned by a certain lady and hooks her with these men. I tell her all the time to come to me if she needs help but she never does that... I should be the one estimating when she needs help and save her from all the trouble.
All I know is that she should never find out that I killed her brother.
One of the reasons why I'm keeping her more closer.
>>> To be continued...