I woke up feeling like I am sitting on top of the world.
I reached out for Sonke but to my surprised I felt Yanda sleeping next to me.
I didn’t want to wake her up so I just laid in bed looking up at the roof in the dark.
I thought of Sonke the way he had made love to me the way he gave his body to me and brought me to cloud 9. He kissed me like he was never ever going to kiss me again. He held my body like it was the last time ever being with me.
I smiled as I thought of Sonke so much that I didn’t even realize I was shedding a tear.
I moved closer to Yanda and I cuddled her and tried to sleep but I couldn’t.
The room was so warm and I felt too much love in it I felt our babies present and I got too overwhelmed.
I imagined how happy Sonke and I with our kids before losing them and I just cried. I wanted him to be here with me and cuddle me. I missed him so much and I smelled of his cologne.
He gave me such great memories before leaving and I wanted it to last longer.
Yanda started crying because it was her bottle time I woke up and wrapped myself with a sheet and walked to the kitchen.
I was hoping I will find Sonke downstairs in the dining table but he was not there I warmed Yanda’s milk I walked back to the bedroom and gave Yanda her milk she held on to her bottle and drank it.
I laid there looking at her Yanda took so much of Sonke. Even her finger nails looked nothing like me.
I don’t know what I would have done if this was Marcus child. May his soul rest in peace.
I started thinking of that night I ended up having sex with Marcus.
It was so unplanned and God knows that it was not my intentions sometimes I feel like he took advantage of me and I fell for it.
I had just found out my kids are no more and Sonke was in in hospital for almost a month and I was still recovering. I blamed myself for everything and I don’t even know why I drove up to Marcus place when I should have just stayed in the safe house.
I got distracted with my phone notifying me that I have a text.
I didn’t even know it was here as I left it in my bedroom but then again maybe Sonke left it here.
I checked my phone and I had two SMSes. One was from my voice mail box notifying me I have a voice mail and the second SMS was from Sonke.
Sonke [Babe I am sorry I had to leave without waking you up you and Yanda looked so peaceful asleep. I have boarded and I will call you when I land. Please do as I asked and try to stay indoors all the time. There will be extra security at home and at our home and the office. If you need time out you can go stay at the Zimbali Holiday house I have changed the locks and the security is tight. I love you.]
I sat up re-reading the SMS over and over again. I missed my husband so much.
I dialed my mailbox and listened to his voice message.
“Sonke – Sithandwa Sami I am about to board should I don’t make it home just know that I love you and Yanda more than anything in this world. I will email you to log in to Skype when I land. mwah ”.
My feet literally felt cold what does he mean not make it back home? Kanti what is he going to do there?
I turned around to sleep on my side and Yanda had finished drinking on her milk and she was staring at me in silence. I smiled as soon as our eyes met.
I took her and laid her on my chest and brushed her back so that she could go back to sleep as it was still way too early for me to even prepare for work.
I think I fell asleep while trying to make Yanda sleep as I was woken up by Mamiki.
Me: Good morning Ma
Mamiki: I looked for you everywhere yazi
Me: Sonke tucked us in here
Me: I think we were just missing the kids
Mamiki: I know that feeling
We smiled at each other. She took Yanda and I woke up with the sheet still wrapped around me and walked to my bedroom. I got in to the in suit and took a hot shower. I got out and I blow dried my hair and then applied lotion in my body and then chose what to wear.
I decided to wear my formal pants with a shirt and baby heels I applied my eye liner and just lip stick and I went downstairs. Mamiki was just about to prepare breakfast but I told her I will eat at work since I was running late.
I took my car keys and ran to the garage I noticed Sonke’s Golf was parked in the garage so I decided to use it.
I walked back in to the house and looked for Sonke’s car keys and I found it on the top of the kitchen counter.
I took the keys and I walked back in to the garage and I got in to the car and drove to work.
Everyone was shocked seeing me in his car and him not being at work. When I got in to my office I called the canteen and ordered breakfast then I sent an email to management telling them Mr. Shange was out of town and should they have any emergencies they must contact me.
My breakfast got delivered I ate and then got back to work as we were still backlogged.
Around 1pm I went to the canteen for lunch then I went back and buried myself to my work. At 4.30 I logged off and drove home.
Mamiki and I prepared supper and we ate then I went to work from Sonke’s study since I left work early then around 11pm I went to sleep.
The next day it was the same as every mornings just that I wanted to stay in bed as I haven’t heard from Sonke and his phone was on voice mail.
On my way to work I decided to stop at a pharmacy and get myself a pregnancy test. Sonke and I have had sex over three times and I am no longer on contraceptives so I could be pregnant.
The thought of being pregnant gave me hot flushes and excitement Sonke and I would love another baby and Yanda could do with a brother or sister.
I stopped at the south way mall and got a pregnancy test then I drove to work. I had my breakfast and then tried working but I wanted to do the test but at the same time the place was not too idea as this was confidential.
I got an email and it was from Sonke asking me to log in to my SKPYE.
I didn’t waist anytime I logged in and greeted him. He read my text and then video called me.
I answered with excitement His background looked like a hotel room a posh hotel room and it was very big.
Sonke: My love
Me: I miss you and I was worried sick about you
Sonke: Sorry babe I am not using my phone here so we will communicate via skype or emails
Me: At least we will still communicate
Sonke: Have to babe How is my angel?
Me: She is good as long as her milk is there
Sonke: I love hearing that. Thank you for updating the staff that I am out of town
Sonke: I am so tired I am just preparing to sleep
Me: Oh I forgot about the time difference
Sonke: It is hard to adjust but UK is beautiful
Me: I can imagine
Sonke: We will come here soon I promise
Sonke: You seem down
Me: I am just thinking that its day 2 with 29 more days to go
Sonke: Hayi babe don’t see look at it that way
Me: I am trying not to
Sonke: I will skype you before I sleep babe okay?
Me: In the morning?
Sonke: I will try
Sonke: Sonke loves you okay?
Me: I know
I blushed and my cheeks turned red instantly.
Sonke: I have to go be safe.
Me: I will come home .
I wanted to say I love you but I just let it be as he ended the video call.
I sat just staring at the MacBook someone knocked on the door and Soni opened.
Soni: Sorry to disturb you but I am on half day leave today so I wanted to check if you will need anything before I got
Me: You are Sonke’s P.A Soni not mines
Soni: I just want to make sure that everything is okay
Me: Don’t worry if I am swamped I will holler.
She closed the door and walked out.
I realized just how much of a loner I am I have no friends at the office. Most of the time I am stuck in my office or out.
I decided to get back to work. The time flew by pretty fast as Soni left at 1pm and I left at 4.30pm. The first thing I did when I got home was run to my bedroom and do my pregnancy test. I waited patiently for the result but I was getting too edgy.
After five minute I checked it out but it was Negative. My heart broke as I thought I was pregnant.
I took the test and threw it in the bin and took a shower after changing in to my warm PJ’s I went downstairs and we had supper then I tucked Yanda in and then I worked till late.
Sonke Skype me before I fell asleep and we spoke for a little while and then I hit lala land.
The next two week were pretty much busy as I had to stand in for all meetings that Sonke had to attend I didn’t even have time to spend to Yanda as I got home after 6pm and by that time Mamiki would be preparing her bath and then sleep.
Sonke and I spoke twice a day in the morning and in the evening.
I was just looking forward for him to come home and we were just one week away.
The last week of the month I started gym again as we were less busy at work and we were now working normal shift as I had replaced the two HR Managers.
Yanda and I spent a lot of time and bonding together which gave Mamiki a lot of time off. On that last weekend we went to visit Sonke’s mom and she was happy as we decided to stay over for the weekend.
On Friday after work I went home and took Yanda with our overnight bag and drove in Sonke’s golf to Inanda.
Sonke’s mom was already expecting us so we settled in on Sonke’s outside building and then we went in to the main house for supper.
Sonke’s mom ordered Pizza with coke so it was a chilled evening Cee-Cees baby was too grown I had a huge bond with it and I got a long more with Cee-Cee rather than with Sisanda.
She didn’t like me and I really didn’t care.
Around 11pm I took Yanda who was still wide awake and we went to sleep the next day Sonke’s mom said we are all going out for movies so I wore my mini tunic which matched Yanda I wore my gold sandals and Yanda used hers with baby shoes.
Around 11am we were all driving out I drove with Cee-Cee and our kids while Sonke’s mom drove with Sisanda and her two kids.
We got to gateway round 11.30 and we decided on which movie to watch which was starting at 12.30pm we purchased popcorn then headed to IMAX. Around 2pm the movie ended so we went to Rocca Mammas for lunch then we shopped a bit. We decided to order Spur and bought wine and then drove home to Inanda.
We got home around 6.30pm Yanda and I took a bath and then went to join the rest of the family in the living room.
Mom warmed the food and we ate while drinking wine.
I hadn’t spoken to Sonke since Friday night and I was begging to stress as he did not mail me and I was logged on Skype the whole time on my phone.
The kids finally fell asleep so it was just the four of us in the house and we were half tipsy including Sonke’s mom.
Mrs. Shange: I was thinking of changing my furniture
Me: That is a good idea the Sofas are now wearing off
Sisanda: It’s funny you noticed your husband notices nothing in this house
I didn’t respond to that comment.
Cee-Cee: We can sell the old one or have it re-polished
Sisanda: What do you know we need new from the box and Sonke must pay for it.
Mrs. Shange: No Sonke has done so much in this house he revamped the house and got me a ca. maybe the two of you should change the furniture since you guys are working now
Sisanda: Hayi Ma all my money goes to my kids Sonke does nothing with his money
Mrs. Shange: Now you are being selfish
Sisanda: I am not Sonke killed the love of my life. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if he didn’t
Cee-Cee: Sisanda Don’t
Sisanda: It’s true. Sithembiso and I loved each other.
Me: Sonke didn’t kill Sithembiso
Sisanda: What do you know? Awazilutho wena
Mrs. Shange: How could you? After all that Sonke has done for you and your kids this is how you thank him? And to top it all you claiming to have been in love with a married man who was about to take a second wife? I raised you better than this
Sisanda: I was going to be the second wife
Me: Lisa was going to be the second wife right now she inherited half of what Sithembile owned because he put her on the will.
Sisanda: That is not true
Mrs. Shange: Why do you think Vuyo was so hurt?
Sisanda: Because she lost a husband
Me: And broke
Sisanda: You guys just want to hurt me
I woke up and took my last sip on the wine in the glass and walked upstairs to take Yanda and I came down and opened the door. I stopped and I walked back to Sisanda.
Me: Sonke loves you and wants nothing but the best for you. It is so sad that you consider him to be a murderer when he works so hard every day to make sure you live the life you deserve.
I looked at his Mom and Cee-Cee
I walked out and went to the outside building I unlocked the door and then locked it back and put Yanda to sleep.
I took my phone out and tried calling Sonke on Skype but he didn’t answer. I broke down and I cried.
I missed him so much and right now I have to fight battles that are true just to make sure his name is not dragged on the mud.
I think I fell asleep cuddling a pillow as I was woken up by Yanda crying for her milk.
I woke up and gave it to her and she helped herself.
I checked on my phone and I had a text from Sonke on Skype.
Sonke – Sorry babe I overslept.
Me – I can’t sleep. I miss you.
I left my phone aside and tried sleeping but it rang right away.
Sonke was video calling me so I switched side lamp on.
Me: I missed you
Sonke: Where are you?
Me: Inanda we came over for the weekend
Sonke: Wow even when I am not around?
Me: Yes we missed grandma
Sonke: I am happy to hear that. You don’t look okay
Me: That’s because I just woke up from sleep
Sonke: You’ve woken up next to me a million times and you were never like this. Yinindaba?
Me: I was just missing you so I broke down a lil
Sonke: I will be home soon babe
Me: I am already counting the days
Sonke: I have to go
Me: Okay. We will speak later
Sonke: Yes love.
We hung up and I cuddled a pillow again until I fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning and took a shower and bath Yanda as we had to get ready for church.
By 8.30am we were ready Mom knocked on our door and I opened. She looked stunning as if she was going on a date.
Mrs. Shange: Seni Ready?
Me: Yes Ma
Mrs. Shange: Come let’s eat breakfast quickly
I took Yanda and we walked to the main house I fed Yanda porridge ad I had a fruit salad then we drove to church.
Cee-Cee drove with me and the kids while Sonke’s mom came with Sisanda’s kids. Sisanda didn’t come to church so I felt a bit better as I was not in the mood of facing her.
After church we stopped at Bride city and I got Sonke’s mom grocery I also shopped for Sisanda’s kids and Cee-Cee’s child and both Mrs. Shange and Cee-Cee.
We then had lunch at Spur then we drove home.
Mom prepared supper while I packed as Yanda and I had to leave that evening.
I had no intentions of coming home to cook as Mamiki was only going to be back on Monday morning.
Sonke’s mom made dumbling and tribe it tasted like it was out of this world I even took some home as I couldn’t get enough of it.
I said my goodbyes and I left.
Sisanda and I avoided each other the whole of Sunday until I left for home. I realized that the security that Sonke hired followed me until I got home and they parked outside the house while some were parked outside Sonke’s home.
Yanda and I took a bath and we snuggled together in bed.
I woke up the next morning to Mamiki’s SMS telling me she was going to be late with five hours. I had no choice but to prepare Yanda to go with me to work.
I packed staff that she will need and carried her rocker and baby sleeper. I carried extra blanket and I made extra food for her and lunch for myself and we drove to work.
When I got to the office everyone was dying to carry her and she enjoyed the excitement around her.
I logged in at work and did my work while she stayed at reception around 11.30 they sent her up as it was almost her nap I changed her nappy and placed her on her pram with her dummy and she fell asleep.
I did my work around 1pm I ate my lunch and the HR ladies took Yanda and they only brought her back at 4.30 just when I was preparing to leave. The security helped me with moving everything in to my car and I drove home.
Mamiki was home already and the home had an amazing aroma and I knew she cooked my favorite pasta.
I bath while she took care of Yanda then we had supper and cached up with how our weekend was then we called it a night.
Sonke didn’t Skype me so I assumed he wanted to surprise me by being home in the morning.
My sleep broke in the middle of the nigh and I felt miserable I walked downstairs and I opened the fridge trying to see what I can take to ease my body up.
The only thing that caught my eye was castle light I opened a can and I drank it and damn it tasted fine. Ice cold.
I went back to sleep feeling fresh.
I woke up in the morning with the boobs sore as fuck and I just knew my periods were around the corner and they were long overdue.
I woke up and massaged my boobs and then showered I decided to wear a dress with sandals.
I walked downstairs and mummy’s angel was learning how to eat on her own. I took a photo of her and emailed it to Sonke. Mamiki had a nice greasy breakfast made so I dug in and ate almost for two.
Mamiki: You have a big appetite hey
Me: I think I am excited that Sonke is probably on his way
Mamiki: Kuyenzeka lokho. I love seeing you eat
Me: Thank you ma
I woke up and kissed Yanda and said my goodbye to Mamiki then I drove to work.
Work began as always and I got right in to it but I noticed that I was not myself my body was just not normal. At first I thought of the periods coming along but then I thought what if I could be pregnant.
I have never craved for beer before and also eat almost for two at breakfast.
I started getting excited but I didn’t want to have my hopes high cause the last test came out negative.
I managed to get that idea out of my head after work I went straight to La Lucia at Clicks and I got myself three pregnancy test.
I got Yanda a few toys and Mamiki chocolate as I was craving it then I drove home.
I got home and Mamiki was cooking grilled T-bone steak with veggies. I got hungry right away.
She told me supper will be ready in 20 minute which gave me enough time to do my test and shower.
I took Yanda with me and left her on my bed and went to do the test I ran the water while I was at it as I craved for a hot bubble bath.
I heard Yanda cry out loud as it someone was pinching her I ran out naked and Yanda was lying on the floor because she fell from my bed.
I picked her up and I rocked her till she was quiet I put her on her rocker and took her to the bathroom so I could see her while bathing.
I checked on my pregnancy test and it was positive.
I got so excited that I started spinning around the room I got down on my knees and I started praying and thanking God that I am pregnant Yanda assumed that I was playing with her but I let her enjoy the moment.
I took a bath than changed to warm PJ’s. Took Yanda and we both went downstairs for supper and Mamiki had the table set.
I said grace and I started eating and enjoying my food.
I was so excited that I wanted to tell Mamiki but I wanted to be sure I have seen so many woman who experience a false alarm. Get excited only to find that you not even pregnant.
Mamiki: I am happy to see you in this mood
Me: I am happy to be in this mood
Mamiki: So when Sonke comes back nizolungisa izinto?
Mamiki: With God’s grace my love
Me: Amen Ma.
After dinner Mamiki and I prayed and then we tucked Yanda in and I went to sleep. I left my MacBook and phone on should Sonke try to call me. I couldn’t wait to tell him such good news.
I overslept the next day as I was woken up by Mamiki knocking on the door I woke up feeling like I have been hit by a truck. I thanked Mamiki for waking me up.
I checked my MacBook and phone but there was no missed calls my heart broke even more.
I walked in to the shower and I took a hot shower I wore my tunic dress with baby heels. I bow dried my hair and applied a bit of make-up then I went downstairs.
I was not in the mood for breakfast but I was hungry as fuck so I ate the amazing breakfast Mamiki made and I said my goodbyes and drove to work.
I stopped at the garage to fill in the patrol and then drove to work.
I started off my day and worked through-out the morning.
I decided to call Dr. Lumnia for an appointment she told me she was fully booked but she can squeeze me in for Friday lunch time appointment.
I accepted it.
I ate lunch in my office hoping Sonke will call.
I decided to leave a message for him on Skype.
Me – Babe Please text me when you get a chance. I miss you.
I left my phone logged on.
I walked until it was time to go home.
The next day I did not hear from Sonke and it felt as if I am falling in to pieces it really killed me as there was nothing I could do.
I texted JT.
Me [Hey JT I am trying to get hold of Sonke and I am failing at it would you perhaps have a number I can get hold of him on or maybe king’s contact number?]
I left my phone aside and waited patiently for JT’s respond.
At 4.30pm I went home with no hope of even talking to Sonke I missed him so much and I hoped he will call.
I got home and took a shower with a broken heart and I tried eating supper but my throat was just sore but I managed to get it down.
Mamiki told me Yanda had a running stomach and it had no intentions of stopping so can I get transport for her to go to the pharmacy to get something for her I told her I will.
I sent Soni a text asking him to get one of the drivers to come to my home as I needed a ride.
I went to bed and my phone rang with a number I have never seen before Trucaller Said it’s a number from Uganda so I answered as it could be Sonke.
Sonke: Hi Baby
Me: Oh My God you are fine
I left out a relief breath.
Sonke: You worry too much
Me: How can I not what are you doing in Uganda?
Sonke: Long story babe we are not based in one country
Me: Kanti when are you coming home?
Sonke: I should be at home this coming weekend?
Sonke: Yes love.
I got so OOC in my head I wanted to scream so badly.
Me: I can’t wait.
Sonke: Same here
Me: Yanda got a running stomach
Me: Mamiki think its teething
Sonke: My angel I miss her so much
Me: She is fast asleep futhi
Sonke: First thing I will do when I get home is lock us in doors the whole week
Sonke: Yes the boss
Me: How is king?
Sonke: Siyefana nje this travelling around is exhausting and dangerous
Me: I know Please be careful
Sonke: Ngiyitostsi babe nothing can happen to me
Me: I know
Sonke: Baby I have to go I don’t have any signal here so I will not be on Skype till we move to another country but I will try to call you with every chance I get
Me: Okay babe
Sonke: Bye babe I love you.
He hung up just before I could tell him I love him but hearing his voice made me the happiest girl alive
I laid in bed thinking of how happy he is going to be when he hears that I am pregnant.
I rubbed on my stomach trying to figure out how far I was. I think I dozed off as I woke up the next day with my alarm buzzing.
I switched off and I checked on my phone and I had a text from Jt.
JT [Hey Angel I don’t have any number I can call him on he calls me from phone booths which I am unable to call back or trace back. They should be home soon xoxo.]
I replied to her saying “Thanks lets meet soon’’.
I woke up and took a shower and wore my formal pants with a shirt and baby heels and I walked downstairs I had breakfast with Mamiki and then drove to work.
Soni sent a driver that took Mamiki and Yanda to the pharmacy with the security.
I worked the whole day and I left work at 5pm as I had a few signs off on Sonke’s behalf.
When I get home Yanda was feeling better then how she was in the morning whatever Mamiki gave her was working.
We ate supper and then we slept the night. The next day Mamiki told me she was going for a church service from Friday till Sunday so I had to be home early today so she can leave.
I went to work and around 12pm I drove to St Augustine medical center. Dr. Lumia was already waiting for me when I arrived.
Lumia: Mrs. Shange we meet again
Me: Almost every year
Lumia: I can see
Me: We are trying again for another baby so I think I am pregnant.
She took out my file and went through it
Lumia: Your daughter is how old now?
Me: 10 Months
Lumia: Okay that is perfect. So I will assume things are good in your marriage?
Me: Yes we survived that hell of a time
Lumia: You guys are strong I wish most couple will fight for their love the way the two of you did
Me: It is not easy cause we still have our ups and downs
Lumia: As long as you pray and love him through it all
Me: I do that.
Lumia: So have you done a home test?
Lumia: And any signs of feeling pregnant?
Me: Me apatite is huge and my nipples are very sensitive
Lumia: Okay let me do a scan instead. Please follow me.
I followed her to the next room where I changed in to those hospital gowns and the I laid on a bed she applied gel and then checked on her scan if there was anything in my stomach.
I tried looking but I just saw an earth ball in black and white as if I was going geography.
She spent a few minute looking through it and then looked at me and smiled.
Lumia: You are indeed pregnant My scan tells me that you are around 5-6 weeks pregnant.
Me: I knew it
Lumia: But I am struggling to see how many fetus are there but you are definitely pregnant.
Me: So I could be having twins again?
Lumia: Possible just that the fetus is a bit big to be one and for its age but it could be a big fetus
Me: Like my daughter she is big
Lumia: She is not big Mrs. Shange she is just a happy baby
We both laughed.
Lumia: I will schedule you for my next appointment next month we will definitely be able to see then how many babies we are having
Me: Yeey this is good news. I am so happy
Lumia: I can see
Me: I can’t wait to tell my husband
Lumia: Is he at work?
Me: his out of the country but he will be home this coming weekend
Lumia: That is great
Me: His been gone for a month and I miss him like crazy
Lumia: With the two of you I am sure the feeling is mutual with him as well.
Me: I never got to thank you for suggesting Dr. Graham ever since we started seeing him things have been better
Lumia: I told you he is good at what he does
Me: Thank you
Me: Let me not keep you
Lumia: And I have a long day ahead
Lumia: Well it’s my money
I changed in to my clothes and walked to reception I picked up the vitamins she suggested I take and then I drove to work with the biggest smile on my face.
I got straight to work when I got back and I left the office at 3pm. Mamiki was ready to leave when I arrived so I drove her to the Umlazi rank in town and then I drove to Musgrave.
Yanda and I went to mug and bean for dinner then we shopped a bit as I needed lingerie to welcome my man back home. I shopped a woolies and the got a few dinner staff and desert and then we drove home.
I ended up sleeping with Yanda in my bedroom as I was too lazy to keep walking up to my room and then her room as I had to keep checking her temperature and if her stomach is not runny.