It all started 3 years back when my daddy died of cancer. I saw him getting weaker and weaker day by day suffering from this chronic disease. He was not a dying type even in his death bed he managed to keep a strong face in front of us but we all knew that he was in pain. The day he died I woke up feeling melancholy I didnt even go to school I went to the hospital. He looked at me his dried cracked lips curved than he gestured his hand for a squeez. I held it and squeezed it tightly. "I love you so much ntandokazi" those were his last words. To watch him take his last breath was a shattering sight ever. Those were the darkest days of my life. That man was my everything. The bond we had was amazing. He was the best daddy in the whole wide world. I remember when I was in grade 8 I came back home crying because one of my classmates made fun of me because of my skin colour. Im dark in colour and we all know that when you are dark skinned people tend to call you names and say that you are ugly and all. Okay this other day Im coming home and I am crying. Daddy put me on his lap and asked me why I was crying I told him what happened. He looked at me and said "Dont mind the stupid children they dont know the meaning of beauty. You are so beautiful ntandokazi with those white pure eyes of yours. That is why I named you Ndoniyamanzi" He always had a way of putting a smile on my face through my glassy eyes. I miss him so much lapho esethi ngale voice yakhe e-husky "Intandokazi kaBaba le" Death why did you take him? I was looking foward to make him proud and hear him say "Im so proud of you ntandokazi" Death I hate you! I hate you! Mom and I have never been close but ever since my daddy died my life have changed immensely. Mom is always on my case and I dont know why. There is nothing that I do that make her happy. She always find mistakes where the are aint. I try believe me you I really do to make her happy but what she does is just call me names. She say Im rebellious unlike my litte sister Lindelwa but when I look at myself in the mirror I see an opposite of that. I see a dark skinned girl who is lonesome yet she have a mother and a sister. Or maybe I am wrong but I will let you guys be the judge of that. Its around June and I am trying to practise these sources one by one. You know history subject with 100 sources God they are draining! My door swung open and mom entered Lindelwa but when I look at myself in the mirror I see an opposite of that. I see a dark skinned girl who is lonesome yet she have a mother and a sister. Or maybe I am wrong but I will let you guys be the judge of that. Its around June and I am trying to practise these sources one by one. You know history subject with 100 sources God they are draining! My door swung open and mom entered shuffling her feet towards my bed
Mom:"Why aint you sleep?"
Me:"Im studying Mama"
Mom:"Haisuka umosha ugesi lala!" (You are wasting electricity sleep!)
Me:"Im writing history tomorrow I have to study and beside you are a police officer for christsake its not like you dont have money to buy electricity."
Mom:"I said sleep and you are back chatting!" She raised her hand to clap me I covered my face with my arms. She took my books and threw them on the floor.
Me:"I wish you are the one who died" I mumbled
Mom:"What did you say?"
She clicked her tounge and walked out banging my door behind her. I huffed okay I really didnt mean what I said about wishing she was the one who died it just that she always make me angry in a way that it itches. I picked up my books and carried on just then the light went off. From that moment I knew it was mom who switched the main switch off. I placed my books on the bedside table and tried to sleep. I have to wake up early as possible in the morning so that I can study. I said a short prayer than I dozzed off....
In the middle of my dream I remember I was writing down the third lotto number when I felt cold water spattered on my face. I jumped up out of shock and screamed
Mom:"Wakey wakey sweetheart"
Me:"Geee mom why did you do that!" I wiped my face
Mom:"Wake up and go fetch water"
Me:"Now? What time is it?" I havent slept that long It cant be morning already or it is?
Mom:"Its five o'clock in the morning"
Me:"Yho Mama its still dark outside Im scared" She laughed
Mom:"You wont be recognizable you are too dark. So dont worry nothing will eat you" those words tore my heart apart.
Me:"At least let me go with Lindelwa Mama"
Mom:"Lindelwa is too young to fetch water"
Me:"She is sixteen!"
Mom:"Why are you always questioning me Ndoniyamanzi huh? Go and fetch water now!!"
Me:"Mama please" I whispered tears rolling down my cheeks.
Mom:"I will drag you out from this bed!" She pulled me by my leg and let me fall on the floor with my bums.
Mom:"Get up! I will give you 3 minutes to get ready" she walked out. I stood up and rubbed my bums they were painful. I walked to my closet and took my tracksuits then I looked for my red faded all star under my bed. I got dressed and went to the kitchen. I found Mom drinking coffee.
Mom:"The wheelbarrow is waiting for you outside"
I said nothing and walked outside. Yerr it was freaken cold and dark I was flippin scared. I wheeled the wheelbarrow staggering all the way to the tank. My hands were freezing and I could feel my feet that were starting to freeze too. Damn this winter is very cold than the previous winter. My ears and my cheeks were becoming numb. As I was approaching the tank I heard footseps behind me I turned but I saw nothing. My heart was thudding calling gugu none stop. damn I was so scared. The footsteps were getting closer and closer. My knees were wobbling saliva vanished in my mouth and my hair twisted. I upped my pace. "Hello please wait for me" said a female voice. I was sort of relieved that it was a woman but I didnt stop I kept walking. The next minute she was infront of me blocking my way.
Me:"What do you want from me?" My voice was shaking.
Her:"I over slept I shouldnt be here. Can you please show me the way to the bus stop."
Me:"Im sorry I cant do that I need to fill up the water "
Her:"Please sis you will just show me the way to the bus stop then come back please"
Me:"Okay fine lets go" I dont know why did I even agreed.
Her:"Thank you so much"
Me:"Let's go" I left the wheelbarrow there near the tank. I know I would find it there nobody will steal it. Vedriet is not a place of tsotsis and criminals. Its just a rural area. We walked and struck up a conversation on the way.
Her:"Why are you fetching water at this time aint you scared?"
Me:"I am scared but there is nothing I can do"
Her:"Who sent you?"
Her:"What is your name?"
Her:"Your name says it all. You are really beautiful"
Me:"Ahh come on Im not beautiful and besides how can you see me its dark"
Her:"I can see you. Never doubt that you are beautiful"
Me:"People always tell me Im ugly because Im dark skinned"
Her:"Never mind them black is beautifiul"
Me:"I have to return back now"
Her:"Not yet please"
Her:"Please girl" I really dont like to be called "girl" I feel like im being direspected or something close to that "Im sorry"
Me:"Sorry for what?"
Her:"For calling you girl"
Me:"Wait how do you...are you a mind reader" She laughed
Her:"Maybe I am" We kept walking some how I forgot that I had to return back. Its not a long distance but I felt like we have walked quite a long distance. We were both quite now all the way. I was getting tired.
Me:"You didnt tell me what is your name" She said nothing I looked at her that when I realized she was no where to be found. I looked around it was no longer dark now but where the fuck am I? I was on top of the mountain. My feet were numb and swollen I tried to move my feet but they couldnt move. Fuck! What the hell happend here?