part 6 royalty or poverty?

Life can be really unfair We find ourselves in a different situation beyond our control in blink of an eye and in worlds were we seem different not accepted not appreciated and not Loved. We turn to belief that we not worth it and not good enough. Then comes the voices with we contend even in moments of solitude . These are voices within the words we hear running through our heads in an endless diatribe. Many people hear them but most feel hopeless to silence them. I am one among those who feel hopeless to silence them because every time I look at the mirror I see everything he says and believe it. I felt ugly fat and not good enough I ended up avoiding the mirror because I didn't want to see the ugliness. Lwazi used to tell me how beautiful I am I guess he was the last person to utter those words. I would find myself thinking about him in my moments of solitude. I hated my life and hated everything about me to the extent were I saw no reason why I am alive. Lwazi permanently moved to Cape Town I never saw him again and didn't think I would see him again. I mean it's been six months since I got married and haven't heard from him as if he was gonna visit me. " Yes...Will be there in 30 minets " Luyolo walked in talking on the phone fixing his tie. Me: I made breakfast He ignored me and walked out the door. I slowly cleared the table in disappointment. I was trying to make this "Thing" work but what does he do? throw all my efforts on my face. I hated him for making me feel small and unimportant. I decided to spend the whole day spring cleaning since I had nothing do. I was just a house wife that was not valued the only people that can make you feel cherished are your parents but mine did not cherish me. They sold me for money If someone would come and make me choose between Royalty and poverty I would choose my old life. Tears escaped from my eyes I was literally hurting. Afternoon... After preparing a delicious meal for Luyolo I asked Steve to take me to his workplace. Steve was my driver since I couldn't drive Luyolo was busy and couldn't drive me around. I went to the receptionist and asked for Mr khuzwayo . Her: Sorry who are you Mam? Me: His wife She stopped her jaw then quickly recovered from the shock. Her: Okay Mam... follow me to his office We walked a short distance then we stopped in front of this door. She knocked "Not now..." She opened the door Her: Sorry Sir your... He looked up and our eyes met Him: It's fine can leave She nodded I walked in Me: I brought you lunch...since you didn't have breakfast this morning... He angrily stood up Me: I thought.. He clapped the container from my hands and the food fell on the floor Him: Look woman we may be married but that doesn't give you the right to come to my office Me: I - Him: You are a humiliation looke at you and look at me Me: I'm sorry I tried picking up the food Him: Stay indoors where you belong. Your job is to do Landry iron clean and cook at Home not coming to my office. My hands were shivering Him: How old are you? Me: 20 I said still facing down Him: Your mates are at school diong something unlike you getting married for money! I could feel tears burning on my cheeks

getting married for money! I could feel tears burning on my cheeks I closed the container and faced the other way I didn't want him to see me crying. Me:... Him: Do me a favour and never set your foot in this office understood? I nodded then rushed out. Later on at home... It was in the evening I was waiting for my husband to come back from work. The table was already set as soon as I heard the sound of his car I stood up and warm up the food. The door opened I rushed to take his laptop bag. On my surprise he was not alone a beautiful light skin woman looking like a model cat walked in. She stopped the moment our eyes met Me: Molo Bhuti I greeted Him: Baby this is Lihle the house helper I could feel the pain deep inside my heart Lady: Hi Him: Lihle this is Nelly my girlfriend.. I didn't know how to react whether to smile or cry or show a serous face Me: Molo Cc Luyolo was giving me a dead stare it was clear that he really didn't love me. Actually he was not hiding it from his family I begged my parents to take me back but they refused. I was forced to stay with a man that didn't love or even care about me. I closed the door as they walked in. I heard giggles from the lounge I finished warming the food then called them to the table. I have never seen him so happy and it was my first time seeing him laugh. He really loved her and she made him happy I could see Me: I will be at my room Nelly: Okay Cc She was nice and friendly Luyolo just looked at me and shift his focus back to his girlfriend. I walked to my room and changed to my pyjamas and tried to sleep. The following morning... I told myself I was not gonna do anything I stayed in bed for a while. The thought of going back to school came to mind. I wanted something to keep me busy searched for my standard 9 report I found it. I sighed asking myself who was I fooling I can't go back to high school at the age of 20 plus I'm married. I placed my documents back and slept for a while. I woke up a while later to find Luyolo at the lounge wear black tracksuit with a while vest his feet was on top of the table. Me: Xolo Bhuti I thought you were at work I turned back and went to the kitchen. I made myself breakfast I ate sitting by the counter. He walked in busy on his phone my body tense. I stood up Him: And then? Me: I done eating Bhuti Him: Oh He poured himself water and drank Me: Bhuti.... Him: What? My heart jumped Me: I....I...Want to go back to school Him: So? Where do I fit in? He gave me a confused facial expression Me: Can you register me to any high school Him: Me??? Why don't you go yourself??? He left me at that spot I felt stupid and regretted asking him.

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