It’s been exactly three weeks since my lunch with Nita. I am sitting here nervous with everyone going up and down preparing for the wedding. It’s all laughter and joy but all I can think about are Anita’s words.
What if I am selling my soul to the devil?
You could be wondering why I agreed easily? I guess I’m hoping that this marriage doesn’t work out let’s just say it’s not going to work out.
Yes! It will not work out not if I have anything to do with it anyway.
I am speaking things into existence.
Within three months I’ll be home free. I think to myself releasing a slight smirk
I have seen Phiwokwakhe’s photos since then at least now I know the face. It’s weird that we have never met and yet in a couple of hours we will be husband and wife.
He is hot. Your dark chocolate guy with red eyes and a smile to die for but still not mine.
God didn’t make him for me. I see myself with a light skinned guy with no hair at all.
“The bride is not supposed to stare at walls on her big day” says Mama waving at my face.
“I don’t think I can do this Mama I’m not ready” I start to pace up and down as always.
“No one is ever ready for marriage even the ones who are in love Kwakha” she says zipping my dress.
“Believe in yourself and trust yourself enough to handle this”
Once again that word ‘handle’
“It’s not going to be easy but you two can make it work if you want to now go to the Xulu family and make us proud” she says giving me a tight hug.
I can’t! I don’t want to…
My dad is walking me down the aisle and I am shaking I’m failing to find balance and these heals are not helping at all.
I see him standing there looking at our direction with a straight face. He does not seem nervous at all. This is him the man I must learn to love.
I’m not even sure if this is possible.
My father whispers in my ear
“I’m proud of you” then kisses my chick and walks away.
I look at Phiwokwakhe and I can immediately tell from his eyes the love is just not there.
He is your fuckboy type the one who taps and bounce? Yes that one with the body to die for he reminds of that Morris Chestnut guy from - The best man movie.
The ceremony begins; we had no vows written for each other. I don’t know why that’s shocking.
Before I know it everything is done and I let out a deep breath I didn’t even know I was holding.
“It couldn’t have been that bad” he says to me
Wow his voice I think to myself.
Yes it was in fact it was worse than you could ever imagine.
I don’t respond to that I just look at him and fake a smile.
The reception was lovely the speeches were lovely and the support was amazing.
For a moment I forgot that I was entering a loveless marriage.
His friends are funny especially that Lwazi guy apparently he is the best friend.
They all came to introduce themselves but I couldn’t give care at all.
I must say Lwazi’s girlfriend Azariah she said is beautiful and bubbly.
Now and then we would look at each other but I think it was more of us trying to establish if we had really done this.
I decided we should not have a honeymoon
I thought this guy lives in JHB?
He is driving and it is dead quiet in this car you would swear we just buried someone.
The house is 30 minutes away from Anita and Zimele’s house; at least we’ll make frequent visits to each other. We pull over to this lovely modern house with huge glass windows in Ukusa Estate and I must say it’s exactly what I would have gone for.
It has two garages a pool and a Jacuzzi. There’s a huge lawn and the landscape is amazing but the sea-view beats everything
We walk out and go inside and I love it really. The interior is so gorgeous and it’s spacious at least I’m happy about something. The kitchen is everything with grey walls and every appliance is black including the fridge.
The art on the walls is breathtaking.
I must say he’s got good taste.
He walks to the master bedroom leaving me there admiring the house.
I follow him and I find him already taking off his clothes I stand by the door and watch not intentionally.
All I’m thinking to myself is is this really him? He is dark in complexion have that ‘regularly taken care of’ body and a four pack. His smile is what caught my eye during the reception he has those white lovely set of teeth. I noticed earlier that he loves scratching the hair left on his chin a little now and then. He has beard left also on the side of his chicks and I already know with his body looks and money I’m going to have a number of heartaches. That is if I ever fall for him. He also has a lion tattoo on his left shoulder and I guess it marks his strength.
He seems like he is forever composed from the way he walks to the way he talks. You can tell with whatever line of work he does he has the greatest amount of power.
YES I don’t know what he does for a living.
Before I know it he is all dressed up in black jeans a white top a navy bomber jacket and white sneakers. He grabs his car keys and wallet.
I didn’t know we were going somewhere I mean I’m so tired I just want to sleep.
“Don’t wait up” he says walking past me without even looking at me.
Here I was thinking I’m invited to wherever he is going but no. He didn’t even bother to tell where he is going.
Wow so much for a marriage.