I walked all the way to the church. I left my car at home. I was drunk. I was a mess. I was crying. I don’t know if i did this to myself or to Ntsika. This man rejected me before but i never gave up on him. I just wanted him. If i never kept pushing that man would be alive today! Why did i do that? why did i want to get him away from his husband? I know i was concerned about his safety but i should’ve known that Todd would never hurt him. I was selfish and i wanted him to myself! I am a bad person! I think i am entitled to everything. Why did i think taking someone’s husband was a good thing to do? Why did i do that? how can i get between two people who loved each other? My selfishness didn’t even think about the child that was in the middle of this. I am the worst person on earth. I need to speak to God. I have to do this and i am sorry i had to do this drunk but i feel like it is time i faced the music and have heart to heart with the Lord.
I arrived at church. I walked to the front. I sat down then looked at the pulpit. I looked down tears falling on my thighs
Me: Dear God i come to you today because i don’t know who to talk to. I know I have sinned so many times ever since i came to this city. I know i did unholy things every day and even on Sunday. I cheated and i lied. My lies and all my betrayals caused people so much pain. I lost friends because of the things i did. I am all alone God.
I broke down
Me: Ntsika is dead. He ate poison that was meant to kill me. God i know if i didn’t date him he would be alive now. Ruining a marriage is the reason i am here today. It is the reason he is dead. I caused all of this and i had my ancestors to protect me but who did he have? He had no one. No One protected him. I am so sorry he died because of me. I hope he forgives me for what i did to his marriage and i am also asking for your forgiveness God. I am asking for forgiveness from all those i have hurt. I hope my friends are going to be forgiving and be able to give me another chance. I am asking all of this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
“Amen” said a voice behind me. i jumped up frightened. Oh It is the pastor
Frank: i didn’t mean to scare you. I just didn’t want to interrupt you.
He stood up then came to the front. I sat down again. He sat next to me then looked at the candles
Frank: He is listening. He forgives those who repent. You just repented. You owned up to your mistakes and all your sins are forgiven child
He said putting his hand on my shoulder
Me: Why did i do all of this? Why did i follow my heart knowing how many people were going to be hurt by my choices?
Frank: Prince no one is perfect.
Frank: I keep learning that every day. I sin too and i came here to pray and ask for forgiveness for what i have done because of temptations
I looked at him
Me: You also sin?
Frank: We are all sinners but we praise the Lord who forgives. He doesn’t hold grudges. Whatever i did i leant from it
He turned and smiled at me
Frank: I am sure you learnt from your mistakes too
I looked down
Frank: Let him Go. Release Ntsika in your heart. He was not yours and God took him because he was not yours
I looked up tears streaming down
Me: I loved him
Frank: I am sure he loved you too but you were not meant to be
Me: I doubt that
Frank: which part?
Me: The part that he loved me
I said getting up i was upset now
Frank: Brother what are you talking about?
Me: You just don’t lie or cheat on someone you love…
I cleared my throat when i realised that i did the same to Kulungile
Me: I have to go pastor
I walked away fast making sure he sees i don’t want to talk anymore.
Me: Thank You NoLast for coming. You have been so supportive throughout this journey with my tumour
NoLast: SingoMhleza (we are neighbours) we must support each other
Me: You are right about that
She has been visiting me in hospital and ever since i got home she comes two or three times a day. She is really a good neighbour. I cannot believe her daughter almost ruined our friendship. She walked to the door. Nontwayikho came and took the tray with cups
Me: Thank you. i enjoyed the coffee
Nontwayikho: You are welcome madam
She walked away. I saw my sister walking back. she left us when her phone rang
Nomahelegu: NoLast is gone?
Me: Yes she just left
Nomahelegu: That was Kulu he said he changed his mind. He is going to sleep here tonight
That is Good news when he called he said he was not going to sleep. i am happy he is going to spend a night here
Me: That is amazing. Nontwayikho! (calling for her)
She came to the living room
Me: I want you to clean Kulu’s room! When he gets here i want him to find his room clean
Nontwayikho: Is he on his way?
Nomahelegu: He said he hasn’t left Maclear yet
Nontwayikho: i will finish in the kitchen and go clean
Me: Okay dear
She walked back to the kitchen
Nomahelegu: It is such a relief that you will not have the stress of paying the medical bill
Me: Tell me about it. I am so happy my son is doing this for me
Nomahelegu: He is such a blessing sisi.
Me: That he is
I saw my mother walking in. She left two hours ago going to see Kulu’s mom. I haven’t seen her. I am really scared to face her after what i did to Kulungile. i know Kulu forgave me but i cannot be free until i get his mother’s lecture.
Me: Mom you are back?
Mom: Yes i need to go check my garden. I have been neglecting it ever since Mheza got sick
Me: How is she doing?
Mom: She is okay
Me: That is good
Mom: what you did was a blessing in disguise. If you never told her about your suspicions about Kulu she would’ve never found out she had that tumour but that doesn’t make what you did right
Me: i know mom
Mom: It has been a week now since you got the job when are you starting?
Me: Soon. They said they are going to send us sms. Are you ready to live alone? I will stay in a hostel with other trainees
Mom: As long i know my daughter didn’t abandon me she went to work I will be fine alone
Mom: So have you apologized to Kulungile?
Me: No he got arrested before i could
Mom: Great! he is coming home today and he will leave today. It is your chance to apologize again and thank him for the job
Me: Oh wow i am glad i will do it in person. I think our friendship will be back on track
Mom: yeah. I am happy he didn’t kill that woman. Kulungile is not Sanele. The only dangerous child next door is Sanele
Me: Don’t let Qaqamba hear you call her man a murderer
Mom: Don’t tell me he still love that boy? Sanele is trouble
Me: I know he is trouble and she knows but she has a soft spot for him
Mom: I love Kulungile! He is a good boy Sanele is good locked up
I thought about the warehouse and the thug who kidnapped me. I smiled at mom
I looked away. Honest truth is they are similar. I don’t know who they take this from. But at least Kulungile is smart about whatever he does Sanele is a ruthless thug who has no conscience.
One thing positive about my move to Peace City was meeting Fred. This boy is a breath of Fresh air. I am not going to lie I feel bad that he was part of whatever I did to Nomgcwabe and Ntsika (may his soul rest in peace)’s punishment. That night I was so desperate and I knew my plan wouldn’t work if I had to go buy gasoline to burn them. I knew I needed help even thought I never like using my friends when I do something I know is not right. Take Star for example. She wanted to go with me when I was meeting station commander I knew that was not a good idea. I know my friend. She is a good soul. I am not saying I am bad but I believe whoever hurt me has to pay. Whatever action or decision one make there is always a consequence. I remember as a kid I knew that because my mother always told me that. As a little boy if I broke maybe a cup and mom wasn’t home
Anyway I was with this amazing friend of mine. It is very sweet of him to come see me in Maclear.
Me: Fred I am glad you came early
Fred: Oh yeah you are leaving right?
He said putting sugar in his coffee. The waiter brought two slices of cake for us
Me: Thank you
He smiled then walked away
Me: I have to see my mom
Fred: Star told me everything. I am so sorry that must’ve been hell
Me: I thought my mom was dead. I thank the Lord for saving her
Fred: God is amazing and very mysterious if you ask me. Who knew Ntsika would be no more today?
Me: Fred it is sad. I know it is unbelievable coming from me but that was jaw dropping for me. I never expected him to die. I never expected any of them to die. I just wanted them to live and see the things they have done and maybe one day see reason and come apologize for all the things they’ve done to me
Fred: Yeah. Poor Nomgcwabe is lost. I can tell how broken he is
Me: They say the poison was for him?
Fred: Yes the diva swiped plates and gave hubby the wrong plate
I shook my head taking my cup
Me: Todd is stupid. How do you cause harm to a Ndengana? Prince is royalty. He has a powerful healer
Fred: I should be asking you that! how did you pull the incident that can’t be mentioned when you know how powerful they are?
Me: I really don’t know friend. I guess I didn’t know how powerful they were until I saw them in action
Fred: What do you mean?
I sipped then put my cup on the table
Me: The other day the healer visited me I found him in my car and I don’t know how he got in
Fred: what did he want?
Me: Me to get back together with Prince
Fred: Oh wow he must be Prince Harry!
Me: Tell me about it! I told him to go to hell. He said if I cannot get back together with him he won’t stop Todd from finding out what I did to them. Apparently he was on his way to see a traditional healer. I am sure the poison he gave to Ntsika he got from there
Fred: Aren’t you afraid the healer might do something to you?
Me: Fred I am Notsukumetse and God’s son! God will not let no evil come to me
He said raising his cup. I took a spoon and started eating the carrot cake
Me: It is nice
Fred: It is. Anyway…
I looked at him
Fred: While I was with Nomgcwabe the drama Queen called asking Nomgcwabe to talk to you
Fred: About going to see him. He needs legal help
I sipped my coffee
Me: The audacity!
Fred: I know right! I mean you were arrested for what he did! why didn’t he go hand himself in?
Me: Good question Fred! Why didn’t he? Todd doesn’t deserve my help and besides representing him goes against all I am about.
Me: Anyway I am curious…?
Me: Todd and Nomzekelo? What would make them hate each other to a point of killing?
Fred: Oh! Your ex told me. When your ex was told about Beatrice seeing the sex tape they started asking who knows about the affair
Me: Wait… so Nomzekelo didn’t only tell Gordon about what she saw in the bathroom. She told or Confronted Nomgcwabe?
Fred: Gordon the guy you were fighting with and Star was talking about in the news?
My coffee is now cold. I downed it all
Me: Yeah that son of a bitch!
Fred: Well Todd thought Nomzekelo sent the video he killed her
I swallowed hard
Me: Oh shit
Me: Somehow it is my fault
Fred: No! if they didn’t sleep with your man we wouldn’t have done anything!
Me: You know what? You are right!
He smiled. Fred and I talked about a lot of things. I will text him about Siya and Frank Drama. I feel like I will be late if I start that topic. I am not going to do anything to the pastor. But I must say what he said about Siya not saying he was dating that was disrespectful to Siya. And for him to be the one deciding when I am ready to move on? Like the hell? I am disappointed in the pastor. A gentleman doesn’t behave like that after sleeping with someone. He was being a jerk and I don’t want to think too much about it because if I do. I will go crazy and the pastor don’t want to see the little monster. I like pastor and I as friends. I don’t want to ruin it.
I was talking to Kulungile on the phone. I was very excited to get his call. He is a man of his words. He did say he was going to get out of jail yesterday or today.
Me: Hey it’s good to hear from you
Kulungile: i told you i will call and schedule an appointment
Me: I am sure Doctor Shirley told you i don’t care what time or day my patients need me. I am always there
Kulungile: That is why i called. Today i need to go see mom. When i got arrested she was in surgery. I haven’t seen her since
Me: I am so sorry. Do you know how she is doing?
Kulungile: I spoke to her she is fine. She got discharged yesterday in the morning
Me: That is amazing but it looks like she was struggling?
Kulungile: There were too many complications. She almost died
Me: God was there. I prayed for her when i found out you were arrested
Kulungile: Thank You. So i will see you tomorrow how is 7PM your house?
Me: Fantastic! I am looking forward to it
Kulungile: Bye doctor
Me: Safe travels
Kulungile: Thank You
He hung up. I heard a knock. I went to the door and opened
Me: Pastor Frank come in
He walked in. Oh God i hope he will not ask about Siya. Siya didn’t sleep here last night. I respect pastor and this thing going on between him and Siya i thought i was supporting it but i feel like it is going to be awkward all the time and i cannot take that. I think they should fix whatever this tension is and become friends and nothing more.
Frank: Sister Precious
Me: How are you pastor? Can i get you something…
Pastor: No i am fine.
Me: You don’t seem fine
He looked at the bedroom. Lord please he cannot ask where Siya is. I hate having to lie more especially to a man of God. I showed him the couch. He sat down. I did too
Frank: Sister Presh Ntsika died. We cannot just move on or act like this didn’t happen. Finding Prince at the church praying made me feel guilty that we are not doing anything to show support
I stood up
Me: Pastor what can we do? We cannot go to his house the man who was supposed to be his widower is in jail arrested for his murder. This is actually complicated! we are caught between whether to support or not to support two people who are both in the wrong here.
I turned and looked at pastor
Me: How do we support Todd who is evidently evil?
Pastor stood up and exhaled
Me: How do we go support Ntsika’s boyfriend when we both know he initiated all of this? He had an affair with a married man betraying his friend. Pastor my bible says there was one thing that broke Jesus’ heart. It was a betrayal of a friend. Yes Todd was wrong for doing all he did but he was betrayed by a friend
Pastor came to me and hold my hands
Frank: I found Prince praying and admitting his sins and praying for forgiveness from God and all those he hurt. We also have to pray because like you said we don’t know what to do. We don’t know who God would like us to support. I think right now only him can show us the way. Sister Presh let’s bow our heads and just ask for God’s guidance
Me: Amen pastor
Frank: Father God we come to you Lord. We are conflicted. We are heartbroken. We are lost. This is your city. You chose it and you gave it a powerful name
Me: Oh Lord
Frank: You called it Peace City Lord. We pray for peace. We pray for your guidance. We pray for your love. We destroy cheating in your name!
Me: Yes Jesus!
Frank: We destroy betrayal in your name! we destroy fake friendships! We destroy all bad energy and lies!
Me: Hey holy spirit!
Frank: Father this town and your children are lost. We purify this town Jesus! We glorify your name Lord! We give you Glo…
I heard the door opened
Me: Yes Lord
That is Siya’s voice. Why is he interrupting our prayer? I opened my eyes
Siya: Stop it Frank!
He gave me death stare
Siya: You shut up!
Siya looked at Frank
Siya: Wena tell her what you did!
Me: What is going on?
Siya: Ye wena! Ungakulinge! Khuluma! (Hey! Don’t you dare patronise me! talk!)
I looked at pastor Frank. He swallowed hard