Her words killed my soul I couldnt feel my heart beat I was dying. It hurt beyond measures. I love her so much hurting her is the last thing that I want. If Im the one that bring pain in her life I guess I gotta let her go coz I really dont want her to be in pain. I want to see her happy every second. I hope she will forgive me. I hate how she make me so weak. I was sitting behind the starring wheel trying to block tears from coming out. 

Me:"Dammit maan Nhlonipho get a grip of yourself men do not cry!" I yelled at myself and started the engine then drove off. Going home was the last thing on my mind I needed to numb my emotions. My phone rang it was Ngonyama. Oh Lord I hope no one is shot I was not in the mood. 


Him:"Sithole how are you?"

Me:"Im fine how are you"

Him:"Im also fine...I need you to prepare yourself coz shit is about to happen." 

Me:"What happened now?"

Him:"The shipment went wrong all my stuff is gone!!" 

Me:"Tjo who do you think is behind this"

Him:"I dont know yet but when I found out hell will break lose. Kuzokhala inganoni emini kwa ga!"

Me:"Just be careful Ngonyama" No one want to mess with Ngonyama I think whoever that is behind this is on a mission. 

Him:"You should know better now. I fear no one!...stay connected"

Me:"Okay I will"

Him:"Bye" I hung up and checked the time. It was 8:16pm. I went to Village to drown my sorrows with alcohol. Music was playing loud and people were dancing. I on the other side was just sitting and gulping one glass after another. 

"Hey Hloni" I looked up lazily I was getting drunk very fast

Me:"Are you stalking me?" she giggled and sat next to me

Sli:"No ways why would I stalk you"

Me:"I don't know you tell me"

Sli:"No I'm not stalking you. Ubukeka njengomuntu olahlwe i-sthandwa senhliziyo yakho" (you look like your love one ditched you)

Me:"How did you know?"

Sli:"I have been there I know how heart breaking it is to lose the one you love"

Me:"Love hey...don't you want something to drink?"

Sli:"No I'm cool for now"

Me:"I need air I will be back"

Sli:"Okay" I stood up and almost fall staggering outside. I was sloshed I wonder if I will be able to drive. It was too suffocating inside. The cold breeze calmed me a bit. I was missing her already. I wanted to call her and tell her I'm sorry and that I love her but I decided against it. She said she want me out of her life I have to respect her wish even though its killing me deep down. "I thought you left" she said walking towards me

Me:"No Im just enjoying the cold breeze" 

She wrapped her arms around my waist

Sli:"Let me help you forget about her" she planted a peck on my lips 

Me:"That will be a mission impossible" 

Sli:"Nothing is impossible in this world" She kissed my lips I let her be until I couldn't help it but kiss her back. I squeezed her big ass she moaned between the kiss. "Let take this to my house" I could do with some pussy it been a while. 

Me:"That's not a bad idea" We left I followed behind her. We arrived at her place. "You have a beautiful house" 

Sli:"Thank you..upstairs is too far I want you now" she pushed me I fall on the couch then she got on top of me kissing me hungry. My mind decided to play dirty and play the special moments I had with my Ndoni. I couldn't go through with it. 

Me:"Stop it" I pushed her

Sli:"Yini manje" (what now)she said with annoyance in her voice

Me:"I can't do this" I got up from the couch

Sli:"What kind of a guy are you? Who can you say no to a pussy" 

Me:"Bye" I walked out and drove home. Oh Messiah this will be the longest journey ever. 



The following morning I woke up feeling melancholy. My eyes were heavy and swollen I cried until I fall asleep last night. I went to the bathroom and had a bath then I came back and found Simi sitting on my bed. 

Simi:"Hello nuh" 

Me:"Hey" We shared a hug

Simi:"Look at your eyes you were crying that is not good for the baby we don't want you to lose it"

Me:"It will save me from being a murderer" I sat next to her

Simi:"How far are you?"

Me:"Four weeks"

Simi:"You still got time to think don't rush things"

Me:"I can't prolong this pregnancy I need to move on with my life. I already missed two weeks at school. I need to get my life together" 

Simi:"So you are going home?"

Me:"Yes its time I face my shitty life"

Simi:"Nhlonipho or your parents should fetch you you can't drive in your condition. I will bring your car later" 

I rolled my eyes

Me:"God Simi its not even a baby yet and besides I'm not keeping it"

Simi:"Mxm as if I will listen to you I'm calling Nhlonipho" she took out her phone.

Me:"Angeke eze I said terrible things to him yesterday that I didnt mean."

Simi:"What did you say?"

Me:"I blamed him for everything that is happening."

Simi:"Hawu Ndoniyamanzi why did you do that mara"

Me:"I was angry Similo I wanted to be the one to tell Cebolethu about the pregnancy. Maybe he was trying to help me but the way he told Cebolethu made me angry he provoked him Cebolethu got angry and called me a whore. Nhlonipho wanted to beat him for that eish nje bekuyidrama yodwa" 

Sim:"You know what you need to show me this Cebolethu guy I will kick his ass how dare he call you a whore!"

Me:"Then you have to kick my ass first" 

Simi:"Maria! He disrespected you Ndoni!" 

Me:"I betrayed him he was angry!"

Simi:"That does not mean he should insult you Nhlonipho should have beat him up nxa!!" 

Me:"Soxabana struu nasi Nosimilo that my brother you are talking about!" 

She rolled her eyes dramatically

Simi:"I give up! I brought your clothes"

Me:"Thank you" I took the bag and went to change to the bathroom then came back. The doctor walked in

Doc:"Morning ladies"

Us:"Morning Dr" 

Doc:"How are you feeling this morning miss Zungu "

Me:"I'm well thanks doctor" 

Doc:"I brought you pamphlets for termination. Read thoroughly then you will decide is that what you want"

Me:"Thank you" I took them "I should go now right"

Doc:"Yes please take care of yourself"

Me:"Will do" I smiled faintly then he walked out.

Simi:"I will miss you hey"

Me:"This can't be the end of us Nosimilo" 

Simi:"Of course it's not but it was nice to be with you 24/7" 

Me:"It was a grand stay." We took my things she sighed me out then we left to the B&B to get some of the few clothes I bought as well as other things. "Can you do me a favour please"

Simi:"I hate to do favours for people"

Me:"I will ask you anyway..please go back home"

she rolled her eyes

Simi:"I knew it you gonna say that"

Me:"I'm looking out for you baby" 

Simi:"Mxm just give me a hug" I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her. 

Me:"We will contact each other neh"

Simi:"Yeah.. I feel like crying now"

Me:"You make it sound like I'm dying"

Simi:"The thing is you are different of them all. I think I love you girl" I giggled

Me:"You think?"

Simi:"Ah well yah I mean isn't too soon to say I love you" I laughed

Me:"I don't know but I think I love you too" 

She smiled.

Simi:"Ube right neh"

Me:"Thank you nawe take care of yourself"

Simi:"Fix things with Nhlonipho please I think he is a grand guy for you" 

Me:"Look at you saying "grand" I thought you dislike that word" she laughed

Simi:"One last hug" We hugged again then I got in my car and started it then drove off. On the way I informed Ma that I'm coming coz yesterday I forgot to tell them. I arrived at home it felt like it been years. "Oh baby it's good to have you back" Said Ma Khoza as she kissed my cheeks. 

Me:"How are you Ma"

Ma Khoza:" I'm happy you are back and safe...come and join me I was having a breakfast" The sight of food made me nauseas. "Why are you frowning?" 

Me:"I think I will eat later Ma now I need to unpack" 

Ma Khoza:"I will help you with that" 

Me:"You don't have to" 

Ma Khoza:"I miss you mtanami I want to spend time with you just the two of us" I smiled through glassy eyes "Hey did I say something wrong" 

Me:"I wish you were my biological mother" Tears rolled down on my cheeks. 

Ma Khoza:"Oh sweetheart" She pressed me against her chest and embraced me. 

Me:"I know I don't tell you everyday but always know that I love you and you mean the world to me" I said letting lose from the embrace

Ma Khoza:"I love you too sweetheart" she smiled and wiped my tears. After that I went to unload my bags in the boot then we both went to the backroom to unpack. "So have you decided what you will do about your mother?"

Me:"You are my mother"

she sighed 

Ma Khoza:"I'm talking about your biol..." I cut her off

Me:"She is still dead to me!" 

Ma Khoza:"Baby I know you are angry but you can't ignore the fact that she is alive"

Me:"She left me Mama all these years I have been suffering because of her! Ngathwala izono zakhe ngimncane kant she is alive! Akugcinanga lapho I dated my own brother!...I...I" I broke down into tears I was trembling and sweating "I hate her Mama right now I have to murder my own baby because of her!" 

Ma Khoza:"You are pregnant??" she yelled

Me:"Eh" I sobbed. She slapped me so hard on my face I let out a small pee. 

Ma Khoza:"You promised me that you won't fall pregnant Ndoniyamanzi!!" 

Oh God she won't stop shouting koze kubuye indiya emndeni

Me:"Ngiyaxolisa Ma" 

She gave me another clap. I rubbed my cheeks they were burning like fire. "I'm sorry" I cried

Ma Khoza:"Don't you know condoms huh??" 

Me:"I d..."

Ma Khoza:"Thula!" (shut up!) she clapped her hands I jumped up in fright. She was so angry "You disappointed me Ndoniyamanzi. Do you realize that you ruined your future huh? Phela manje you have to drop out which is why I didnt want you to involve yourself with boys!! Ube bewujaheni vele ukuvula amathanga huh?" I looked down playing with my hands "I'm talking to you!! "'she screamed. God does she really expect me to answer that question. 

Me:"Ngiyaxolisa Ma but Im not keeping this baby I won't drop out I..." I didn't even finish another clap laid on my face 

Ma Khoza:"You know that there are people who want children so bad and wena you want to kill it!!" 

Me:"I can't have my brother's baby Mama! Its a disgrace!!" 

Ma Khoza:"A baby is gift from God Ndoniyamanzi!" 

Me:"This one is a disgrace!" 

She looked at me as if I insulted her. 

Ma Khoza:"How can you say that you are breaking my heart but then again I understand your fear. What I can tell you is that to abort a child is to kill someone who cannot defend himself and there is never a reason to kill an Innocent soul" she walked out. Her words killed my soul. I wiped my tears and continued with unpacking. After I finished unpacking I jumped on the bed and read the pamphlets. "There is never a reason to kill an innocent child " her words played like a scratched CD in my ears. I lay with my back and brushed my tummy I must have fall asleep coz I was woken up by kisses all over my face. I opened my eyes. 

Sindi:"Please don't do that again I almost died "

Me:"I won't I promise ufika nini"

Sindi:"Now I missed you so much" I got up and hugged her. 

Me:"I missed you too" 

Sindi:"What is this?" she took the pamphlet and read them "Oh my God don't tell me you..." she widened her eyes 

Me:"Im in deep shit Sindi and please don't lecture me right now I need my big sis's support" tears warmed in my eyes

Sindi:"Come here" she gave me the longest hug ever which was broken by Ma Khoza's presence and Thembelihle. 

Ma Khoza:"She got news to tell you" I looked at Thembelihle who had red eyes she looked like she had been crying. 

Me:"Lihle what is going on?" 

Lihle:"Cebolethu was involved in a terrible car collusion last night" 

Me:"Oh my! Please tell me he is not dead?" She burst into tears. Nooo!


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