Chapter 1

Him: “Do……..you…… think ……. I ……… enjoy………. Hurting ………you ……… like ………this?” he says with each word accompanied by a kick on my body.

This has been going on for the past 30 minutes or so. The swearing the kicking he punches and dragging.

I am laying there crying helplessly crawled up like a fetus protecting my face with my hands. It’s just another day in the Mamabolo house hold. Nothing new nothing unusual here. My husband of 12 years is kicking me like a dog while I lay there defenseless.

You would think I would be used to it by now but I am not. I refuse to normalize this situation right here. It doesn’t matter how many times it has happened before but its shock me each and every time it happens.

I can’t believe that this is what has become of my marriage. I can’t believe that this is the man who was once my everything. He was my best friend and there was a time I couldn’t imagine my life without him. It’s sad how he changed into something unknown to me over the past few years. My once loving husband has now evolved into a monster a monster that I have grown to fear in my own home.

Him: “Why? Why do you keep pushing me mara Pheladi? Why?”

He asks softly as he crouch in front of me to take a closer look at my face. He grabs both sides of my cheeks with one hand and make me look at him. He doesn’t seem to understand what pain he is inflicting on me even worse now that he is looking at me pitiful.

I close my eyes as he moves his finger to wipe off my tears. How I feel like vomiting right now as he touches me. He doesn’t seem to notice that I hate his touches of late with every fiber of my being. If he did maybe he would stop caressing my face right now. Yes his once gentle and warm touches now makes shiver to a point I even feel like crawling out of my own skin.

Him: “Stop making me this monster my love. I beg you Pheladi” he says with pauses in between while he is rubbing his face.

Words are just failing me right now the only sound I am able to make is to sniff. The best I can do is just to nod because I can’t afford to give him silent treatment. I can’t take anymore beatings tonight. I have had enough.

Him: “I want to hear you say it won’t happen again my love”

Me: “It won’t happen again I promise” I say in between my sniffs and hiccups.

Him: “good” he says before getting up and walking to the bathroom.

I hear the sound of the water running I guess he is filling up the tub for me to bath. This has become a tradition. After every beating he prepares bathing water for me filled with essential oils. He will be all lovey-dovey and nursing my wounds like he cares.

You must be asking yourself what is it that I keep doing that pisses him off like this cause clearly I provoke him right?  I used to think so too. That maybe if I stopped doing certain things like going out with friends he would stop beating me up. If I quit my job and stayed at home full time he will have no to reason to get angry but nooooooo I was just fooling myself.

It seems nothing I do is ever good enough because I get beaten up for silly things that can’t be pissing off a rational human being.

Like now I got a beating because I did not answer my phone when he called earlier. Why would I not answer his call? Who was I busy with when he was calling? Those are the silly questions I was asked when he called me into the bedroom. The fact that I was in the kitchen preparing supper and my phone was on a charger in the seating room and I did not hear it ring was not a good enough reason for him.

Him: “Come baby let’s get you cleaned up” he says picking me up from the floor.

He carries me bridal style and walk with me to the bathroom. It is very easy for him to do so this days because I have lost so much weight in the past few years. No one think anything of it because slander is the new beautiful. To think I did not have issues with my thick boned body and now people keep congratulating me for losing weight. Mxm If only they knew.

I sit on the edge of the bathtub and watch as he undresses me. Like a caring husband he gently lays me in the bathtub. He takes the sponge and gently wash my body while he is careful enough around my wounds so not to hurt me. He dries me with towel as soon as he is done gently applies lotion before dressing me up in my sleep wear. He carries me back to the bedroom and tuck me in.

You are confused right I know. He is very unpredictable this one he blows cold one minute and hot the next.

Him: “I love you very much” he says planting kisses on my back as soon as he joins me under covers.

He moves closer to spoon me.

Me: “I love you too” I say softly.

Ofcourse I don’t mean any of it that ship has long sailed. I fall asleep crying silently. I cry for me that I lost over the years trying to accommodate this man. I cry for all the dreams that I gave up because they did not fit in his plans. I cry for the young me that was once charmed by this man

because he was not always like this. I cry for the old me that has stayed in this obviously loveless marriage for years hoping things would get better.


(The next morning)

I woke up to a very painful body thanks to all the beating I took last night. If it was on any other day I would go back to sleep unfortunately for me today is Sunday. Sundays are strictly for church to everyone in this house come rain or sunshine.

I take a look around the room because I am obviously alone on this bed. Tshepo is probably in the study preparing for today’s sermon. My eyes lands on a glass of water and two tablets on my side table. Yay pain killers exactly what I need. I grab the pills and down them with water before rolling out of bed.

I walk to the closet and pick out matching outfits for Tshepo and I. We always wear matching outfits to church. Yep we are still keeping up the facade of a perfectly happy couple. To people outside I am the luckiest woman on earth. I have a husband who loves and worship the ground I walk on. If only they knew what transpires behind closed doors.

I make sure that I pick out a dress with long sleeves and covers up to my neckline. I must make sure that all the bruises from last night are covered up we wouldn’t want people asking a lot of questions. I gently lay everything on the bed and walk to the bathroom to take a shower.

I am done in no time. I walk back to the bedroom and apply body lotion and tissue oil all over my body before applying makeup on my face. I get dressed and make my way downstairs.

Me: “Good morning children” I say kissing them on their forehead.

Them: “Morning mom”

I move to the pots and dish soft porridge for myself. Maria our helper has already prepared breakfast.

I settle in between the kids as we enjoy our breakfast over a light conversation. My kids are my happy place and I pray to God that they never meet that monster that my husband usually transforms into when he is angry for no particular reason.

Tshepo soon walks down looking all shades of hot. It’s true what they say a devil doesn’t walk around with horns and a tail sticking out. He normally comes in a hot attractive vessel that is well dressed in expensive clothing.

Tshepo: “Good morning fam today is the day the lord has made” he says cheerfully before kissing the kids on their foreheads and me on both cheeks.

I wonder what is so good about it. Mxm.

Kids: “good morning Dad”

Tshepiso: “Parents can I please skip the choir today my throats are acting up. I am sure I am coming down with tonsil” she says looking from her father to me and back to him.

I look at Tshepo with raised eyebrows expecting him to answer her. I don’t want to be stepping on anybody’s toes because my body is still sore.

Tshepo: “Ofcourse baby we wouldn’t want to strain you throats” he says with a smile.

Tshepang: “So Daddy what are you going to preach about today”

Tshepo: “A very interesting topic my boy but you will have to wait like everyone and hear the sermon at church” he says brushing his head.

We soon finish up eating and pack our things in the car before driving to church like a perfect God fearing family.

My name is Pheladi Mamabolo married to Tshepo Mamabolo and we live in Polokwane. We have two children Tshepiso (12 years old daughter) and Tshepang (8 year old son). My husband is a well-known business man in Polokwane and has a ministry in Seshego.

To the outside world he is a man of God who lives by the word. To the world I am the luckiest woman in town married to Pastor T Mamabolo. When my husband ministers he touches lives gives hope to the hopeless and changes people’s situation.

I am the minister’s wife walk with me on this unpleasant journey as I share with you what transpires behind closed walls of my home.


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