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Ndoniyamanzi

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He pressed my mouth hard as his body vibrated on top of me. 

Him:"Oh fuck!" He hissed and lingered on top of me panting. After catching his breath he got up from me and jumped down from the bed. "If you tell someone about this ngizokunquma!!" (I will cut your throat!!) He said fixing his pants. I looked at him with my teary eyes and said nothing. He walked out. I was in so much pain and bleeding. The sight of my blood on my duvet made me let out a painful cry. How can she do that to her own daughter? I was battling to find an explaining for everything that was happening. My soul was beyond shattered that man molested me in my own bloody fucken home. He took my pride my innocence. I felt so empty and I hated everything I hated dad for leaving me with that evil woman I call a mother I hated Lindelwa for being a rebellious girl yet she get everything I hated my life but trust me the hate that I have just developed minutes ago for my mother was beyond compared to all of the things I mentioned above. I  wished she could be hit by a truck andize ayephezulu qede asakazeke phansi bese kuqhamuke enye imoto ihambe phekwakhe ikhanda linqamuke liyohlala le. Cruel huh? I know but I still think that is nothing compared to what she did to me. My virgnity was the only thing that I was proud of since Im ugly and all. I couldnt move I hated my life but trust me the hate that I have just developed minutes ago for my mother was beyond compared to all of the things I mentioned above. I  wished she could be hit by a truck andize ayephezulu qede asakazeke phansi bese kuqhamuke enye imoto ihambe phekwakhe ikhanda linqamuke liyohlala le. Cruel huh? I know but I still think that is nothing compared to what she did to me. My virgnity was the only thing that I was proud of since Im ugly and all. I couldnt move it was very painful down there. I cried so much and gasping in between. I dont know how but somehow I fall asleep because the moment I realized I was sleeping was when I felt someone shaking me. 

"Ndoni!" 

"Ndoni wake up!" 

I opened my eyes slowly they were heavy and I could feel that they were swollen. 

Me:"What?" I said groggly

Lee:"Your periods...look you messed the duvet" 

Me:"Is it me or you came back early today?" 

Lee:"Mrs Mpanza passed away" 

Me:"Oh noo you are lying!" Oh yeah we go to the same school. Phathakahle High School. Lee is doing grade 10 and I am doing grade 12. 

Lee:"Serious...car accident it was so sad" Her eyes were red I could see that she was crying. I wanted to cry too. Mrs Mpanza was so sweet and loving. She was teaching L.O. 

Me:"Yho when is the funeral?" 

Lee:"They didnt tell us but I think next week"

Me:"Oh my god" Tears escaped in my eyes. I wiped them vigorously with my hands.   

Lee:"Happy Birthday Inmate Ndoni" 

Me:"Haibo its the 18th of June today?" God I totally forget kodwa vele my birthdays are not exciting. 

Lee:"Dont tell me you forgot your birthday" she rolled her small eyes dramatically

Me:"Ever since daddy died my birthdays are the same as other days but this one is very painful" I burst into a loud cry 

Lee:"Wuu ay uyarasa Inmate Ndoni" (Wuu ay you are making noise Inmate Ndoni) she said blocking her ears with her hands and walked out.  What a 18th birthday ever!! I calmed down minutes later and rolled down from the bed slowly. I took another towel and wrapped it around my naked body. I removed the dirty duvet from my bed and took another one on top of my closet and made my bed neatly. I carried the basin and went to discard the water outside then I boiled water. I felt  so dirty I wanted to remove his scent from my body. I poured the boiled water into the basin and mixed it with cold water than I carried the basin to my bedroom. I took a bath scrubing my body with a sack of oranges. I scrubbed my body until I felt burning sensation on my skin. Tears rolling down my face. God why have you abondoned me. Why are you letting her abuse me like this? You said you will never forsake me but right now I feel so lonely. I hate you! Im terminating the contract today! Im done with you!  I tried to wash away his scent but it was still there all over my body. I jumped out from the water and covered my naked body with a towel  than I went to fetch Jik. I found Lee making sandwich for herself obviously.  I looked for a bottle of Jik but I couldnt find it. 

Me:"uJik nawo niwufihlile?" (You guys also hide a bottle of jik?)

Lee:"Nah uphelile why are you asking" (No it's finished)

Me:"I wanted to use it" 

Lee:"For?'

Me:"Haibo kanti uJik owani!" (What is it used for?) I kinda yelled

Lee:"Mxm!" 

I walked back to my room and dried my body I was so sad that the jik is finished.  I looked for something in my closet that I can use since I was bleeding. I ran out of  pads and nawo bengiwathenge ngemali ebengiyiphiwe u-Azanda. Actually all  my clothes are old and faded but I found this torn t-shirt that have soft fabric. I cut the piece of it and folded it nicely then I used it down there. After that I got dressed then get rid of the water into the basin. I washed my duvet and the towel then I went to join my little sister. I wanted some distraction so watching tv was the option. Lee was busy on her phone and watching tv at the same time while eating. Damn what a supergirl. I was also starving I looked at her eating and swallowed saliva. 

Me:"Ugwinya kamnandi umlomo little sis" (the food taste good little sis) 

Lee:"You have no idea" 

Me:"Let me watch my favourite show coz you are busy with your phone" 

Lee:"No I am watching"

Me:"You are not!" 

Lee:"I said Im watching haw!" 

Me:"Mxm!" I got up and made my way to my bedroom 

Lee:"Why are you walking like that" she screamed behind me. I ignored her and entered my bedroom. Yaz my bedroom used to be the room where I  find peace but now it have flash blacks that will always be there no matter how much I try to ignore them. I laid on top of my bed hugging my pillow. Then there was a knock on my door which means it was definitely not Lindelwa nor Nomthandazo (Mom) coz these two never knock. 

Me:"Come in" The door swung open entered Azanda. I sat up straight

Zanda:"Mzala" She walked towards my bed

Me:"Hey Mzala" She was carrying a gift bag. 

Zanda:"You look terrible..she lock you up again?" She sat down next to me I nodded "Oh friend come stay with us you cant leave like this" 

Me:"She will never allow me to go"

Zanda:"Why is she keeping you if she does not want you"

Me:"I guess she enjoy torturing me" 

Zanda:"I brought you something" she gave me the gift bag "Happy Birthday"

Me:"Thank you friend" I said smiling and searching through the gift bag. Inside the was a gold hauwei a small box and chocolate. "Wow mzala you such a sweetheart!" I smiled widely

Zanda:"The phone is old though my dad bought me a new one so I thought I should give the old one to you"

Me:"Yhoo mzala thank you so much!" I opened the small box. My eyes met a pair of beautiful earings. "Wow they are so beautiful" Tears couldnt help but escape in my eyes "Hawe ma I dont know what to say" I hugged her. 

Zanda:"Im glad you like your gift" We broke the hug then I wiped my tears.

Me:"I cant believe I have a phone" I smiled and switched it on. 

Zanda:"You have to buy a sim card ke mzala but you can use the one that is inside for the time being"

Me:"mzala ngiyabonga kakhulu" (cuz thank you so much) 

Zanda:"Ay maan will you stop thanking me already" 

Me:"I love you "

Zanda:"I love you too mzala" We both smiled. "Lindelwa told you about Mrs Mpanza?" 

Me:"Yes its so sad" 

Zanda:"Life hey" 

Me:"Yeah so you t.." The door opened Nomthandazo walked in. 

Mom:"Girls" she smiled. Ave pretend(a) mayebona abantu (she like to pretend around people)

Zanda:"Hi" she said coldly 

Mom:"How are you my child"

Zanda:"Why are you so evi..ouch." I pinched her. "Im fine" 

Mom:"Ndoniyamanzi have a lot to do my child please visit her some other time" 

Zanda:"Like what?"

Mom:"Chores" 

Zanda:"Friend I will call you neh" she stood up

Me:"Okay"

Zanda:"Bye" 

Me:"Bye and thanks again" She smiled and walked out. 

Mom:"Why you didnt clean the house?" I said nothing. "Im talking to you!!" 

Me:"I will clean now" 

Mom:"What is this" she took the box and opened it. 

Me:"Earings"

Mom:"They are beautiful they will  look good on Lindelwa"

Me:"But they are mine"

Mom:"They were yours before they reached my hands" 

Me:"That is unfair Mama" 

Mom:"Your friend bought you all of this even the phone?" I nodded "she got money to waste huh" She took the phone and smashed against the wall. It split into pieces and fall down. My heart broke into tiny little pieces as I look at the pieces on the floor.


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