Love is a natural feeling that dominates all emotions. It's rooted in us from a young age we manifest it differently in friends family parents everyone as well as partners we find in our journey called life. It's conditional and Unconditional as well. Love is eternal; I fell in love at a young age. Oh how we can't resist the charms of man that’s how I was. I couldn't resist the charms of that man. His words were like melodies in my ears His chuckle and laugh. My whole world would just come to a standstill. We used to meet after dark and stay in his car just listening to our breathing patterns.
“I love you Nana “he would say and I trusted and believed his words so much. Those were the words I wanted to hear. I looked up to him.
“I love you too”
He ran his fingers on my cheeks and laid a soft perk on my forehead. I lay back on his chest.
Sakhile was the man I fell for the man I needed and loved whole heartedly .I thought I knew love then at the age of 18 still as the years passed by. It was love for me the one I saw no future without the one full of kids and a wonderful husband. A beautiful home than the one I have a wonderful home with both parents that I never grew up in with. I saw all of that wonderful stuff. It made me happy; it filled my heart with joy just by thinking about it.
I met Sakhile at the taxi rank that day he was the conductor for the taxi I was taking to Sobantu I was going to visit my mother. She lives with her husband and their marital kids. I live with my grandmother and so as my cousin Nosibusiso Nosi. In sweet water area. It's not much but we did survive and still do survive. I just came from school that Friday and I walked in the taxi rank Places where taxis were going were being shouted and it was loud and clear.
I kept on walking looking up to the signs just so I can find Sobantu.
I kept on walking further. I saw Sobantu and went towards the drivers who were standing in front of the taxi having a chat. I had to ask just so I can be sure.
“Iya Esobantu? (Is it going to Sobantu ? )" I ask
“Yebo sisi Ngena lah (yes get in)"
I nod and walked to get in. I first checked the spaces left and it was the front next to the driver or behind him.
“Sorry sisi ngicela ukudlula (sorry can I pass)" someone held my waist. I moved and that was Sakhile his moustache suited him quiet well. He smelled so good and was very clean with a white cap on and a black hoodie with jeans and sneakers. I was staring too much as he walked past me going to the back. I touched my waist as his scent was still left with me.
One of the drivers asked and people nodded “Ngena sisi (get in)"
I got in and sat next to this woman. I greeted her and kept my silence. I opened my bag and took out some money just so that it could be visible when I have to pay. The taxi driver got in the taxi and it started then the conductor entered Sakhile. He leaned against the passenger seat before closing the door behind him. People started passing money to him and i did the same and concentrated on the front.
“Ngiqeda kubona uGatseni manje (I just saw Gatseni now)" the driver said.
“Yeah ngiyabuya ksasa (I am coming back tomorrow)" that was Sakhile replying to him. The woman next to me opened her chips and started eating; I have always been uncomfortable eating in front of people especially in a taxi. There was silence and it was nearing Sobantu. People would start shouting their stops and got out little by little till I was by the window as I had to let some woman pass.
"Unjani? (How are you?)"I kept quiet; I assumed he wasn't talking to me until he tapped my thigh as he was sitting next to me. I looked at him.
“Unjani? (How are you?)" He said for the second time.
“Ngiyaphila (I am fine)" I kept quiet. “Umuhle (you are beautiful)" he said. I wanted to blush when he said that but I didn't. I am beautiful? I never knew. I felt beautiful the moment he said that. I mean he is handsome and saying I am beautiful that was a very big thing for me.
“Ngiyabonga (thank you) “I replied.
“Can I have your number?" He asked. Unfortunately I didn't have a cell phone to give him my number that time. He was taking out his phone from his pocket while saying that.
“I don't have a phone “He looked at me and smiled. “Really?” I nodded and he did as well. I saw my stop and said. “Can I get off?” The driver slowed down and I stood up from the seat and he opened the door for me. I got off and he sat by the edge still holding the door.
“NguSakhile (I am Sakhile)" he licked his lips before he bit his bottom lip I smiled.
“Slindokuhle “I walked off and the taxi drove off after that.
I had a huge smile on my face; it was just the start of knowing each other. Every time I would go to Sobantu I would see him. After our first encounter I saw him two months later and he was still there He still asked for my number but I didn't have a phone unfortunately I was with Nosi that day since my little brother was having Imbeleko ( welcoming ceremony) . I didn't know his father and my mother's husband were friends when I met him at the ceremony on that Saturday. Mom asked us to serve him and I did. He smiled at me as I served him the food; I was smitten by his looks as well. He made me shy while serving him so I walked off after.
"Umhlaba muncane Ntokazi (The world is small)" I turned to him. He was in a golf shirt with a jean and sneakers. The cap couldn’t be forgotten as well. “Hi " he said and i replied.
“You look beautiful “that was the second time hearing him say that to me and my heart skipped a beat. His cologne was melting me in every way as he smelled so damn good. “Slindokuhle!”
My mother shouted from inside. “I have to go “I turned and he held my arm. “I will see you later then “I nodded and walked off.
I went to help with the rest of what's needed. I was tired thereafter; the only reason Nosi and I were there was to help out with the preparations. “Umuntu wami uyeza sisi. Ngiyahamba mina (My man is coming I am going)" that was Nosi; she is 2 years older than me very beautiful with a very beautiful body. The curves and all and men loved that. She didn't get just any guy; yes they hit on her but the moneyed ones were her favorite.
“Ok " she walked off to pack her bag. I looked at my mother and my siblings; I wished I grew up with both parents. I do feel like an outcast Every time I am here.
I went out to go and buy some sweets that's when i saw Sakhile once more. We walked together and talked. It escalated into him asking me to be his girlfriend; I agreed to that he was an amazing guy. My first ever boyfriend I didn't know that my heart would be where it is today when I agreed. A kiss was put on the table the first one yet. That was the start of the lies
The jumping out of windows and being gone for days and coming back on Fridays My grandmother would shout till she couldn't anymore. I loved Sakhile so much to not hear anything. Our relationship was private but not secret Free rides I would get when going to Sobantu. He would fetch me from School in Sweetwater's at times and I would be the talk of the century. His father owns Taxi's that take a route in Sobantu and also going to Hayfields as well. Sakhile didn't work; He only went to the taxi rank to learn the ropes so he could take over one day. He only studied a business course and that was it. Sakhile was an amazing boyfriend but his partying tendencies were what got us in trouble at times.
Cheating was involved. I had a phone that he bought and I would see his posts on Facebook with another girl. I was sure he slept with but he would deny He was manipulative and I would believe his story and forgot how angry I was with him. He would make me sink more and more in love with him.
“Don’t love with your heart Mntase he will hurt you “that was Nosi when I started telling her about Sakhile.
I looked out of our bedroom window while ironing my clothes for the next day at school. I took her advice and threw it out of the window. My phone rang and I went to take it and its Sakhile. I answered.
“Baby “I was smiling from ear to ear”Hlukana nendoda Yami wena nx (leave my man alone)" that was a female voice. I swallowed and hung up; I should have listened to Nosi. I decided to listen to her for a short while. For a whole week I didn't take his calls nor answered his messages. Friday came and I had to go back to Sobantu and visit my mother. I saw him at the rank and walked past him and got in the taxi but he followed.
“Slie ngicela sikhuluma (Slie can we talk) "I ignored him. He got inside and sat next to me.
“Sthandwa Sam akuyona lento oyicabangayo (it’s not what you are thinking)" I was pissed off the most than anything else. He always says this. He holds my hands and kisses them
" Nguwe ophethe inhliziyo Yami Slindokuhle ( you have my heart Slindokuhle )" I still kept quiet I looked at him.
" Ngiyakuthanda yezwa ( I love you ok ? )" I nodded.
I was softening up. That's how he softened me
" Ngiyakuthanda yezwa ( I love you ok ? )" I nodded.
I was softening up. That's how he softened me His love for me did. We would kiss and make up a lot. That day was the day he came to fetch me at night and I jumped over for the first time I was at his place and it was in Scottsville . His flat was amazing and clean as well. We kissed and played around till it escalated. I wasn't ready to loose my virginity but he assured me that he wouldn't hurt me and I trusted him. I gave it to him and that was me putting myself in pain. He caressed my body so ever softly and took care of it. Whispering how much he loved me as he thrusted in side me while looking into my eyes . I loved him more and more I loved him more than ever that moment to me he was mine. All mine and we would be together forever . It was a fairytale that only exists in books. I loved him with all of me.
Nosi was disappointed to learn that I lost my virginity she wanted me to be a better version of herself but it had happened. Sakhile went silent for a whole month after that I didn't understand why and when he came back he splashed gifts so I wouldn't ask him questions. Our relationship was wonderful. Getting stronger and stronger I thought he would leave me but he said " I would never leave you baby I love you " I trusted him more than ever he hasn't left me and that was what i needed. A few months down the line and things were going south for me I was starting to get sick . I kept on checking and checking if I am feeling ok until me and Nosi went to the clinic and that's when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do. My mind just shut down after that I was a child I was in matric and a teenager and now about to be a mother but one thing I couldn't do is aborting I never believed in that. I told my grandmother and she was very disappointed it hurt me that I did that to her and my mother didn't care if I was pregnant or not she brushed it off. One person I had to tell and that was Sakhile. I called him that night Nosi was away that day she went to her boyfriend's place. It rang a few times and he answered.
"Baby" he said. I sighed
"Sakhile" I said.
"Urite?(Are you ok?)" He asks
"Cha Khona into ekumele ngikutshele Yona (No there is something I need to tell you )" He is silent.
"Ok ngitsehele (Ok tell me)" He says
"I am pregnant" he is silent for a moment.
"Sikhiphe Angifuni ukuba ubaba Slindokuhle ( Abort it I don't want to be a father Slindokuhle )"
I was shocked and hurt at the same time.
"Sakhile ...." Tears welded in my eyes.
“Ngizoletha imali yokusikhipha. Angifuni Ngane Slindo (I will bring the money to abort it. I don't want any child Slindokuhle)" I kept quiet. I just hung up on him and I cried. I called Nosi and she answered.
"Uthe angisikhiphe (He said I should abort)" I spoke first.
"Haibo you are not doing that. That dog! "She hung up and I sobbed on my pillow. I woke up the next morning and went to school after school he was there by his car. He saw me walk out and came to me. He held my hand.
"Slindokuhle" I kept quiet and looked at him. He sighed.
"I am not ready to be a father"
"I am not ready to be a mother too but it's here"
"We can fix that" He took out the brown envelope and gave it to me.
"If you still want us to be together you will get rid of the baby" I was hurt by that.
He left me with the money and walked off to his car. I didn't I couldn't. I didn't listen to him This was a human and yes it was a mistake but killing wasn't in my standard My grandmother would kill me with Nosi as well. I took the money and went into saving it. I didn't abort instead I broke things off with him I was miserable but I made the right decision that tormented me. Being apart from him was proven to be difficult. I didn't pass my matric well that year. I was disappointed in myself I would see Sakhile when I went to Sobantu with my belly and he was with some girl or talking to one. It hurt me because I still loved him I love him so much and it couldn’t just disappear. I later on gave birth into the New Year in March 26 to my beautiful baby girl and I named her Owami She was my child and mine alone. That's when I found new love an unconditional love 3 years ago.
“Muhle (she is beautiful )”That was Nosi I smiled as I played with her hand after she was cleaned up after labor.
"She is "She was her father’s daughter
To be continued