In the middle of the bedroom he stands tall his facials squaring. The merciless semblance how well do I know it. Even in my wildest dreams my unconscious mind recite it
“come here” he half yell as usual I reverse away from him almost tripped with my trembling entire body.
“I’m sorry.. Nkanyiso” tears have found a permanent home; they are forever energetic ready to race down my face. To him they are not a symbol of sadness they are just salty water used as a shield by an unrulable wife. They are an ordinary deed sometimes they don’t move me either.
“flirting with a man in my presence! You don’t respect me Sisekelo” I flinch sheltered in enormous terror loud banging in my chest reminding me how imprisoned I’ve become in this shame of marriage
“it’s… a cashier.. Nkanyiso.. I was.. making a conversation” my trembling voice try to give explanation which he does not need as always
“ubufebe lobo Sisekelo!! You are justifying being a hoe with a lame excuse!! Today you will learn to respect me” towards me he charges faster than greased lighting. I’m caught before I can even blink
“Nkanyi ple… ah!!” it has landed a hard slap that left my cheek sweltering in ache
“you are making me do things I never thought I’d do to a woman..” hands tightened on my tiny shoulders he shakes me harshly glaring at me with deadly eyes. He is not just a monster he is Nkanyiso Mhlongo the devil’s companion.
“damn it woman!” harshly I’m thrown on the ground and sink deep in darkness of sorrow. A loud banging of the door is like a faded memory he left.
A product of rape I am an unwanted child brought in this world through pain and tears that’s when my fate was jotted in the sands of time. My complexion exacerbated everything being gifted with albinism turned everyone against me some sees it as a curse a disease the living breathing miracle leading towards richness. I’m Sisekelo Shezi married to a crazy hard-hearted Nkanyiso Mhlongo.
“you are beautiful I mean it” my heart melt in undivided joy this time I let my lips crack into a warm smile.
“thank you Sanele” his eyes narrow and he smiles. “is that your mother at the gate?” suddenly he ask his eyes looking ahead. I follow his gaze. I suddenly wreck in nerves my heart pumping hard. Sanele turns after giving me a concerned look. I tighten the belts of my backpack and move towards the gate. Sanele is my friend he understands everything about my life. My mother died when I was just Seven years old. My father being a truck driver and always away it was an impossible mission to raise a child. He’d go for weeks sometimes leaving me with an old lady next door then one day he returned with a lady a very warm lady and told me she was gonna be my mother. At first she was a warm kind soul but eventually the monster in her couldn’t stay hidden anymore
“We Sihle! You don’t listen!” as I reach the gate she angrily yells her hands resting on her waist.. I wonder which crime I’ve committed this time..
“sawbona mama” I greet politely. “nkawukona nkana my foot! How many times must I tell you to clean the backroom before going to school” she sells chicken and I must be the one cleaning out their messy poop
“I was rushing for an exam I’ll do it no..” I’m grabbed by my hair filching in pain. Tears drop in my watery eyes as I’m pulled harshly. Everybody knows but not my father. He comes back after six or seven weeks
"what I.. I said.. To him is that. She can just.. Forget about me…I can't believe he chose my friend over me.. I hate men" the feeling is mutual sister. How wasted she is I can't even imagine how she will get home. I leave her crying while gaping all at once and attend other customers. Being a bartender comes with so many careers one of them is being an unqualified psychologist consoling the depressed ones. Sometimes it's just too much it makes me realise how broken the world is. Indeed we are a broken generation with happy pictures.
Time reads 3:30pm on the wall I feel my heart sinking. I'm exhausted beyond my control I’m counting eery single minute before Six o’clock so that Ginger can let me go that's if he will. Maybe I might end up on his bed "Hey there flat ass" I jump as some drunkard suddenly hit my bum I feel my body boiling but it's a customer what can I say. Rape begins with such little things being touched without your concern and when you open a case he will blame it on alcohol.
I feel his gaze before I can even lift up my eyes. He is standing before the counter
"it's time to go munchie" he says giving that dirty look. My eyes stares at the clock once again
“its just half four mos not my knock off time” I say praying that at least he gives me a break tonight. I’m writing ENVS 211 tomorrow I need time to study. That’s one hardcore module I wonder if I’ll move past it everyone complains about it even the most participating groups in class. Who am I?
“I’m the owner or you’ve forgotten. Get the bag and stop annoying me Liyana” I release a soft unattended growl heading towards the locker take out my bag and follow after him. I won't sleep today he will demand sex and I will be forced to give it to him. He owns me he does whatever he wants until I don't know.
He drives out heading to his house the Bar is about 15 minutes away. In no time he parks outside the house grabs my arm and lead me towards the house. As soon as the door closes I’m pushed against it and a rough kiss follows. As usual I pretend to enjoy it while I actually loathe e very single minute of it. "why do you still wear these things they are restrictive” he breathlessly hiss taking off my jeans. I flinch as he enters me a bit rough "slow down.." I whimper but I doubt he heard me with this loud growl he is making. I take it all in and bare the next agonizing moment with a throbbing heart.
Growing up with relatives was never easy I was a rebel and always felt like I was excluded for being an orphan. Finishing matric I was lucky enough to be funded with NSFAS. Was it enough nope. The university life blinded me and being in the wrong crew made things worse. It started as small as stealing clothes in the washing line and sell them stealing laptops in the library until it became a habit. One day we found out about this 49-year-old man who keeps money in his safe. The plan was to study everything then hit him while he least expected it. My mission was to seduce the man with my plus sized body blessed with a flawless caramel skin it was not hard to be noticed. little did we know that he was smarter than he looked and here I am paying for the mistakes I made. As they say no one is to be trusted. Here I am paying alone while the so called friends turned their backs and pushed the blame on me. I'm Exhausted emotionally drained but this is my life. I brought it upon myself..
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