Do i trust my boyfriend? Yes i mean why would he ask me to move in with him if he didn’t love me? it wouldn’t make sense but do i think he is capable of cheating on me? well yes! He is gay! With my experience i think this time the “stereotype” isn’t just a stereotype when it comes to this gender. Because of my past relationships it is hard for me to trust anyone but at the same time i know it is wrong of me to think the person i am with is like the rest but i cannot help it because the list of my exes i gave them a benefit of the doubt but guess what? They ended up being the same. You meet someone and tell them about your experiences in the past and they will tell you they went through the same and that they are tired of playing but just after a week someone said those word they just become the exact person you left. It is hard dating no let me put it this way. It is hard to be a homosexual. Those who found love are really blessed.
Anyway because i love this person so much and i don’t want my past affect our relationship i am willing to let go of my suspicions and forget what happened an hour ago. When i got to the bedroom i just laid on bed. I don’t want to lie i am tired and this bed is very comfortable. I am angry that i didn’t get to see the beauty of this house because of how angry i was. I saw Nomgcwabe walks in with my luggage
Nomgcwabe: I went to your car and took everything i hope you don’t mind.
I looked at him then stood up
Me: Thank you
Nomgcwabe: i am so sorry about earlier. I just got bored and decided to explore the city then i saw myself going to the beach
Me: It’s okay let’s just forget about that
I went to him and kissed him. He let go of the travel bag and put his arms around my neck. I put my arms around his waist and kissed him. He broke the kiss
Nomgcwabe: I missed you
Me: How much?
He leaned for a kiss i pushed him he fell on our bed i took off his pants he took off his undies. I climbed the bed i usually give him a head just to make him cum but right now i want my dick inside him. I am hungry. While going to his belly button trying to lick it and turn him on i couldn’t help but see his soft dick with a pre cum. What the fuck is going on? Anyway why is he not hard? Usually one kiss he is rock hard
Nomgcwabe: what is it babe?
He noticed how i was looking so closely at his dick
Me: Why do you have a pre cum?
He jumped up
Me: A pre cum on your dick!
Nomgcwabe: Maybe it is because i wanked before i left. I am so addicted lately
He said laughing. I stood there looking at him. He noticed i am not okay
Nomgcwabe: Come on baby what is going on?
Me: Nothing can you put my clothes where they should be?
Nomgcwabe: where are you going?
Me: I just need fresh air. I will just walk around
Nomgcwabe: Please don’t tell me you think i cheated! You can check my ass i haven’t had sex in weeks!
He came to me
Nomgcwabe: The last time i had sex it was with you. You are my boyfriend. The only one i sleep with
I faintly smiled
Me: Did you see your friends?
My eyes widened and he noticed that i was surprised by that no and how defensive he became
Nomgcwabe: I mean no you said we will see them together and we can do that in few days
Me: I will take that walk
I said walking to the door leaving him. I don’t want him to say anything. Something is very weird and i can’t figure out what it is and i will not be played for a fool. I don’t want to be violent to him. I believe if i were to punch him i would get the truth but i will walk away. I cannot be that guy. I refuse to be that guy.
What the hell is wrong with me? This cannot go on any longer! I cannot keep seeing Todd and Ntsika! I am not a cheating person and this shows! I am so sloppy! Cheating is not for me! my boyfriend knows i cheated. I have to make sure he sees whatever he is thinking is not true. I want him to question himself and fix his insecurities. We are not going to work if he doesn’t trust me and i will make sure i let him know if he questions me again but Lord i feel so bad that he knows i am lying and i keep making him feel like a bad guy.
Me: I am the bad guy
I said standing up wiping my tears he is not back from his walk i just finished putting his clothes in our closet. He has his side and i have mine. It is a walking closet. I don’t know how i am going to look at him right now. I feel like i am the biggest whore in South Africa. I need to stay away from that married couple. They are married! I am not married. I heard my phone beep. I went to it and opened the message then exhaled when i saw who is texting me. It is a dick picture from Ntsika captioned “You used to enjoy it remember? I deleted the picture then threw my phone away. I cannot believe this is happening right now. They are supposed to be my friends. They know i am in a relationship and that i might be with my man now why did he send me that? i don’t think introducing my boyfriend to them is a good idea. I will keep postponing and making excuses to my boyfriend. I am just happy next week i will start work.
I was talking to my friend Star on the phone. She just told me nurse Nton-nton has agreed to go on a date with her. I am happy for her i am always happy for all my friends well i don’t have many but one thing i can promise you is there is never a celebration this side. When i say this side i mean in my life when it comes to relationships. I was telling her about all this.
Star: Kulu i don’t understand why would he leave home and go to the beach knowing you are on your way! And the buttons sound so weird like why did he miss his buttons? It’s like he was caught having sex
Me: He had a pre cum and he tried to lie about it! I swear he is sleeping with someone
Star: That is disrespectful friend! And i am sorry but do you think Prince would sleep with another man while you are on your way there? Prince isn’t that stupid
Me: Star lomntu umke waya elwandle endazi uba ndiyeza! (This person left and went to the beach knowing i was coming)
Star: I would hate him if this would turn out to be true. No one is forcing him to be with you! he asked you to move in with him
Me: i don’t know what to do i want to trust this person. I want to believe that there are faithful guys out there that not every gay man is like my exes
Star: I know
Me: He is making it so hard for me i mean i will work over there! my firm is there and his office is here in Peace City. How am i going to stay away from him and trust him to be faithful to me?
Star: Friend you just have to believe that the man you fell in love with would never do you like that
Me: They have in the past!
Star: He is not them and besides every secret dark or blue they all have a way of coming out just trust your man if you want peace
Me: We haven’t laughed ever since i got here. I am just so angry
Star: I am glad you decided to walk away.
Star: I hate to ask
Me: Ask away
Star: Let’s say you find a proof that he is cheating what are you going to do?
He better pray that day doesn’t come because if it were to come i just cannot put to words what i would do. This man cannot ask me to move to this strange city only to break my heart
I snapped out of it
Me: Let’s just say if it were to happen i would run everything by you but promise me one thing
Star: What is that?
Me: You will lend me your ear i will just tell you what i will do you cannot stop me you cannot advise me i think all your advices from my last seven relationships prepared me for the next heartbreak
Star: Do i even have to ask what you would do when that day comes?
Me: Ask no questions buddy ask no questions
I hung up then looked at the sea and watched the waves. It would be sad to leave this beautiful city so soon. I turned and looked at our house
Me: That is why i am not going anywhere anytime soon