Siya : or maybe she was really asking for her friend
Me : No its about Sane I have to warn him
Me : I have to warn him
Siya : I heard you the first time why would you do that? His a grown man
Me : the father of my son
Siya : this has nothing to do with your son
Me : how do you know?
Him : Awonke Sanelisiwe will still marry her even if you warn him this Is non of our business his just going to think you trying to stop him from getting married
Me : I don't care at least i'll know I tried to warn him what if she kills him Siya? Then what? My son will grow without a father
Him : wow is this even about Noah or you are just happy to jump at the chance to stop him from getting married?
Me : why does it matter?
Him : so it doesn't?
Me : look I just wanna tell him what his fiance said that's all
Siya : why? What is that gonna change?
Me : he'll know
Siya : and then what? He won't marry her?
Me : why are you like this?
Siya : because you seem happy to warn him about this and you are so convincing that you don't want him to get married and it's really confusing right now
Me : so what if I don't?
Siya ; then I would want to know why?
Me : because ever since he met her he changed
Him : she didn't force him to change I'm sure it was his choice why do you wanna get involve in this and complicate things? I'm pretty sure she wouldn't kill him otherwise she wouldn't have asked me but searched it online
Me : maybe she won't kill him but she's still behind something
Siya : and that affects you how? Isn't that you make your own choices he makes his?
Me: I don't care siya I'm telling him!
He kept quiet and looked at me for a while
Him : can you answer something for me ?
Me : yes
Him : do you still love him ?
Me : his the father of my son
Him : you haven't answered me
Me : why are you being like this?
Siya : because you want to get involved in something that doesn't concern you yes I would understand if this was a threat to Noah but it's not it has nothing to do with him but his father who is a grown man why are you trying to protect him? And don't give me the "his the father of my son" bull Awonke
Me : I need to smoke
Siya : okay
When I was busy taking out my cigarettes Siya took his car keys and walked out.
After a while I went downstairs and I couldn't see him anywhere I went to Sane
Me : Sane can I talk to you?
He was drunk
Him : sure
We walked away from the music and the crowd
Me : are you sure you want to marry this girl ?
Sane : why do you want me back?
Then he pulled me close
Me : Sane this is not a joke
Him : of course I'm sure I love her and she's not a girl she's a woman
Me : I don't think she has good intentions for marrying you
Him : and how do you know that?
Me : she asked Siya about some finance things after a divorce and stuff
Him : so?
Me : can't you see? She's asking these things because she wants to marry you then divorce and walk away with everything
Him : I don't care I love her to that extent "then he laughed"
I looked at him
Sane : okay sorry no jokes though I do want to marry her I mean we are compatible we want the same things we think the same and she wouldn't do something like that I'm sure she was just asking why do you care anyways ?
Me : I don't I just thought I should warn you
Him : I'm a grown man I can handle this
Me : oh okay
Him : wait is that all or you just don't want me to get married?
Me : maybe I don't you've changed Sane
Him : it was about Zinhle now i've changed which one is it?
Me : it doesn't matter just this whole thing doesn't feel right
Him : it wouldn't to you Awonke you said we should brake up and I gave you what you wanted now it seems like you are not so sure about what you want
Me : I know what I want
look forget I said anything this all looks some type of way now
Him : you can tell me if you still want to try things out
Me : would it matter ?
Him : no I'm already with someone else now
Me : and I'm with someone
Him : then why are we having this conversation ?
I kept quiet and bit my lower lip
Him : I thought so look let's forget we had this talk yes?
Me : Yeah
I held my hands behind my back then started walking away I went to sit at the pool then dipped my feet and smoked. I was also starting to question myself I didn't know anymore I didn't know if deep down there was a part of me that wanted Sane or I was genuinely trying to warn him I started to think a lot but in everything I didn't want to lose Siya because my head was playing with me. I didn't want to hurt him or put him through my drama.
Busi yelled from a distance..
Busi : My friend Wonke is that you?
Me : yes
She walked up to me then sat down she was so wasted
Her : why are you sitting alone? Are you hurt?
Me : No I just wanna think
Her : I brought you a cider
Me : No thanks
Her : okay suit yourself we miss you. Hey I met this handsome guy and...
I didn't hear the rest of whatever she was bragging about I was just in my own head trying to figure myself out
Busi : Awonke!
Me : mmh
Her : why am I talking alone?
Me : do you think I still love Sane?
Her : you know that better speaking of which I saw Siya leaving with his bag
Me : what? When?
Her : it was a while ago did you guys fight?
Me : I have to go
I ran upstairs to get my phone then tried to call him he didn't pick up I think I called about 5 times then it went to voice mail I knew he didn't want to talk to me Noah slowly came through the door
Me : Big boy why are you up?
Him : I'm hungry
Me : Okay I'm gonna go make you something to eat neh? Go back to bed i'll bring it
Him : where's uncle Siya? I want him to tuck me in
Me : uhm he had to go somewhere baby mommy will tuck you in come
We walked out the room
Me : do you wanna go wait in your room or you wanna go eat downstairs?
Him : I can eat there
Me : Okay let's go
I picked him up then we went to the kitchen the house was still crowded but I tried to avoid everyone. I made him a sandwich and a milkshake then sat next to him as he ate
Me : do you want braaid meat?
He shook his head
Me : Okay
Him : are you okay?
Me : Yeah mommy is fine boy
Him : why don't you eat?
Me : I'm not hungry
He looked at me then continued eating
I kept trying to call Siya but eventually gave up I just left him a massage to call me back.
Me : Noah?
Him : Wowa
Me : do you like aunt Zinhle?
Him : I don't know
Me : do you want to stay here with her and daddy when mommy goes?
Him : no I want to go with you
Me : don't you want to stay with Sane? You missed him didn't you?
Him : not anymore
Me : why baby?
Him : I don't know
Me : are you mad at him?
Him : no
Me : then why don't you wanna stay?
Him : I don't know
I took a deep breath
Me : Okay finish up so you can go to bed it's late
he ate then I took him upstairs and tucked him in
Me : I love you okay? A lot no matter what
Him : I love you too mommy
I kissed his forehead
Me : sleep tight
Him : leave the door open
Me : of course
I switched off the lights then went to the room I slept in I just took off my shoes off and got under the blankies. Just when I was about to drift into sleep Sanga walked in
Her : Chomy they are about to make a speech come listen I'm sure this is gonna be good
Me : No I couldn't care less about that
Her : what's wrong?
Me : nothing I'm just tired
Her : I thought you were going to be with Siya where is he ?
Me : he left
Her : to?
Me : I don't know Sanga he just left and I really wanna sleep
Her : okay we'll talk tomorrow then
Me : Okay
She kissed my cheek
Me : please turn off the lights
Her : okay
She switched off the lights then left the room.
I pulled the cover over me and forced myself to sleep.