How did life changed for the worst so suddenly I feel trapped in an unending torture and no matter how Mthunzi tries. My skeptical mind still wakes up in hope that I'd see Phikelela walking through the door dissing me and making me laugh at the same time
It's surreal my life is surrounded by bad luck and there is nothing I can do but sink deeper and deeper..
I'm woken up by a soft pat it's my boss Mr Boston standing in front of me. I'm so embarrassed right now
"Sir.. I'm really sorry I might have dozed off while working on the paperwork"
He shakes his head dissatisfied I face down wiping my sleepy eyes
"this is not how it should I expect that paperwork on my desk first thing in the morning"
He is such a strict old man
"will do sir"
He leaves and I quickly start working
There's a soft knock at the door
"Swazelihle" I quickly stand up and meet him halfway
"what are you doing here? I'm still busy with work Mthunzi and you know Mr Boston doesn't want me to bring my family at work"
He doesn't say anything just staring at me until I give in and sigh
" I had plans for us"
He says sadly and I feel bad
"I'm sorry I lost track of time"
Checking the time on the wall It's after 4 already. I quickly take my belongings and follow Mthunzi. Sbani might be going crazy wherever he is he needs me
Reaching home the first thing I do is to take my baby into my arms and feed him.
When I'm done I bath him then put him to bed. He falls asleep immediately
I find Mthunzi watching soccer in the living room
"Are you not on the night shift today?"
"if you actually pay attention when I speak you'd know that I'm on day shifts as of tomorrow"
I claw the back of my neck shamefully
"Do you need anything to eat ? I can make anything you want"
"I don't want anything"
My heart sinks deeper
He stand up and come to me
"I don't want anything but I want you Swazelihle"
I'm a bit confused
"but I'm here"
He stares at me deeply
"I want the woman I fell in love with. The Swazelihle that shouts scream and laugh at my stupid jokes. I miss my friend in you I miss you. I miss us"
I drop my gaze
"I made a mistake by allowing you to work I thought It will help you deal with everything but you seem to be slipping further and further away... Tell me what I need to do to get my wife back"
He sounds desperate and broken
I feel his hands lifting up my chin
"Since you gave birth we haven't even been intimate Swazelihle. What's happening talk to me"
I feel tears threatening my eyes
"I don't know how to go on.."
They roll down my face and I don't wipe them
"I feel.. I feel bad and it's hard.. It feels wrong to go on without him…".
He engulfs me in a warm hug and I let it out
"I'm here I'll always be here"
He keeps on repeating the same words patting my back and I cry even more..
Time reads 9:50 am the loud wailing of Sbani grabs my attention..
It's another day! And again
It's another day! And again I'm late. I'm not going to work at all. I must have fallen asleep I haven't had such a good sleep in a long time.
I find Pam shushing him and I take him
"Come on boy boy stop crying I'm here now mama is here…"
During the day I drive to Mthunzi’s workplace with Sbani. I messed up whatever plans he had for us yesterday so this is me bringing him lunch and apologizing. I know that he'll be happy to see both of us. I miss Ndondo how I wished her granny agreed to let her live with me but she didn't. I keep on failing that kid I'm such a bad person. Being a parent is hard and takes an unbelievable amount of patience.
His office is closed his phone is off. It might be one of those crazy days. I'm seated in benches just outside his office waiting for him
Sbani is beginning to be restless.
I'm on my feet trying to calm him down but he just doesn't budge
"Hey.. Can I hold him" someone suddenly says behind me. I turn into a beautiful coloured woman
"sorry I've been watching at a distance so I decided to come"
She says. Sbani start wailing gaining attention and I feel myself getting hot
I give her my baby and she start shushing him. It takes just a minute to shut him little betrayer
"wow that's amazing" I say as she gives me back. He is too quite sucking his tiny thumb is if he wasn't just screaming a second ago
"I love babies. Pity I don't have one of my own"
"your time will come too. Believe me"
"I've been trying for years now"
"I was in your shoes once. I know that feeling of questioning everything Godnature your qualities as a woman. It sucks but good things take time to come. Wait for your turn I mean look at me now
" she smiles
"thank you. I really needed to hear that. I'm Jessica by the way"
"nice to meet you Jessica. I'm Swazelihle"