Her screams are penetrating through the wall that separates mine and the master bedroom piercing in my ears. The earplugs i'm wearing don’t seem to be helping. She’s pleading for her life and asking for forgiveness as if she has done something wrong or he would stop.
“Please my dear Lord make him stop please he’s going to kill her” I say a silence prayer as tears make their way down my cheeks. I’m battling to understand how one human can carry so much anger but mostly why is she enduring this pain. When is it enough? When would she put an end to this?
I fear that one day I would hear her last screams and she would be no more. I don’t know what would become of me should the unthinkable happen. I fear that I’m the one who would become his punching bag and she would be nowhere to protect me from him. These are the fears I have been living with everyday of my life for the past 2 years. It saddens me that it’s only now that I realize how peaceful life was when it was only me and her.
We use to live at Newcastle Madadeni section 6 in a four roomed house. It was big enough for the two of us. She was a waitress in some restaurant in town and she wasn’t earning a lot but never a day have I ever slept on an empty stomach nor had nothing to wear. She use to do extra shifts and her boss Mrs Williams use to give her some extra cash for doing laundry for her. My heart was so broken the day I learned she passed on God bless her soul. Things changed for the worse after the passing of Mrs Williams. Her daughter failed to keep the restaurant sustained due her sickening attitude and racism.
Life became tough luckily she had some savings in her bank which lasted us a month as she was job haunting. I remember the day she came back home excited. “Mira! mommy found a job!” I couldn’t miss the excitement in her voice. We both screamed in excitement I was happy until she told me that we had to move to Durban. Her employer lived in Durban he was in Newcastle just for business purposes. I felt like my world was shutting down. The thought of leaving my life there and starting a new life in a place I have never been scared the shit out of me I have metathesiophobia.
“Don’t worry you will love it there my baby. Durban is a beautiful place maybe you will even make friends there my miracle” I didn’t want to burst her bubble so I pretended to be happy and knowing her I knew that she was not going to take the job and look for another one.
That woman would do anything for me to be happy “I’d die and kill for you my miracle you are the apple of my eye” I can never thank the Lord enough for blessing me with a mother like her. She’s my world and I’m her miracle when she was pregnant with me she had complications. I was born at 10 months and the doctors were already declaring me dead but I surprised everyone when I cried my lungs out the moment I was operated out of my mommy’s tummy. It was surprising that I turned out to be the healthiest baby ever but with no sight. I was indeed a miracle which is shortened for Mira.
We moved to Durban and stayed with mom’s employer luckily it was the end of the year so I was going to start grade 8 the following year at Open Air school. Mom was Mr Khumalo’s helper and we lived there together in the same house. It took me a while to get use to the environment but as time went on I got use to everything and I even made a friend. The first year was great and it was even greater in the second year when mom and Mr Khumalo started dating. He took very good care of us mom stopped working for him and they got married in court.
It felt good to have a father someone who will always have my back and protect me. It felt good to have someone who will protect mom for a change. It felt good to be daddy’s little princess something death robbed me off by claiming my own father but I was grateful for having my stepdad who would fill that void little did I know he would turn into this unrecognizable person who carries so much anger for no apparent reason. Hearing her heartbreaking antagonizing screams every night has become part of my life a part of my life that shatters my soul and leaves me praying that it isn’t the last time I hear her voice.