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Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3 


She deserves him I don't know like she does now. I am not engaged to him and yes I love him but that doesn't mean he loves me.He found the one he is supposed to move on with and that is her. I know Ntozakhona from 10 years ago but not this one. Time changes and so as people and I believe he has evolved over the years. I left very wee hours of morning. Before anyone could wake up. How I got out of that remote controlled gate is a difficult thing to explain but I got out. I have been walking on this street for some time and I haven't seen any car or taxi coming my way. It's very quiet. 

Oh there is one ! I wave my hand for the taxi and it came to me. The door is opened and I hop inside with my bags.

“Town ?“ 

I ask and the driver nods ok that is good. I take out the small plastic where I put the money inside and took some money and handed it over. I got my change and I relax on the seat. I look back once more before I look ahead. I have to forget about him no matter how much I have loved him.Promises can be broken as well and I don't see why I have to be selfish and hold him back. He is happy and his happiness should be priority to him.  

I get to town and I walk around to go and buy some chips before I hop on the next taxi. I got something to drink as well and paid at the pakistan shop. I then walk to catch the taxi back home. 

_________

My feet are hurting but relief washes over me very quickly. I dropped what I have in my hands and just swing my arms around their necks and they giggle. I have missed them so very much I couldn't wait to get out of the taxi when I saw them standing here. I called Ciyela and told her that I am coming back when I left the city. 

“You are squeezing our necks.” Chiliza says and I let them go.  

“I have missed you” I say 

“We missed you too sisi” Ciyela picks up my bag and Chiliza takes my hand bag. 

We walk the journey back home. 

“How was the city ?” Ciyela says. 

“You went to the city?” Chiliza asks and I nod. I can't lie to her. 

“Yes” I say 

“Was it nice ?” she asks and i nod. 

”Its fine ” I settle for that. 

We keep on walking we see a nice car parked by the yard. 

“Who's car is that ?” I ask 

“My uncles car he came back after years” Ciyela says 

“I don't trust that man ” Ciyela adds 

“Apperantly we have a cousin” Ciliza says. 

“Oh he seems to have money ” I say 

“He does ”

“He will put you through school then” I look at them and they look at me like I have just spoken a foreign language.  

We walk inside the yard and knock on the kitchen door. Three gentle men are sitting on the chairs in the kitchen. Mama stands up and I hug her.  

“You are back I am so happy” she says. 

“I am happy too” she gives me a small perk and I giggle. It's good to be here 

“She has arrived good we were going to search for her ” one of the gentle man says 

“No you come back after years and demand my daughter ! ” mah says. 

”She is not yours. It's per tradition ” 

“To do what ?” I ask. I shouldn't have the elders are talking.

“Since passed on without bringing in a child and growing the family name this family paid for you meaning you should marry my son and have kids to sustain the family name ” What ? 

“Qinisa please” Mah says holding me close to her.  

“I will give you a better life. You know that my brother resorted to witchcraft for riches. Give her to us and we will take care of her and you” he looks around the house.  

“Malume ...”Ciyela tries to talk. 

“hold it there Mshana ” he says. 

“Why are you evil?” Mah says in a soft tone. 

“You refused to marry me after my brother. Look where you are living Hleziphi do you want your kids ending up on the streets selling themselves to make ends meet ? Things are simple. She will bare children with Msizi and live comfortably ” he says looking at the guy next to him.  

“Nana ....” he tries to continue but I cut him. 

“I will do it. If only Ciyela and Chiliza get to go school and Mah lives comfortably” I say. I have nothing to loose. Nothing to live for but them.  

“No Cholo

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do you want your kids ending up on the streets selling themselves to make ends meet ? Things are simple. She will bare children with Msizi and live comfortably ” he says looking at the guy next to him.  

“Nana ....” he tries to continue but I cut him. 

“I will do it. If only Ciyela and Chiliza get to go school and Mah lives comfortably” I say. I have nothing to loose. Nothing to live for but them.  

“No Cholo don't be selfish ! ” Ciyela shouts.  

“Good choice” The uncle smiles and turns to the guy. 

“We are leaving ” Mah hugs me close to her.  

“Don't listen to him. Go home run away Cholo” I know she cares and I know she wants what's best but I also want what's best.  

___________

Love ? It's something that is not ment for me at all. Love is something that I should receive in any other form than romantically. Love is said to be happiness yet also have thorns. It pricks and leave a stain of deception at times. Love conqures did mine conquer? No it didn't ! It only faded well that is what I think happened from his side.  

“What do you need ?” it has been time. He doesn't speak he doesn't say anything but bobble his head back and forth to a nice tune from the radio.  

“Nothing” I say. 

“I have a girlfriend you know” he says. 

“Why don't you imoregnat her ?” I ask. 

“I think she is infertile” he says. 

“What If I am infertile?” I ask. 

He turns to me. We are at the backseat. His father keeps on stealing stares and smiles when he sees us.  

“Are you?” 

“I don't know ” I honestly say. He sighs frustrated. 

“Mmmh ” he says.  

We get to their home and the father turns to me once we get out. 

“Make yourself comfortable and behave ” he says and the son nods.  

He walks away leading the way and I walk behind him. We get inside and there he turns and looks at me.  

“How many people have you slept with ? ” what ? Is he asking me that ? 

“Two ” I say softly.  

“Ok” 

He walks away and I went to sit down. This is a mess.

He came back after some time and he sat down taking the remote and changing the channel. We watched the same thing and Nazo popped on tv. I made the best decision by leaving or did I ? I did that is what I believe. 

“Are you eating something ?” I ask him. He looks at me.  

“I will order ” he says. I don't like this.  

I don't want to be here. It's boring and very awkward.  

“Why don't you plant the sperms in someone else?” 

“Don't ask too much ” his phone rings and he stands up and walks away to answer it. 

I need a bed so I could retire. It has been a long day. 

 _________ 

We are not all destined to have the same paths. It may be similar but there are differences. Just like identical twins. They may look alike but there are differences. My life it's happening the same way I have always been to put someone's happiness before mine. Right now my happiness lies in Ngwenya family. They are my family and loved also welcomed me in their home. My husband was a wonderful man if we loved each other I think we would've turned out wonderful but we cared for each other and that was enough. I supported him as much as he did with me. Encouraged him alot and he always appreciated my efforts.  

I woke up early to make some porridge for the morning. As the situation I am in says alot but I still have to respect my In law. I am one to make sacrifices. My father always said :“Make sacrifices for the ones you love.” That's how you show them love.  

“Good morning” I turn around and look at him. I look at the watch and it's almost 6 am 

“I am late ” he grabs a fruit. 

“Oh” I say and he looks at my porridge. 

“I will see you neh”

 He kisses my cheek and rushes out in tracksuits. I wonder where he works. He didn't even grab proper breakfast not forgetting lunch. I dished up for myself and I went to eat. I called Mah and she asked me alot of questions of which I answered. After the call I felt a bit better. Now I know my purpose of being here. For them I cleaned up and I went to clean the place. It didn't need much cleaning but I wanted to distract myself. Lunch time I was done and I have already cooked. What now ? What to do ? 

I went to sit down and watch some TV just to keep myself a bit busy. I want to call my sister but then I have second thoughts on that. I changed the channel and the door opens. I look towards it and he walks in he throws the keys on the table and takes off his jacket. 

“Come” I don't ask but I stand up and I follow after him. We get in the room and I swallow. It hasn't been a full day.

He pulls me by the waist swiftly. I place my hands on his chest. 

“You have a girlfriend” I say. This will make me feel bad.  

“I am horny and we need a baby” I swallow and nod. He moves the straps from my dress slowly my heart is thudding. He guns for my neck and my breathing hinched. He smells nice that I can say.  

_____

“You are ok?” he asks. I don't know how many times he has asked me that but I nod the same again.  

His hands move to my boobs and he squeezes them softly before his tongue is in touch with my nipple. He is sucking softly. I have never experienced this and I won't lie. It feels kind of nice. His hands move to my waist and he has a firm grip before he stops and catches his breath. He gets off me and I look at the ceiling for a while before turning to him. He is not getting dressed instead he gets inside the covers. We are both silent. This is awkward and awful.  

“Have you told your girlfriend about this ?” I ask. 

“No” what ? I sit up and he does the same.  

“I don't want to be blamed for these things. You should've talked to her. !” I am angry. At myself as well. I just slept with another woman's man.  

“I don't have a girlfriend” he says and I look at him. 

“I lied ” he continues. I get off the bed. Now I need to jump of a bridge because everything is a mess right now. 

“Cholo” he says. 

“I want to leave ” He gets off the bed and holds me.  

“I am sorry for lying Cholo. I just didn't want you falling for me soon” he says. 

“My heart loves one man ” I say. 

He is very silent after that statement. I want to forget about him. I want to move on from him !

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