I couldn’t. I mean I couldn’t do it. I tried so much so hard like I wanted to do it but I just couldn’t. It not an easy thing to do I dialed the number it rang and got answered “Hello. Hello” I kept quiet I couldn’t respond not that I had nothing to say but I had a lot to say just that the words couldn’t formed in my mouth so I just dropped the call. I decided to send a text so it goes “Hi there. I hope you are good. Hum…I wanted us to talk you know…Things has changed a lot between us so I was thinking if maybe we should…Hum……” Okay! How am I going to put this ish I need to think and find a way to…no no I can’t send this text I thought to myself so I deleted it. Just few seconds I deleted the text a text from him came through (OMG did I say HIM okay now you’ll know I’m talking about him) a text from him came through and I read “Hey babe I just wanted you to know that you are my everything my joy my freedom my pillar of strength. I love you” tears stream down my face like a waterfall I was this close to breakup with him. I can’t be selfish and break up with him I guess I’ll LEARN to LOVE him again.. Since that day my life changed.
Did it changed for Better or for Worse?

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[Today its the first Valentines Day we are spending together. We have been together for 5 years but everything that is happening now is just first. We have never spent Valentines Day together it was always those “Happy Vale” type messages and he has never took me out for any kind of occasions or in general. So here we are today in this fancy restaurant having a lunch together. He even bought me the outfit I’m wearing today. The feeling I have right now is just strange how a person can change right in a blink of an eye. But I guess I should just enjoy the moment. As we are in a middle of our dessert he got up from his chair and got on his 1 knee in front of me OMG this is not happening..]
Lunga_: My love. My joy. My freedom would you make me the happiest man in the universe by marrying me? (He said as he is holding a velvet ring box opened) This was not what I expected or wanted to happen at least not now. I can’t say yes not now I still need to think it through. Lunga’s change is scaring me and here he is asking me to marry him. Tears build up in my eyes I got the pressure from people who are now staring at us all smiling some shouting “yes yes yes” they don’t know the pain I am feeling right now. Some part of me want to say No for now and my other part want me to say yes so that I won’t disappoint him in front of these people. I want to be out of this relationship but there’s something that keeps pulling me in-it. I looked around us then I looked down at him he’s still on his 1 knee waiting patiently for me to say something. I stood up from my chair slowly and then I ran to the restroom.

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