Chapter 5


Here I am keeping the promise I made to my son. I didn’t think my husband would be joining us at the dinner table he knows I don’t want him anywhere near me. This must be a game to him Randall is not taking me seriously. He’s been throwing glances at me eyes filled with nothing but adoration. Pity I’m not that naïve Amara anymore who melts just from mere sweet nothings. 

“May I please be excused?” Liyana asks with a strained voice. She looks a bit pale and wacked. 

“Are you okay baby?” She nods at my question and drops her fork in her plate emanating a sigh that displays fatigue. Her eyes are on the barely touched food before her.  

“I’m just tired” her response gets Randall’s full attention. 

“How are you tired? You’re a child who spends most of her time on the phone surely that cannot tire you Liya. When do you get time to study?” Lord this man… I was hoping he wouldn’t say anything upsetting. 

“Randall” I quietly reprimand him he cannot be doing this now. His eyes briefly run to me he doesn’t care really he’s so bent on chiding the child. 

“You failed your first year Liyana plus two semesters this year. I’m basically throwing money down the drain.” His voice doesn’t rise it never does when addressing the kids. But the soft tone he uses is enough to scare them. Liyana’s eyes snap to me there’s an emotional expression lain on her face and her brows are knitted together. She wants me to intervene however disputing with Randall over this in front of the kids would be wrong. 

“That wasn’t on me papa you know how hard I studied.” 

“Clearly you didn’t work hard enough I’ve been lenient with you let you do whatever you want. It’s enough you need to take your work seriously Liyana. How will you have a future without an education? Your mother and I are not always going to be here.”

“You’re not listening to me” her voice crashes as she blinks away tears pooling into her red eyes. I’ve noticed how she hasn’t been herself lately but I’ve been too caught up in my own troubles to give her any attention.  

“Liya are you sure you’re okay?” I ask her again and she gives me two assuring nods.  

“May I please be excused?” Her voice is stern this time reminding me whose child she is.  

“Go ahead baby.” I excuse her and Randall shoots daggers at me. I’m over it… Liyana grabs her plate and heads out of the dining room.

“You didn’t have to say that to her you of all people know how hard she’s been working.” This is me letting him know how bothered I am by his careless words. 

“I also know how she’s been failing” he pauses as his eyes find his son across the table. R.J is only bothered with the food on his plate. “If she fails again this year I won’t sponsor her studies. I will cut off her allowance she will have to get a job.” 

That is something I will not allow he’s crazy this one and I am not going to justify his absurdity with an answer.   


He is busy conversing with R.J when his phone beside me lights up displaying a text message from a certain Caroline. My eyes run to him to find that he is oblivious to the text curiosity knocks and my insecurities let it in. I quickly read the text while it’s still on home screen display. 


My heart violently thumps as pain tides through my veins. Who the hell is Caroline and what is this message about? 

I see in my outer view that Randall saw me reading his texts his clearing of a throat startles me a bit but I compose myself and act like I did nothing. He snatches his phone as I start playing with my food and replies to the text before placing the phone on the other side where I can’t reach. 

Could that be his side chick? My mind is not at rest I can’t afford to stress again. It will affect my work my personal health as well and that is something that means a lot to me.


For years I thought Randall was different from other men Lord knows I was convinced he was my Romeo. All men are the same; women have sang this song for decades and I guess it is true. 

From a prince to a troll that’s what he has become in my eyes. It is stupid of me to let him stay however he is right about R.J. 

My baby would crumble if his parents were to break up Liyana is a big girl now. I believe she can handle anything if I decide that we go our separate ways then maybe she will understand. 

“Amara!” I hear a whisper that pulls me out of my muddled mind I turn to see Randall worriedly staring at me. His face is too close that it has me wanting to pull back but R.J is watching. “Are you okay?” 

Hell I am not okay the nerve to ask me this after what just happened. I know most of Randall’s friends his circle of friends is not big at all and one thing I know about my husband is that he doesn’t befriend women. How he fell into this one’s trap is a mystery. 

I push my chair back and stand “are you done?” I ask while grabbing his half empty plate and toddle to the kitchen without waiting for a response. I leave the plates in the sink and head to my room my body is numb. I’m insensate to any feelings for days I have been walking around with a heavy heart. There is no way that I will ever forgive Randall for what he did to me. 

A shower should help me calm down it usually does. There is a knock on my door just upon my departure from the bathroom thinking it is Randall I ignore it. He is the last person I want to see right now. 

“Mom open the door” R.J demands from the other side of the door. 

“I’m coming baby” I cover myself up with a gown R.J’s innocent face puts a subtle smile on my face the second I open the door. 

“Why did you lock?” Listen to this unemployed nine year old tenant. 

“Who are you? My husband?” He grins at my question. 

“I am your son who is way more important than your husband” with this declaration R.J reveals a plate of cheesecake and holds it to me. “Dad’s idea” he grins.

“I am not hungry baby.” Randall is trying to soften me up with desert that man is a lost course.


“You know he won’t like it when I go back with this?” R.J flaps his eyes pleading that I accept the food. “Don’t finish the cake Kwame save some for your mother. You know that’s her favourite.” He mimics his father’s voice throwing me into a fit of laughter. 

“Fine I’ll take it. Thank you.” My appetite depleted when I saw that text message either way I take the plate.  

“Do you want milk with that?” My son and I turn at the sound of Randall’s voice to find him standing with a glass of milk in his hand. “You like your cake with milk remember?” 

“Go find Chioma and ask her to prepare your bath.” I excuse R.J not wanting him to witness the coldness I feel towards his father. With a pout on his lips he marches away and the moment he’s out of sight I turn back into the room and shut the door. 

“Amara!” Randall painfully calls. “At least talk to me let me explain.”  

He wants to explain? This better be good I want to hear his explanation so I open the door. He’s standing right at the doorstep looking down at me. Damn him for that unreadable expression on his face

looking down at me. Damn him for that unreadable expression on his face can’t he let me in just this once?

“Are you going to tell me who Caroline is and what that text was about?” He’s biting his bottom lip while I wait for an answer. 

“Is it her?” A question leaves my mouth when I feel like I have waited a lifetime his answer is taking too long to come and I am losing my patience. 

“I love you Amara. I don’t want to lose you please.” What the hell? 

“Is that all you’re going to say to me Randall?” I’m snappy yes he’s getting on my bloody nerves.


“I’m trying to protect you.” 

“Protect me from what? I don’t need a hero Randall I’m not that girl you rescued anymore. I can take care of myself.” I’m so angry he lies to me and cries hero. 

“So many things have happened Amara I wish I could explain it all to you but…” 

“But you’re protecting me right?” This man must think I’m a fool gosh searching his eyes is giving me a terrible headache. He intends to hide it all from me. 

“I love you.” his hand touches mine I snatch it back before he could intertwine our fingers together. I shake my head and take two steps back. 

“Stop saying that stop telling me you love me.” 

“It’s all I know Amara” He gets into my personal space. “It’s the only truth I know.” His large hands cup my face as he declares his love he leans down and presses his forehead on mine. I know he loves me I believe he does. But love is not always enough. What about trust? What about loyalty? This is the same man who has told me time and time again that he hates lies yet here he stands before me unable to tell me the truth. 

There is an urge to pull away from his touch pain flashes in his eyes when I do he doesn’t want to let go. But I can’t do this anymore being in his presence aggravates me. 

“Give me time I promise I will fix this.” He sounds and looks desperate I’m done with his empty promises. As if he can sense my stream of thoughts Randall frowns at me and for a moment his eyes are glued on mine. He puts his hand out gesturing I take it I’m too upset to let him touch me again.  

“Remember when I told you that if you cheat on me I will leave you? I wasn’t kidding Randall when the time is right I will tell the kids everything. We’re not going to leave this house but you will.” 

The proclamation comes as a shock to him I turn back inside the bedroom and close the door on his face. 

Honestly I feel nothing. I can’t make out if he is genuine or not if his words are true or not. The worry in his eyes the concern in his voice and how he effortlessly takes care of me as it’s a norm for him. Having him close to me will only make me more angry. I can’t stand the sight of him right now and it saddens me that I can’t get away from him. 


Randall pushes back a flinch when Amara shuts the door on his face. If he could tell her what is really going on he would. He had promised to be a good husband he didn’t promise her perfection. Perhaps Amara expected too much from him that she is failing to look past his flaws. He thinks of knocking but that will only aggravate her more. Going to bed and sleeping it off would be best. As he turns his eyes find his son standing in the corridor. Shoulders slumped head slightly dropped and tears streaming down his face. 

“Kwame!” The name is covered in shock he’s praying he didn’t hear anything that was said between him and Amara. 

“Are you two getting…” he struggles to finish the question. It can’t be true that his parents are separating what will become of him and his sister if that ever happens? 

“No” Randall catches on and interjects him straightaway he can’t have his son think that. He marches to him and quickly scoops him in his arms. R.J does not hold him back when he embraces him instead he stiffens his body. The boy shuts down when upset or hurt and this is what’s happening. “Your mother and I will never be apart I promise.” 

This he knows for sure and no one can tell him otherwise. 

“Let me take you to bed.” He says and trolls to his room R.J has not said much. He doesn’t plan to say anything his heart is broken beyond and his parents are the culprits. 


“Mama come home please.” Cries a seventeen year old over the phone her half naked body is soaked in sweat and curled like a ball on the tiled floor. These are the effects of eating food that is not prepared by you I decided to play the maid she wanted me to be and prepared a very special meal for my dear cousin. For the past thirty minutes she was camped in the toilet having a meeting with mother-nature. She should be glad I didn’t put rat poison.


“I don’t know mama my stomach hurts.” Sizakele continues to cry while I’m laid back on the couch catching up on the River. I should stop watching this show I’m starting to think like Lindiwe.  

Sizakele must have run out of airtime the phone is slightly tossed to the side. If she were rich she would’ve smashed it against the wall… you know soft life. 

She is rolling on the floor now too dramatic if you ask me girl is so stupid she hasn’t put the puzzles together as to why she has a runny stomach. 

“Please keep it down I’m watching TV.” I’m enjoying this next time she pisses me off I will make her kiss my ass. 

“Shut up!” She screams. 

I think I didn’t add enough how is she able to yell? To piss her off any further I open the windows and door as late as it is. She gives me a foreign look. 

“Don’t look at me like that I can’t breathe lethal gasses.” I tell her as I cover my mouth and nose. Sizakele is one angry girl right now. Wait till I tell Liyana about this let me take a video for evidence. 

“What are you doing?” She questions my reason for aiming a phone at her. 

“Smile cuzzy you’re on camera.” I have to clench my teeth to stop myself from laughing this is funnier than I had imagined. Tomorrow I won’t be laughing though. My aunt is going to deal with me but heck I only live once. 

“Zitha stop you did this to me.” Oops! “What did you put in my food?” 

“Don’t be stupid Kele we ate the same food. I was sitting right next to you it must be something you ate earlier.” Listen to me I can convince Jacob Zuma into giving me his Nkandla homestead. 

“I’m going to bed please close the windows and lock the door when you’re done. Enjoy your time with mother nature.” She groans at the sound of my announcement. 

Mess with me again and I will do this once more and block the toilet. 



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Ndu 2021-05-29 11:46:11

Amara is draining, either he stays or leaves Randall instead of using the kids as an excuse. Don't know why women justify their weaknesses with that