part 18 ecstasy

I also climbed into bed then slept I felt him hold me from behind I didn't say anything I just dozed off. Early in the morning I heard him get out of bed then he went to bath when he came back to dress up I got out of bed. Me : we need to talk Him : Morning to you too talk about about what? Me : sit down Him : I'm going to be late at work Me : it's half past four Siya He sighed then pulled the dresser chair and sat in front of me Him : so what are we talking about? Me : us Him : what about us? Me : look I get that you're going through a hard time and you have a lot in your plate and I understand that I also respect that you're grieving but you being unfair here and you are treating me like nothing if this is how things are going to be like from now on then I'm more than willing to walk out with my son because I didn't sign up for this and I really tried to hold everything together but you're just taking advantage of me now. I'm also hurting and it's really hard watching you like this watching us just fade away I can't anymore Siya. He looked down for a while then took both my hands and held them against his chest Siya : I'm really really sorry baby the last thing I wanted was to hurt you yes i've been selfish all I did was to think about how I felt and never considered that maybe I was hurting you too. I don't ever want to lose you Awonke I really don't and it's only at this moment that I realise I put you through a lot with all the drinking and late nights it's just that I'm hurting so much that I can't face the pain sober I need something to keep me going everyday and maybe now it went too far I need help I'm sure you can feel that my hands are shaking I need a drink as we speak "he took a deep breath" okay tell you what i'll make it up to you I promise I'll stop drinking and i'll be here with you i'll be a man and face things as they are instead of treating you and myself like this. Me : Siya I don't want you to be okay I mean I don't want you to force it I just want you to know that I'm here and I care about you we can go through this together stop pushing me away Siya or you'll lose me you'll lose us Him : I'm sorry I promise i'll make this right I know you are here and you've always been I also deeply appreciate that okay? I never meant to take you for granted i'll see someone about the drinking I promise Me : it's okay Him : am I forgiven for being the biggest jerk? Me : yes Him : you sure Me : uhuh Him : Thank you I know I'm a lot of work when I'm drunk He hugged me Me : I have one more thing to ask Him : go ahead Me : have you been with another woman at any stage? He broke the hug and looked at me Him : No

I know I'm a lot of work when I'm drunk He hugged me Me : I have one more thing to ask Him : go ahead Me : have you been with another woman at any stage? He broke the hug and looked at me Him : No I will never cheat on you you have my word on that okay? Me : mhh okay Him : you trust me? Me : Yeah I trust you Him : good now go back to sleep Me : Okay He kissed my forehead then I got under covers and watched him dress up and fell back to sleep. I woke up an hour later and went to wake Noah then bathed him I put him in his uniform. Me : your cereal is on top of the table neh? I have to go bath Him : okay I went to prepare for work then made his lunch his transport arrived he kissed me Him : Bye mom Me : Bye big boy He ran out. I took my keys and went to work. After the talk I had with Siya things actually became better although he still lost a lot of weight and was strained but the was progress he spent a lot of time with us and laid low on drinking but he was mostly trying to be there for his sister and somehow that also helped him just to spend time with his sister after all she's the only person who truly understood what Siya was going through because they shared the pain. It was a long way to go but being in it all together made a huge difference. Things were a bit back to normal so I decided to go visit home since Siya's sister was going to come over and I thought maybe they deserved some time just the two of them it was a long weekend when Noah and I left for home my mother was really happy to see us and it was really great being home and being with her. We spent a lot of time just catching up me and my mom had that kind of relationship were we were like friends I would tell her everything and she gave me advice wise advice on a lot of things. She was also not happy that I moved in with Siya because we weren't married she just thought the whole thing would back fire but I didn't think so. We were going to go back in E.l on Monday and it was Sunday so we went to church then we went to do shopping and went back home. Noah : Mommy can I go play My mom : Noah benditheni kuwe Me : hay mama hamba boy He ran out Mom : so awufuni asazi tu lomntana isxhosa Me : uyasazi mama Her : mhh Me : let me make supper Her : wait hlaphansti Ntombi we need to talk Me : kudala usitsho mama but you end up saying non Her : no listen you know that I love you and I care for you neh? More than anything and kohlala kunjalo? Me : uhm yes I know whats wrong? She looked at me ... Her : I don't ever think I will ever be ready to tell you this but I have to kodwa just remember that it doesn't change anything and it means nothing I wanted to tell you long ago but I didn't think you could handle it but now you are wise enough and Wonke mntanam I'm only telling you this for your sake if it wasn't so bendizofa nayo because kum you are blood in every way. Me : Mama kwenzeka ntoni what are you talking about? Her : I'm not your real mother

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