NTOMBI I have been in hospital for a week now and Bonga had been nothing but an angel. Maybe he could see that he had gone too far this time. It is almost as though he had returned to his old self the man that I fell in love with five years ago. He was getting praises from the hospital staff down to complete strangers but he has always been good at showing the public a kind him. My bedside table was filled with flowers from him and sweet treats from Sindi. If I was not a prisoner I would have been friends with Sindi. She seemed like a nice young girl and is about to start her first year. Hearing her speak about all she will do at university hurt me not in a jealous way but in a way that reminded me that I might never get to that point. A beautiful young doctor was assisting my doctor I am guessing that she is doing her internship. She smiled when she saw me. Dr Zim: “You are looking good. The swelling on your face has gone down your open wounds are closing and you do not feel as much pain when we press your ribs. Dr Jones and I are very happy and I sure you will be happy to hear that you are going home” she said and even did a happy dance. I could not help but smile suddenly her happiness rubbed off on me Me: “Thank Dr Zimkhitha. I'm still in pain so if you still want to keep me here I'll understand” I tried my luck because I didn'twant to go back home. Dr Zim: “I've never heard anyone say the doctor can prolong their stay at a hospital. Do not worry you are good enough to go heal at home and this is a state hospital meaning this bed should be offered to someone who needs it more” Me: “I understand. Hold old are you if you dont't mind me asking”. Dr Zim: “I'm 26” she said with a smile. She is only three years older than me yet she is a doctor. Me: “I lost my ID and Matric certificate to a shack fire. I'm wondering how much it will cost to replace both?. I would love to go back to school but I can not apply without those documents” I asked her because after Bonga admitted to starting a fire that not only destroyed my documents but also the shacks of twenty more families I no longer believe him. Dr Zim: “I'm so glad to hear a young black woman wanting to go to school I'm already proud of you Ntombi. Well there is a fee you have to pay to get both” she said while examining my rib area. Me: “I have been trying to save but I could not get thousand of rands to...” Dr Zim: “What?! Who on earth told you it costs that much? It is only a few rands. I estimate the cost for a new matric certificate to be about R105 and for an ID about R140. The nice thing is that you can go to Home Affairs and get a temporary ID for about R80. It will help you apply for a new certificate while you are waiting for your new ID” she said with such patience. I was shocked that the costs do not even amount to R500. I guess I'm not as smart as I thought. I believed that bastard for years. I felt like a dumb bum. I am sure Dr Zim thought so too. Me: “Let's say that I have the money. What is the process?” DR Zim: “Go to the nearest police station. Ask to have a affidavit written to you. In it you will tell what happened to your documents. Once you get that you go to home affairs with your R80 for the temporary ID and the R140 for the actual one. You should get the temporary one immediately go make copies of it then go back to the police station to have a copy certified. Now with that copy and your R105 you can go apply for a new certificate. It can be done online now. You will send the money to their bank. Once you have done that send the certified copy of your temporary and the proof of payment to the email address given on their website. I can help you get their banking details and email.” she said with a smile. I have never heard anyone explain something to me with such care and patience in their voice. Me: “Thank you so much DR. I have clearly been misled by my neighbour when he said it would cost me thousand. I was a fool for believing it too” I said and faked a laugh. DR Zim: “No one knows everything. You at least are smart enough to ask what you do not know. I am happy to help a another young woman take control of her future” she said with a smile. Me: “Thank you so much. Uhmm please do not tell my boyfriend. I want to surprise him when I have all the new documents.” I said with a fake smile on my face. If Bonga knew about this conversation he would kill me for thinking I am smarter then him no one can be smarter than the great Bonga. He even disagreed with doctors on occasion on what was good for me. DR Zim: “It stays our little secret” she said while “zipping” her lips. “What does he do your man” she asked with curiosity. If only she knew that I do not know the answer. After he left his factory job I do not know how he makes his money. Me: “He is a security guard at a steel factory” I lied and hated myself for it because she has helped me so much. Dr Zim: “I'm guessing you stay at home?” she asked and I nodded. “Any kids?” she asked a bit more. I shook my head. She let out a sigh of relief. Me: “You seem pleased with the second answer” Dr Zim: “I'm sorry to make it obvious but I really am. You are not working your boyfriend I presume does not get much. Go get your education find work or start a business perhaps encourage him to go to school too for better job opportunities. Once you have achieved that get married and then have kids. I know life does not always go according to order but try not to get distracted. You seem like a woman with a good head on her shoulders. I want you to get out of the drug manifested shack life that caused you to have a fractured rib and find a better place for yourself. Never and I mean never depend on a man. I am sure there are reasons for you depending on him now but do not let it be a permanent things” she advised. Why was she not my older sister? She was so easy to talk to. I felt special because no rich person has spoken to me with such respect not that I've met many rich people but I know most would look down on me. Me: “I don't want to depend on him forever either. Thank you so much for showing me kindness DR Zim. I know you don't have to and that you are tired but thank you for showing me kindness" we both smiled. Dr Zim: “I'm a women's woman. To see other women win is a win to me as well. Well girl since you are a home executive” I laughed at how well she described me being a good for nothing. “What?! It is what women who man the house are called. Some underestimate the role I laughed at how well she described me being a good for nothing. “What?! It is what women who man the house are called. Some underestimate the role but I can not even boil water so I respect women like yourself” she said further. I laughed even more which caused pain in my injured rib. Me: “You can not boil water?” she laughed and covered her face with her hands. DR Zim: “I tried to cook pap for my boyfriend and I burnt the water. Poor guy had to cook himself” we both laughed so much. Some of us are useless at home things so we hide behind "I'm a feminist I don't need to cook for no man when I bring more beacon than him home" she said in a strange nagging tone and we both laughed again. I could see myself being friends with her but I would never fit into her circles. I'm sure it's full of other doctors lawyers and other professionals. Me: “If you need any lessons I am available” I joked. I knew that would never be possible. DR Zim: “Oh my goodness I have just had a good idea. I can't cook and I want to know how especially the traditional Xhosa dishes since my boyfriend is from rural Eastern Cape so should we get married I don't want to make an ass of myself when I have to do makoti duties. Here is the offer Miss Poti. You teach me how to cook on my off days and I pay you that way you can raise the money for your documents and for the application and registration for your university journey. What do you say?” she asked with enthusiasm. Me: “Uhmm...” Bonga walked in before I could think about an excuse to give to the good doctor. "I was just joking Dr. I'm too impatient to teach anyone" I added before Bonga reached my bedside. He came with a fresh bunch of flowers and kissed my forehead. To the outside world we area happy young couple in love with each other. Zimkitha excused herself and left us alone. At least he could not do anything because I'M sharing a ward with five others. Dr Zim picked through the blue curtain which gave me privacy to tell us she is about to sign my discharge forms and disappeared again. Bonga was so excited. I thought he would whisper hurtful things to me but he was sweet too sweet actually. He asked how I was feeling. I made my injuries sound worse than they were. He apologized and I do not even know if it was sincere. The nurse helped me to the bathroom to bath. I put on the clothes Bonga brought after I was done. We walked to the reception area. It could not keep up with him. Dr Zim told him to wait for me in the car that she would try to get a wheelchair for me and push me out herself. He listened and went out. I guess he knew that I would not speak the truth. The wheelchair came DR Zim gave me another packet of pills. “This could be the remedy for a healthier and brighter future” she said while putting the pills in my hand. I did not understand what she meant but I thanked her for everything. She had to go help a senior doctor so she asked a hospital porter to push me out. I looked at the white plastic pack and realized it was not pills but small papers. I took it out quickly to look at it. It was print outs of the process I should follow to get my documents and also her business card. I flipped the card and at the back read “YOU CAN DO IT!!!”. I smiled put the papers back in the packet and put it in my bra. Her offer was a great one but I could not accept it. Bonga comes home at the most random moments at times and if he someday found me gone when he returns all hell would break lose. Bonga stopped us and came running towards us. He told the porter that he would push me to the car and bring the wheelchair back. He did not have a car so I'm guessing that he borrowed it from a friend of his one of those good for nothing friends. We got into the car and drove home to our four room RDP house. I was so excited about the possibility of me getting a new ID and Certificate but the way to go about getting them was so risky. We got home and expected him to bring out the monster that he is but he did not. He put me on the couch and offered to make me tea. He came with it and put it beside me and knelt in front of me. Bonga: “Love I'm sorry for hurting you to a point where you had to go to hospital” he said while planting kisses on my hands. Me: “It is not the first time you hurt me to a point where I had to seek medical help. The first time was when you kicked my abdomen so much that it caused a tear in my womb and because of that I will never be able to carry children to full term yes you have gone way to far this time Bonga. You are no better than the devil I ran away from back at home” Bonga: “Well about the womb there are other options. We get another woman to carry our babies. I first have to save because it is not cheap but my focus now is saving for your ID and Certificate again. I'm sorry for burning them in the first place. I just feared that you would leave me for an educated man when you are educated. I've gotten R2000 so far soon I will have enough. Me: “You think I'm a foo...” I cut myself short before I could finish speaking. “You make a fool of me because you will use that money. I cannot live like this Bonga. Rather give me that money so I could go back home” Bonga: “I will change Ntombi. I will go seek help to help me with my anger. This pain of being an orphan is too much and I am still angry at my father for killing my mother and then himself. I will go get help. Please do not leave me” he said while burying his face in my legs and wept. Me: “This is the last chance Bonga. I will not wait for you to do to me what your father did your mother. Bonga: “Never! I'm not that monster. I love you too much to kill you. I'm sick Ntombi and I need you to help me heal. You are my only hope. Please don't leave baby. I'll try my best to change.” he said sincerely and a part of me believed him. To think that I almost told him I know about the real prices of the documents. I accept his apology partly I will accept it fully once he tells me the truth and then give me the money to go do what I I want. He kissed me with his tobacco breath. It made me want to throw up. How did I tolerate it all these years? His hands were all over my body for the first time after a very long time. The thought of him having sex with me disgusted me even more. The thought of sex with anyone was not appealing actually. I pretend like I was in a lot of pain. I feared that he would force himself on me. It has never happened but I have read stories about women being raped by their partners. He stopped and said he is going to buy some fish and chips around the corner. Should I be glad that he is at least not a rapist? I took his tea and pored it in the pot plant on top of our coffee table. His apology sounded sincere but it does not mean that I can trust him again. He really did have a tough upbringing. To live with the pain of knowing your mother died because of your dad is enough to traumatise ant child. I can not leave him now that he is willing to seek help. Maybe he will be the well put together Bonga he was before the drinking smoking cheating and abuse. We are both from broken homes and so that makes us both be broken beings. Can two broken people heal each other? So far it seems more damage rather than healing has been done. Perhaps him seeking help is the first step healing from his past traumas and healing our relationship.

Write your opinion

Mukololo Lorna 2019-03-18 11:00:57

eish women we can be so stupid sometimes shem, why don't you leave him, there are orphanages and church shelters, go and start ur life elsewhere mxm

Zenani 2019-01-27 16:04:29

Live him plz next time you will die