The road had a lot of mist so I had to keep bright headlights on.  The road was empty and quiet as it was an early Sunday morning.

Baby Yanda was busy crying in the back and I had no intentions of trying to make her stop. Tear were just flowing through my eyes I Felt cold as I was using Sonke's white shirt with nothing underneath.

My heart was shattering. I felt so broken and it was beyond any heart break I have ever felt. I just didn’t know what to do.

I drove with a 160 speed on a free-way all I wanted was to get home and put my baby Yanda to sleep so I can try and think because i couldn't  even think to save my life.

My stomach grumbled as I was hungry Yanda cried until she fell asleep as there was no more sounds of her crying. I looked at her on the rear-view mirror and she was sucking on her dummy fast asleep I don’t even know where she found it but I was happy she was asleep.

I looked around the car for my phone but I realized I left it at the holiday house I hit the starring due to the frustration that aroused and that caused the car  to swerve a bit until I managed to get it back on track.

I took a deep breath in and then drove as fast as I could I loved my car as I couldn’t feel that i was speeding. That was a joy of owning a SUV.

My heart was so sore I tried to stop crying but I couldn’t my heart was shattered that I didn’t even want to think about what happened a few minutes ago. All that was in my mind was what happened the night before. The moment Sonke and I shared. I was so convinced that we are starting our lives over and making new great memories.

It was not that long until I drove in to my house I parked the car in to the garage and I took Yanda..

I unlocked the house and got in to the house and reset the alarm as it was still way too early.

I went upstairs and changed Yanda’s nappy and left her in my bed I changed in to my sweat pants and T-shirt and then got in to bed and I snuggled with Yanda in my arms and I broke down in silence.

I didn’t want to wake Yanda up but I was just too vulnerable that I could not hold myself from crying.

I cried for over an hour until I felt hot with a bursting headache.

I left Yanda on the side and I walked in to the in suit and I drank Two Pills of pain killers then I went back to bed and I laid on the bed trying to fall asleep.

All I could imagine was Vuyo in that Bikini she had on she looked absolutely stunning with her flawless body. I woke up and walked to the en suit mirror and I looked at myself in the mirror. I was chubby with wide hips and un-even skin tone. I sat on the bathroom floor and I just cried once again.

Was this some sort of pay-back from Sonke because of what I did? Was this a way of telling me to get the hell away from him? What was it because clearly it was planned judging with the shock Vuyo displayed on her face when she saw me.

I heard movements downstairs and I started panicking No one was in this house except for me. So who could be in my house?

I walked in to the bedroom and I walked out closing the door behind me so no one would know Yanda is in the room. 

I heard a voice calling out my name and to my surprise it was Sonke’s voice.

I walked back in to my bedroom ignoring his cheating ass.

It was not that long until he budged in to our bedroom He was using his sweat pants and sweat top He was breathing heavy as if he just ran all the way from Zimbali.

Me: Keep it down my daughter is sleeping.

Sonke: Can we talk?

Me: I don’t want to talk to you

Sonke: Listen I don’t know what Vuyo had planned but I was not part of it.

Me: How did she get in to the house? How did she even know where you at? How did she even know you living there?

Sonke: I can explain that if you could just give me a chance.

Me: No there is nothing you can explain Sonke you have made your point and thank you for humiliating me the way you did to your hoe*

Sonke: Inkinga Yakho ukuthu uvele ufune ukulwa I am telling you that nothing is going on between Vuyo and I. 

Me: How the fuck does she know you are at Zimbali?

Sonke: She came through when she had a business proposal.

Me: From business proposals to having pool sex? Fuck you

Sonke: I don’t like the way you are treating me right now.

Me: I don’t like the way ongijwayeza kabi nezifebe zakho First Philile Lisa Sam and now Vuyo? Go fucking kill yourself.

I pushed him out of the way and opened the bedroom door and walked out I knew he was following me judging with his footsteps that followed me.


Sonke: Lethu I have not touched anyone from the day I moved out I want to make things work with you and I meant everything that I said last night.

Me: I want you to pack everything that is yours get the fuck out of my house.

Sonke: Haibo This is my house to.

Me: You made the decision on leaving this house with me the moment you moved out to be with your hoes so don’t test me

Sonke: No YOU don’t test me

Me: Let’s see

Sonke: Don’t act like the victim here.

Me: With all that you have put me through sleeping with Marcus has been one good thing out of this marriage.

I had no idea where that came from but I saw stars as he slapped me. I stood there staring at him. He stood there staring at me and he just walked away after that incident.

Me: Go |Vele I need you gone out of this house.

He walked out of the house |Vele I need you gone out of this house.

He walked out of the house I sat on the stare case and I started crying.

He walked back after a few minutes with Yanda’s bag he left it on top of the table along with my phone.

Sonke: I am going to say this and say it once to you I am not fucking with Vuyo.

I didn’t answer him and he dint seem like he is interested to even hear me say anything. he walked towards me and walked up the stairs.

I sat there trying to put one and two together but I was still confused. How did Vuyo get inside the house? Why did she just rock up naked? With champagne?

Maybe she knew I was there with Sonke and just wanted to ruin everything or maybe she and Sonke planned it but Sonke forgot to tell her I came through or maybe her didn’t tell her and she rocked up to surprise him.

I walked up the stairs and I opened my bedroom door and I found Sonke packing some of his clothes in to his gym bag.

Me: So it true?

Sonke: I am tired of your accusations Lethu you the one that cheated in this marriage and almost fell pregnant with another man’s child and as far as I know it was one of the best thing you had but you made it clear to me that i was not and will never be.

Me: That is not true

Sonke: You said that a few minutes ago didn’t you?

I realized just how fucked I am but I couldn’t bring myself in to apologizing.

Me: You cheated numerous times and I still stayed

Sonke: Did I force you to stay?

Me: No I stayed because i loved you and  because I wanted to raise my family with you

Sonke: Okay I am leaving because you asked me to leave.

Me: Really Sonke??
Sonke: Yes.
Me: Fine Then get the fuck out of my house.

I walked out to the lounge I felt to upset that I walked up and down and then I walked to the bar and I grabbed a bottle to Gin Tanqueray and drank it down skoon. I took a deep breath in as I felt my body was about to break down. I started trying to wipe tears out of my face.

Sonke has never taken anything I said so serous he is actually really moving out apart from the separation we already have?

I sat on the bar stool and I tried to think of a way I can’t let Vuyo keep my man. Never.

I walked out to the lounge and I started looking for his car key I found it on the kitchen counter and I put in on the back pocket of my pants.

I went to the bar and I came back with the bottle of Gin and I went to add ice from the kitchen and I poured some in to the glass with a tiny bit of water and I sat on the couch and I started drinking.

Sonke came down after my second glass and he looked at me and shook his head.

I didn’t entertain him but I just continued drinking. He came back looking for his key but he didn’t find it so he walked to me.

Sonke: My car keys

Me: So you leaving

Sonke: Look at you its still the morning hours and you already wasted

Me: Fuck you

Sonke: If you don’t get your act right I am going to take LuYanda from you and you will never have excess to her.

Me: What?

Sonke: Now give me my damn keys

Me: You asshole

He walked up to me and pulled me with my hair and searched for his car keys and he found it in my back pocket and then he threw me on the couch.

Sonke: I will pick Yanda up on weekends with Mamiki make sure she is ready.

Me: You will regret this

Sonke: You told me to leave

Me: Yes fuck off from my house

Sonke: You swearing me again

Me: Yes I said fucking leaving my house.

We looked at each other I took a couch pillow and I threw it towards him and he caught it.

Sonke: I don’t know you.

He walked away and disappeared in to the kitchen entrance after a while I heard his car drive off in a speed.

I grabbed another couch pillow and I cuddled it.I left the Gin aside and I started crying.

What a year to be alive at not so long ago we were happy and now we are really going to divorce.

I took the bottle of Gin and threw against the portraits that’s were on the wall the bottle didn’t break but the portraits fell. I walked to the kitchen and took out a one liter bottle of still water and walked to my room and locked myself in.

I stayed there until Yanda woke up I made breakfast for her and fed her then I cleaned the mess I created and then I bath and sat on the couch with Yanda watching cartoons.

I thought of Sonke and the beautiful night we had I realized we didn’t use condoms so u had to get morning after but then I thought of how beautiful it would be to have his child. It’s not like I need him because I can raise my child on my own without him.

My phone kept ringing from the dining table but I had no intentions of standing up and walking to there just to answer the phone.

Yanda sat in that position for hours even though she was irritated and wanted me to keep carrying her Mamiki arrived just after 4pm and she prepared supper. I told her I was not really hungry and I will stay in for the next few days if she wanted time out she can take it. She didn’t decline it and told me she will visit her cousin in Newcastle for a few days and I must call her when I am back to work.

I made a smoothie and she tucked Yanda in and I went to bed.

I didn’t go to work that next week I called in sick and had my phone switched off. I even unplugged the cable of the landline phone and made sure I kept all card in the garage and made sure I stay indoors.

Yanda enjoyed having me around even though I felt miserable I ended up not even buying the morning after I was supposed to buy I just let things be.

Over the weekend I drove to stay in my apartment I went to visit home and Mathema was too happy to see me. I didn’t tell her anything but she could sense that something was wrong. I ended up calling in sick the next week and I stayed in SmallVille. I left the cars parked in Virginia and used a cab as I didn’t want Sonke to know my whereabouts. I don’t even think it worried him that much he probably thought I wanted attention.

To be honest I had never seen Sonke that pissed off and not hit me there was something different about him. I was so used to him hitting me but this time around he didn’t waste his energy on that. A part of me felt that he cared about me a lot more than he did before.

On Sunday I decided to go back home Mamiki was already home which made me happy to see.

I told her Sonke had moved out and that I don’t know where our marriage is at this stage she made sure that we pray and asked me to go back to work or Sonke would make sure I don’t get paid and do something drastic nje to get to me.

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