I couldn’t sleep a wink last night. I tried to call my wife but it just rang unanswered until she switched the phone off. I don’t understand why she suddenly wants a divorce and she won’t talk to me about it. If she thinks I am going to give up on her so easily she better think twice. I will not be signing any divorce papers.
Thapelo: “You too calm for someone who was just served with divorce papers less than 12 hours ago” he says disturbing me from my thoughts.
If he knows what is good for him he will leave me alone. I am not in the moods for his lessons in marriage my marriage to Pheladi has nothing to do with him.
Thapelo: “So are you going to sign them?”
Me: “Why would I do that?”
Thapelo: “Because she wants out of this marriage. I mean you can’t force her to stay married to you if she wants outs”
Me: “Pheladi doesn’t want out of this marriage believe me. She is probably angry at me for something and throwing her toys around just to scare me but I am not scared. Do you know why?..... Because it’s not the first time she threatens to leave and we are still here after 14 years 14 damn years why would she leave now? If she really wanted to leave she would have left many years ago.”
I look at him shaking his head like I am losing my mind. What he doesn’t know is that I know my wife very well and I know this she is not going anywhere. This is all she knows being married to me. Where would she even start rebuilding her life and what man would want to marry a divorcee with 2 kids? She will soon learn that the world gets lonely out there and come running back to me.
Thapelo: “Talk to your son to do the right thing because he is clearly losing his mind” he says to my mother who walks to the dining room holding two bowls of soft porridge.
Mom: “That girl is the one losing her mind she clearly doesn’t deserve my son. We welcomed her so warmly into our home and took her like one of our own but she goes and do this? How dare she try to make us a laughing stock in this community? People respect us and she want to ruin all that with this divorce. What will the congregation say about all this? Hai man that girl is just being selfish man”
Me: “Come down mother you will give yourself a heart attack. No one is getting divorced here. Let’s just enjoy our breakfast and prepare to go to church we have a lot to be thankful for. The gift of life being the top of the list”
Thapelo: “Maybe you should let one of the senior pastors to lead the service today. I don’t think you are in the right state of mind to be ministering to the masses. You are hurt Tshepo and scared there is no need to act strong while things are falling apart in your life”
Me: “There is nothing falling apart in my life Thapelo. Don’t allow yourself to be used by the devil the same way he is using my wife. We are going to church and I am going to lead the service like I always do as per the schedule of the church. We need to pray now more than ever the devil is testing this family and he is using my wife to get to us. This is a spiritual war and requires us to be stronger than we have ever been spiritually” I say getting up from the table.
I need to prepare for church
Today is the day the lord had made. I am in a very good mood because I woke up feeling lighter and refreshed. Maybe it’s because for the first time in a very long time I slept like a baby. I did not have to worry about anything that had to do with Tshepo. I did not even have to stress about him coming to the house while I was sleeping because I changed all the locks in the yard the security code and the gate remote. I also slept better knowing that my brother was sleeping in the guest room next door.
For the first time in a very long time I slept with my kids on the same bed. It felt really good cuddling up with my minions and talking about stuff. It also gave me an insight into their minds and feelings about the changed that are currently taking place in our home. I had to sit them down and explain to them that mommy and daddy will no longer be together and that daddy will not be staying with us anymore. Tshepiso was very understanding however Tshepang was the total opposite. All he wanted was his father and kept asking me why daddy doesn’t love us anymore. I am not going to lie but it really broke my heart hearing my son think that his father left because he doesn’t love them anymore.
I had to explain to him that Daddy loves them very much and they can still visit him in Seshego whenever they want to see him and he will always be part of their lives. I know it’s not going to be easy for my children but I believe they will soon realize how life has changed for the better since their father left. I have book therapy sessions for all three of us so that we can talk to a professional about how we really feel. I know I need these sessions more than the kids because I have a lot of scars that’s still needs healing so I am very committed to attending all my sessions.
I can’t believe that today is Sunday and for the first time in a very long time I am not going to church. I have made up my mind that I will no longer be worshiping at GTG ministries so I still need to look around for a new church to start attending. Until then I will allow my kids to go and attend church if only they want to I am not going to keep them away from their father his church and family.
Come to think of it GTG stopped catering for my spiritual needs a long time ago. It got to a point in life where I hated being in that church especially on Sundays that Tshepo was ministering. I got to hate Tshepo’s preaching’s because I knew all his dirty secrets. I hated how he would stand in front of God’s children like he was holier than all of us while preaching lies. I don’t even know how I managed to restrain myself all those years from standing up from my seat and shout ‘LIAR LIAR. STOP LYING BECAUSE YOU ARE THE BIGGEST SINNER IN THIS HOUSE’ ‘MAYBE YOU SHOULD TELL THIS PEOPLE HOW YOU ABUSE YOUR WIFE HOW YOU LIE CHEAT AND MANIPULATE ME LIKE A PUPPET’. But I am glad I never did any of that because people would think I am the crazy.
I laugh now because Tshepo though he was weakening me by being an oppressive husband but what he did not know was that he was making me stronger. Akere sekgowa sere ‘What doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger’ I am a living testament of that. Tshepo married a weak woman but he is about to get divorced to the strongest willed woman who shall never bow down to mediocre ever again in her life.