I got married to the first man I ever dated. He is my first kiss my first love and first everything. 
I had never been one to give men attention until I met Zach. 
I was just 20 and doing my last year in Financial accounting. 
I came to Joburg at 18 when I got accepted at University of Johannesburg. 
Anyway I stayed at res for my first year then stayed off campus from the second year. 
So I was friends with Hailey. Jerry Her husband is Zach's associate and we're the ones who got them together. 
I came here as the church girl who were long skirts to class and granny dresses. 
Then Hailey came along. We became friends first year second semester and she forced me into a makeover. 
I still wear my skirts and dresses but more classier. 
I'm one person who isn't easily corrupted. Hailey has always been wild. 
I didn't think we'd be this much of good friends seeing how similar her behaviour is to Tshidi's. 
I was running late for my class. There had been heavy rain in the morning which delayed me. 
Out of nowhere this car comes racing and splashes muddy water all over my dress. 
This man came out and apologised for what he did. I just cried heck he had ruined my favourite dress. It's one of the few I have that belonged to my mother. 
Anyway he offered to buy me a new outfit which I declined and He drove me back to my flat instead and the rest as they say is history. 
I met Aaliyah when I started working at her Father's company as a financial adviser. 
That was five years ago and we've been friends since then. 
She's the one who I would say corrupted me. I started going to clubs and drinking alcohol something I've concealed From my husband. 
He knows me as a respectable wife and that's how I'm planning to keep it. 
Zach: "I've been standing here for thirty minutes "
I look up and he's right at my office door. 
Me: "Honey. I've just been so deep in thought "
Zach: "Thing with your sister? "
Me: "(sigh) Yes. My father fetched her. I don't understand why he'd do such a thing "
He sits in the chair before my desk. 
Zach: "It's been eight years baby haven't you forgiven her? "
Me: "Do you see my mother here? "
Zach: "Mind your tone. I've never thought of you as heartless. I thought I married a good woman of God"
Me: "I am that"
Zach: "A woman of God forgives "
Me: "What should I do then? My heart... She's caused us so much pain. My mom died because of the stress and strain she put her under. My father lost his companion. I can't just forget about that. She has caused us nothing but pain and headaches. "
Zach: "Let's go home. I'll never talk to you about this because you have made up your mind "
He takes my bags and we leave. 
It's after dinner that I call my father again. 
Zach is in the shower. 
Dad: "Gina? "
Me: "Is she there? "
Dad: "(sighs) Yes she's in her room "
Me: "That's if she's even there. She barely ever slept there "
Dad: "When are you coming to see your father? "
Me: "I'll come at the Easter daddy "
Dad: "OK baby I love you "
Me: "I love you too "
Zach comes into the bedroom and he's naked.
Zach: "What? "
Me:(giggles) "Your bum is jiggling "
Zach: "Still bigger than yours "
Me: "(rolls eyes) Don't remind me"
Zach: "There's actually something I'd love to remind you of "
Me: "What? "
He comes towards me and makes me stand. 
Zach: "How much I love you"
I feel his kisses on my neck. He's biting and pulling the skin there. 
I close my eyes and let all my worries dissolve. 
He stops to unwrap my silk gown which falls to the floor. He undresses me until I'm bare. 
Zach: "(touches my stomach) We should get another baby here "
Me: "That doesn't sound like a bad idea"
He kisses me again this time with intent. He wants me to get aroused and it works. 
He cups my butt squeezing it as he presses our pelvic bones. 
My blood is rushing I want him. I need him. He knows it and he breaks the kiss. 
Me: "(breathing heavily) Are we doing it while standing? "
He shuts me up with a kiss. I've never done this before. 
I'm used to the bed .
He picks me up without breaking the kisses and has my legs wrapped around his waist. 
He lifts my butt a little and lowers me as he enters me. 
Me: "It's painful"
He doesn't move but kisses my neck instead. This position is just painful and uncomfortable for me. 
His kisses make me relax and then he starts moving slowly. I want to enjoy this

I really want to but I'm so uncomfortable. 
Zach: "You're too stiff "
Me: "Put me down"
I can't take it anymore. He removes himself from me and puts me down. 
Me: "Honey I -"
Zach: "(cuts me off) Don't "
He goes into the closet and comes back In his pyjamas. 
I'm still standing there naked. 
He gets on the bed into the covers and switches off the side lamp. 
I pick my clothes while crying. 
I don't even know why I'm crying but I can't stop the tears. 
I'm at my parent's house because dad threatened to cut off my allowance. 
I know it's his way of luring me home. 
I've been on my phone since I got here. I saw his text when Lefa's driver was taking me back to my place then asked him to take me home instead. 
I had a good night with Lefa even though there was no sex. 
I'm happy to confirm that we're dating. 
Lefa is actually a year older than me and is a professional footballer. 
I'm not a soccer fan but I'm going to be going to see the game soon.
Mom: "Hi baby "
Me: "(rolls eyes) mother"
Mom: "I don't get why you hate us so much "
Me: "(chuckles) Hate Is a strong word. You guys don't allow me to miss you. It seems I didn't move far enough "
Dad: "Morning girls"
I spent the night with Lefa and he woke up early for practice which is why his driver took me home. 
Me: "Why am I here? "
Mom: "Liyah it's just breakfast. We need to talk about your future plans apart from spending our money of course. "
Siya comes and just sits down. He's my 19 year old brother. 
He's doing a course in photography. 
There's only two of us. 
Dad: "Don't you greet? "
Siya: "I would but I know she doesn't like me"
Me: "(laughs) Right"
Mom: "Enough. What are you planning to do this year? "
Me: "I'm taking a break this year to figure that out"
Siya: "Where's that friend of yours? The one who works for dad "
Dad: "(chuckles) She's married "
Me: "Gosh you still have a crush on her? "
Siya: "(chuckles) Crush? I'm not a kid Aaliyah. "
He wipes his mouth then leaves. I don't know why he's staying home while he could just have the parents buy him an apartment. 
Dad: "We're giving you this year to get your shit together. If next year comes and you haven't we're cutting you off. "
Me: "What?! "
Mom: "I agree with dad. You're 25 we shouldn't be even be supporting you now while you sit and spend our money. Money that we work hard for. It doesn't fall from trees you know "
Me: "(snickers) Wow. (stands up) So much for being my parents! "
Dad: "You need to grow up Aaliyah "
I click my tongue and just leave. One of the drivers take me back to my place. 
I can't believe my parents. 
We're now in the Easter week and ntate has been coming and going in preparation for that. 
The church he goes to will be having guests from other branches and apparently some of those people will be sleeping in the house. 
I got out at the end of March and I've now been home for two weeks. 
I haven't went out since I came here. I need clothes since mine don't fit. I was pretty chubby so I've lost so much weight. 
OK I went from 34 and I think I'm now a size 28.
Someone opens my door and I know it's not ntate because he always knocks. 
It's Gina and she looks so different. 
Gina: "My father is cooking while you're here? Is he your slave? "
I didn't expect things to be like this when she sees me. 
She looks disgusted by me. 
Me: "Hello dear sister "
She has a huge diamond ring on her finger and her clothes look very expensive. She's holding a black Prada bag. She's even wearing heels. 
Gina: "Are you not sick? Look at how thin you are "
Me: "(laughs) it's called growing up. You know I... I didn't imagine that this is how our meeting will go. After all these years you still hate me"
Gina: "Hate cannot begin to describe how I feel about you. "
Me: "Then why are you talking to me now? You've made it. You're married you have the money. I can see by the clothes you're wearing "
Gina: "I've always been better than you "
Me: "(chuckles) Don't you think I know that? I've always been bad. I'm the black sheep of this family even my skin tone says it "
I'm the only dark skinned one here. My mom was light skinned and so is dad and Gina. 
Gina: "I cannot have you sitting here and stressing daddy. You'll leave with me to Joburg and become a maid "
Me: "Fine Now leave my room "
She clicks her tongue and walks out. 
A maid? Great. 
I take a bath and get dressed in jeans. I had to sew them to my size and remove the back pockets. I wear a black T-shirt and my old all starts. 
I have dreadlocks which I started in jail. 
They're long now and I let them loose. I'm going for a smoke. I need that and alcohol if I'll have to deal with my sister and her perfection. 
The minute I step into the lounge there's a familiar cologne that hits my nostrils. 
Me: "Ntate I'm -"
Gina: "Baby this is the prodigal daughter Tshidi "
Me: "Baby? "
Gina: "As in my husband? "
Me: "(chuckles) Right. Hello my husband "
I don't wait for his reply but just leave. 
So he decided to marry my sister? This world is clearly small. 


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Nomcebo 2019-04-19 12:25:24

I love Jhene. Your work is beautiful.