A girl child is mainly blamed when she is raped people mostly point fingers at her to say its her fault she shouldnt be too comfortable around a man she should have said something if she noticed the man was being over friendly but what about little kids who have no knowledge about rape or sex ? On my mother's side I think she was afraid of being a laughing stock in the compound she thought about the people around her and she didn't want to be wrong ... She wanted to save her marriage and not protect her little girl .
Iam just telling you my back ground or am just remembering how I ended up here .
As I ran from the houseall I could think about was where was I going too I thanked God that I was wearing a trucksuit and tropicals because I didn't know how I was going to survive with this coldness .
I got tired and decided to rest under a bridge .
"You need to wake up this place is dangerous " a girl said
"Now if i leave this place where will I go " I said almost tearing up
"You can't sleep here " she repeated herself
"I don't know where I will go "
"Don't worry come with me " she said holding my hand .
She made me feel safe as if she was my big sister
We reached a buildingthere was a lot of noise some were smoking some drinking others dancing .
"So are okay you will be sleeping with me " she said pointing at her cardboard with a bedsheet .
I nodded .
"Don't be scared am here to protect you no one will hurt you " she said
Why can't I just go back home and sleep on a comfortable bed .
Life as a street kid was something else no one explained how being a street kid was this stressful .
You have to beg for food you have to beg for money just to survive and when you are sick it was the hardest most clinics or hospitals wouldnt attend to you because you smell so bad or looked like a thief.
The few days I missed mom I wanted to go back home but again I thought about my wicked step father and I would change my mind.
When I turned 14years I was given the rules of being a street kid the big boys would sleep with me without refusing and if I refuse I would be beaten ... What a life right? I thought running away from home was going to change things kashi awe mwandi .
I was now 19years old all grown up and I don't even remember how I ended up surving in these streets with my friend Mwape she was the girl who was like a big sister to me .
Mwape was the girl who helped me ...
"I can't say goodbye Mwape I carried this child for 9months and he decided to die" I cried digging up my baby's grave
"Lulu its not your fault " she said rubbing my back
I fell pregnant I don't even know who got me pregnant but what I remember is I slept with some streets kids at the time I couldn't afford to have an abortion because I had to pay a certain amount .. When I gave birth my boy was health but due to the coldness my boy died ..
I put the baby in a plastic bag I kissed his tiny cold lips .
Which mother wants to say Goodbye to their kid I wish this child was born under different circumstances but we don't choose what happens to us .. God has a final say
"Am sorry that I couldn't take care of you my baby " I said
"Lulu you need to let the baby go I know it hurts but you need to be strong " she said
Strong ? Ummmm what is strong if yourself don't understand the meaning of strong
Strong ? Ummmm what is strong if yourself don't understand the meaning of strong the only thing is cry because crying makes sense .
I looked at him for the last time and put him in his tiny grave we dug up.
My body felt like it was buried together with him .
Walking back to the house was hard knowing that I will not be waking up to my baby boy not waking up to his cry and his cute giggles ..
"Lulu you need to be on contractives and remember that nurse said about being on PREP we need to take care of ourselves " she said
"We will go tomorrow " I said
She rubbed my back and she left me sleeping.
I woke up and it was so late I was so hungry .
"Babes there is this club in town and they are hiring " she said excited
"Why are you excited ?"
"Am going to tell you the terms and conditions " she said
"Okay what are theythat made you this excited" I said .
"You get paid k3000 per month " she said
"What are you going to be doing stealing?"
"Actually we will be escorts" she said
"Escorts what are those ?" I asked
"You sleep with men " she said
"No am not going that" I said
"Are you happy about living here sleeping with those dirty idiots " she said with a disgusted face
"No but sleeping with men for money no " I said
"If you change your mindyou will let me know" she walked away
Sleeping with men for money ?
The next day I decided to look for a job cause I swear looking for a job in Lusaka wasn't easy cause I have tried it before when my baby was 4months .
I sat on a block away from the houses and my feet really hurt a lot .
"Why are you sitting here ?" A man asked
"Am looking for a job I got tired so I decided to rest '' I answered
" The house over there they are looking for a house help"he said pointing at a house with a black gate .
"Really thank you so much " I said getting up
I got up and knocked at the gate .
The gate man answered .
I explained to to the man and he answered that it was the right place .
He took me to the main house .
"Madam this young lady over her said she is looking for a job "
The woman looked at in a disgusted way .
Who wouldn't look at me like that ? I was a street Kid who didn't know how to take care of herself I just buried my child a day ago .
"What can you do ?"she asked
"Everything I can sweep I can wash I can cook " I said
She looked at me like she is scanning me from head to toe .
I was wearing a T-shirt and chitenge with tropicals .
My palms were sweating I was so nervous .. The woman sitting in front of me was gorgeous she had a pixie wig on with a blue ripped jean and a black T-shirt .
She looked like those rich women in magazines we read about the woman was a goddess that I was even afraid of sitting on her sofas I was kneeling down ..
Despite me being hungry I was so tired but I needed this job to turn my life around .
I just said a little prayer cause I didn't want to join Mwape .
Joining mwape wasn't a bad idea but I just didn't want to use my body any more to survive I wanted to do something different
I have slept with a lot of men including the those dirty kids like me
And I wanted to start over with my life .
I wanted things to be different for myself I have dreams of going back to school and also going to college and being someone in society hope it will come to pass .