It's actually funny that I've been in love only twice the whole 26 years of my life and both times left me miserable. Ndabuko made me forget about my taxi rank lover that got away he took me out of that misery and introduced me to a new one. I have blocked his number because I can’t handle the pain of seeing him online and not speaking to me. I guess Khosi was right all he ever wanted was to have me on bed and I was stupid enough to fall for every word he said. Even the- “I'll be here always.” I thought he was real he even brought the ancestors and dreams to cement his lie. I'm so dumb.
Andiswa is all dolled up and smiling on her phone from ear to ear. Just watching her blushing makes me envious of her. I may be against the relationship but I love how happy she is and somehow I wish I had experienced this for once in my life.
“We are not chatting about sex” she says and I realize that she caught me staring at her. People always misjudge me I'm not that uptight.
“I wasn't staring because of that” I say and join her on the couch. 12pm seems to be far I can't wait to get out of Durban even if it's for two nights only I want to break free from these agonizing feelings that are caging me in.
“Any luck in finding someone to work on the yard?” I ask.
“He'll start Monday” she says.
“Hopefully this time you're bringing someone legit. I can't believe you let Ndabuko fool us into thinking that he was poor and desperate.”
Her eyes shift from the phone and she looks at me with a frown creased on her forehead.
“Mngomezulu? How did he make us think he is poor?”
Are these news to her? Yes she doesn't know half of the story but now we both know that Ndabuko faked his identity.
“He didn't mention that he owns taxis duh!” I say.
“Who doesn't know the Nkabanhle Taxis? Have you never seen Mngomezulu at the taxi rank in Verelum or Tongaat?”
She knew him all this time?!
“No!” The last time I went to a taxi rank was probably three years ago.
“Oh well.” She goes back to her phone and her face brightens up as messages beep in.
Why am I attracted to taxi men? That place is my source of pain. I've had so many suitors who are in the same industry as me. Why can't I give someone different a chance?
I know that Andiswa is just waiting for me to leave and then she'll either go to that boyfriend of hers or invite him here. I've been advised to be gentle and open-minded about their relationship; young girls are like sand if you squeeze too tight they slip out bit by bit. I pack my bag and change into leggings and sneakers. This week has been hard I'm scared to even look at my face on the mirror I'm sure it's evident of everything I've been going through.
Khosi calls and says the car is driving towards my house. It's one of the “hunks" she invited to come with us there's no fun if you're driving so the guy is in charge of the travelling.
“Please keep my house clean” I'm indirectly telling her not to have sex on my couches. She gives me a thumb and watches as I put my hat on and exit with my bags.
I don't know if this trip will achieve its purpose it has taken me years to get over “him" and it'll probably take other years for me to get over Ndabuko but I'm looking forward to the fun.
Resort Sani Pass hotel we are finally here. I've managed to down three glasses of wine and still remain in my “dark mood." I think I was already set up with someone he's been asking me useless questions and trying to chit-chat. I'm only friendly and entertaining this crowdy company for the sake of Khosi. If it wasn't for her I'd be on bed already and going through my emails.
“I wish to come to this place again with just you” he says.
Excuse me but…
“Who are you again?” I ask.
“Ade” he says and smiles.
I notice that he has silver grillz. Yeap I'm only seeing this two hours after meeting him.
“Can you take that thing off?” I ask.
“Do you hate them?” He's still smiling. Honestly I don't have any business hating his decorations and style I'm just curious because I've seen rappers wearing this thing.
“No. Can you take it out yourself or you need a dentist?”
“I can take it off” he says and attempts to take them out. I block his hand and shake my head. This whole trip is about me getting loose and having fun. Kissing someone with silver grillz all over his teeth has never crossed my mind. I even survived the “gold tooth” pressure in high school. But today is all about burying the real Ndondo the uptight one who get depressed over taxi men.
“Do they taste metallic?” I ask.
He smiles and cocks up his eyebrow. He doesn't look bad. All Nigerian men don't. They're the epitome of African masculinity mostly. He's very tall I have to lift my head up to see his face. His espresso skin reminds me of the first man I fell in love with. Even though Ndabuko is fair than them I think dark men are attractive. But that doesn't mean I'm falling in love with this man remember I only give my heart to men who are associated with taxis.
“You have to taste them to find out” he says.
I catch a glimpse of Khosi's face sitting a few feet away from us with the twins and other guys. She cracks a brief motivating smile. I refill my glass and shift my attention back to Ade.
“Why did you leave your country?” Gosh I sound so xenophobic.
“I mean it's the richest country in Africa” I say to support my distasteful question.
“South Africa is the most developed. There's so much political violence where I come from surviving is a struggle and like many other African countries there's a high rate of youth unemployment.”
I nod my head. I like how calm he is as he explains this. Obviously I have other useless questions I'd like to ask like; where is Davido and why is religion such an issue back in Nigeria…the Bokomo Haram?
“Are you married?” I ask.
“I wouldn't be here if I was.”
As if men care about their marriages.
“I need my throw. It's getting cold here” I say and empty my glass. He needs to read between the lines and follow me inside the room.
“Let me go with you. I need a bathroom” he says.
Clever boy! I heard they start school at three years and finish high school around twelve. Nigeria is blessed.
And then who is this guy coming out of my room looking all shaken up?
“Do you work here?” I ask.
He nods his head fast before I can even finish the question. He is wearing some white overall thing so I guess he's not lying.
“Why he looked so scared?” I ask as I walk in the room. My bags are on the floor something I'd never do in my sane self.
“Because you're intimidating” Ade says. He's still standing by the door also looking frightened. I'm drunk for Christ’ sake! How am I intimidating? And I haven't said anything to anyone in fact I'm the friendliest person alive.
“Didn't you say you needed a bathroom?” I ask him.
“I did but right now I need you more than I need a bathroom.”
I smile and wink at him. How flattening? He needs me more than he needs the bathroom. Finally someone is choosing me over something.
“Come here Igbo man. Are you an Igbo?” I ask.
He's in front of me after only taking two steps that's how tall he is.
“A Yoruba man” he says in a seductive whisper as he stares down at my face.
I think I love Yoruba men.
“Let me taste the grillz” I say and hold his neck down to me. He smells so heavenly something that makes a man kissable.
Yes they taste metallic now how about his lips? Aren’t they just soft and delicious?
He releases a moan and pushes me backwards. I don't have the usual urge to push a man away instead I'm pulling him closer to me and allowing him to push his tongue to my throat.
Eeh? What's this hard thing poking me now? It feels huge even inside his pant.
“Don't worry I'm not doing that” he says as he breaks the kiss. I hold his stare and wait for him to talk.
“However I'd like to help you release some of this stress. You're too beautiful to be unhappy” he says.
“Meaning?” I ask.
“Helping you blow off before we go for dinner” he says.
“Blow…blow job?” I ask.
“You love the sound of that don't you? Let Ade take care of you gorgeous.”
He's gentle and his warm smile keeps assuring me that he knows what he's going and he's a man of his word. I crack up and laugh when he pulls my panty all the way down with his teeth.
I've never had a man licking my legs before. He starts his tongue game from my legs and gently separates my legs and works his way up to my mound.
His tongue brushes and separates my folds. I shut down every unwelcome thoughts and get lost in the moment.
“Relax baby I got you.” I hear his voice with my eyes closed and feel his finger sliding through my opening. When I flinch he shushes me and presses his thumb over my clit.
“Tonight is going to be the best night this tight baby has ever had…I'm going to fuck you so good…Oh you're so warm…Give me those juices baby don't hold back.”
I don't…I mean I want him to do this a little bit longer…It feels so damn good…But then his tongue is at it again I can't hold back anymore.
“Ndabuko!” The name escapes my lips in a shuddering scream as I explode into another man's mouth.
I think I heard him say- “He ain't shit”- but I'm lost in the wave of an exploding orgasm.
I'm embarrassed when I open my eyes and find him staring at me. Did I really have to call that dog's name?
“You were so beautiful” he says.
I afford a weak smile of pretence.
“I'm sorry about…” He doesn't let me finish. He leans down to my lips and deeply kisses me. His member is angered up and his body is starting to betray him. He wants me and he wants me now.
But there's something going on outside. I can hear Nakho's voice yelling at someone as if there's a huge fight going on. They rarely have sibling-fights but when they do it's bad. I hope it's not Nalo and Khosi those two can kill each other.
“Let me go check and come back” Ade says and rolls off me. He dashes to the bathroom first and comes out after a minute. He looks clean but his huge giant is still poking out of his pant.
Whatever it is gets even more noisy when Ade gets there. There are men voices and “msunu kanyoko" flying in the air. I need to see what's happening. Clearly it's bigger than I thought.
I take off my panty wipe myself and dash to the scene. At first my eyes are in disbelief what are they doing here? And why is Ndabuko being held back and Khosi standing like that?
Ndlalifa grabs my arm and pulls me behind the crowd. I just got sober and him grabbing me like this won't be good for him. Yes he's old nine or ten years older than me but I'm not his child.
“Who is that man?” he asks.
I'm not sure what he's trying to do. The last time I checked he was just my ex-boss’s son.
“How is that any of your business?” I ask.
He glares at me. He's naturally icy but I know his father. He wouldn't do anything to me.
They finally let go of Ndabuko the man I don't know and Maqhinga he's charging towards us. I don't know where the guys we came with have gone. Even Ade is nowhere to be seen. There's Khosi her sisters and two security guards next to them.
“Ndondo” he's emitting fire. I don't know who he thinks he is. He hasn't spoken to me in a week he ignored my calls and texts and now he's showing up to my trip and fighting people?
“So they brought you here to be fucked by Nigerians?” He's still yelling at me and I'm just folding my arms and rehearsing my one word answer that's going to put him in his place.
“Yes” -is the perfect answer. I say turn around and leave. Ndlalifa calls out his name warningly and I hear footsteps coming after me.
He walks in as I attempt to push the door on his face. The bed is all creased up and his eyes are glued on it.
“Really? Com’ on mfethu.” He sounds defeated. His shaking hands cover his face he slides down and sinks on the floor.
“How can you do this to me?” I don't know if he has a short memory or what. He's just a guy who fucked me and forgot about me there's no “doing this to him.”
“When you're done please get out of my room” I say and fix the bed.
“I'm trying my best here. I also had my own life I can't be an asshole and leave things hanging like that. I lost my baby and I didn't even know. My life was planned by a dead man.” He's crying and I'm not sure what my next step should be. I don't even understand what he's saying.
“He took my parents away from me and then took my baby. Now you're also doing this to me Hlasekazi? You're hurting me like this?”
Deep breath! I sit on the bed and balance my elbow on the pillow.
“The last time I check I didn't mean anything to you. You slept with me and that was it.”
“You have no idea what I've been going through this past week. My whole life. Under the shadows of another man. My ex-girlfriend was pregnant and she miscarried. I only found out last week and everything just…” He buries his face again. I do have a heart and I'm feeling his pain right now. Obviously I have questions there are lot of things I don't know about this man but that's for another day. Right now he's hurting and I need to find a way to comfort him.
“Is your brother responsible for that?” I ask.
“Yes” he says.
“Why?” I don't understand what this dead brother wants from him. I mean the whole purpose of dying is to butt out of earth’s business.
“Because you're the one chosen from me” he says.
This thing is serious.
“Why am I the chosen one?” I ask.
“I will tell you one day” he says and draws in a huge breath. He dusts himself up and stands in front of me. His eyes are bloodshot and I realize just how much pain he's going through.
“I didn't sleep with him” I say.
He clenched his jaws and looks away from me. Obviously he doesn't believe me the guy looked fucked up when he left this room.
“I swear I didn't but we did kiss” I say and withhold the disturbing information. I don't want to hurt him more than this.
“Why?” he asks.
I'm not sure which reason he's looking for. Why I didn't sleep with Ade or why I kissed him.
“I thought you had left me too” I say.
“So you kissed him?”
Eer…that's what I said mos.
“On the bed?” he asks.
“Yes” I say nodding my head.
“Was I not worth waiting for?”
“I didn't even know where your heart was. I'm tired of waiting for people who never come back to me. I've been down that road before and I thought with you it would be different.”
“I'm sorry” he says.
“Do you want to be with me or it's because your dead brother wants you to?” I ask.
“I want to be with you. I want that more than anything in life. You're one thing that Nhlanzeko gave me that I'll forever be grateful for. I love you Hlasekazi.”
Relief washes all over me. I throw myself in his arms and he hesitantly hugs me.
“I love you too” I say and look up at his chin.
“Ndondo” he says and looks away. There's a difference in his eyes when he says Ndondo and when he says Hlasekazi.
“What?” I ask even though I know very well why he can't stomach looking at me right now.
“Freshen up I don't want to spend the night here we'll go somewhere else.”
“Khosi won't allow me to leave” I say.
“Khosi? The bitch who brought you here and sold you to a foreigner?”
Yoh! It's not that deep.
“Don't call her a bitch” I say.
“She's a bitch and if she ever does something like this again…” My eyes are widely opened. Is he threatening my friend?
“What will you do? Huh?” I ask.
The way he looks at me sometimes makes me believe that in his head I'm a mad woman.
“Go take a shower and you'll find me outside.” He brushes my chin with his fingers because I'm too dirty for him to kiss since I kissed another man and then walks out.
Was I really going to sleep with Ade just to get over Ndabuko? I doubt I was going to be able to get over him but it was going to be fun. Sadly he didn't get to “fuck me so good.”
Well there's another situation. When I come out of the bathroom Khosi and the twins are waiting for me. Can’t they let this one slide? I've been through a lot.
“Your yardner Ndondo?” That's Khosi wearing her Judge Judy gown.
“It just happened” I say and shrug my shoulders.
“How?” Everyone is staring at me and waiting for an answer to this one. I can't bring up the “dream" thing right now they'll go crazy.
“We just clicked and talked. After my failed date with Senzo he asked for his own chance and from there we became more than just employer and employee.”
Khosi frowns and looks at Nalo then at me with disbelief.
“It was him right? He is the one who attacked Senzo and took away his car and wallet.”
Honestly I don't care about that incident or Senzo.
“I'm leaving Khosi you'll call the driver to fetch you” I say.
“You love him?” Khosi. I know her she doesn't like him.
“He's not a bad person” I defend.
“Only time will tell. Be safe.”
His mood has improved a little bit. We are back in Durban and I have no idea where Hlomuka’s disappeared to. They're taxi owners they obviously wouldn't sleep at the side of the room but them appearing everywhere I go doesn't sit well with me. Am I being stalked?
And this one why are we heading to the North Coast?
“Where are we going?” I ask. It's late and I want his huge warm bed.
“I booked us in Belaire we can have breakfast by the beach in the morning and maybe shop some weaves before going home” he says and smiles at the “weave” part.
Sounds interesting but no thank you.
“We are going to your house. I didn't leave a hotel to sleep in a different one” I say.
“My house?” he asks. Why is he looking so shocked? I've been to his house before.
“Yes drive to your house” I say.
“I can't…I mean the cleaners didn't come today and everything is upside down” he says.
“I don't care Ndabuko I'm not sleeping in the hotel” I say.
“Let's go to your house then.”
This is getting strange. Why all of a sudden he doesn't want me to go to his house? For this weird reaction I'm not going to the hotel and I'm not going to my house and explaining him to Andiswa.
“We are going to your house Ndabuko or you're driving me back to Himeville.”
How is it possible for someone to sweat under this weather?
I hate it when people do this while I'm driving but we are here because of him I pull up my jersey and lean back on the seat.
“Wake me up at Ilala Ridge” I say and close my eyes.
I open my eyes and realize that I'm sleeping in a car in front of his house. I look next to me and find him sleeping on the steering wheel. Didn't I ask him to wake me up when we get here? It's 00:56 at midnight.
“Ndabuko wake up!” I shake his shoulder.
It turns out he wasn't really asleep just lost in his thoughts.
“My neck hurts. Why didn't you wake me?” I ask.
“I didn't want to disturb you.”
I thought people say this only if someone was sleeping comfortably.
“Let's go inside I want to sleep on bed” I say and open the door. I will leave the bags inside and fetch what I need in the morning.
“Ndondo wait there's something I need to tell you” he says before I climb out.
I pause furrow my brows because it has taken him hours to tell me whatever it is and I stare directly at his eyes as he fights to get words out of his mouth.
“It's cold sthandwa sami what's going on?” I ask.
Well I just called him “sthandwa sami” for the first time.
“I love you” he says faintly.
He's seriously stopping me for this?
“I love you too. Please come with the keys I'm freezing” I say. He looks even more puffed up. I climb out and leave him in the car.