Nine.

I’m sitting butt flat on the floor with Fez in my bedroom. We’re watching cartoons and I’m bored to the core. I don’t want to fight so I’m watching cartoons they have super powers; typical of them. Fez says she’s the one with yellow hair her name is Stella and they have wings. I think the name of the cartons is winx.


Konje I have a boyfriend well things are good but I’m not sure if this is a relationship or not. We haven’t kissed! I was hungry for those lips but he deprived me of them. To be honest I don’t know what he’s waiting for. Maybe he is regretting his decision of asking me out. 


I didn’t go to Durban last week and on this week I’m afraid. When he didn’t kiss me I was disappointed I felt rejected. Yes I admit. I’m scared of rejection. 


“Your time is up now kiddo let your mothers bond” Mimi says as she walks in. Fez sulks but leaves the room anyway. We’re stuffing on junk today loads and loads of it.


“So?” Mimi asks with a huge smile.


“So what?”


“Don’t be like that. I want you to tell me about your new guy” I sigh. I don’t know what to tell.


“Where do I start?” I chuckle. “So the guy is colored and he wears excessive jewelry. Turn off I tell you but I think I like him. It took me a few days to decide whether he becomes my boyfriend or not. And he didn’t kiss me Mimi! I felt so cheap and betrayed. Maybe he saw that I’m weak by just agreeing to be in a relationship with him I mean it took me one day. One day!”


“That’s no problem Buhle. It doesn’t matter if you became girlfriend and boyfriend in an hour. What matters is the love you both have. And you’re not cheap you’ve been single for years” she laughs. “To be honest with you I think you’re now desperate for love and affection. You want to be loved so badly you even went for a guy who isn’t attractive to you. Look now you missed two weeks of work in Durban. You’re running away from him. At the first sight of trouble no it wasn’t even trouble but when you saw that things aren’t working your way you just gave up. Why are you doing that? You don’t love him but you feel like you’re forced to be with him. You are forcing yourself in a relationship because you want to be loved. You haven’t moved on from your Xhosa guy” I keep quiet trying to digest what she has just said. I feel something for Nick it may not be love but I feel something.


“I like him Mimi” 


“No you don’t. You’re desperate” why is she giving it to me like this though. 


“I feel used Mimi. I don’t know but I’m angry yes we talk like everything is fine but it’s not. I’m still sad about him not kissing me. What’s that? Aren’t people supposed to kiss when they make their relationship official?”


“People aren’t the same. Don’t be like me don’t go for a relationship because of lust and negligence. Don’t start a relationship based on lies you’re lying to yourself. You just want to feel loved to have sex to wake up and find sweet messages on your phone to have dinner dates and cry because of heartbreak. I know that when you’re single you even miss having your heart broken by a man. You seem lonely it hurts even more when you see people in love. But of course you have to suck it up and move on” she takes one bottle of my hootch and drinks from it. When Mimi becomes serious you can even disagree that it’s the same forward ever smiling Mimi.


“Yes I do feel lonely sometimes. When you go out with Mthandeni and I’m left alone. When couples book at the lodge and celebrate their love. I miss being touched I miss everything”


“You have to learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company. Khabazela made me notice a lot of things about myself. Not only does he sleep with me but he helps carry my emotional burdens. He stays up with me at night and makes me forget about the nightmares. He’s a father to Fezeka and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. What I’m trying to say is don’t settle for less just because you’re lonely. Don’t repeat my mistakes. I’m making another woman cry because of me I take her husband on trips I keep him late at night but at the end of the day I’m a side dish. A nobody a homewrecker. I can’t do anything about it. If this Nick guy doesn’t treat you the way you expect don’t be afraid to leave. You always come first” I love how she combines our problems. At the end of the day

don’t be afraid to leave. You always come first” I love how she combines our problems. At the end of the day we both get to vent. 


“It’s not too late to leave Mimi. Tell me do you see yourself as a mistress at the age of 60?”


“Now that would be a blast!” she laughs but becomes serious in a minute. “I love him Buhle. He makes me happy and does everything for me but I do realize that it won’t be like this forever. One day we will break up. I love him so much I don’t want to imagine that day. I’m inviting bad luck with what I’m doing. I’m messing with what God and ancestors blessed”


“Don’t beat yourself up for it. You’re not the only one guilty so please don’t be hard on yourself” I say. We continue talking until we both fall asleep. 


-----


“I’ve been trying to call you” that’s what he says when he answers the phone. I’ve been avoiding him today because it’s Monday and that means I have to drive to Durban. I can’t skip this week too I have to go. 


“Hi Nick. I’m sorry I’ve been busy”


“You’re coming to Durban?”


“Yes I’m leaving in an hour”


“I don’t trust you mamas. You’ve been telling me this for the past four Mondays” From his knowledge I haven’t gone to Durban in four weeks. I didn’t go for two weeks the other two weeks I would go on Thursday or Friday just to confuse him.


“I’m serious. Give me a few hours and I will be there” I say.


“I’ll be waiting” he says and I drop the call. I thought he would be mad but he isn’t. 


-----


I’m at the hotel in Nick's room. I know that I was a little bit sad but everything is sorted now. When I fell into his arms and inhaled his scent all the anger I had just disappeared. I’m preparing for a dinner date he’s taking me out. As per tradition I first went to Mbali's house and at least today she was positive. She is counting months she can’t wait for Candy to become four months. 


Nick bought a dress for me it’s a navy body hugging dress that’s below my ankles. It is long sleeved and ooh my cleavage is out to play. Make-up and hair is sorted I look and feel good. I’m still tired from the long drive but I’m up for this I want to go out with my boyfriend. There’s a knock on the door I think it’s Nick. He left an hour ago because he wanted to sort out the dinner plans. Apparently his plans were disturbed but he said that he isn’t canceling this day.


“Wow! You look no. You are beautiful! Fuck! I don’t believe that you’re mine” Nick says. He isn’t getting inside he is just starring at me. He is on a navy blue tux with a white shirt. The last button is unbuttoned and I notice that the chain on his neck is gone.


“Thank you”


“Fuck! Look at your twins baby I want to run my tongue on them” he says.


“What are you waiting for then?” he gets closer to me and gives each boob a lick.


“We’ll continue with this later let’s go” does that mean I’m getting laid tonight? I hope so because I’m dying of drought. 


He booked us a table at the hotel sigh. It doesn’t feel right when I say ‘my’ hotel. I don’t like the looks I’m getting I would’ve been happy if he chose another place. But my relationship with the team is wonderful. Nick told me to stop calling them staff but I must call them my team because we all work together. We’ve just had dinner. I got to know more about him and I must say it was worth it. I can see that he wanted us to get to know each other before taking our relationship to the next step.


“I want to make us official. I know you have been running away from me and I don’t know what I did wrong but I’m sorry. I know that we are far away from each other but I want us to make this long relationship thing work. I will try by all means to get business this side so that I can be close to you” he says. He told me that he has a construction company.


“I’m prepared to make this work” I say. 


“Thank you. I’m not perfect but I’ll make sure that you’re happy” he is big on promises and honestly I want him to stop because not all these promises will be fulfilled. I just nod.


“Let’s get out of here” he says. He takes my hand and we head to his hotel room. I sit on the bed and watch him take off his clothes until he is left on his pants only. His upper body is flames and clean there’s no hair. I look like a teenager visiting her boyfriend for the first time. He gets closer to me and makes me stand on my feet. He takes off my dress and I’m left with my underwear only.


“Look at that thick mamas. You’re more beautiful when you’re naked” duuh! Everyone is more beautiful when they’re naked. He looks at me straight in my eyes and lowers his head. My hands run to the back of his head and I kiss him. His lips are more sweet when they’re against mine. They are too soft and warm. His hands are roaming all over my body and I’m already wet. He pushes his tongue in but I push it out I don’t like this tongue kissing thing. He pushes me to the bed and gets on top of me.


He leaves my mouth and buries his head on my breasts. He licks them both and I moan loudly. He unclasps my bra and licks my nipples. He comes back to my mouth and gives me a brief kiss. He stands up and takes off his pants he climbs back to the bed with his boxers only. He gets closer to me and we cuddle I can feel his erection.


“Sleep. I just want to feel your skin on mine” he says. Holy shit! I thought I was getting laid! 

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