My emotions were everywhere. For a moment I'm frozen at the same spot. Our eyes locked. Why does he looked pained and a bit uncomfortable?
I so badly want to run into his arms and have him lift me up high kiss me and whisk me away from here.
"Khanyi...''-Tessa calls me. I don't reply. "...go."
"Go?"-I repeat feeling like those words are somewhat heavy.
"I can't. "-I mumble to myself. Some woman walks in a pastes herself next to Hlelo.
Wait...I know her.
And...and she's pregnant.
She looks up at me and I can't stop the tears that form in my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I see her smirk before forcing her hand in Hlelo's.
Immediately I see him the same way I saw him in my dream. Bleeding from the nose mouth and eyes. "You left me..."-I hear him say.
Charmaine on the other hand smirks licking her lips and touching her pregnant belly.
"He's mine."-she mouths.
Before I know it I have her pinned against the wall my grip firmly on her neck as I try and squeeze the life out of her and that demon she's carrying. I want her to die and I want to watch her take her last breath. "I hate you!"-I yell through gritted teeth.
"I-I can'ttt breathe-!"-Charmaine.
I feel hands on my arms as they try and stop me from making this a crime scene. Why won't he let me be?
Charmaine falls to the ground the moment she's allowed air again. She even coughs.
Hlelo pulls me closer to his chest my back facing him.
"Let me go Hlelo! Let me go!"
"You got her pregnant Hlelo..."-I say my voice breaking as I continue to cry my lungs out and fight out of his grip.
"Hlelo let me go...I'm not strong enough to continue like this."-I utter. There are guards that come to attend Charmaine who's still on the floor. Tessa came with a few doctors and nurses as well who took her away. I'm trying by all means to avoid all the people talking around me.
"Hlelo...Please let me go. Please."-I whisper stopping all the fighting I've been doing in his hold.
"Khanyi...I remember you..."
"Khanyi talk to me."-Ntombi says to me as I sat outside the apartment just watching the people who would pass by occasionally. I think I've been sitting here for hours.
I'm not going to work today because I was suspended for 7 days for attacking that bitch. I don't think I even cared for being suspended.
"What do you want me to say Ntombi? That I'm an idiot for not even giving Hlelo a chance to...I don't know explain himself?"
"No like honestly. Yesterday he told me he remembers me...like what the heck is that supposed to mean?"-I say watching Calvin's white Toyota Tazz drive in through the gate.
"Like Ntombi he forgot me? His wife? The one who...nevermind."-me.
"Khanyisile hamba uyokhuluma naye tuu (go talk to him please). This confusion should just stop. All your dreams too maybe it's him trying to communicate with you. Plus nibadala (you're adults) for goodness sakes"-Ntombifuthi says and I turn to look at her.
Am I a sangoma now?
"What time is it?"-I ask getting up.
"I have to go."
I change into a summer dress and a pair of sandals. I put on a sunhat since the sun wasn't showing any mercy whatsoever.
I exit my room with my handbag and phone.
"Lethu. Bye bye neh (okay)"-I say to him kissing his cheek as he continued to play with his toy car.
"I'll call you okay."-I tell Ntombi.
"You better."-She says and embraces me in a tight hug.
I manage to find a parking space a few meters from my destination.
I take the bouquet of flowers from the passanger seat and step out making sure I lock the door. I make my way to her graveside.
When I eventually get there I clean around it and place the fresh flowers on her little tombstone. I kneel on the green grass and let the tears flow.
"Is it weird that I always come here to cry?"-I utter wiping my tears away but feel more pouring out. I let them be.
"Nkanyezi I'm angry. I'm hurt. I...I..."
I feel like screaming. I've honestly wished at times that I could trade places with Pea. Let her have a life even if it was for a day.
"I don't know what to do Nkanyezi. My heart tells me to go back to your father but my head won't allow me. I can't forget that video. I can't forget you. I can't forget all the trust I gave those people only for me to be hurt like this."-I confess.
I should probably go back to church and start praying again. This whole resenting God thing is not going to work for me. He wouldn't just make my journey like this and not have a plan for me.
I get up dust off my knees and leave.
I'm driving up until I get to the front of his gate. The guards immediately open for me and I drive in park and rush out. I push the front door open and it's quiet inside.
"Hlelo!"-I call out for him and get no response.
"Hlelo!"-I try again before turning my head and attention to the top of the stairs. His hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.
I walk towards him all the way up the stairs. He's quiet. Just looking at me. Seconds later I'm in front of him. "We...we need to talk."-I utter.
He takes out his hand from his pocket and takes mine into his own.
He leads the way with me behind him. We walk into the main bedroom. It's dark in here. Even the air is thick.
He sits on the floor. I think I smile when I go to sit between his legs. He pulls me closer to him until his chest hits my back.
I take in his scent. Jeez I missed him.
I clear my throat before rephrasing what I wanted to say. "Where is she?"
"Hospital I told them to keep her there because she's being dramatic."-Hlelo says hugging me. "Can we not talk about her."
"What did you mean when you said you remember me?"-me.
"Exactly that. When you left here Khanyi I had no clue who you were. I think I was bewitched."
"That's the only logical explanation I have Khanyi. I mean why would I forget a woman who clearly makes me happy beyond anything. Things around here didn't make sense after you left."
I should probably apologise about leaving him the way I did.
"These past 6 months I've been back to square one in my mind. Figuring things out for myself. Just yesterday I saw the first time we met at the mall where I bumped into you and ruined your phone. I fell in love with you all over again. "
I feel how my cheeks heat up blushing like a lovesick puppy. "Nkanyezi. It's like she's the one who's making me sane cause all these flashbacks happen in her room. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you both Khanyi. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you heal and...and bury our baby. I'm sorry I took this long to come back to you."-He says and by the sound of his voice he's on the verge of tears himself.
"They...they made me miss her funeral Khanyi. They took her away from us for what I don't know. But I promise you I'll find out and bring them to their knees. "-He says his fists clenched by my stomach. I hold them in mine.
"Is the baby yours?"-I have to know.
"I don't know. I don't even remember sleeping with her."
"When last did you talk to your brother?"-I ask.
"I can't remember but it's been ages."
"And...and uhmm everyone else?"-I question remembering Lundi calling me once upon a time to tell me Hlelo needed me but I brushed it off out of anger.
I should've listened.
"I haven't seen them for that long too. I don't even know how my businesses are doing."
"I don't know."-he says and suddenly gets up nearly making me fall backwards. I watch him walk off to the closet and opens the doors. Attentively I watch as he removes some of his clothes from an area and I see a safe.
I didn't even know that was there. I get up from the floor and slowly make my way to the entrance. He types in the code and it opens soonafter he closes it and puts back the pile of clothes that were in front of it.
"I want you to have this back."-He says now standing in front of me. He takes my left hand and raises it slipping the ring back on my finger.
"We're not one hundred percent fixed yet but this should be the first step right?"-him.
I nod pulling him in for a hug. "Right."-I respond still in his hold. When I eventually let him go it draws in me that I haven't had his lips on mine for ages and the way he keeps on bitting on his bottom lip isn't helping. With my arms still around his neck I pull him closer and he doesn't pull away. Our lips start walking in the valley of remembrance. With each suck feeling like there's more to be delivered even through the heartache we've been through. The kiss grows hungrier and I know where we'll end up if this continues.
I feel his hands cup my butt and then slide down to the back of my legs and lift me up. My legs wrap around his waist.
Soon I feel my back hit the cold wall causing me to arch my back and moan in his mouth.
My body is pressed against the wall and I know it's because he doesn't want to drop me. His hand makes it's way under my dress and finds my warmth. He slides my panties to the side and presses hard on my wanting clit.
He pulls away from the kiss and rests his forehead on mine looking deep into my hungry and lust-filled eyes.
"You're so wet..."-He breathes out before inserting a finger and another in me. "...and so tight."
"Only for you."-I utter unable to contain myself as he starts to thrust faster with his fingers.
I want his tshirt off so I can bite and kiss on his shoulder but for now I settle with his neck. Kissing it and sucking on it trying to leave hickeys on his neck... "Oh my God!"-I yell letting go all over his fingers and allow pleasure to wash over me.
"Put me down."-I whisper into his ear and feel how he stops his fingering business. He lowers me.
He looks like he's panicking.
Angiyi ndawo (I'm not going anywhere) this time around boy.
I reach for the hem of his tshirt and lift it eventually pulling it off and throwing it somewhere in this room my hat as well. The bulge in his sweatpants calls my name. Hesitantly I remove my dress and Ignore the csection scar on my stomach.
I put my hand on his chest and push him towards the bed and instead of having this dominance over him he regains it right back.
I'm underneath him as he pins my arms above my head. "This feels so right."-He hooks his fingers on my panties and pulls them down. "This doesn't feel forced."
He throws them over his shoulders.
He listens. I'm not ready to fall pregnant yet.
I feel him rub himself on my clitoris and every now and then on my entrance. He just loves teasing me like this and somehow I like it. Then I feel him enter a bit.
That's when I break our kiss and he stops as well. "Hlelokuhle"-I call him.
His eyes open immediately. Smaller than usual. It feels like I'm about to give him my virginity all over again. My inner soul. I hate how vunarable I feel right now and I hate how my mind makes me feel like he'll hurt me again or even worse leave me.
"I love you."
"I love you more standwa sam (my love)"-Hlelo.
I guess that's all I needed to hear because I pull my husbands' face closer and suck on his lips. He's not moving even though he does kiss me back. I raise my lower body up and he sinks in a little. It hurts a bit but my body wants more! More of this pleasure I've been denying myself for months.
"Please..."-I plead to him. I know he's probably thinking we're not in the right frame of mind and that I should stop this completely but a part of me wholeheartedly wants this. It wants us to be one again.
I run my hands through his rough hair. "...make love to me Mwelase."
That's when he finally buries himself in me. Filling my every need and desire. His thrusts are slow and sensual and full of meaning.
They send me to high heavens.
That thingling sensation gushes over me. "Wami look at me."-his hoarse voice orders.
"Cum for me..."-He murmurs.
My head starts spinning as my body starts shaking beyond my control. It feels like a volcanic eruption...down there. Pulsating throughout my whole nuna.
My moans die down but my eyes stay on him. My weak arms let go of his shoulders. He comes closer to me and rests his face on my neck. I hear him groan before he collapses on top of me with all his weight.
I don't care about anything else right now.
Not even his heaviness on me.
He rolls over pulling out and leaves me empty.
"You don't have any regrets right?"-he asks out of the blue. I sit up.
"Hlelo...No not at all. Why would I regret making love to my husband?"
He sits up as well removing his condom.
"Don't tell me you're having regrets...oh my gosh you're having regrets."-I say and get off the bed faster than anything. "This was a bad idea."-I search for my panties.
"Khanyi you're overreacting that's not what I meant."-he defends already holding my arm in his hand. " God knows that's not what I meant. What happened here was no mistake. "
"Then...then why would you ask me if I have any regrets?"
"Because I don't want you feeling like I'm using you because I'm not."
"Move back in please."-He says.
Am I ready for that?
I think I am.
I nod and I see how a smile dances on his lips.
"Please pass me my hat."-I ask him after putting on my dress. He hands it to me and I put it on.
16h00 and we were on our way downstairs.
I called Tessa earlier to cancel our plans because I was not in the mood anymore. I also told Hlelo about the celebration we had to attend back in KZN and he was so happy about the trip. You'd swear that he was just waiting for something like this.
"Thank you."-I say taking my phone from him. It's fully charged and I nearly shed a few tears when I see the wallpaper.
Our pregnancy shoot 2 weeks prior to the award ceremony.
"Ma'Nkosi will be coming in at around 17h00 to prepare us supper"-him.
"I can not wait to feed you again since you're moving back in."-Hlelo says snaking his arm around my waist as we walks down the stairs.
"I was hoping you wouldn't notice."-I utter and it comes out almost as a whisper.
"You were as light as a feather when I lifted you up today and you were definitely not a size 30."
I gaze around and freeze when a gun is pointed at us.
On the large lounge table was a half drank bottle of whiskey and a glass which she downs instantly.
Is she trying to get rid of her child and how the heck did she get in here...?
"You strode into our lives and took the only person that mattered to me."-She says. Tears ruining her mascara.
"Aren't you supposed to be in hospital?"-Hlelo.
"Shut up Hlelo SHUT THE FUCK UP!"-She yells. My hands are in the air surrendering. "I'm capable of signing my own release forms Hlelo."
"Put the gu-"-Hlelo.
"And you know what I was met by when I came here?"
"Moaning Hlelo fucking MOANING! You are back to fucking that bitch next to you."
"She's not a bitch!"-He says through gritted teeth. I think this is the angriest I've ever seen Hlelo.
"You're forgetting the fact that I'm the one holding the gun."
"You wouldn't shoot me."-Hlelo says.
"You're correct but I would definitely shoot nurse bitch over there."-She hisses.
Hlelo attempts on taking a step forward but the semi-intoxicated Charmaine stops him by shooting towards the roof. I duck screaming like a scared little girl.
Oh gosh I was a scared little girl and right now I knew the gun Charmaine had in her grip was real and loaded.
"Try that again and I swear I won't miss my next shot."
"Put the gun down Charmaine."-Hlelo.
"NO! Why do you always go back to her even after I've worked so damn hard on making us a family Hlelo? What does she have that I don't huh? Because I have a vagina just like she does. I have bigger boobs than she does. We both have ass and clearly I'm fertile too...but why her? Why!"-Her anger echos through the room as we both just stand there.
"Charmaine..."-My mouth blurts out and I hear another gunshot. I shut my eyes completely holding tightly onto Hlelo's upper arm expecting to feel pain but nothing.
This intoxicated hoe missed!
"NO!"-she yells agonisingly and my eyes open.
There's blood on me and on the floor. Hlelo gravitates to the floor landing on his knees pulling me with him. His breathing is rapid and he falls on his back.
"Hlelo Mwelase no!"-I panic.
He's losing too much blood.
"Bitch call for help!"-me.
I remove my dress and bundle it up pressing it on his wound.
I can't lose Hlelo as well not when I just got him back!