Thirty Four



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NDALWENHLE ZULU



"So the police didn't find anything?"-me


I stare at him fix his tie and he nods.


"They were not going to find anything in the first place"-Jackson


He turns to look at me straightening his blazer and I scratch my head throwing my legs over the bed. 


"Jy was saam met Roxanne gister hoe het dit gegaan? (You were with Roxanne yesterday how did that go?)"-me


I wear his slippers getting up from the bed and pull the t-shirt down.


"I was how did you know about that?"-Jackson


I shrug.


"She updates me whenever you go see her sends me pictures of you ..."-me

"Why haven't you ever told me about that?"-Jackson


He looks worked up and I shrug again.


"I didn't want to stress you unnecessarily"-me


I also didn't want more drama surrounding this it's tiring.


"You know I'm not confident with you hiding things from me give me your phone"-Jackson


I take next to the bedside lamp and give it to him.


He goes through it and I walk to the bathroom.


"I'll take the kids to school you have therapy at ten"-Jackson


I close the door and walk to the sink to brush my teeth.


He's gone by the time I'm done showering so I get dressed and also leave after him to get donuts and a cup of coffee before my session.


"Ndalo!"-Lungile


I pick the takeaway and my bag up too turning to him.


I didn't expect to see home here but I keep my face looking indifferent.


"Hi"-me


He doesn't smile back when I smile. 


"What are you doing?"-Lungile

"I'm getting food"-me


I lift the bag and he tucks his hands in his pockets and sighs.


"I expected better from you Ndalo despite everything that happened to you"-Lungile


I sigh tucking my hair behind my ear looking up at him.


"Me too I expected much more from you but left me all alone..."-me

"I didn't leave you"-Lungile


He interrupts me and I nod.


"If thinking that makes you sleep better at night then okay"-me


I walk past him to the door and he follows me to the car parked down the street.


"Can we talk ?"-Lungile

"Isn't that what we're doing right now?"-me


I look at him and he nods with a sigh.


"I mean I want to talk to you properly we're still family aren't we?"-Lungile


I open the door and turn to him.


"Sure"-me


I want to hear him out I also played a role in us drifting apart he's not all the way wrong.


His phone rings and he pulls it out of his pocket.


"Hello?"-Lungile


I also check phone for the time and I have thirty minutes before my therapy session.


"I have to go someone has been shot in town..."-Lungile


He rushes to where his car is and I'm curious.


"Who?!"-me


He drives off and I sigh turning back to the car and getting in so I can eat my food.


Thirty minutes later I go to see the therapist feeling a little nervous.


"This feels like a little TV scene with the pot of flowers wooden furniture that's cosy..."-me


I walk around picking the picture on the table behind the couch up and looking at her.


"That's my daughter she's about your age"-Therapist


I nod looking at her.


"She's beautiful"-me


I put the picture back down and she nods.


"Thank you on her behalf bit she does remind me of you"-Therapist


I fold my arms.


"What do you mean?"-me

"She's also been through a lot"-Therapist


Haven't we all?


"You didn't put her through a lot did you?"-me


I walk around the couch and sit on the two seater sofa with my leg over the other.


"No but...."-Therapist


I interrupt her before she does any further.


"Then she and I are different my mother put me through a lot and you... You look like a good mom"-me


She disagrees.


"Being a good mother doesn't have a face a woman could matronly and still be awful to her kids. A slay queen could look like a slay queen and be an amazing mother"-Therapist


Ooh. We're discussing stereotypes.


"I know "-me


I nod my head taking the fluffy cushion next to me and running my hand over its fur.


"So what do you want to talk about?"-me

"Anything that you feel..."-Doctor

"I don't feel anything"-me


I interrupt her and she nods.


"You don't feel anything at all?"-Therapist


She raises an eyebrow and I shrug.


"I do feel like sometimes I feel scared alone and..."-me


I trail and look at her.


"And what? What else do you feel?"-Therapist


I feel a lot of things.


"Insecure"-me

"Why do you think you feel like that?"-Therapist


I gulp my own saliva and sigh.


"I'm damaged and as soon as the people around me realise that I'll be deemed worthless"-me


She looks at me sympathetically.


"A few traumatic or tragic incidents in your past don't make you damaged"-Therapist


I shake my head as my eyes well up. I didn't think if want to cry by just thinking about these things.


"I've done... I have done some things too bad things that I can't ever take back"-me


She hands me the box of tissues on the table and I pull one out and dab it on my cheeks.


"You're human everyone has done things they regret Miss Zulu that doesn't mean you're a bad person"-Therapist


I chuckle bitterly.


"I killed two babies

they were both mine and now I might not even be able to get pregnant because I had two abortions"-me


She nods.


After the session I don't know how to feel. I walk to the car and recieve a text from Jackson.


~π™Žπ™€π™’π™šπ™©π™π™žπ™£π™œ π™˜π™–π™’π™š π™ͺπ™₯ 𝙄'𝙑𝙑 π™—π™š π™π™€π™’π™š π™‘π™–π™©π™§π™š~

- π™…π™–π™˜π™ π™¨π™€π™£


I put the phone back in my purse and walk to the car driving to his house.


It's a fortress when I get home. There's men all over the house they look like gaurds. 


Well there's four of them but this still feel dangerous.


I walk into the house to find Cheyenne carrying Liam and clearly waiting for me.


"Ek is bly jy is terug ek het 'n noodgeval by die huis wat ek moet bywoon(I'm glad you're back I have an emergency at home that I have to attend)"-Cheyenne


She gives me the little boy she's carrying so I'm forced to drop my purse so I can hold him properly.


"But I can't..."-me

"Ek sien jou mΓ΄reoggend (I'll see you tomorrow morning)"-Cheyenne


She rushes to the door with her purse and rushes out.


"Hey Liam"-me


I say to the boy in my arms but he just stares at me. I try putting him down but he starts crying.


"Ek soek my pa! (I want my dad!)"-Liam


At least he can express his feelings.


I pick him up again and carry him in my hip. What do you do with a toddler you don't know?


I carry him to the kitchen and put him on the counter at least he doesn't cry now.


"Are you hungry?"-me


He shakes his head.


"Soek jy room ys(Do you want ice cream?)"-me

"Ek soek my pa(I want my dad)"-Liam


Chile I want him too.


"He's going to come back now we can have ice cream whole we wait for him"-me

 

I kick my shoes off and take three bowls out  and scoop I've cream into them while walking barefoot.


"Waar is Cheyenne ?(Where's Cheyenne?)"-Lukka


He walks in I thought he was at school.


"When did you get back from school?"-me

"Dad's friend fetched me"-Lukka


I have two kids to take care of.


"Okay do you want ice cream too?"-me


I give him my bowl and walk outside to the yard.


Maybe I can tire them off by making them running around then they'll fall asleep.


"Hey julle geΓ«et ? (Did you guys eat?)"-me

"We don't eat lunch until two"-Lukka


It's almost twelve.


"Okay what do you feel like eating?"-me


I get up and dust my self off as we were sitting on one of the stairs leading to the lawn from the back porch.


"Lasagna"-Lukka

"Liam do you also want lasagna?"-me


I look at him sitting next to his brother and he nods.


"Will you help me make it?"-me


Lukka shakes his head no.


"We want to play here"-Lukka


There's a soccer ball in the middle of the lawn so I nod.


"I'll check on you in a few minutes"-me


Time flies until it's around 9 pm and Jackson is not back.


The house is still overrun by his men and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable the kids are sleeping in the main bedroom since the wanted to wait for him and I'm also not comfortable waiting for him in the living room.


He walks in as I pick my phone up to call him and I breath out a sigh of relief.


"Hey you're still awake?"-Jackson


He throws his blazer somewhere in the room and I nod.


"Jackson what happened? Why are there so many people around the house?"-me


I pull the silk gown so it covers me properly and he stares down at me in distress.


"Alpha got shot earlier today he's...."-Jackson


He looks pained as his eyes move to the bed and looks at me.


"Why are the kids sleeping here?"-Jackson

"They're waiting for you your kids are hyper energetic"-me


I yawn and he chuckles attempting to walk to them on the bed but I grab his arm.


"Are you okay?"-me

"Yeah as long you guys have security I'm fine"-Jackson


His face says otherwise.


"I'm guessing those men are guards"-me


I let go of his arms and he walk to the bed and sit on it.


"Yeah you're going to have to get used to them"-Jackson


I walk over to sit next to him and put my hands between my thighs.


"How are you taking this?"-me


He shrugs.


"There is no way to take it sweetheart it's the way it is"-Jackson


He gets up and walks to the closet to take out a change of clothes.


"Do you you have an idea on who might be behind this?"-me


He shakes his head.


"It could be anyone we have a lot of enemies but it might also be Roxanne"-Jackson


I get up my heartbeat turning into a Gqom beat. I'm obviously next because I took her man.


"You think she's capable of doing this?"-me


He starts undressing but pauses when I ask the question.


"She's my... I've known her long enough to know what she's capable of"-Jackson


I sit back down and watch him get naked. He's obviously not spending the night here with us.

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