Senzi finally got back looking high as kite I know not to reprimand him about weed when he is like this because of his stress levels. And I just put the kids to sleep he went straight to the balcony passing me sleeping on the bed. I got up undressed and followed him I hugged him from behind.

Senzi:"I feel like shit."

Me:"Are we talking about weed?"

He turned around looking at me he blew the smoke on the side to look at me. He smiled and pecked my lips.

Senzi :"So my cousins fucked they fucked up big time."

Me:"What did they do?"

Senzi:"The Ghost guy the one who's father they killed. Destroyed Similo he is broke and living with his parents as we speak Ghost sucked his account clean blew all his merchandise now he is broke and his parents will be broke. I will be broke everyone will be broke next thing we will be poor. And I'm so fuckin stoned right this whole thing is not making any sense do I look too high to you? "

Me:" Yes you are pretty smoked so there's nothing you guys can do? "

He shook his head.

Senzi:" I am out of options mami. He is untouchable. "

Me:" But we built this house from scratch there's nothing he can do about it. "

Senzi:" He is a lunatic no one has any idea what he is capable of. And his team The Masks are like walking machines literally those people are untouchable they steal without a trace. "

I sighed loudly.

Me:" You are also a lunatic in your own way I believe you will make a plan. "

Senzi:" I hope I can. "

And those words echoed in my head for 3 full weeks he had managed to get money hard cash and hid it. But above that were going broke and he was stressing. Similo on the other hand had lost so much weight the whole family was stressed but my main concern was my little family. I was sitting on the island with his bottle of Whiskey  the kids were with Busi she wanted them over this week. She gets bored being by herself so being the good godmother she is she took them. Senzi finally graced me with his presence. He leaned against the wall studying me carefully with his arms folded he brightened the lights.

Senzi:"Have you been crying?"

I wiped my tears.

Me :"I can't take my son out of the private school Ndabeni I can change my lifestyle but my kids."

Senzi:"They are kids Mami they adapt easily and we are trying to fix this you know that.".

Me:"I know but it doesn't change anything I am scared of us living with people and depending on people. I don't feel boldly about that."

He looked at the bottle of whiskey then at me I was already crying and yes a bit drunk but it doesn't change anything. I took out my bank statement and gave it to him.

Me:" I work because I love my job I don't work for the sake of money. To me it's a bonus look at that I don't even have a cent."

Senzi:"Mami why are you doing this to me?"

I shook my head..

Me:"I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything like that but reality is we are broke and the money you put away won't be enough. You can't be living comfortably while your family struggles."

I jumped off the counter I lost balance and fell. I just sat on the floor and cried he sat next to me and embraced me. I remembered what happened when my father left eating Pilchard and rice or even just rice wasn't easy. I can't go back to that life and by the looks of things eating Pilchard and rice or even just rice wasn't easy. I can't go back to that life and by the looks of things that's exactly where we are headed.


Schools had reopened I was attending only 2 classes today and I didn't want to go home. The driver always takes me to places. I can say I do not breathe and the only time I breathe is when I'm going to church. I do know someone watches me but I don't see them. 

Me:"Can we go to the mall please." 

The driver nodded taking a different direction as if on cue my phone rang. 


Thusi:"MaMlotshwa where are you going?" 

Me:"I'm going to the mall I need something.". Thusi :"And have I never told you to send someone whenever you want someone."

My heart was beating fast I knew he wasn't happy with me and whatever he will do I won't like. 

Me:"I know baba but I promise you nothing will happen to me."

Thusi:"Nothing better happen vele." 

He hung up on me I sighed. He used to be full of love when Ma was around but now he has become the devil itself. I jump when a horn honks next to us I blink countless times when I looked at the car. It's the black Mercedes I saw about a week back the driver drives of fast and I can't help my panic. I feel like I am being stalked or I'm seeing things. I sigh out loudly when the car parks and my guard gets out with me. He walks a bit behind me while I slowly window shop I don't want anything from here but I just wanted to get some air. I hope Lwazi is okay though. 

Guard :"See anything you like?"

I nod and give him the shoes I don't have money on me. I never do if I want something I tell the guard and he pays for me. The cards are in his possession and I have no access to money. After eating I go inside the restroom but one is opened I let out a mini scream when I notice I see a man behind it as soon as I close the door. He quickly covers my mouth and signals me to shut up I nod countless times. In my heart I know I won't make any noise. If he rapes me he rapes and I hope he kills me in the process. However this stalls are private unlike most of the public toilets.

Man:"Don't cry I won't hurt you I just want to talk. I promise please promise you won't scream."

I nod understanding him loud and clear. What creeps me the most in his slightly burnt face it scares me and people that look like that are mostly serial killers. He slowly let's go of my hands.

Me:"Please make it quick."

I beg him with my lips trembling I don't expect him to look struck but he does.

Man:"I need you to give me your number please I promise I won't call when you don't want me to. And I will bother you but when you allow me to."

Me:"I don't have a phone."

He looks at my pocket and well it's there.

Man:"My name is Sandiso and you are Sithabile right."

Me:"Are you the one that has been following me?!"

Sandiso:"Sssh please."

Me:"My bodyguard is outside and if I scream he will get in here and kill you but I don't want you to die please go."

I'm literally begging a man who has just been staring at my face and neck.

Sandiso:"Does your boyfriend beat you?"

My eyes widen.

Me:"I don't have a boyfriend."

Sandiso :"Please just give me your numbers then I will let you pee in peace."

Me :"Okay fine."

He takes out a small phone and hands it over to me he has gloves on. This guy might be a serial killer I think of giving him a wrong number but he might test it. Instead I write the wrong one I almost slap myself when he doesn't check but climbs on the toilet seat and pushes the ceiling aside. He looks down at me once he is on the roof.

Sandiso:"Thank you."

Then he closes the thing I'm still looking at it with my mouth wide open. Wondering where the hell he went. 


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