I'm busy ironing our church clothes. Sarah came back with new clothes for me and Musa. Beautiful dresses jeans and tops. I was surprised I still am. 

Ntokozo has been boosting her mother with questions. Saying why did she buy us clothes why are we joining them to church. I mean why is she all over with these questions? Sometimes I think Ntokozo is just a piece of work.

I take Sarah's vintage dress to her bedroom. She is still in the bathroom bathing. Musa is by the lounge watching tv. I guess we are being treated like humans after all.

I walk back and iron my dress. It's a beautiful black and white dress. She even bought me two pairs of heels. I love the new Sarah. 

When I'm done with ironing. I start with the cooking. I'm glad I only have to cook rice and chicken stew. Yesterday before we hit the bed we made salads a lot of them. She even stayed and baked some scones too.

Ntokozo walks in. "I can say.. you really did great. Your witchcraft is working for you to have my mother treat you this innocent"
She is starting. "What are you saying? Auntie is our guardian and she loves us as her own."
"She will finally see what a creature you are I'll make sure of that. Piece of shit!" She walks out.

I sigh. "What have I ever done to her?"


Blessing in Christ.

It is written is blond letters right on top of the building with a blue cross beneath it. It's my first time seeing this church around here. It's a huge beautiful church building. Even when we came here I saw directions of it. It must be well known.

We walk inside the premises. The cars that parked on the side are all the costly and flashy ones. It must have high well known families and holders.

Ntokozo screams. "Manje wena?" Sarah. (And you).
"Is that Bishop Gxaba's car?". She points at a maroon Mercedes-Benz AMG.
"Yes it is" Sarah frowns.
"It's my dream car." Ntokozo.

I hold Musa by hand as we walk further into the church. He looks cute in his new clothes. A Jabaroo jean and blue and white shirt and Jabaroo kiddies shoes.

 The ushers at the door handed us pamphlets. Sarah declined and said she has one. We walk and went to the second benches at the front.

After a 30 minutes people had settled down and stopped chatting. A young man walks and stands on the pulpit with a microphone on his hand and a paper.

"Greetings to all of you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ Amen!"


"My name is Sello Thwala for those who didn't know me. I'll be your MC for today's service. Before we start with our opening prayer I would like to call out few of our leaders who will do the main verses and the sermon. We will have Pastor Makokone all the way from Mamelodi. Secondly Mrs Jocobs Thirdly Pastor Twala. Our sermon will be blessed by our Bishop Baba'Gxaba. All with a heading of 'Seeking God diligently'. Amen" He announce.


"Can we all please stand on our feet..". We all stand up. "Jesu ngiqalile" he sings.

What a beautiful voice.

"Uhambo lo ku kholwaa
Uzubenami bo Ngiga'guqungi
Ngigene Zulweni.
Nkosi Baba
Nkosi sengiqalile
Uhambo lo ku kholwaa
Uzubenami bo Ngiga'guqungi
Ngigene Zulweni.

Abanye bayafisa
Uzubenami bo Ngiga'guqungi
Ngigene Zulweni."

The song lifted my spirit. I started to have chills down my spine with goosebumps popping out. My heart beat rised as if my heart will pop out off my chest. The feeling was amazing and overwhelming at the same time. 

I couldn't hold my tears anymore. I set them free..



Ah fuck!

I roll over to lay on the bed. I rest for a while taking a deep ass breath. With thick drops of sweat dripping on each side of my figures.

This time was not love with connection and feelings but pleasure and the sweet ending of it. I promised to never do it again but she just so good at fucking and definitely knows the weakness of a man. 

She moves to lay on my already wet -of sweat- chest. I briefly look at her then up at the ceiling.

First time she cried and called me a bloody bastard and now I can see she is getting used to my game pleasure.

"You need to leave. I have a meeting to go to in an hour." I say.
She gets up from my chest and looks at me. She's about to nag me. "I thought we were spending the rest of the day together" she says.

Told ya!
"Am I your boyfriend? Perhaps I didn't get the memo... bitch get up get dressed and leave. I paid you!" I yell getting up heading to the bathroom. "When I get back here I want you gone." 

I get inside the bathroom and bang the door. I pee then turn the shower on. I enter when the water is warmer. The water hits against my skin making me relax a bit. 

It's been two years since she died. It still hurts so much. If I didn't follow in the footsteps of my father she would been here with me and our baby girl.

It was one time. I was into deep shit. I had double-crossed the most notorious drug dealer. When I thought he was never going to find me he appeared from nowhere and attacked my house. That shootout cost the life of a woman I loved so much. Til today I'm still haunting him down with slightly of luck. I always miss the chart. 

I get out of the shower when I'm done. I wrap a towel around me then brush my teeth. I get back to the bedroom and she's nowhere in site. Perfect! I don't like repeating myself.

I get dressed in my elegant suit. I put my rolex watch on. My phone rings. 

"We are meeting at the French Casino. We have a shipment. Franklin wants to have a conference call." Zayn. 
"I'll be there. Get Swift to chip on Franklin. I don't trust his ass. I need the full detail when I get there" I command.
"Will do" he says. I hang up.

I don't want mistakes in recruiting these new morons. It must have a good deal.

She runs towards me. I squat down to her level and throw her in the air. Having her in my arms and seeing her most beautiful smile somehow rests my heart to be at peace.

I hold her.
"Hey daddy's little princess how are you this morning?". I say tickling her. Her sweet -yet loud- giggles fill my eardrums. Music to my ears.
"Good. You" she says. I smile. 
"Good" I peck her chubby cheek.
"Daddy has to go somewhere. I'll be back later" I peck her chubby cheek.
"Daddy has to go somewhere. I'll be back later be a good girl to aunt Cassie. Okay?". 
She nods. 

I call out for Cassie and she appears from the direction of the kitchen.
"Please taking care of her. I'll be back a bit late today" I say.
She nods. "Yes sir."
"If my aunt comes please tell her to call when she's here."
"Will do sir."

I look at the young lady in my hold. "Bye my princess. Daddy loves you". I say kissing her cheek. "I love Dada!". I chortle. 
I put her down and walk out. 

"Senor" I nod to respond.
Jeff opens the car door for me. I get in and we drive off as soon as he settles. 



The bishop stands up as we sing. "Your heaven is alive oh Jehovah.
I fear no death I shall overcome.
Your heaven is alive oh Jehovah.
I fear no death I shall overcome."

"In the name of Jesus I greet you all" Bishop Gxaba.


"To the church of the "Blessing in Christ" in God our father and the Lord Jesus Christ Grace and peace to you from God our father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.."


"Today we are seeking God diligently. 'For he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him' that is Hebrews 11:6. This verse tells us that God responds to those who are seeking him. In fact it says that God rewards those who "diligently seek him". We show an attitude of diligence by avidly spending time in his word. It is virtually impossible to know God's will his mind worldview and his plan for our lives without studying his word and spending with him in prayer."


"When we really study the bible we find that it is alive and powerful that it effectively works in those who receive it as the living Word of God and not simply as the written words of men. We find God's power evident in many places where he promises to work on behalf of those whose hearts God's are loyal to him. That is another way that he will reward thise who diligently seek him"


"God tells us that he is pleased when we persue him. And he also promises that when we persue him he will reward us. When we spend time in God's word we find that he meets us there and shows us his peace his presence his direction and his goodness in our current situations. And each time we choose to spend time with God we find that our relationship with him is strengthened. So now it what ways are you diligently seeking God? Do you regularly spend time in the bible? Honestly how much time are you taking each day or week to allow the power of God's Word to transform your mind your will your emotions and your attitude? What's steps can you take in order to spend more consistent time in the bible? Seek God in this difficult time of your life he will never forsaken you or leave you. He will help and love you more. Good bless us.. Amen"


He went to sit down as we sing another song. 

Was he talking to me? To me.. so that I can seek God diligently and that he can help me with all this pain I feel in my heart?


The service was over. We step outside as soon as we give our offerings. We wait just outside of the church.

"Sisi ice cream! I want ice cream!" Musa.
"But I don't have money on me San ka mama" He pouts. "Askies"

Finally Sarah and her little devil walk out. They are with Mrs Gxaba. I know her because she closed the service today. They stop in front of us.

"Hello ma" me.
"How are you doing?" She smiles. She has that smile that will warm you up.
"I'm good ma yourself" me.
"I'm good. Thanks for coming along with your aunt. Did you enjoy the service?" Mrs Gxaba.
"Yes I did" I smile. She brushes Musa's head. 

"Thanks again. We will like to take our leave" Sarah.
"Oh yes that. Please come with us. We will drop you off after lunch at my house" Mrs Gxaba.
"Oh no.." Sarah.
"Please come with us" Mrs Gxaba.
"Okay. Nomzamo come with me." Sarah she drags me away from Mrs Gxaba with a fake smile. I almost tripped in my heels.

We stand far away from them. "I need you to take this money take a taxi home. You can't come with us." Sarah.
"Oh. Okay auntie." me.
I take the 30 rand notes. She walks back.

I take Musa's hand and we walk to the gate. I guess we are not fit to dine with the bishop and his wife...



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