I walked all the way to the church. I left my car at home. I was drunk. I was a mess. I was crying. I don’t know if i did this to myself or to Ntsika. This man rejected me before but i never gave up on him. I just wanted him. If i never kept pushing that man would be alive today! Why did i do that? why did i want to get him away from his husband? I know i was concerned about his safety but i should’ve known that Todd would never hurt him. I was selfish and i wanted him to myself! I am a bad person! I think i am entitled to everything. Why did i think taking someone’s husband was a good thing to do? Why did i do that? how can i get between two people who loved each other? My selfishness didn’t even think about the child that was in the middle of this. I am the worst person on earth. I need to speak to God. I have to do this and i am sorry i had to do this drunk but i feel like it is time i faced the music and have heart to heart with the Lord.

I arrived at church. I walked to the front. I sat down then looked at the pulpit. I looked down tears falling on my thighs

Me: Dear God i come to you today because i don’t know who to talk to. I know I have sinned so many times ever since i came to this city. I know i did unholy things every day and even on Sunday. I cheated and i lied. My lies and all my betrayals caused people so much pain. I lost friends because of the things i did. I am all alone God. 

I broke down

Me: Ntsika is dead. He ate poison that was meant to kill me. God i know if i didn’t date him he would be alive now. Ruining a marriage is the reason i am here today. It is the reason he is dead. I caused all of this and i had my ancestors to protect me but who did he have? He had no one. No One protected him. I am so sorry he died because of me. I hope he forgives me for what i did to his marriage and i am also asking for your forgiveness God. I am asking for forgiveness from all those i have hurt. I hope my friends are going to be forgiving and be able to give me another chance. I am asking all of this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

“Amen” said a voice behind me. i jumped up frightened. Oh It is the pastor

Frank: i didn’t mean to scare you. I just didn’t want to interrupt you.

He stood up then came to the front. I sat down again. He sat next to me then looked at the candles 

Frank: He is listening. He forgives those who repent. You just repented. You owned up to your mistakes and all your sins are forgiven child

He said putting his hand on my shoulder

Me: Why did i do all of this? Why did i follow my heart knowing how many people were going to be hurt by my choices?

Frank: Prince no one is perfect.

He chuckled

Frank: I keep learning that every day. I sin too and i came here to pray and ask for forgiveness for what i have done because of temptations

I looked at him

Me: You also sin?

Frank: We are all sinners but we praise the Lord who forgives. He doesn’t hold grudges. Whatever i did i leant from it

He turned and smiled at me

Frank: I am sure you learnt from your mistakes too

I looked down

Frank: Let him Go. Release Ntsika in your heart. He was not yours and God took him because he was not yours

I looked up tears streaming down

Me: I loved him

Frank: I am sure he loved you too but you were not meant to be

Me: I doubt that

Frank: which part?

Me: The part that he loved me

I said getting up i was upset now

Frank: Brother what are you talking about?

Me: You just don’t lie or cheat on someone you love…

I cleared my throat when i realised that i did the same to Kulungile

Me: I have to go pastor

Frank: Brother…

I walked away fast making sure he sees i don’t want to talk anymore.


Me: Thank You NoLast for coming. You have been so supportive throughout this journey with my tumour

NoLast: SingoMhleza (we are neighbours) we must support each other

Me: You are right about that

She has been visiting me in hospital and ever since i got home she comes two or three times a day. She is really a good neighbour. I cannot believe her daughter almost ruined our friendship. She walked to the door. Nontwayikho came and took the tray with cups

Me: Thank you. i enjoyed the coffee

Nontwayikho: You are welcome madam

She walked away. I saw my sister walking back. she left us when her phone rang

Nomahelegu: NoLast is gone?

Me: Yes she just left

Nomahelegu: That was Kulu he said he changed his mind. He is going to sleep here tonight

That is Good news when he called he said he was not going to sleep. i am happy he is going to spend a night here

Me: That is amazing. Nontwayikho! (calling for her)

She came to the living room

Nontwayikho: madam

Me: I want you to clean Kulu’s room! When he gets here i want him to find his room clean 

Nontwayikho: Is he on his way?

Nomahelegu: He said he hasn’t left Maclear yet

She smiled

Nontwayikho: i will finish in the kitchen and go clean 

Me: Okay dear

She walked back to the kitchen

Nomahelegu: It is such a relief that you will not have the stress of paying the medical bill

Me: Tell me about it. I am so happy my son is doing this for me

Nomahelegu: He is such a blessing sisi.

Me: That he is


I saw my mother walking in. She left two hours ago going to see Kulu’s mom. I haven’t seen her. I am really scared to face her after what i did to Kulungile. i know Kulu forgave me but i cannot be free until i get his mother’s lecture.

Me: Mom you are back?

Mom: Yes i need to go check my garden. I have been neglecting it ever since Mheza got sick

Me: How is she doing?

Mom: She is okay

I smiled

Me: That is good

Mom: what you did was a blessing in disguise. If you never told her about your suspicions about Kulu she would’ve never found out she had that tumour but that doesn’t make what you did right

Me: i know mom

Mom:  It has been a week now since you got the job when are you starting?

Me: Soon. They said they are going to send us sms. Are you ready to live alone? I will stay in a hostel with other trainees 

Mom: As long i know my daughter didn’t abandon me she went to work I will be fine alone

I smiled

Mom: So have you apologized to Kulungile?

Me: No he got arrested before i could

Mom: Great! he is coming home today and he will leave today. It is your chance to apologize again and thank him for the job

Me: Oh wow i am glad i will do it in person. I think our friendship will be back on track

Mom: yeah. I am happy he didn’t kill that woman. Kulungile is not Sanele. The only dangerous child next door is Sanele

Me: Don’t let Qaqamba hear you call her man a murderer 

Mom: Don’t tell me he still love that boy? Sanele is trouble

Me: I know he is trouble and she knows but she has a soft spot for him

Mom: I love Kulungile! He is a good boy Sanele is good locked up

I thought about the warehouse and the thug who kidnapped me. I smiled at mom

Me: Yeah

I looked away. Honest truth is they are similar. I don’t know who they take this from. But at least Kulungile is smart about whatever he does Sanele is a ruthless thug who has no conscience.


One thing positive about my move to Peace City was meeting Fred. This boy is a breath of Fresh air. I am not going to lie I feel bad that he was part of whatever I did to Nomgcwabe and Ntsika (may his soul rest in peace)’s punishment. That night I was so desperate and I knew my plan wouldn’t work if I had to go buy gasoline to burn them. I knew I needed help even thought I never like using my friends when I do something I know is not right. Take Star for example. She wanted to go with me when I was meeting station commander I knew that was not a good idea. I know my friend. She is a good soul. I am not saying I am bad but I believe whoever hurt me has to pay. Whatever action or decision one make there is always a consequence. I remember as a kid I knew that because my mother always told me that. As a little boy if I broke maybe a cup and mom wasn’t home

when I hear her car pull over outside I would run out and tell her mom I did this give me a consequence. I didn’t really know much about the word or what it carried but my mom always said Kulu whatever bad thing you do has a consequence. Whenever I did something wrong I asked for the punishment. I didn’t think when I get older I would live by that; I didn’t think I would punish anyone. I am a good person. I don’t enjoy hurting people but I learned that people enjoy hurting me so why should I care what I do when all I am doing is trying to make a name for myself? All I am asking for is a respect. I would never stab a friend in the back but I have knife wounds all over my back from people who called themselves my friends and you don’t want me to remind you what I did to avenge myself. Revenge is sweet but it never works for all of us. Sometimes it bites you back but only to fools. I carry my revenge well and I make sure I am the one laughing in the end. This is a lesson. Don’t take advantage of good people because you know they will not get you back just because they apparently have “good” hearts. We do get tired and snap and when we do things fall apart really bad. 

Anyway I was with this amazing friend of mine. It is very sweet of him to come see me in Maclear.

Me: Fred I am glad you came early

Fred: Oh yeah you are leaving right?

He said putting sugar in his coffee. The waiter brought two slices of cake for us

Me: Thank you

He smiled then walked away

Me: I have to see my mom 

Fred: Star told me everything. I am so sorry that must’ve been hell

Me: I thought my mom was dead. I thank the Lord for saving her

Fred: God is amazing and very mysterious if you ask me. Who knew Ntsika would be no more today?

Me: Fred it is sad. I know it is unbelievable coming from me but that was jaw dropping for me. I never expected him to die. I never expected any of them to die. I just wanted them to live and see the things they have done and maybe one day see reason and come apologize for all the things they’ve done to me

Fred: Yeah. Poor Nomgcwabe is lost. I can tell how broken he is 

Me: They say the poison was for him?

Fred: Yes the diva swiped plates and gave hubby the wrong plate

I shook my head taking my cup

Me: Todd is stupid. How do you cause harm to a Ndengana? Prince is royalty. He has a powerful healer

Fred: I should be asking you that! how did you pull the incident that can’t be mentioned when you know how powerful they are?

Me: I really don’t know friend. I guess I didn’t know how powerful they were until I saw them in action

Fred: What do you mean?

I sipped then put my cup on the table

Me: The other day the healer visited me I found him in my car and I don’t know how he got in

Fred: what did he want?

Me: Me to get back together with Prince

Fred: Oh wow he must be Prince Harry!

Me: Tell me about it! I told him to go to hell. He said if I cannot get back together with him he won’t stop Todd from finding out what I did to them. Apparently he was on his way to see a traditional healer. I am sure the poison he gave to Ntsika he got from there

Fred: Aren’t you afraid the healer might do something to you?

Me: Fred I am Notsukumetse and God’s son! God will not let no evil come to me

Fred: Amen

He said raising his cup. I took a spoon and started eating the carrot cake

Me: It is nice

Fred: It is. Anyway…

I looked at him

Me: Yes?

Fred: While I was with Nomgcwabe the drama Queen called asking Nomgcwabe to talk to you

Me: about?

Fred: About going to see him. He needs legal help

I sipped my coffee

Me: The audacity!

Fred: I know right! I mean you were arrested for what he did! why didn’t he go hand himself in?

Me: Good question Fred! Why didn’t he? Todd doesn’t deserve my help and besides representing him goes against all I am about.

Fred: Yeah

Me: Anyway I am curious…?

Fred: yes?

Me: Todd and Nomzekelo? What would make them hate each other to a point of killing?

Fred: Oh! Your ex told me. When your ex was told about Beatrice seeing the sex tape they started asking who knows about the affair 

Me: Wait… so Nomzekelo didn’t only tell Gordon about what she saw in the bathroom. She told or Confronted Nomgcwabe?

Fred: Gordon the guy you were fighting with and Star was talking about in the news?

My coffee is now cold. I downed it all

Me: Yeah that son of a bitch!

Fred: Well Todd thought Nomzekelo sent the video he killed her

I swallowed hard

Me: Oh shit

Fred: What?

Me: Somehow it is my fault

Fred: No! if they didn’t sleep with your man we wouldn’t have done anything!

Me: You know what? You are right!

He smiled. Fred and I talked about a lot of things. I will text him about Siya and Frank Drama. I feel like I will be late if I start that topic. I am not going to do anything to the pastor. But I must say what he said about Siya not saying he was dating that was disrespectful to Siya. And for him to be the one deciding when I am ready to move on? Like the hell? I am disappointed in the pastor. A gentleman doesn’t behave like that after sleeping with someone. He was being a jerk and I don’t want to think too much about it because if I do. I will go crazy and the pastor don’t want to see the little monster. I like pastor and I as friends. I don’t want to ruin it.


I was talking to Kulungile on the phone. I was very excited to get his call. He is a man of his words. He did say he was going to get out of jail yesterday or today.

Me: Hey it’s good to hear from you

Kulungile: i told you i will call and schedule an appointment

Me: I am sure Doctor Shirley told you i don’t care what time or day my patients need me. I am always there

Kulungile: That is why i called. Today i need to go see mom. When i got arrested she was in surgery. I haven’t seen her since

Me: I am so sorry. Do you know how she is doing?

Kulungile: I spoke to her she is fine. She got discharged yesterday in the morning

Me: That is amazing but it looks like she was struggling?

Kulungile: There were too many complications. She almost died

Me: God was there. I prayed for her when i found out you were arrested

Kulungile: Thank You. So i will see you tomorrow how is 7PM your house?

Me: Fantastic! I am looking forward to it

Kulungile: Bye doctor

Me: Safe travels

Kulungile: Thank You

He hung up. I heard a knock. I went to the door and opened

Me: Pastor Frank come in

He walked in. Oh God i hope he will not ask about Siya. Siya didn’t sleep here last night. I respect pastor and this thing going on between him and Siya i thought i was supporting it but i feel like it is going to be awkward all the time and i cannot take that. I think they should fix whatever this tension is and become friends and nothing more.

Frank: Sister Precious

Me: How are you pastor? Can i get you something…

Pastor: No i am fine.

Me: You don’t seem fine

He looked at the bedroom. Lord please he cannot ask where Siya is. I hate having to lie more especially to a man of God. I showed him the couch. He sat down. I did too

Frank: Sister Presh Ntsika died. We cannot just move on or act like this didn’t happen. Finding Prince at the church praying made me feel guilty that we are not doing anything to show support

I stood up

Me: Pastor what can we do? We cannot go to his house the man who was supposed to be his widower is in jail arrested for his murder. This is actually complicated! we are caught between whether to support or not to support two people who are both in the wrong here.

I turned and looked at pastor

Me: How do we support Todd who is evidently evil?

Pastor stood up and exhaled

Me: How do we go support Ntsika’s boyfriend when we both know he initiated all of this? He had an affair with a married man betraying his friend. Pastor my bible says there was one thing that broke Jesus’ heart. It was a betrayal of a friend. Yes Todd was wrong for doing all he did but he was betrayed by a friend

Pastor came to me and hold my hands

Frank: I found Prince praying and admitting his sins and praying for forgiveness from God and all those he hurt. We also have to pray because like you said we don’t know what to do. We don’t know who God would like us to support. I think right now only him can show us the way. Sister Presh let’s bow our heads and just ask for God’s guidance

Me: Amen pastor

Frank: Father God we come to you Lord. We are conflicted. We are heartbroken. We are lost. This is your city. You chose it and you gave it a powerful name

Me: Oh Lord 

Frank: You called it Peace City Lord. We pray for peace. We pray for your guidance. We pray for your love. We destroy cheating in your name!

Me: Yes Jesus!

Frank: We destroy betrayal in your name! we destroy fake friendships! We destroy all bad energy and lies!

Me: Hey holy spirit!

Frank: Father this town and your children are lost. We purify this town Jesus! We glorify your name Lord! We give you Glo…

I heard the door opened 

Me: Yes Lord

Siya: Stop!!!

That is Siya’s voice. Why is he interrupting our prayer? I opened my eyes

Frank: Father…

Siya: Stop it Frank!

Me: Siya!

He gave me death stare

Siya: You shut up! 

Siya looked at Frank

Siya: Wena tell her what you did!

Me: What is going on?

Frank: Siya…

Siya: Ye wena! Ungakulinge! Khuluma! (Hey! Don’t you dare patronise me! talk!)

I looked at pastor Frank. He swallowed hard


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