There's this spot at our local park that I used to go too when I needed to be alone with my thoughts. Back when my Grandmother used to kick me out a lot I would come here and chill until night fall. Just crying and wondering where I was going to sleep..

As always my depression was keeping me company negative thoughts were troubling my mind and soul. For the life of me I didn't understand why good people are the ones who are always suffering. For instance look at my cousin Thati. Her heart is full of evil but somehow everything of hers seems to workout. You should hear how she addresses my Grandmother at times she has little respect for her but still everything is going right for her. I don't understand why.

The book of ephesians 6 verse 1 states:

"Children obey your Parents in the Lord for this is right". The commandment "Honor your mother and your father" comes with a promise. The promise states:

"That it may be well with you and you may live long on earth"..(NKJV)

I have honored my Grandmother I have respected her even when she showed me nothing but hate. Not even her constant curses drove me to a point where I had to disrepect her anyhow but still nothing is working out for me.. As I was sitting there I saw Fezeka approaching. She's one of the few people who know about my spot. When hell breaks loose at home we would come here that was back when we were young and she used to visit a lot.. She sat next to me...

Her: I knew that I would find you here

I looked at the time and it was after 13:00 I've been chilling here for quite a long time now..

Her: I know that you angry

Me: You had no right

Her: I'm sorry

Me: Why did you do it?

Her: Because I'm tired of coming to visit here and always finding you in the same situation. Sandy you the only cousin that I'm very close with and I don't wanna come here one day to attend your funeral because you committed suicide

Me: I won't commit suicide

Her: You say that now but when the pain gets too much you will resort to suicide. There's a limit to what you can take. You in your 20s and nothing has changed whether you wanna believe it or not but you slowly but surely losing your sanity. One day you will snap one day nothing will make sense anymore and you going to hurt yourself

I wiped my tears...

Me: I'm just tired of everything you know

Her: I know

She exhaled..

Her: I know you want to make it out of this misery on your own for how long have you tried though? Menzi might be your ticket out. If you not seeking a serious relationship with him because you don't trust him then use him

I looked at her..

Her: Use him to better yourself make him your way out

Me: I don't know

Her: I was at home. The negotiations ended up being a success but Thati is still upset about what happened and you know damn well what's going to happen when you go back there

I thought for a while..

Me: I don't think Menzi is going to look at me the same way again

Her: He would be a fool to judge you what happened wasn't your fault


Her: Maybe when you make it you can find a good rehabilitation center for Xolani

Me: That's my goal

Her: I'm sorry for what I did

Me: It's okay I'll survive.. I've been through worse



I saw Modrid making his way to me I was having lunch outside in the garden.... He pulled the chair opposite me and sat down without saying anything for a while..

Me: We have been invited to dine with one of the DL members tonight at his house

Him: I won't be able to make it

Me: You have plans?

Him: Yes

Me: What will you be doing?

Him: I'm going to the Rising Sun night club with a friend

Me: So in lamest terms you forfeiting an important dinner to go out drinking with a friend?

Him: Not everyone is like you dear brother some of us have a life

Me: Modrid this is our life

Him: This is how you choose to live.. Don't expect me to do the same

I threw the napkin on my plate..

Him: You not even going to ask how she is?

Me: If I cared... I would

some of us have a life

Me: Modrid this is our life

Him: This is how you choose to live.. Don't expect me to do the same

I threw the napkin on my plate..

Him: You not even going to ask how she is?

Me: If I cared... I would but I don't care..

He didn't say anything..

Me: You are playing with fire Modrid we have a lot of enemies. Don't allow your heart to make you weak

Him: Falling in love is not weak

Me: It is weak and foolish! That's how your enemies get you! That's how they defeat you! They going to use her to get to you

Him: I can take care of myself and I can take care of her

Me: I forbid whatever relationship you wanna have with this girl

Him: You can't do that

Me: It's already done!.. It's either you abandon whatever feelings you have for her or I will make sure that she's taken care of

He got up..

Him: I wish that one day someone comes your way and you actually experience how it feels like to be in love then you will understand my feelings for Rebecca

Me: That will never happen to me I'm not weak

Him: Let's hope so

He took his glass from the table and walked away..



Rato: How about this one?

I looked at the price..

Me: Iyabiza (It's pricey)

She gave me a weird look..

Her: Are you forgetting something? One of the call girls "Mbali" is going to be at the Rising Sun. If you want her to even notice you then you need to wear something that's expensive. Ucabanga ukuthi she will notice you if you wearing something that's going to make you look like a cheap hooker?

Me: I need to buy this nje for ubusuku obubodwa? (I need to buy this only for one night)

Her: Did you hear what I just said?

Well at the end of the day I really need this I want to be one of the call girls..

Me: It's fine.. Ngizolithenga (I'll get it)

Her: Don't forget.. The Rising sun night club has a lot of rich guys. The amount of money that you spend on this dress you might get double before the end of the night

Me: Usho? (You think so)

Her: Yes

I nodded repeatedly while taking a deep breath..

Me: Okay.. Let's buy it

I'll have to risk this. Who knows maybe it might just workout. Maybe this is going to be my ticket to the rich life then when I have finally acquired my riches. My Father will see that I didn't need education to get ahead in life..



Fezeka and I walked back home. I wasn't going to sit there forever especially since it was very hot. I was already dehydrated feeling dizzy and having a slight headache from being exposed to the sun for far too long.. I thought that everyone would've let the incident go I mean the negotiations ended up being a success so we should be "celebrating" other than fighting. But unfortunately that wasn't the case everyone was still holding a grudge. Or should I say Thati my Grandmother and her Mother were still holding a grudge against me.. I was called to the bedroom where they were sitting. It was only my Grandmother and my Aunt. I didn't see Thati anywhere.. I sat down Fezeka wasn't allowed to join in..

I could see from their facial expressions that they were mad..

Mawe: Lento oyenzile ayikho right (What you did wasn't right)

I didn't say anything I know that if I say something it's only going to anger them more...

Mawe: What was worse about the situation is that you smiled ukubonisa nje ukuthi vele ukhohlakele (To show that you were evil)

Aunty: Yini? Bowucabanga ukuthi amalobolo womntwana wam angeke aphumelele? (You thought the negotiations were not going to be a success)

I still remained quiet..

Aunty: Abantu bacabanga ukuthi uwumuntu oright kanti ukhohlakele (People think that you a good person but deep down you evil)

Mawe: Kube ngiwuwe nje ngabe angisayi nasenkonzweni (If I was you I wouldn't even bother going to church anymore)

Aunty: uyafana nje noMamakho! Angeke waphumelela (You are just like your Mother you will never make it)

Mawe: God will never forgive you for what you did uThati is your cousin. She's family and you go and do this to her?

Aunty: Yini? Unomona ngaleyo ndlela? (You that jealous)

I shook my head no..

Mawe: As long as usese nale ntliziyo kohlwa angeke waphumelela (As long as you still have that evil heart you will never succeed)

I couldn't understand what I did wrong I didn't even say a word in the living room.


Write your opinion

Sithembiso Sithole 2019-08-21 11:11:45

Manzi what do you want from this poor girl Mara

Rozanne Smith 2019-08-21 10:43:22

Yazi uMenzi is just a butthole.Mxm

Xolo 2019-08-21 09:46:35

Eiy Nomsa shame. I feel sorry her though.

Thobeka 2019-07-15 08:18:30

Thnkx cc Presh ...poor sandy

Anna 2019-07-13 21:39:35

I love this. So touching

Nita 2019-07-13 15:55:23

Sandy is really strong to not have considered suicide... I'm loving it Thank u sis Presh

tema 2019-07-13 10:42:22

poor Sandy ........thanks Preshh