Author: Nonkosi Makhosi

Discovering Real Love

One

“Abusive relationships are like a bad drug you know it is bad for you but you have a really hard time escaping from it” read the magazine that I held in my hands. I had never read something more true. It further gave advice on how a woman in an abusive relationship could free herself. It is so easy for those who have never been in one to say “leave him” when they do not know the complete story. The thing about being in an abusive relationship is that it requires you to lose your friend your family your dreams your dignity and so much more. My abuser played his cards right. He made sure that I do not have anyone but him to lean on. When we arrived in Cape Town we lived in a worn out shack the opposite of what Bonga promised. That should have been the first thing that made me head back to my father's house but between his smooth explanation and the fear of going back home I did not go back. He showed me around but not so much because he said it was too dangerous. The skwatta camp life was a different life to that I saw in books about Cape town. I decided to stop wanting more because I had a man who put food on the table and was kind to me. I kept on nagging Bonga about university applications and he kept on having excuses another red flag that I ignored. Bonga took me out to town for the very first time about six moths after moving in with him. I finally got to see the Cape Town that I saw in pictures it was so beautiful. I did not ask him why he decided to finally allow me to come with him to town because it was apparently dangerous but he just said it was because he loves. Those words were enough to make me stop asking questions and enjoy the day. When we went back home we were greeted by a devastating our shack had burnt down. All my important documents that I needed to apply at university were gone. When I asked him what we would do he said I should not worry that he got us an RDP house to live in. It was as though he had prepared for the fire. I did not care about the shack only my papers. Bonga told me that it would take thousand of rands to get new ones so I needed to wait until he had saved up enough money to pay for it. I was patient and understanding. It has been five years and still nothing. My prince charming also turned into a monster about three years ago. I was sitting and reading the magazine when I heard the door creek he was home and my mood went from neutral to completely down. I no longer enjoy this relationship. I love him but he is not the man I thought he was. It first started with forbidding me from going to visit neighbors then he started hurting me with his words and then the beating started. I've been thinking about my life and I've concluded that I am meant to be abused. I snapped out of my sad thoughts when I felt the Megazine hit my face hard. I looked up to face him and he had a look of disgust on his face. Bonga: "Why haven't you cooked anything?" he said while pointing at the kitchen. Me: "I'm on my periods Bonga and you know that my period pain are ten times worse since...since... " He aggressively pulled me up from the couch. I looked into his eyes and I saw pure hatred in them. He hated it when I talked about the reason why my period pains are unbearable because he knew that he was to blame for it. I waited for him to do whatever with me because it seems to boost his twisted ego. Bonga: "You had better go into that damn kitchen and cook me some food because it's your face that lands on a hot plate. If I'm not eating in an hour you will see flames literally" he said while tightening his grip around my arm. Me: "Dinner will be ready soon" I managed to say in a low tone. Bonga: "Aren't you forgotting anything?" Me: "I'm sorry for disrespecting you by not cooking in time Bonga" I said still looking into his dark eyes. He let go of my arm by pushing me towards the door. I flew into it and had to use my hands to hold on to the frame or my face would have surely kissed the door and not in a good way. I was in real pain but to avoid conflict I had to do as told. We have plenty of leftovers that I have frozen but he won't eat it. I took out the pots and the ingredients I'll need and started cooking. He came into the kitchen and took out a beer in the fridge. I hated the smell of it in fact I hated the smell of Bonga. It was a mixture of tobacco sweat and beer. He was no longer that good looking man that I knew he had grown a potbelly which made him look like a frog because he was now a slender man with a big beer belly. Perhaps he was always ugly but the love I had for him blinded me. I became nervous every time he was too close to me because I never knew what to expect. What I'm grateful for is the fact that he stopped having sexual desires for me he prefers to buy from escorts. I can't imagine him touching me now. I'm sure I'd bath over and over again and even that would not be enough. I also think sex is overrated. I've only had it with him and not once did I enjoy it not even when I was madly in love with him. I continued to cook when I heard a soft knock on the door. He rushed to open because he fears that if I get too close to anyone in our neighborhood I'd talk about the hell behind our closed door. He opened and Sindi our neighbors came in. Sindi: Good evening love birds. I hope I don't disturb your cooking. Ntombi I brought you these. It's the University booklets you asked for. I got one from UCT UWC CPUT and I'll get more soon. I wish you all the best with your application. Bonga: Thank you Sindi. I will have been trying to get her to go to university because I'm willing to give her everything she needs. This time I'll apply for her myself. Sindi: "Hold on to him sisi. A man who supports your dreams is a keeper. Let me go I also left pots on the stove" she said while laughing. Bonga: "I'll also encourage her to visit you. This one loves locking herself in this house" he said jokingly and Sindi laughed. If only she knew that I get threatened to stay indoors. He even buys our groceries himself. I no longer get cash. I thanked Sindi and said goodbye and left. Bonga didn't even wait for her to reach the gate when I felt a the back of his hand land on my cheek. I met the floor with such ease because I have gotten thin I no longer have a curvy hour glass figure. I laid on the floor blinking my tears away trying not to show weakness. Bonga: "You are slow for a girl who claims to have been an A student. I burnt that damn shack down on purpose. You think you can go to school with my money and then think you're better then me by marrying some lawyer after I made you something. You will remain the nothing you were when I found you. I'm not going to pay for you to get replacement documents. Me: And you will forever remain a coward. Only a coward does what you do. You hit on defenceless women you are afraid to have an educated womam by your side because you know the real nothing here is you" I said while sobbing. I did not get to say much more because he was on top of me before I knew it. He was dishing out fists on my fragile body like never before. He has hit me before but never like this. This time he hit me until my body got numb. My vision became blurry. I thought I was going blind. He finally stopped when he realized that I'm no longer responding. I then passed out. I woke to the feeling of a finger brushing my hand. I could not even move it because I knew it was Bonga's. My entire body was sore literally all of me was in pain but the pain outside did not compare to that which I felt inside. My step mom hit me but never to this point. I should have stayed home clearly Nomvula was a better devil. I opened my eyes and got greeted with the sight of Bonga crying his eyes were red. Sindi went to stand behind him. Sindi: "Ntombi how are you feeling? I can't believe that those nyaope boys did this to you in your own yard" she said in concern. Me: "Nya... Bonga: "Yes baby. You were going to take our clothes off the line. I got woken up by your cries because I must have passed out due to exhaustion. When I came out you were filled with blood and two boy ran out of the yard into the bush in front of the house" he sobbed. Sindi: He was in such a state shame. The people could not find those bastards who did this. We will though and they will be sorry. I'm just glad you're alive. Had Bonga not not woken up and come out we would be saying something else. You have a man Ntombi yho" she praised Bonga. Me: "Where did you find me?" I asked because I remember what really happened. I looked at him and he pretended to be sobbing too much to even speak. Sindi: "Bonga found you by the washing line. They took your phone and grocery money that were in your pocket. He tried to fight off those boys but they ran away. He then called out for help. The clothes on the line were scattered and some filled with blood. We quickly called an ambulance. You've been out since yesterday" said Bonga's newly self appointed spokeswoman while the "pained" boyfriend wept crocodile tears. I can't believe that this man took me out back to our washing line took some clean clothes made sure some had my blood on it and then played the caring boyfriend. If only Sindi and other people knew that they were helping the suspect get me to hospital. I'm even afraid that some innocent drug addicted boys might be blamed. In our neighborhood they necklace some allegedly thugs or beat them up. Somewhere someone's child might get killed because my coward of a man can't take blame. Me: "You're getting better at coming up with excuses for your deeds. I have to admit this one tops it all" I said while laughing in disbelief causing my rips to feel more pain. Bonga: "Listen bitch. One word about the truth to Sindiswa or anyone and I'll do far worse than this. I said I'm sorry now get over it and when the doctor comes say you want to be discharged" he said in a low hissing tone while pointing his dirty finger at me. Truth is I am scared. I'm scared of telling people the truth just like I was when Nomvula hit me. They always threatened that the next beating will be worse and I feared that. I want to talk but I can't. I'm not brave enough and I've got nowhere to run to. The doctor came in and said there are no internal injuries only a fractured rib which will heal. I told him I'd like to get discharged but he did not have non of that. I could see the anger in Bonga's face. The police also came for a statement. I confirmed Bonga's story. They wanted me to describe the boys but I said I didn't get a chance to look at their faces as it all happened so fast. I was not about to describe a person who really exists and have them be victims of mob justice. They might be addicts but those boys have always treated me with respect. I could see that the female cop didn't believe me. I'm sure my eyes were crying out for help. It's said that the eyes are the window to the soul after all and my soul was filled with darkness and pain.

Write your opinion

Rooi 2019-01-30 07:07:32

WOW!

Zenani 2019-01-27 15:48:07

Bonga is filth he will rot in hell for this

ntoer 2019-01-25 20:38:07

wow this bonga guy is bad news n I don't like him at all