"I hope he uses a condom so that he doesn't give her any sicknesses! I'm telling you this is pure disgusting"

Those words echoed in my ear as I was busy preparing the lunch that Ndarha wanted me to do for his guests this afternoon but my concerntration was not at the best level. He promised me that I was the only woman that he is sleeping with other than his wife and I never really saw the need to get tested or anything like that because he gave me his word

Xolelwa: Are you alright?

I didn't even hear her walking in I was too much lost in my thoughts..

Me: I'm fine

I was busy marinating the chicken pieces so that we could grill them later on..

Me: How is she?

Her: She's sleeping.. Think she had a few glasses when we went out


Her: Can I help you with anything?

Me: You can cut the onion and green peppers for my beef stew

Her: Okay

I let a few seconds pass before starting the topic again..

Me: Xolelwa

She looked at me..

Me: You mentioned that your Father shouldn't bring your Mother any sicknesses.. You think he's sick?

Her: We don't know how many girls he is sleeping with and we not sure if he's using protection

Me: You think there's more than one?

Her: It's possible

That really worried me.. We continued doing what we were doing and Xolelwa started humming a certain song..

Xolelwa: Mmm... Mmmm..Pain!

You made me a you made me a believer believer.. Pain! You break me down you build me up believer believer.. Pain!.. Mmmm"

Me: What are you singing?

Her: I'm not sure just started hearing this song playing in my head

Me: That's unusual.. Ushiwa zinqondo (you going insane)

She laughed..

Her: Seriously I just heard it playing in my head

Me: Okay then let's get moving.. Time is not our side

Xolelwa: Just remind me to check up on her again after a while

Me: I'll remind you



"I was broken from a young age

Taking my sulking to the masses

Writing my poems for the few

That look at me took to me shook to me feeling me

Singing from heartache from the pain

Taking my message from the veins

Speaking my lesson from the brain

Seeing the beauty through the...


You made me a you made me a believer believer


You break me down you build me up believer believer


Oh let the bullets fly oh let them rain

My life my love my drive it came from...


You made me a you made me a believer believer"

That is one of my favorite songs that song got me through my darkest days. Days were I thought I was never going to make it.. I was in my studio playing music and smoking weed I was waiting for Jojo. We usually chill at my workplace on Sundays smoke weed drink beer and listen to music.. I saw his car pulling up I went and unlocked the door. He got out wearing his glasses and a cap no one is supposed to notice him because I am not ready for my family to track me down..

He walked in with a few cans of Heineken..

I locked the door behind him..

Him: It's flipping hot in here

He took off his glasses..

Him: Switch on the aircon

Me: Nigga you don't help me with my electricity bill because I am not ready for my family to track me down..

He walked in with a few cans of Heineken..

I locked the door behind him..

Him: It's flipping hot in here

He took off his glasses..

Him: Switch on the aircon

Me: Nigga you don't help me with my electricity bill the aircon is for my clients

He turned around and looked at me..

Him: How you holding up? You look good

Me: I am good.. And you?

Him: I'm good too

I went and switched off the music he put the cans away and gathered two chairs..

Me: Saw what they did to you with the awards man

Him: It's a messed up situation someone sabotaged me

I went and joined him..

Me: We know who did that

Him: Andicingi (I don't think so) .. Why would he wait this long?

I took one of the cans..

Me: Ya it's messed up

Him: How are things going with you? How is Lolitha?

Me: We good can't complain.. How is Nomfundo doing?

He shrugged his shoulders..

Him: She's good I guess

Me: I sense a bit of a problem..

Him: I don't know.. I feel like I should let her go I'm wasting her time

Me: Thought you loved her

Him: I thought so too but.. It's just about sex and her company same thing that's happening with Tashi. We once tried the relationship ish a few years ago and it never worked out we decided to be fuck buddies. The sex is great better than a relationship

Me: Have you ever loved any of the girls that you've dated before?

Him: No I don't think so.. At some point I thought I loved them but.. I don't know Man I don't know what's happening with me. It's more about the sex than anything else

I nodded..

Me: I think we both know what the problem is

He looked at me..

Me: Armani..

Him: Don't start Xols

Me: You know your heart belongs with her she was the very first girl that you've loved and I think those feelings are still there

Him: That was a long time ago.. Those feelings are no longer there

Me: Lie to me all you want but you can never lie to yourself that's why you don't wanna go home. Apart from Dad she's the biggest reason why you don't wanna visit home

Him: let me go and take a piss you better start rolling that joint.. When I come back we going to talk about you and why you don't wanna visit your Mom and your twin Sister

He drank his beer and then walked away..



Charmaine: I'm at the gate come and get me phela I am scared of your dogs

Me: Eish.. Did you get the bathing salts?

Her: Yes... Come and get me

Me: I'm coming

I took the remote for the gate and went out to get her. I was in pain my vagina was burning and it was very sore. So much that I couldn't even put on an underwear so I had a towel wrapped around my lower body.

Me: Bruno No!!

The dogs were at the gate busy barking at her they were waiting eagerly to taste her flesh should she dare walk in. These dogs are very vicious because Jojo feeds them meat only. They only used to Him Me the maid and possibly Tashi. Well they are used to her too because she's always here..

I opened the cage and instructed them to go in when they were in I locked it and opened the gate for Charmaine..

Her: Cishe ngathi ngiyafa la (I thought I was going to die)

Me: I didn't realize that he let them out today

She hugged me..

Her: How are you?

Me: I'm good and you?

Her: I'm good

We broke the hug..

Her: I hope Jojo won't get mad that I came to visit

Me: He is not a monster

We made our way to the house..

Her: Here are your things

Me: Thank you.. How much did they make?

Her: Together with the cream they made R220

Me: Okay I'll do an immediate transfer

She looked around..

Her: Jojo must be rolling in cash this house is beautiful and it looks expensive

Me: It is a beautiful house

She turned and looked at me..

Her: So? Rough morning?

Me: sort off

Her: Uzwa ubuhlungu ngaleyo ndlela? (Are you in that much pain)

Me: You have no idea

Her: Kanti why don't you just talk to him about this? It's not right

I cleared my throat because my voice was scratchy..

Her: He sounds like a sadist

Me: He is just dominant when it comes to sex

Her: Does he ever let you be ontop?

Me: No.. He prefers being in control.. Can I get you something to drink?

Her: I'll make us something to eat and drink.. Tell me something

Me: Yes?

Her: Was Jojo ever sexually abused when he was young?

Me: I don't know.. Why do you ask?

Her: He is showing signs that he was once abused when he was young

Me: I doubt.. He is a man and he has a big appetite when it comes to sex so it's normal

Her: It's not normal sex is a two way street you must also enjoy yourself or else you going to hate sex with all your heart because it's always painful

Me: I don't know Charmaine let me go relax in the bath.. Thank you for getting me the bathing salts

Her: Anytime little sis'



Him: How was it?

Me: It was good

He got up from the chair and made his way to me he put his hand on my shoulder..

Him: I am making you a man my boy I am making you a man

That was my step father praising me after he had forced me to have sex with my baby sitter. I was 13 years old and my first sexual encounter was with a grown ass woman. Prior to that his Sister used to molest me and she would also have me do things to her. It was our little secret I never told anyone about that and she also took it to the grave with her..

Xols: Here.. That's her now

I took her phone and looked at her picture I whistled..

Me: That's Armani?

Xols: That's her

Me: She's.. She's..

Her: Beautiful?

Me: Yeah she's very beautiful.. You have her on Facebook?

Her: Ya on my fake Facebook account

Me: Do you have more pics?

Her: Yeah sure.. I'll download them and send them to you via WhatsApp

Me: Or you can send me her Facebook name

Her: Her account is private you won't see anything unless you her friend


Me: I wonder how she is holding up

Her: Why don't you just go home and see how she is doing

Me: No..

Her: Why?

Me: I made a promise to her that I never kept and I'm sure she has moved on now she's better off without me. What we had is done it was a long time ago and I'm sure that she hates me

I gave her her phone back..

Me: She hates me

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