I am sitting on my office organizing an appointment with Simamiso Mthembu a very talented designer from Empangeni. She is really good at her job that I don’t really mind driving to Empangeni just so I can wear one of her creations ememulweni ka Nothando. The door flies open and Mvelo walks in carrying white roses and a box of chocolate. Kante what does it take to get through this guy? Sidlene kwaphela lapho (we fucked and it ended there). Yoh is this how guys feel when a one night stand keeps forcing themselves into their lives? Hhay shame I regret sleeping with him now.

Mvelo: “sawubona MaNdosi.” Him saying my clan names doesn’t even excite me anymore because uyadina (he is annoying).

Me: “Shamase what brings you here? Do we have an appointment maybe?” he places the flowers and chocolate on my desk and sits down opposite me.

Mvelo: “did I maybe do something wrong to offend you or my performance wasn’t up to your standard and now you’re pushing me away?”

Me: “Mvelo what did I say to you the first day you took your shot?”

Mvelo: “that you don’t do relationships but…”

Me: “Mvelo asifani mina nawe (you and I are not the same). You are from a committed relationship and you are looking for stability wherever you are going. I placed my cards on the table the first day we talked now I don’t understand why you are behaving like this. We never dated and we never will. What happened on Friday was nothing but harmless fun.”

Mvelo: “just so you know I am not going to give up on you. Push me away all you want but I am not going anywhere. By the way your receptionist gave me your number so expect a call from me very soon.” He stands up and exits my office. I huff in frustration. What would it take for him to back the fuck off? Yoh Thixo.

Anyways I take the flowers and throw them in the bin. I take the chocolate and head to Zah’s office. I find her with Bob and seems like they are busy in her drawing board but I need to vent wethu so they ought to hear me out. Plus I am their boss after all. I go and sit in Zah’s chair behind her desk. 

Me: “sorry to disturb guys but there is something inside me and iyangishisa.” Zah laughs and comes to take a piece of chocolate. Bob follows pursuit and they both sit down and give me their attention.

Zah: “so what’s wrong?”

Me: “I will start with you Bob. Have you ever had a one night stand?”

Bob: “yeah.”

Me: “what is the purpose of a one night stand?”

Bob: “to give you pleasure on that night and never contact you again. Actually she doesn’t have to have my number because we find each other in the club or wherever we are both horny we don’t know much about each other and that’s the beauty of it. We fuck and forget about each other and only hold on to the memory.”

Me: “so what happens when the one night stand wants more and starts inserting himself into your daily life? What do you do because mina I can’t deal shame?”

Bob: “you are talking about that soccer player you are trending with?”

Me: “don’t tell me we are still trending.”

Bob: “you are. The pictures of you kissing and him perking your forehead went viral.”

Me: “dear God. What did I do to deserve this?” I burry my face in my hands.

Zah: “boss you have nice life problems shame. I really like news but Prince Kuhle is in boardroom 1 waiting for you.” I stand up quickly.

Me: “what the fuck?! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Zah: “relax he just entered the building.”

Me: “dude you nearly caused me a heart attack. He may be a client but he is still royalty and you don’t make royal people wait.” I head out with her following me. 

I take all the stuff I need and we head to boardroom 1. We find him looking dashing as always. We sit down after greeting each other. Zah’s phone beeps. She checks the messages and then look at me.

Zah: “I am sorry boss.”

Me: “it’s fine you can go. I got this covered.” She stands up and leave.

Kuhle: “I actually enjoy your company more.”

Me: “pity this is just a business meeting so let’s get right to it.” I hand him the files and stand up. “You will have to forgive me but I love presenting while standing and moving around.” He smiles.

Kuhle: “the floor is all yours.” Luckily the projector is all set. I open the file with the first house the Mandlanzini house.

Me: “this house will be built with a lower basement basement ground floor first floor and a rooftop and also a rondavel outside and a pool house. The lower basement is your garage where you will store the cars. It’s much more safer and convenient because should your house be robbed the pharas will be caught before they can even figure out that the cars are stored in the lower basement.” He laughs. 

“Then we have the basement. It will have a bedroom just for control and also a bathroom. It will also have a mini kitchen; an adult play room with adult games like i snooker kanje then a cinema room. It will be divided with wall to ceiling glass walls. There will also be a safe room

just in case.” He laughs again. This is a first whenever I am presenting the client pays attention and hardly blinks but in this case Kuhle keeps laughing like he is at Trevor Noah’s one man show. “Ngiyeke Ndabezitha (should I stop)?”

Kuhle: “no please continue. It’s just that you are still insisting that I am gangster MaCele.”

Me: “until you prove me otherwise then it’s guilty until proven innocent.” He chuckles. “We have the ground floor. It will have 4 bedrooms; 3 bathrooms; a separate toilet; lounge with a fireplace; kitchen with an open plan there will be no wall separating it with the dining room. There will also be your study or office then an indoor gym.”

“The first floor with have 6 bedrooms including the main bedroom with en-suites and they all will have balconies. There will also be an open space in between just for control.”

Kuhle: “you always use this just for control when presenting or unyela mina nje (you’re just kidding me)?” I burst out laughing.

Me: “Kuhle I have 2 more houses to present so please stop disturbing me.”

Kuhle: “I already trust your judgment noma unganga presenta nje the other 2.”

Me: “hhay hhay Kuhle I took my time preparing this presentation boh. You can’t dismiss me like that.”

Kuhle: “awani amanga MaCele (what’s with the lies)? You are a pro wena you no longer prepare for a presentation. You just finish drawing and be like ‘hhay I know what I drew so presenting it should be easy’.” I laugh again because what he is saying is so true. I don’t know when the last time I prepared myself for a presentation was. Most of the time Zah does the presenting.

Me: “anyways you have the rooftop with a gazebo and will have couches where you will chill and have few drinks. There also will be a hot tub there. There will be a staircase inside and outside leading to the rooftop…”

Kuhle: “just for control?” he asks with a smirk. Fuck I was going to say that vele.

Me: “so what do you think of the first house?”

Kuhle: “I love everything about it and the all features you added. I am satisfied.” I nod and move onto the next one.

Me: “your palace my king will have 2 rondavels as you had stated. Also a cottage for your servants or helpers.”

Kuhle: “I like how you say my king.”

Me: “yazini ngizoyeka ngiphinde ngingakwenzeli lezindlu zakho (know that I will cease and do not build your houses).”

Kuhle: “I am sorry. Please continue.” He says pouting. I laugh at him.

Me: “well the basement is the garage. The ground floor has a lobby like hotel; a kitchen; lounge; living room; dining hall; 4 bedrooms with bathrooms and your study room and also a throne room just for control. The first floor has 6 bedrooms with bathrooms; your wife’s study room; an indoor gym and a cinema room. The second floor has 6 bedrooms with bathrooms a mini kitchen and an in-house bar. The third floor will have the main bedroom; 3 bedrooms with bathrooms; an indoor spa room just for control. Then the rooftop has a helipad because I am pretty sure you do have a chopper. It will also have features like the rooftop from the Mandlanzini house. It will also have an elevator and staircase inside and outside. Any comments?”

Kuhle: “I told you that I am satisfied. Even though my wife isn’t working you did well by considering an office for her. Maybe she will develop a hobby as time goes by.”

Me: “then there is your gangster house.”

Kuhle: “MaCele I am an app developer. My younger sister is a hacker and my younger brother is an IT geek so we like having a secret place. This is our secret place.”

Me: “okay I believe you. Anyways it has a lower basement which has a tunnel leading outside somewhere just in case you find yourself in a tight situation. The basement where there is a medic room a weaponry room and there is also a secret elevator from the basement to the lower basement. The ground floor will be like any normal house with a kitchen dining room lounge toilet and study. It has 4 entrances. 1 front door back door the door that leads you inside the house from the garage then a secret hidden door that will be leading you straight to the woods. The 1st floor will have a main bedroom and a guest bedroom and a study. You can change one of the study to be your working room.”

Kuhle: “even though I am no gangster I am happy with everything in this house. I have no complains or anything I would like to add.”

Me: “okay I guess I will have someone send you the invoice so that they can start with building your houses.”

Kuhle: “thank you. So when is our friendly get together?”

Me: “you don’t forget neh?” he nods “well this Friday I am going home for the weekend. So maybe we can get together next Friday.”

Kuhle: “so are you and Shamase really an item?” he asks in a tone I can’t decipher.

Me: “Kuhle I did tell you that I don’t date so that wouldn’t have changed in a matter of few days. Mvelo and I fucked once and that was it. He was a one night stand and now he is acting as if we are dating. What I hate the most is that he is not dismissing the rumors that are circulating that I and he are an item. This is one of the reasons I didn’t wanna hangout with you in public.”

Kuhle: “so you slept with him?”

Me: “don’t get jealous my king. I am single I can sleep with whoever I want.” He rolls his eyes and stands up I also stand up.

Kuhle: “see you soon. Can I get a hug?” I chuckle and hug him. God why does he have to smell so good and have so comfortable arms? I wouldn’t mind falling asleep in them every night. We finally break the hug and look at each other’s eyes.

Me: “you smell nice.” He giggles.

Kuhle: “you too. Goodbye.” He leaves. What the fuck just happened?





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