I force myself out of her grip and get off the bed. I yawn stretching myself awake. I quickly glance at her on the bed and just feel pure anger when I see her. I don't want to be here but it just seems like I can't leave. I don't know why but not to say I've been turning a blind eye to it.
I slip on my slippers and head out of this room heading to the only room that has been making sense out of all the rooms here. It's the only room I don't feel like my feet are on fire apart from the main bedroom as well. I unlock the door
I walk to the tiny crib and touch it. Every time I do that I have these flashbacks that I can't seem to get enough of. And all of them have the one person that I want next to me right now.
I'm walking in the mall. A text message comes through from T and it read *Charmaine is there*.
Out of panic and completely wanting to avoid seeing her today I put the money for the meal and a tip for the waitress inside the menu and leave.
*Where is she?*-I text him as I walk out.
*She's exiting Fabiani.*-T texts back.
I put my phone inside my pocket and navigate my way through the mall. I look back for one moment and when I do I bump into a lady and she drops her phone. Crap.
I reach to pick it up only to see a her hand reaching for it too.
"I'm sorry about that..."-I say to her.
"Nah I'm sorry I wasn't looking where I was going."-she replies. I know it was my fault anyway.
When she turns the phone around I see how the screen now looks like a mosaic.
"I'll get it fixed"-I say but I can definitely see that she's angry when she looks up at me.
Now...I've seen beautiful ladies but this one took the cup. The black dress she wore made her look exquisite and her adorable face made me fall in love instantly.
"Uhmmm sir...uhmm it's fine I wasn't looking..."-she said
Did she really just call me sir?
"It's Hlelokuhle and I wasn't looking where I was going so its also my fault."-I said and took out my phone with the intention of getting her number so that T can work his Magic.
"You can give me your errr. .. numbers and I'll have it fixed ASAP."-I promised this beautiful stranger.
She hesitated before taking it and typing in her numbers. I smiled when she did.
She handed me back my phone and I saved them under Uzoba owami... (You'll be mine)
"Uhmm I hav..."-she started but got interrupted by an irritating Charmaine who snakes her arm around my waist.
I knew what this looked like to her and immediately imagined a guy wrapping their arm around her waist. I cringed. I don't like that thought at all.
"Hau baby I thought you weren't coming anymore...uhmm who's this?" -Charmaine asked.
I immediately let go of the crib and the vision stops. Slowly I back away from it until I feel the wall hit my back. The woozy feeling I usually get after these mini flashbacks surfaces and I allow myself to sink to the floor.
I've shut so many people out because of this. Melo being one of them. I didn't believe him when he told me about Khanyi.
This whole thing made me feel weak and not in control and...pride is making me...me deal with my problems alone. But since I've been having these sessions I'm starting to believe everything.
Even Charmaine being involved in killing my baby.
Even the bewitching part.
I bang the chest of drawers next to me and curse the day I met those 3 who betrayed me. I curse the day I allowed them into my life. I even curse myself for allowing them to hurt Khanyi and taking away my pride and joy. They were going to regret ever double crossing me like this and they were surely going to pay dearly...just not now.
I get up from the floor and head out of the Nkanyezi's nursery room closing the door and locking it. The keys were with the other keys Khanyi gave me when she left and I've always kept it locked like she did.
I walk into the cinema room and head straight to the player. I pick up the whole batch of movies Khanyi used to watch. I search until I find it and put it into the player. It loads and starts playing.
First the sound...then finally the black and white picture of nothingness. But I know what I'm looking at. I feel a tear escape from my eye. They took her away from me.
"Hlelo...what are you doing here? What are you watching?"-I hear Charmaine say from behind me.
Well there goes my perfect mood.
I reach for the eject button and take the DVD as it comes out.
"Hlelo I'm talking to you."-She says.
Just hearing her voice makes me angry. I turn to look at her. Still in her pajamas.
"Uthini? (What are you saying?)"-I question folding my arms in front of my chest.
"I asked you what you were watching."-She repeats reaching for the DVD but I stop her by slaping her hard on the face.
She holds her cheek. Mouth wide open. "Wenzani?(what are you doing?)"-I ask.
"Hlelo did you just slap me?"
"I'll do it again if you continue to annoy me."
"I can't believe you laid a hand on your pregnant wife Hlelokuhle!"
"You are not my fucking wife Charmaine and you never will be you hear me."-I say and start walking away leaving her there to figure herself out.
Yes she is pregnant and the thought of me being the father of her child makes me sick.
"Stop...tickling... me Hlelo."-I breathe out unable to stop myself from laughing.
But he doesn't stop and neither does my laughing fest. "Hlelo please stop!"-I attempt once again and by some miracle he does stop. Staring deep into my eyes with a wide and breathtaking smile on his lips.
"I like hearing your laugh Wami."-He says.
"Is there anything you don't like about me mara wena (you)?"
"Well probably how you sanitise your hands after every hour how you sometimes strain yourself with work and how you come home late because of work. "-He murmurs close to my lips which I eventually peck earning a brief smile from him.
"Sanitiser is good for you Mwelase nothing beats good hygiene."
He nods and we stay in silence for a good minute or two before I find myself blurting out a question.
"Why did you leave me?"
"I never left you Khanyi."-he says and looks away.
"Hlelo..."-I utter bringing my fingers closer to his face. "...look at me."
He flinches and practically jumps off me and the bed. "I didn't leave you Khanyi...you left me. You left me to suffer!"-he roars his voice sounding completely different.
Then he turned to look at me when I was about to touch his shoulder and turn him myself. My heart pounds hard against my chest.
I watch as some blood oozed from his eyes nose and mouth. "You left me."-He repeats and comes at me guns blazing...
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling trying to get my heartbeat back to normal. These are one of many dreams I keep on getting and they all start smooth but end up in disaster.
Whoever said time heals all wounds was lying.
It's been 6 months since that faithful and painful day I left Hlelokuhle and honestly it still feels fresh. It feels like just yesterday where we were rejoicing Nkanyezi's first kick.
I roll over to check the time on the watch on my beside table. 09h31.
The bedroom door opens and I focus on the entering human. Ntombifuthi.
She's holding a tray I already know is filled with food. "Morning older sister."-She utters closing the door behind her.
"Hey."-I reply watching her put the tray on my bedside table and walking off to open the curtains and windows.
"You're acting like mama now."
"She must know that she has competition now that mama ka Lethu (Lethu's mother) is on the loose."-She replies and comes back sitting on the bed by my side.
I look at the food and nod taking the tray into my hold. I'm not hungry but I'll eat since I'm avoiding the whole 'Khanyi you're you've already lost too much weight' speech which is bound to pop up when I least expect it.
I pierce through some of the eggs with my fork and put them in my mouth. Heaven.
"Have some bread with that."-She orders clearly determined to make me finish everything on this plate.
"Will you relax."-I plead after swallowing.
"I've been relaxing and look at how skinny you have become one would swear I was ill treating you."-Ntombi says.
I told you it would pop out.
"I'll be back at 23h30 the latest will be at 00h00."-I say.
She nods and takes the main knife to cut the sausage on the plate. "Eat."-She forces me and I can't help but chuckle before doing so. The delicious flavour of the sausage bursts inside my mouth as I chew.
"Now I definitely understand why Lethu is so chubby."-I mumble.
"Have you spoken to Hlelo?"
Couldn't a woman finish her breakfast in peace.
A piece of toast and eggs...
I shake my head as I swallow.
"Khanyi the celebration is in few days time and you still haven't talked to him? You know the rents will freak if you don't bring their precious son-in-law along. "-Ntombi.
Maybe I should've told them that I walked out of my marriage 6 months ago not because I wasn't in love but because I was hurt. Hurt beyond all the hurt I've ever had since I came into this earth.
"I'll call him."-I say and drink some of the coffee she made me.
"You better. Something isn't right here especially how you two ended things."
See how she's being older than me now.
I step out after my quick shower
No I'm not ready.
"You're leaving already? "-Ntombi asks breastfeeding the 11 month old Lethu. He waves at me as he continues to suck on her breast.
"Yeah if I stay here longer then I'll be late. Bye."-Me.
I get into my red Polo and start the engine. Immediately the radio starts playing and I listen.
"So what you're saying is that this gang of men has been unstoppable Mr Maredi?"-I hear Pearl ask on the Tuesday morning news.
"Yes they always seem to be a step ahead from us each time thats why I urge everybody to keep safe and be on the lookout for these dangerous men."-The man replies. Mr Maredi.
"How do we alert the police if we do see something out of the ordinary?"
"Just our simple 10111 number and we should respond in seconds."-Mr Maredi answers.
"Thank you so much Mr Maredi for your time."
"It's a pleasure miss."-He says and I turn left on the road.
"Well listeners you heard it here live on Metro FM. We were all over the news that surfaced yesterday evening after 2 ATM's were bombed at the same time. Leaving 3 guards injured and 2 dead. It's scary to think that our fellow South Africans are capable of such to be honest."-She says.
It is and I somehow hope Hlelo or Melo weren't involved in this since I know that they are very capable of it.
Minutes later I drive into a parking space of Netcare Hospital and rush inside. I remember coming back here a month after Pea requesting for my leave to be cancelled. The looks I got from people who didn't know what happened and last saw me happy fat and pregnant were uncomfortable...
Tessa is the first face I see and greet before actually signing in.
"How's Tristan?"-I ask handing her the register and she hands me my file.
"He's great. A handful but great."-She says. She gave birth 2 months after I lost and buried Pea-Bean. "You should come visit him sometime I'm sure he'll love a moment with aunty K."-She says a faint smile on her lips.
I hate her for feeling like she shouldn't be happy about having Tristan after what happened to me but it wasn't her fault at all.
"You know what...I will. Say tomorrow? "-I say smiling genuinely and that's when she returns a genuine one.
"Deal. Now get to work missy."-She scolds.
After checking up on my first patient I walk out heading to the nurse station for fresh bandages gloves and Sanitiser to use for my next patient.
"K.M."-he says behind me.
I turn and smile before we share a brief hug.
"Don't push it."-I warn and we share a laugh. He's really been a great friend since everything happened and I was thankful for that...even though we nearly kissed when I went clubbing one time.
"I apologise. How are you?"-He asks.
I shrug. "I think I'm okay."
"Yes I think."-I say and he nods.
"Well miss 'I think' can you think about having lunch with me?"-He asks.
I think I look at him for a while before looking past his shoulder and see Mmasechaba standing there.
They broke up after Nathi finally confessed. So did Tshidi and Boitumelo after he confessed to sleeping with a prostitute more than once when they were separated. Typical.
"I...I can't. Excuse me."-I say and push my trolley past him rushing to Mmasechaba.
"What!"-She snaps and halts turning to look at me anger all over her face.
"It isn't what it looks like."
"Why should I care we broke up remember. You can have him."-she says and starts walking away.
"What? NO no no no I don't want Nathi we're just good friends."
"Have you seen how he looks at you? He's in love with you and I can't compete with that."-She says.
"Shabba don't say such."
"You know it's true. Now please let me be I have patients to attend to."-Mmasechaba says and rushes away.
Nathi is such an idiot!
I finish off the first half of my patients before lunchtime comes. I head to the reception so that Tessa and I can order something to eat and share.
"What are we ordering?"-She asks already equipped with her phone.
"Juicy Messy ribs."-She adds and licks her lips.
"Yess just like that."-
She orders and we get promised that they'll be delived in 30 minutes.
"Hlelo?"-I interrupt. "Sorry. Continue. "
"He's right there."-She says.
"There."-She points to the entrance.