Chapter 9

Does it ever get easy? I don’t think I can take it anymore Tshepo is draining me emotionally and mentally. Phela it’s been a month and two weeks since I handed him the divorce papers and he still hasn’t signed them. He has even escalated to harassing me in my own home at night I just thank God I have changed the locks and he has no access to get inside the house. I don’t know how he found out that my brother went away but he has been coming here and knocking on my bedroom window at night demanding to see his kids. Which sane person comes to see his kids in the middle of the night?


He is behaving like a drunkard or a mad man coming to my house and jumping walls to gain access so that he could shout and hurl insults outside my windows. I thank God for the buglers on all the windows because he could have broken a window just to gain access to the house. One night he came here screaming and shouting demanding that I open for him so he can see his kids. I told him to go away only to be accused of refusing to open because I was sleeping with a man inside the house he demanded I open so that he can see I there was no man. Like I care what he thinks I refused to open for him and told think whatever he wants.


I wish he could just sign the divorce papers and leave me alone. He is starting to bore the hell out of me the harassment via night visits the calling SMS WhatsApp text and Facebook tagging’s are becoming too much. I have blocked all his sim cards from calling and sending me SMS but it seems he is changing numbers every day. Why can’t he accept that it’s really over and leave me the hell alone? I have applied for a protection order against him hopefully he will stop coming to my house with a fear of doing time in jail.


He has cut me off financially post the protection order with the hope that my kids and I will starve and eventually run back to him. What he doesn’t know is that I had some money stashed away enough to survive on until I can at least get a job. I have faith that something will come up soon before my funds run out. I am also happy with the support that I receive from my brother and mother both financially and emotionally. I am lucky because I did not have any debt in my name because then my situation would be worse and the money I stashed away would probably not be enough to last longer.


I have made a vow to myself that no matter how difficult it gets I will never go back to Tshepo. I thank God for the strength I had to leave when I did. Most woman die at the hands of their husbands or boyfriends thinking they will change. I was watching a show called Ufelani on Moja Love and the stories there tore me apart because I was once in that situation unfortunately Palesa like many others were not that lucky and left the relationship carried in body bags may God bless their souls. I believe we need to start teaching woman and young girls that it’s okay to leave and the idea that we need to persevere doesn’t mean putting up with abuse may God bless their souls. I believe we need to start teaching woman and young girls that it’s okay to leave and the idea that we need to persevere doesn’t mean putting up with abuse cheating and being disrespected by a man. However all this needs to start with our society’s way of thinking.  


 


*****


It’s just unfortunate that we live in a society so cruel that choosing to leave makes you a laughing stock in the community. Apparently I have become a social talk show in Seshego and in church. People especially woman are making fun of my situation and the fact that I couldn’t make my marriage work. It’s funny how people find it easy to gossip and laugh about another woman’s pain and misfortune instead of trying to understand the reasons I have for taking the decisions that I did instead of condemning my decision.


I have received few calls from senior woman in GTG ministry enquiry about my absenteeism from church and the rumors that are going around. I don’t even know why the even bother calling me because they have been passing nothing but judgment. Is it really that difficult for woman to stand together and support one another in life? Are we that damaged and brainwashed to believe that it’s always the woman’s fault when she get beaten by her husband? I am only saying this because several woman asked me what do I keep doing wrong to piss him off. Like really? Even if I did something am I his child to beat? Couldn’t he have set me down and addressed whatever I did wrong like an adults and partners in a marriage?


Patriarchy is going to be death of us as woman in this country. Yes I respect and acknowledge a man’s role in a relationship marriage and household in general. But statements like ‘all men cheat Pheladi does this mean you will remain single forever because men cheat’ are going to be a death of us a country. I am well aware that my husband has been restless out there and in turn put me at risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections such as HIV/AIDS. I have gone to see a Doctor last week to take the test and still waiting for the results. I need to know my health status because the number of children my husband has outside our marriage is a clear indication of his carelessness and non-use of condoms.


Tshepiso: “Mom are you busy?” she says bringing me from my thoughts


Me: “Not for my favorite daughter”


Tshepiso: “Yeah right mom I am your only daughter in case you forgot” She says rolling her eyes causing me to laugh.


Me: “How I liked you better when you were still in diapers”


Tshepiso: “Well be thank full that I am not in my diapers anymore because I am here to find out if you would like a cup of tea?”


I smile at how caring my daughter has become especially towards me. It’s like she can always sense when I am not in the right state of mind.


Me: “Yes please baby rooibos black with……..”


Tshepiso: “No sugar I got this mom” she says flashing her beautiful smile before leaving the room.


How do I tell my kids that they have 5 more siblings out there? Am I even sure that this 5 are the only children he has fathered out there or there are still many more unknown?


 How do I ask daughter to hold on to her virginity until she is someone’s wife because sex before marriage is a sin when her father who ministers the gospel of God daily goes around leaving evidence of his infidelities?  After my whole experience with Tshepo I don’t think I respect the notion of marriage and I fear my child would want to grow up and meet a man who would want to marry her only to abuse her like Tshepo turned on me. I think the damage that Tshepo did in my life is worse than I thought. Now my biggest fear is that I might never trust another man in my life or find any of them worthy enough for my daughter.

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