Chapter 19

Thandiwe


A battle takes place between my mind and my heart as I remain seated in the car at the parking lot contemplating on whether or not to go inside. I can’t believe that I drove all the way here after the long hectic day I had at work only to chicken out and stay in the car for the past 20 minutes. This is really out of character for me especially since I have been avoiding him like a plague for the past few days. To hell with fear It’s now or never I am tired of playing hide and seek with my feelings. I gather the little strength I have and finally steps out of the car and make my way in.


I really hope he is in because I did not even call to let him know I was coming or else I will not have the strength to do this again. This place sure looks different during the day than it is at night. It’s definitely less crowded and less noisy. I walk to the bartender who is busy cleaning the bar counter with a cloth. I wonder why bar tenders are always cleaning the top of their counter it’s like they were given an instruction to say ‘if you are not serving drinks just clean the top of your counter’


Him: “Hi mam. What is your poison?” he says already grabbing a glass catching me off guard.


Me: “A glass of apple juice please”


Him: coughing “Apple juice?” he ask obviously confused at my request.


Me: “O rather a virgin cocktail”


Him: “One virgin cocktail coming right up”


I nod and watch as he mix all the ingredients and pour in a glass decorated with an umbrella and some cherries.


Him: “So what brings such a beautiful lady as yourself to a bar so early in the evening just to order a virgin cocktail” he says handing me my glass before wiping the counter next to where he is standing opposite of me.


Me: “Matters of the heart” I say taking a sip from my drink.


Him: “Care to talk about it I have been told that I am a good listener”


Me: “Isn’t such a cliché though that bartenders are the best listeners and people often comes to a bar to offload their problems?” I say laughing out loud.


Him: “Well I can’t speak for other bartenders but I can speak for myself. Trust me when I say whatever you say to me remains between the two of us I don’t even know you so whatever advice I am going to give you is definitely not bias. But it’s up to you. Sometimes people come here because they needed someone to listen as they share their problems and sometimes people come here to be left in piece. All that I am saying is that whatever it is that you need I am here either to listen or to give you space”


Okay maybe he is right I need to speak to someone who is not going to be bias about this whole thing.


Me: “Okay like I said matters of the heart. I believe I am in love with someone and he has surely made his feeling known to me that he likes me but I am afraid of getting hurt. I am scared of giving this guy a chance because I am afraid he might break my heart and I don’t think I can survive that my heart has been broken twice already and I am not sure I will survive another heart break. So what do I do?”


Him: “So you say your heart has been broken twice?”


I nod as I sip my cocktail


Him: “Only twice and you are afraid to love again. I mean average human being has had their heart broken at least more than 5 times before finding their happily ever after…….”


He laughs as I choke on my drink. Did he say 5 times? I don’t think my fragile heart can take all that.


Him: “Look I don’t mean to scare you but right now you are letting your fear get the better of you. How will you know if you don’t take a chance? Do you have a child?”


I shake my head no. I don’t understand what does that have anything to do with what we are talking about.


Him: “Sibling?”


Me: “2 six years younger than me and a nephew 8 years younger than me”


Him: “Good. Now I need you to learn something from these 3 kids that come years after you. Think back to the time when they started crawling and then started standing up on their own and eventually starting talking baby steps. They kepts falling and falling but they never gave up. Each time become better than the last they would fall and get up and try again. Eventually they were able to walk a distance further and faster because they never gave up after falling for the 1st 2nd or the 10th time. So my 2 cent advice take your chances if this guy breaks your heart like the previous 2 then it was never meant to be. You will pick yourself up again and dust yourself off and take another chance in love until you find your one true love”


Me: “Wow you say the most beautiful things. Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you”


Him: “Boyfriend and I will be sure to let him know. I have also had my own share of broken heart and I know man can be cruel especially as a black gay man in a homophobic society like our own with most of us still hiding in closet and only want to date us after 9. Trust me matters of the heart are not that simple but no man is an island and we to keep taking those chances until we find our soul mates” he says pouring me another glass.


Me: “Wow I am going to keep coming back here just for those wise words. I am sorry but I did not get your name”


Him: “The name is Thabiso”


Me: “Thanks Thabiso. Please keep the change?” I say placing 400 on the counter before getting up and galping down my drink.


*****


Enhle


That was the most painful thing I have ever experienced but it was all worth it. I smile as his tiny voice fills the room. Tears of joy fall freely of my face as I receive him from the midwife. I opted for a home birth because I have heard all the horrifying stories about how babies get swapped in hospitals or how they go missing. I did not want to take a risk plus I needed to give birth with the comfort of knowing that my mother is closer since she is not well enough to be by my side at the hospital.


Aunt Rosisang is also here to help me with the baby for the first 2 weeks since my mother has taken ill.


Aunt Rorisang: “I need to go wash him off baby don’t worry I will bring him right back” she says taking him off my hands.


I smile and nod. I can’t believe this I am finally a mother and God saw me fit to carry and mother a baby boy a perfect one at that. He surely is my heart in a human form I know it hasn’t even been a minute since he has arrived but his presence making me whole. Mthokozisi Zwane my one true first love.


Me: “Ouch”


Midwife: “Sorry” she says before going back to the stitching.


I know Thandiwe wanted to be here for this moment but she couldn’t because there was not enough doctors on call for her to take a week long leave and fly down to Durban with me. She will just have to see him via a video call later on.


Midwife: “All done” she says packing up her things and removing the bloodied bandages.


She helps me up and walk me to the in suite to take a bath. I change into a clean clothes and walk back to the bedroom. Thank God the bed is all made and the sheets have been replaced. I settle in and wait for my aunt to bring back my baby. I think I am going to be one of those mothers who are very clingy to their babies.  Mthokozisi is definitely going to be a mama’s baby.


I smile as my aunt walk back with him but I soon frown from her facial expression that I don’t even understand.


Me: “What wrong?” I ask failing to mask the worry in my voice


Aunt Rori: “Nothing alarming. But Mtho has a very interesting birth mark”


I watch as she lift up his blue vest and shows me the birthmark on his back. I have never seen a birthmark like that before. It looks like 4 dots surrounding a bigger one at the bottom which has a shape of something that looks like a lion. The birth mark is so vivid you would swear my baby just got a tattoo.


Me: “Wow it’s beautiful” I say tracing my hands through it.


Aunt Rori: “It really is beautiful. You must be tired baby I need you to feed him so that you can rest. I am sure your parents are on their way back from your mother’s dialysis appointment”


I smile and take out my breast and put it in Mtho’s mouth with my aunt showing me how to do it. I can’t help but laugh at the tickling sensation as he sucks on my breast for dear life. For the first time since he has arrived I notice all his beautiful features his eyes are small and brown he has a beautiful nose like his fathers and small perky lips like mine. My prince charming just like that my whole heart is stolen.


Aunt Rori: “Shhh go back to sleep baby. I will take care of him” she says taking him off me.


I must have fallen asleep feeding Mtho. I smile at her and reposition myself on the bed to sleep. Child birth is the most exhausting thing ever but I still maintain its all worth it.


****


Bule


I scream as I throw my phone against the wall. The pain I feel in my heart it the sharpest pain I have ever felt. Why me I keep asking God. Wasn’t I worthy to hold my son in my hands just once before he decided to take him away from me?


I was having the most beautiful day until I received a call from my mother in law telling me that my wife went into early labor upon seeing how gravely ill her father was unfortunately her blood pressure was too high and the baby did not survive. I have never thought it would be possible for someone to feel so much pain over losing a person they have never meet before. I don’t even know what Unathi must be going through her mother said she had to be sedated because she was crying out hysterically.


Izinyanya zakwa Mpangele (The Mpangele ancestors) must have turned their backs on me. I blame myself because I allowed Unathi to go back home. I should have said no and maybe just maybe my son would still be alive. I found myself galping down on a neat whiskey just to numb the pain. I was very excited about being a father and now that dream has gone up in smoke. May his soul rest in peace as he descend to land of the ancestors where he will forever remain an angel. It’s even worse because I will not be able to make it to his funeral as he needs to be laid to rest tonight where only the older woman in the family can attend. Apparently that’s how things are done in Unathi’s home and since he passed away in their home my family and I have no say.   


I need to call my parents and let them know. I get up from the bar stool and walk to pick up the pieces of my phone. Useless there is nothing that can be done with this. I will have to drive to the mall and get myself a new cell because people must be worried sick about me.


*****


AJ


I smile and walk to where she is standing. God knows I have been waiting my whole life to hear her utter those words.


Me: “Thank you baby. Trust me when I say I will never intentionally break your heart. I will walk through hell just to make you happy” I say before taking her lips in mine.


I know Mel and I have kissed before but this time it feels different. I swear I could feel our souls connecting and my feeling for her growing deeper and deeper. I was starting to give up on us as she has been avoiding my calls and not returning my messages. But all that faded away few minutes ago when she walked into my office and told me that she is ready to take a chance with me but not before she made me promise not to hurt her or break her heart. I would like to believe that I love too much to hurt her like that.


Dad: “Don’t mind me go ahead and suck each other’s faces”


Fuck I totally forgot my father was coming over to discuss business and he has a tendency of not knocking. I chuckles as Mel breaks the kiss and bury herself on my chest I forgot how shy she is.


Me: “Come on dad do you mind. Please” I say looking at him pleadingly to step outside.


Dad: “I will be by the bar when you done sucking faces” he says laughing as he leaves the office.


Me: “He is gone” I whisper in her ear


Mel: “Oh my God swallow me now” she says causing me to laugh.


Me: “I am sorry about that my father has a tendency not to knock. Let me go down to the bar and talk to him and I will be back before you know it okay and we will finish what we started”


I shake my head and chuckle as I watch her blushing. My girl is shy yes my girl. Finally Mel and I are officially a couple. I wink at her before walking out to join my father down stairs by the bar.

Open

Write your opinion

semukelemhlaba1@gmail.com 2019-07-12 23:36:07

wooow why do l feel like Unathi married Bule pregnant . l cant wait for Enhle to tell Bule about the little Prince

Bobo 2019-07-12 16:32:57

Iheeeeeeee Bule!!! Your lovely wife is dangerous, her and her family

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:50

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:50

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:50

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:50

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:50

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:49

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:49

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:47

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:47

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:47

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:46

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:46

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:45

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:45

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:45

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:45

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:45

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:45

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:45

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:45

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:43

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:41

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:32

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:03

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:02

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:02

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:01

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:01

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:00

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:00

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 18:00:00

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 17:59:59

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 17:59:59

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 17:59:28

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 17:59:28

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Khethiwe 2019-07-05 17:59:03

The chapters of thos story always has me on the edge of my seat and excited about the next chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter and hope it comes soon

Tshidi 2019-06-29 14:34:03

This story is so captivating,Im yearning for more.