×Thando× I'm angry I'm sad I'm exhausted I'm pissed. I just knelt down and cried what was wrong with me?? am I cursed??. "I'm sorry" Thabo said holding me. I just bust in tears. What will I say to my sister?? What will I say to myself?? to me yes me. This is a lie. I stood up and walked to the kitchen. Thabo:"Thando"he walked after me. me:"It okay I'm going to cook."I said chuckling. Thabo:"Don't do this to yourself" I just laughed. me:"is there anything wrong with cooking?? I want to cook something for my sister. I'm sure she's hungry" I took the knife. Thabo:"Thando No" my hands were shaking. me:"His lying Thabo his lying. My mother is still alive. She's okay I know. you believe me right??" I looked at him with my begging eyes. Thabo:"Thab- me:"DON'T TELL ME YOU BELIEVE HIM" I yanked my hand of his and pointed Dr Drew with a knife. me:"His lying his fuckin lying" I said still pointing at him. Thabo just hugged me from behind and help me sit down. I was fighting kicking telling him my mother is alive. Dr Drew:"Again i'm sorry Miss Thando" me:"Fuck you Fuck you!!"I screamed at him. I was mad really mad. Thabo:"Shhh it okay it okay"he kept on saying that till i stopped fighting him. i started crying really loud. _ Couple of hours LATER.... I was sitting on the couch starring at nothing. Thabo was checking on the twins. Nicole bust in the house bubble as ever. "Sisi Thando Sisi Thando" I just stared at her. Nicole:"I'm a class prefect Now my teacher made me a class prefect "She jumped to me but I didn't dare move. Nicole:"Sisi Thando are you ok?" I still kept quiet. "Nicole go to your room sweetie"Thabo said learning against the wall. She looked at me sadly and stood up after that she left. Thabo:"You have to be strong for her" I sighed. me:"I didn't know what to say how to react"He walked to where I was sitting and sat down next to me. Thabo:"I know you feel like dying. but please be strong for her" me:"How do I tell her?? this will break her Thabo"He hugged me. Thabo:"She need to know she deserves to know"I nodded. me:"I will go talk to her"I stood up and stretched myself I was pretty tired. Thabo:"I will go talk to Dr Drew a about the body"I nodded. me:"Tomorrow we burring her"he frowned. Thabo:"What the rush"I shrugged. me:"I just want to get this over and done with"He looked at me for the longest time. Thabo:"Fine" he left. I walked upstairs I sighed before opening the door. She just looked at me and back to her book. me:"I'm sorry baby" She smiled. Nicole:"Forgive and forget"I laughed a little. me:"You so mature"She giggled I sat down next to her and hugged her. me:"I love you "she giggled. Nicole:"I love you too" me:"Mom love you she does"I said trying to convince myself. She just kept quiet. me:"Do you love Angels?"She broke the hug and said. Nicole:"Our teacher said we are Angels. Angels are good people who protect others right??"I smiled. me:"Yes baby you right"She jumped. Nicole:"Yes!!" she sat down I hugged her again. me:"Angels took mom to Heaven "She smiled. Nicole:"Heaven is a beautiful place where god stays right?"I laughed a little. me:"Yes baby"She nodded. Nicole:"Why did the Angels took momy?"I sighed. me:"So that she can be happy and healthy" she frowned. Nicole:"Mom wasn't happy here??"I sighed. me:"She was she just needed a more peaceful place." Nicole:"Will she ever be back??"I kissed her on top of her head. me:"No"She got teary. Nicole:"Sis Thando" me:"Yeah" Nicole:"Will you miss mommy??"I kept quiet for a while. me:"So much I will miss her so much" She just cried. Nicole:"I miss her already"We hugged I will miss her so much" She just cried. Nicole:"I miss her already"We hugged she cried even louder. me:"Shh baby don't be sad. The Angels won't be happy"She instantly wiped her tears away. Nicole:"Buy I'm not happy should I pretend?"I shook my head. me:"I'm sorry" She started crying all over again. I sang hush hush mntwana (Hush hush child) till she fell asleep. I kissed her forehead and picked her up put her under the covers in her bed. She opened her eyes I sighed. Me:"Baby you all that I want I want you here in my arms. I'm finding it hard to believe You in heaven" x2 I sang the song till she fell asleep again I kissed her forehead and walked out with my heavy Heart. I walked to my room and lay down a bit. I took the letter out of my pocket and read it all over again. I read it till i fell asleep. _ I woke up later feeling exhausted as ever. I asked Thabo to accompany me to my father's house. I needed to tell him about this he had every right to know . Thabo agreed and all the way to my father's house we were not talking to each other. He stopped the car Infront of the house. I sighed and walked to the yard leaving Thabo in the car. I knocked at the door for almost 10 minutes. "Akekho(his not here)"I turned around and it was the owner of the place. MamKhuzwayo we were renting the house from her. me:"Sawubona mAh (Hello mAh)"She smiled and we shook hands. MamKhuzwayo:" He left the house with your mother's friend Agnes. They left 2 months ago. I thought you knew but before they left . They got married and bought cars . I don't know where are they if you don't know them. But my child he didn't pay the full month rent ." i was shocked. me:"MamAgnes and my father got married??"I was shocked like really shocked. MamKhuzwayo:"I'm sorry" How can they do this to my mother. What kind of a friend MamAgnes is?? About my father all this time he was pretending. He sold me because he wanted money not because of my mother's sickness. me:"WOW" I was really Speechless. MamKhuzwayo:"How is your mother now?"I looked away. me:"She didn't make it."She brushed my shoulder. MamKhuzwayo:"I'm sorry my child" I nodded. me:"I will transfer the rent- MamKhuzwayo:"No No No it okay. Just focus on healing" I smiled. me:"Thank you MamKhuzwayo"we hugged. me:"Nisalekahle(Goodbye)"She waved back. I opened the door and sat down I couldn't believe what I just heard. me:"My father left"He brushed my hand. Thabo:"I'm sorry" I sighed. me:"I'm just wow" _ 2days LATER.. I've decided that we burry my mother today. It was all playing like a movie. I felt empty it was like my other half was leaving me. Nicole couldn't stop crying. It pained me so much. i felt like reaping my heavy Heart off. Thabo:"It time to go home" I kissed my mother's tombstone. me:"I love you"I brushed it and stood up. Thabo held my hand and we walked to the car. I made Nicole sit on top of me and the car drove off. In these 2 days I've never heard from Lubanzi since that day. It like he never existed I was really worried about him. I didn't call his mother though I just didn't want pity from anyone. Thabo:"I think it time"I frowned. me:"Time for what?" Thabo:"For you to leave the country" I looked out the window. me:"Oh" I looked at sleeping Nicole and kissed her forehead. I looked at the twins sleeping in their baby sit. How do I leave them I've grown fond of them. I wiped the tears off my face this is not about other people. it about me and my little sister. I took the letter out. THE LETTER: "" Thando my princess ........ I am tired. It's not the kind of tired that you can simply sleep off and rise from refreshed. It's the kind of tired that makes functioning at a "normal" level seem absolutely exhausting. Sometimes I wonder how my arms are still taking the necessary steps to pull me out of the bed after slumber. Sometimes I am fooled into thinking that I have been lifted from this madness. I am simply too tired-" it continued. I threw it out the window. I'm waiting for a new start now a new beginning. Somewhere far far so far away from here.