The chirping of the birds outside every morning is my alarm to wake up. I fiddle my hand to take my watch on my bedside table and check time. I open it and feel the Braille dots with my fingertips it’s 6am. I get up from the bed and take my muffin it’s a long white cane that helps me move around. It allows me to locate steps streets driveways bicycles doorways chairs desks or any other object or place. I gave it a pet name muffin because I love it and it’s makes my life easier. it’s long about two steps ahead of my feet when I walk I find things with it before I get to them. It’s my sweetheart after my mom of course.
The thudding sound of my heart is the only sound I can hear as I find my way to the kitchen praying that I will find her there preparing breakfast. The smell of bacon and eggs hit my nostrils I feel a hint of hope.
“Good morning my miracle”
No matter how she tries to sound joyful but she’s not convincing and the hoarseness of her voice is not doing her justice.
“Mommy” I say with a shaky voice tears are trickling in my eyes I’m afraid of blinking because they will fall and that will hurt her more. She never wants to see me crying or hurt. I hear her footsteps coming towards me.
“Don’t cry my miracle” She pulls me to her chest and comforts me. The taps open and I let all my tears out of which I’m not sure they are of joy that she’s still alive or sadness that she’s suffering and I don’t know how to help her.
“Shhh don’t cry it’s going to be okay my baby I promise you” she’s says stroking me on my back.
“Nothing is going to be okay as long as you are with this man” She doesn’t reply but let loose from me.
“Mom he’s beating you up isn’t it”
“Of course not your father will never do that to me!” She snaps and I chuckle I know she knows that I know that dad is abusing her.
“I’m not stupid mom nor blind-deaf I’m just blind. I hear everything that is happening in this house. I know he’s beating you up every single night. I can’t sleep all I hear is you crying and begging him to stop. This is not life mommy It’s time to let go”
“Mira it’s not as easy as you say. I can’t just pack and go!”
“I love him” she whispers audible enough for me to hear
“If the feeling is mutual he wouldn’t be beating you up.”
“You are still young my child you will understand when you are older and in love” Oh how I hate it when adults pull that “you are still young” card to defend themselves. I guess I will never understand because I don’t think there would ever be someone who will fall in love with me.
“Go bath and come join us for breakfast” she says dismissing the topic. I feel his presence in front of me as I turn to make my way out.
“Good morning daddy’s little princess” He says cheerfully with his bold voice and kisses my forehead
“Morning” I reply and walk out before he say anything. I don’t have time to play daddy’s little princess. He disgusts me and I’m slowly but surely starting to hate him!
I may be blind but I’m leading life like sighted people. There’s nothing I don’t do and there’s nowhere I don’t go. I even watch tv I’m sure you asking yourself how we will get there for now I have to take a bath. Taking a bath is normal like everyone else the difference is I rely on the sense of touch. My bathroom is equipped to make my hygiene process comfortable and enjoyable. There’s an installed grab bar in my shower to hold when i'm getting in and out of the shower. In the tub and shower there are slip resistant stickers to prevent me to fall. There’s a place to keep all my products washcloths and towel so it doesn’t become a mission to find them. It's tricky to determine the difference between a conditioner and shampoo especially when they have the same size and shape of the container so I placed rubber bands in each the conditioner have two rubber bands and the shampoo have 3 rubber bands. Once I’m done taking a shower I hold the grab bar to get out of the shower. I take my towel and wrap it around my body before taking muffin.
I won’t lie and say that I've never ever questioned God in fact I still do but it’s not like there’s going to be a change. No one knows not even the doctors can detect what’s wrong with my eyes. What's surprising is my eyes look normal most people won’t tell that I’m blind. There’s only one person who has the answers and that is our saviour the man above so I chose to embrace my life as it is and be grateful that he gave me life. I’m having a lazy day I don’t need to dress up. A pair of jean and simple t-shirt will do. My mom helps to keep my closet organized so it doesn’t become a mission for me when I’m looking for something to wear.
My clothes are all packed in the way that is easy and not confusing for me. I used Braille tags and number of safe pins to know what color of each piece is. Some clothes are similar to the other Braille tags helps. There are clothes that matches I put a certain number of pins to know that this piece of clothing that have two safe pins matches with pants that have two safe pins as well. I also used buttons to label my clothes in the way that will be easy for me. As for shoes I’m always extra careful to make sure that each pair stay together. When they are the same style like pumps I separate them by putting each pair in a box labeled in Braille with the color.
I take out a denim jean and white t-shirt then get dressed. I slide into my sleepers and head to the dining area. The sound of the cutlery tells me that they are already eating. I find my seat and down placing muffin next to me.
“I will dish up for you baby” says my mom.
“So my little angel what are you planning to do since you have finished your matric” asks dad I wish he can stop pretending to be nice agh!
“I haven’t thought about it”
“Here you go” says my mom as she places the food in front of me. I fiddle for the cutlery and start eating.
“What do you mean you haven’t thought about it” Gosh can’t this man let me eat in peace.
“I mean just that”
“Mira” mom warns I huff. I don’t get why do I have to play happy family
“I'm going to eat in my bedroom”
“No one is eating in the bedroom!”
“Well I lost my appetite” I take muffin next to me
“What’s wrong with you today Mira” dad asks sweetly you’d swear he cares.
“You are my problem” I say
“Mira stop it now!!” My mom yells
“I’m sorry mom”
“Honey I think I would have a glass of milk not juice”
“I will get it for you my love” mom replies
“Thank you my love …..what the fuck is your problem girl!”
”You are my problem I know you are beating my mom and I’m not gonna sit and do nothing you are going behind bars” I say sternly I’m not about to show him that I’m scared of him. He laughs out loudly
“Oh Mira my girl who would believe you huh? Who would believe a blind girl?” He says laughing
“There is more than one way to get prove Mr Khumalo. You see that woman is my mother and I would do whatever it takes for her to get help and for you to be exposed” I feel his tight grip on my wrist and his breathing on my face
“Listen here little girl if you dare cause problems between me and your mother I will slice her into pieces” I swallow spit “So be a good girl and be grateful for the luxurious life I give you” He tightens his grip on my wrists causing an excruciating pain.
“What’s going on here?”Asks my mom
“We were just having a daughter and father conversation honey right Mira” He let go of my wrist
Me:“Y...ye..Yes” I stammer rubbing my wrist under the table. I feel tears threatening to fall as I realize that we are deep into this dark hole and it looks like we are not going to come out of it anytime soon.