The first thing that comes to mind when I arrive home is to take a careful look at my son. This truth means that when my mother in law and mother were saying Nyiko looks like Rane they really meant it. They look alike because he is his biological son. I quickly run to the nursery where he is sleeping peacefully with my mom dozing off on the couch next to his cot. I take a close look at him and observe each and every part of him his lips small soft hands and so on. His small pink lips looks exactly like those of Rane. How could I have not been the first one to notice this I mean he is more like coloured. I thought he was just pale because he just got born I never thought he is coloured. I know Rane in and out and I should have been the first one to see that my son looks like my husband.
I walk out of the room to let him enjoy his sleep and walk to the main bedroom. I sit on our bed and look at the picture we took while I was heavily pregnant he was kneeling on his one knee while kissing my baby bump and I was wearing a huge smile while holding on to his head. We looked very happy in this picture and I had no doubt that he would treat my child as his own. The bond he shared with Nyiko while he was still in my womb was enough to tell that he is his son but I never thought of it. It is not easy for a man to become very fond of another man's child so easily but with Rane it was different. He was very fond of Nyiko that I even felt lucky to have a man like him in my life a man who can love my children like his own little did I know that Nyiko is really his. I thought he had a loving heart since it was easy for him to love Tsakani as his own and even go as far as adopting her. He would always talk about adopting Nyiko when he gets born so that he can also be his legally. Could he probably have said all this while he knew very well that Nyiko is his that I don't know.
I love Rane and I will continue loving him through this hard time we are in. I will forever be with him for better or worse I cannot let things like this destroy us. We can be able to sit down and work things out we should not give up on our relationship so easily. We have a lot at stake if we don't sit down and work things out we stand a chance to lose each other while we have two children to take care of. Tsakani loves Rane too much in such a way that she has even forgotten that we are not her biological parents. You would swear that Rane knocked me up with her and gave birth to her as my biological daughter. I would have been glad if I was the one who gave birth to her she wouldn't have spent most of her days in the streets begging for food while her mother is still alive. All this was possible because of Rane.
A knock comes through the door and I raise my head to see who it is. My mother in law walks in the room like the world owes her... wait let me rephrase it she walks in like I owe her. I am sure that she came here to accuse me some more. I am in no mood to fight right now all I need is a way to fix my relationship with my husband we owe it to our infant and princess. I have always thought that my mother in law is a kind-hearted woman because she accepted the fact that me and Rane wanted to adopt Tsakani she had no problem at all and treated Tsakani as her granddaughter but it was a different story with her husband. He threw tantrums and tried ordering us into not adopting Tsakani but little did he know that Rane is not going to do anything just please him and make him happy while we do not agree with his commands. My husband only lives to make his family happy and by family I only mean his wife and children.
She says softly. Her voice sounds like she has been crying the whole day and I do not blame her I was also crying the whole night I only stopped crying when I got home.
"Why did you do it? Why did you try to kill my son?"
I still cannot believe that she thinks I planned to kill Rane. Who in their right state of mind would want to kill the love of their life.
"I did not try to kill him ma I love him too much to do that."
I truly say. I cannot let her keep thinking this way of me. I am not a bad person and she should not paint me to be one. Yes I might have hurt her son badly but she doesn't know why I did it. I don't think she will continue seeing me as a bad person after knowing the truth of why I did what I've done.
"Why did you do it then?"
She asks and I don't feel it's right to tell her the truth without Rane on sight so I remain silent. He has to be here to defend himself and tell her the truth so she cannot say that I am lying.
"You don't want to speak? It's fine I have called a family meeting. Our families will be driving here on Friday."
She says before walking out of the room without waiting for my response. I wonder if my father is part of "our families"? I do not want him here I know he will hurt me. He will not mind beating me when I am now a married woman. Ever since he slapped me I do not feel safe around him I feel like I should tread carefully around him or else I will end up getting another slap. He has never called me ever since he married me off. He doesn't even know that he has married me off to the love of my life I am sure it will make him angry if he comes to find out. I am sure that his plan was to marry me off to someone I can never be able to love. He knew that I was in love with someone and he did not care about that so what will stop him from getting mad at me for not telling him that he married me off to the man I wanted to marry.
I log into my Facebook account. I have to get to the bottom of this. How did Kgatlego get hold of this video. Is it possible that this was a set up I mean no one could take a video of a girl being raped just for fun. Rape is a serious thing and the person who took this video took it as a joke. I would have understand if I willingly had sex with him outside and someone finds us and take a video but to take a video of rape is a no no. I never knew that people can be this cruel. How can a person watch someone getting raped and do nothing about it the least the person could have do was to help and not take a video either way I will get to the bottom of this. I checked his last seen and he has been offline for some few days I will have to make a plan to get in contact with him. I click on about on his profile and look for his number I am lucky to find them. I saved the number on my phone and make a note to call him tomorrow morning. I don't know how to go on about this but I will surely do it. If Kgatlego does not give me the answers I want then I'll have to report this to the police. The case will now be stronger because the is proof. I still have a few days to get to the bottom of this before Friday.
I get up and go check on my child. I find him awake I am lucky to find them. I saved the number on my phone and make a note to call him tomorrow morning. I don't know how to go on about this but I will surely do it. If Kgatlego does not give me the answers I want then I'll have to report this to the police. The case will now be stronger because the is proof. I still have a few days to get to the bottom of this before Friday.
I get up and go check on my child. I find him awake I pick him up and walk with him to the dining room and breastfeed him. He suck on me like his life depend on it I watch him attentively with a wide smile on my face. I need to thank Rane for giving me such a handsome son. I love Nyiko with my all and I will by all means always protect him. Him and Tsakani are my priorities they are the reason I will always wake up and have something to live for. Tsakani was my rebound she helped me pick myself up and see a reason for living. All I wanted to do after seeing her was to take care of her and I still see it in the same way even now. I will make sure to work very hard that even when Rane decides to abandon us we will not suffer.
Tsakani comes running into the house she was at school. She loves her baby brother to death. He is all she talks about every minute. She doesn't want him out of her side for even a minute we always have to force her to sleep in her room.
"Oh boy boy sesi is back!"
She screams while throwing her bag across the room not caring where it will land. She gets so uncontrollable when she sees Nyiko and I don't blame her I mean who wouldn't love such a handsome baby.
"Can I hold him mommy?"
Nyiko on the other side was busy dangling his leg while he enjoys his breast milk. I have heard that breast milk is the only sweetest and healthy milk a child needs. Breast milk helps in a lots of way to both children and adults that's why I decided that he should only be fed breast milk and nothing more. I always make sure to pump some milk into a bottle and store it in the fridge so he can be fed with it when I am not around like right now I have to go and see his father.
Arriving at the hospital is one thing I have been eager for along the road but standing at the door of his ward brought shivers down my spine. Is it safe to go in while I know very well that he hates me? Will I be able to be in the same room with him and see the wounds I have brought upon him? This questions will remain unanswered if I don't go in and see for myself. I hold on to the door holder with my inner woman warning me not to go inside a part of me want to go in and another part of me is scared. I leave the door and then to lean on it. I have to think this through what if I go inside only to be told to pack my stuff and leave his house will I be able to handle that? I turn to walk away I really cannot do it. The only way I see right is to leave this place and wait for him to heal first before I can talk to him.
Someone pulls me back and turn me around. Even with the smell of pills in the hospital my man's cologne will still be the strongest his mother might have brought his things to him. I open my eyes and look him in the eyes he looks a lot better than earlier. I love this so damn much and I do not want to lose him. I do not care that he raped in fact I am grateful to have been raped by the person I love. You might see me as crazy right now but you will understand when are also in this kind of situation. I can not control my tears and I met them flow he pulls me closer to him and wipe my tears off then pull me to place my head on his comfortable chest my pillow. No matter if we are standing or sitting his chest will always be comfortable for me. His chest will always be my safe place.
He walked with me to his ward and made me sit on the bed and then got between my legs. I am happy that he was now off the drip meaning he is getting better and will soon come home. He smiles at me and I return the smile back to my handsome husband.
"I love you Mikhongelo."
I stare at the man the absolutely beautiful man between my legs completely disbelieving what he’s just said. I had to have misheard. Could he have possibly said the three words after I almost killed him. Does he really mean it or he is just feeling more guilty for the secret he has kept from me.
I love this man to the moon and I will make sure to never hurt him in such a way that will and him in the hospital again. I cannot sleep on the cold bed alone without him I need him to keep me warm throughout the whole night and if it was possible I would make him make love to me the who night but unfortunately I can't due to have an under three months baby.
I want to respond to shat he has said but I feel like I did not hear him correctly I want him to repeat what he just said so I can be sure that my ears are not playing mind games with me.
"I love you baby."
He says again after reading my mind and I waste no time to press my lips on his and give a kiss that will answer his statement.
"Really Rane like really."
His mother says standing at the door causing us to stop the kiss. I know what she meant by what she said. She is not happy that she found us kissing after what happened to her son whom she forgets that is my husband.
I am sure he did not understand what she meant he probably think that she means that's shouldn't be kissing at the hospital where nurses and doctors can just burst in without any warning.
"No Rane... This girl tried killing you and all you can do is to kiss her for that."
I knew where she was going with this. I never thought she would grow hatred for me in such a short period of time. I understand that she is doing what every mother would do to protect their child.
"What do you mean? Khongi can never try killing me."
This took me by surprise I knew my husband will always be by my side but I never thought that he would stand up for me when coming to this. I thought he would blame me for it and then punish me.
"Your father better get here soon."
She says before making her way in she has been standing at the door all along. I know things are about to get awkward so it is better if I leave so that mother and son can be able to talk.
"I better get going I'll see you early tomorrow my love"
I say before placing a peck on his cheek. He doesn't argue with me so I walked out of the ward leaving them to argue about what rights and wrongs I have done.