Listening to her sobs from the other room slices my heart into millions pieces. It wasn't my intention to slap her. I don’t know what came over me because I have never laid my hand on her not even once and that must have shocked her.

“Baby open up please” I say knocking on the door. The last thing I want is to see my daughter cry because of me. The thought alone is unbearable I want her happy all the time but I guess the joke is on me because judging by the predicament we are in right now she’s not happy at all. I know my daughter is a smart ass but I didn’t think she would go as far as digging the dirt on my husband. I don’t blame her though she’s doing what she thinks is best for me just as much as I’m doing what best for her too. The day I found out I was pregnant is the day I realised that I must stop living for myself and live for her. I knew that I had to do whatever it’s take for her well being. Growing up I never had it easy and I vowed to myself that I will do whatever it takes for my children’s well-being. 

I still believe that the day my allowed dad to take a second wife was the day she failed us as her kids. That was the day dad forgot about us and decided to take care of his other family. We all thought dad went to the city to work for us only to find out he had a wife and children a son who happened to be older then my elder sister and daughter who happened to be the same age as my middle sister. Life changed immensely after dad married the second wife and things got worse when they moved in our yard. Dad built his other family a house in our yard. I see what he was trying to do but if you ask me. It was stupid because we were never going get along especially not when they were getting special treatment. Sasibona ngama phepha ase KFC lying in the yard while we were eating cabbage. The only time we would eat meat was when dad was going to spend the night in our house. I use to be like Mira questioning everything that was happening around and that earned me a lot beatings from my dad and mom would say nothing about that. Anger and resentment grew within me and the danger of being consumed by resentment and anger is that you are the one who is hurting more than the person you resent and anger does more harm to you than the person your pouring at.

Life had to carry on though and the only thing that was pushing me was the soul that I was carrying inside of me. I still remember the day they told me she’s dead and they had to operate me I was beyond broken but I’m still surprised even today by the fact that she made it out alive the how still beats me. Her survival was a miracle although it was traumatic to find out she had no sight. I was scared and young and I had no one by my side to guide me. Mira was never a happy a child when she grew up especially after she realized that the was different from her peers. When she started school I thought she would warm up to her situation and make friends but still nothing changed. Moving to Durban after Vusi hired me to be his helper was a blessing because for the first time in years my daughter started warming up and she even made a friend Gugu. I was a happy mother. Vusi had a great influence on her and I was so grateful. I realized that Mira wanted a father but my husband made me realize the bigger picture which is I have been consumed by anger pain and resentment and I was a dead woman walking. That did not only affected me but my daughter as well. The day I decided to let everything go and start over was the day Mira started warming up and smiling like other children. Vusimuzi has been nothing but great to me and my daughter. He brought hope and happiness into my life as well as my daughter’s. 

Everyone of us is fighting demons and there’s nothing hard as fighting internal battles especially for men. Men don’t want to show their emotions and they have this mentality or rather should I say they are living up to the society stigma that a man who shows his emotions is weak. No matter how deeply they suffer they had to act strong oblivious to the monster they are building within themselves. My husband had a traumatic childhood dealing with physical and emotional abuse. His father was a drunkard who use to beat them all up including their mother. He was the only boy out of 3 siblings. His two sisters ran away with their boyfriends and never came back home. One day his mom got sick and she died weeks later that's when he came to realisation that he had to start hustling for himself. He started by selling weed for some man in his hood who groomed him to be this hardcore gangster. When the man passed on he left everything to Vusi to take over

he was like a son he never had. 

It’s been two years since the abuse started and each day I keep hoping that he would stop. When he is angry it’s like he is possessed and the moment reality hit him he becomes this sweet darling that makes it hard for me to not forgive. I’m sure you are rolling your eyes right now thinking I’m stupid but it’s not as easy as you think. I remember when I told him that I’m done the other dayhe cried and beg me to stay “You are mine Bonga our souls are intertwined. You can’t leave me I love you so much. If you dare leave me I will search for you and find you. I will kill you and Mira then kill myself” And I know he meant those words no matter where I can go he would find us. Vusi is connected everywhere I’m stuck with him forever. I know that he loves me and my daughter I also love him the only problem is his abusive behavior. 

“Honey I’m home” He is back I look at the documents in my hand. He cant see them it’s a good thing that he can’t read Braille but I have to burn them just to be sure. If he could know that Mira is digging his dirt hell would break lose. I walk to the guest room and hide the document there then walk to our bedroom to continue with packing the clothes we bought. The door swings open and his scent fills our bedroom 

“There you are” I tilt my head to the side and look at him with a smile on my face

“Mntungwa” He walks to me and gives me a breath taking kiss

“Hello my dearest wife” 

“Hi” I say breathlessly recovering from a kiss.

“You are still good?” I nod with my head not trusting my voice. He studies my eyes while running his palms on my arms

“Talk to me my sweet darling” 

“It’s Mira this thing of her not wanting to go to school is worrying me“ I lie of course how can I tell him that my daughter found some dirt on him and she’s on the mission to take him on.

“Don’t worry my love just give her time. You know how Mira is remember when she first came here she didn’t like it but with time she got better. She’s scared of change and we have to teach her how to adapt to a new environment.” This is one of the things I love about him.

“I guess you are right baby” I fake a smile 

“What is it I can see there’s something else”

“It’s nothing I have a headache”

“I’m not your fool Nokubonga out with it!” Oh lord here goes his temper. I want to know if he really killed his wife but how do I ask him about this without having to mention Mira.

“Uhm… you know when we were fitting clothes in the fitting rooms I heard some ladies talking about you” He chuckles 

“Of course ladies talk about me I mean who wouldn’t want this eye candy but they are wasting their time because I’m taken” 

“They said you killed your ex wife and buried her” He tense up


“Did you?”

“Of course not! How can you ask me that!!”

“Don’t shout I was just asking baby”

“Because you believe them right?”

“No baby” 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t believe them” I try to stare deep in his eyes and lie but this man knows me like a palm of his hand. A huge slap lands on my face sending me reeling backward as I’m still recovering from that punches follows. He’s shouting and swearing now I’m on the floor trying to block his kicks on my tummy with my hands and screaming my lungs out. I don’t know when did the door open but I heard Mira crying.

“Stop it please daddy I’m begging you ngiyakutusa mntungwa ” He looks at my daughter clenching his jaws then walks to her. 

“Vusi please don’t hurt her” I try to get up from the floor but I’m in so much pain. I scream in agony as the sharp pain shoot in my abdomen. He turns to looks at me 

“I need to go to hospital Vusi I’m losing him!!”

“Losing who!”

“I’m pregnant I wanted to tell you tonight over dinner” He’s not moving I’m not sure he heard me or not. 

“Vusimuzi” He realize that I’m not playing and panicked minutes later we are driving to the hospital and I can hear him saying “Hang in there baby” In a distance as I can feel myself losing my consciousness. I hope my baby makes it. 

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