part 2 the reason I hold on

FELICIA I woke up and prepared myself for school. I'm doing Grade 9 this year and frankly I just can't wait to finish school. I'm tired of living in this house and being stuck in here. I'm tired of crying when I'm alone because it's all too much for me. I need a break I really need a break. I don't even know of any siblings which I can visit during school holidays I don't even have any friends. I'm just the most uninteresting person ever. No one wants to hang out with me. All they see is a fat black girl. There's actually more to me than that. I talk to myself when I'm alone. In that monologue I actually find myself very interesting. Why is it that they can't find that in me? I mean they could at least try right? Mom: Your sister is coming tomorrow. I had just woken up and remained in my blankets while waiting for my water to boil. Me: Oh? Mom: Yes. I just got off the phone with her. Me: I can't wait. My sister is always traveling around the world. I actually want to finish school so I can also be like her - travel the world I mean. She's a model. Has a slim body tall and light skinned - the complete opposite of who I am. She has smooth flawless skin and white levelled teeth. She's very beautiful her makeup is always on fleek. Well I on the other hand well : I'm a size 32 I'm short dark in complexion with a few pimples on my forehead and well I have quite a body. I'm curvy with medium boobs and really I wish I was slim like her. Mom: Don't forget to leave some water for your little brother. Me: Yes mom. With that said she took her bag and left. She was going to work. I poured water into a basin for myself then took a bath. When I was done I dried lotioned then wore a towel and went outside to dispose the water. Me: Teboho wake up I said shaking my little brother. He's a heavy sleeper. He mumbled something before he finally woke up rubbing his eyes as he sat on his butt. Me: Time for school. Teboho: Do I really have to go? Me: Yes. He groaned and got up making me giggle. He's five years younger than me doing his Grade 4. I poured his bathing water for him and got dressed in my school uniform as he bathed. My mom is the only one having her own room. The rest of us share a room. Our house has three rooms two of which are bedrooms and the other an all-in-one kitchen lounge and dining room. That means we have our TV in the kitchen and a couch then a few chairs and a table. Everything was just forced in there so there's little space to move around. Teboho: Breakfast? Me: There are weetbix in there. I said pointing to the bin where we usually lock most of our foods which cannot be put inside the fridge. I was busy combing my hair while looking at my reflection on the mirror. I have a small Afro. My hair is not hard it's rich and a bit curly. Me: Lenna o ntirele( Make some for me too) I washed my hands when I was done then we sat down and ate while watching TV. I rinsed our plates when we were done then locked the house as we both left on our opposite paths to school. I couldn't wait to finish school only three years left but they seem like a lot to me. I've been working hard ever since I can remember And all I want is to get the best marks so I can bag a bursary. I don't come from a privileged home my mom is the only breadwinner and my sister hardly spends time at home. When she does come she brings some clothes for me ( which I'm always grateful for because they're trendy) a few hundreds which we hardly touch then goes away for months. She's 20 by the way and only has her matric which she passed by a nail hole. She's been modelling ever since she was 6. I can't tell you the number of pageants she's won. She's a Feleb on Facebook gets so many likes. I hardly post a picture on my account I spend most of my time following a few people some celebrities my crushes and reading whatever interesting diary there is. Mom is the stingiest person I know. I've even gotten used to it. What I don't want is my brother growing up the way I did so I always try to make life a bit bearable for him. I don't care if I don't eat at school as long as he gets to have some money to carry. . BANDILE The first thing I do everyday when I arrive at school is go for my morning smoke. My sister would kill me if she were to know I smoke. She likes fussing about everything and dad likes reporting me to her. I love my sister I really do but she gets too much sometimes. Me: Awe awe I greeted when I got at the back of the shop were we usually smoke and found three of the Lunatic gang members already there. We not a gang gang we just a crew that drives this school crazy. I'm the captain of the Rugby team Zendae is the captain of the soccer team then there's Luvuyo Craig And Liteboho who are members of the soccer team. Zendae is the one who wasn't here. Luvuyo: Fida We exchanged greetings. Luvuyo: I didn't see your niece yesterday. Me: You really want uncle Thando to kill you Neh? Craig: But you gotta admit it - She's hot. Me: And she's a kid. Craig: Oh please. She's only a year younger than you. Me: And I'm saying she's a no go area. Liteboho: Family is a no go area. Me: Those have always been the rules. We finished up smoking then went back to school. The bell rang almost after we got inside the yard. We all doing our Grade 12. I'm in the same class as Liteboho. We doing Science while the rest are doing Accounting. "Baby" Me: My love I turned and we shared a hug. She's my girlfriend we've been together since last year. Her name is Melanie. Melanie: I missed you. Truth is I couldn't say the same. She can get too much sometimes. I personally think she loves me too much it's almost close to obsession and I really don't feel the same. I don't love her I can never love her. Melanie is the most wanted girl in school any guy would kill to be with her but of course she's with me and I didn't even sweat to get her. Me: So what did you miss most about me? Melanie: You really wanna know? Me: Yes I said squeezing her waist a bit. Melanie: I missed your lips. I missed the taste of nicotine mixed with mint on your tongue and having our lips collide And dance to their own tune. Me: You obsessed with my lips. I said perking her lips. She loves that I smoke tells me it's a turn on. She also loves the smell of my cologne mixed with the cigarette smell. Melanie: Let's go before the headmaster comes to bite our heads off. Me: Plus that old man doesn't like me. Melanie: You always pissing him off. Me: He should just butt out of my business. I went to stand with her in her queue. She's doing Grade 11. Anyway after assembly I went to my class and lessons commenced. I share a table with one of my fuck buddies Zanele. She's short has big boobs and slender my type of girl. Melanie is also the same just a bit tall. She plays netball. Zanele: Bandile. Me: That's how you greet me now? Zanele: I saw you with her. Me: Jealousy doesn't suit you Zaza. I kissed her cheek. I think she was starting to catch feelings now. I blame Candice for ruining me like this. Melanie is a good girl just not good enough. I see Candice when I see her. What's the point of being loyal anyway? That's why I have Zaza and Lindi they take my mind off things. Zanele: I missed you. Me: I missed you too. I squeezed her cheek. Me: I'll be visiting my sister during the holidays. I think we can meet more often then. Zanele: Really? She asked her eyes beaming. Me: Yes really. Zanele: I'd like that. Me: Me too babe me too. The teacher came and the lessons proceeded. Lindi is a girl in my hood. We hooked up on January and like Zaza she knows I have a girlfriend. It's always best they know what they getting themselves into. Melanie: So I was thinking.. Me: Why do I feel like I'm not gonna like what you about to say? Melanie: Just listen assemblief Me: Umm okay. Melanie: Why don't you come over this weekend? Me: You mean to your house? Melanie: Yes mom and dad are going to some business trip so I have the house all to myself. She's the only one still in school while her other siblings are working. Me: Really? Her parents haven't met me yet And I've heard they have a certain problem with black people. I'm not dark just caramel in complexion tall I have a toned body with the packs I'm a sportsman after all with dreadlocks. Melanie: Yes. I miss spending time with you. Like intimately. Me: Okay babe I'll come over. Melanie: Thank you. Plus my sister would love to meet you. Me: Your sister? Melanie: Her boyfriend is Zulu too. Me: Oh that's much better. Melanie: I love you so much Bandile So I've noticed. Me: love you too baby. I perked her lips which turned into a deep kiss. It was breaktime now and I usually spend it with her unless I've planned something with the guys. I met her through Sphe they're in the same class by the way. Njabulo her little brother is also doing Grade 11 he's doing science too while Sphe decided to follow the accounting stream. Anyway after break I went back to class and lessons commenced. I just couldn't wait for school out. School can be draining at times.

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