Jacky watched as his body was covered with a black bag she watched as it was zipped and watched as they took him away.

Jamal had cried until he fell asleep. She had seen how the sight broke him and wished to take away his pain.

How was she going to do it when she felt her own pain?

Her heart was broken and there was no hope of it being mended. He was gone.

She wished that she had appreciated him more had shown him more affection and had taken heed of his words and payed more attention she'd have memories to cherish.

Long lasting memories.

Now it was too late. Too late for what could have been so In her mind she was forced to remember memories of what was.

She had never imagined a life without him which was why she never killed him.

Deep down she knew that she was nothing without him and now with him gone she wasn't looking forward to the future.

"What about Jamal? " she thought. What was she going to say to her son?

Their little house seemed empty like she felt deep within.

She knew it was just a Matter of time before their son woke up and she'd have to look at his pain feel it pierce through her heart and have no assurance whatsoever.

He was never going to come back. He was gone. For good.

News of Chris's passing spread faster than the speed of light.

People had gotten to know him from his drinking partners to those he went to church with.

They were all saddened by this and came to pay their respects.

His relationship with Jacky was one most couldn't comprehend knowing the kind of woman she is.

As much as they feared her they still went.

So that Saturday evening the yard was filled with people who were singing.

She didn't want them here but she was too weak and powerless to throw them out.

She was too defeated.

So she let them be.

Mrs Makhe came into her room. She was also saddened by her son's passing as they had only just reunited.

Jamal got up and ran to his grandma who picked him up and kissed his forehead.

Jacky just looked at her.

She sat down next to her on the bed. She saw then that she truly loved her son.

Mrs Makhe: "This is a great loss to us all"

Jacky remained quiet. Her voice was irritating her.

Mrs Makhe: "The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 5:1 that For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed we have a building from God an eternal house in heaven not built by human hands. "

She sighed realising how Jacky wasn't paying any attention to her.

Mrs Makhe: "I'm comforted by the fact that my son died in the Lord. God said that whoever believes in his son shall not perish but will have eternal life. "

Jacky turned to her.

Jacky: "I would like to be alone"

Mrs Makhe: "I.. Of course. I'll go make something to eat for you two "

Jacky: "Just get the Fuck out"

Mrs Makhe hurried out.

She couldn't believe she had said that to her.

She didn't know the kind of person Jacky was.

She had only heard good things about her from her son so this was very surprising.

She had come with groceries so she made tea for the guests then made something to eat for the two.

As she was sitting alone in her thoughts Her phone rang.

She looked at the caller ID. It was Tsaone.

She just answered.

Jacky: "What? "

Tsaone: "Jacky can we talk? "

Jacky: "Get straight to the fucken point! "

This wasn't surprising to Tsaone.

She had gotten used to the kind of person she was.

Tsaone: "I spoke to Bogosi's family his mother would like to see you "

Jacky: "No"

She said plainly. She wasn't in the mood for any people and was not interested in anything that had to do with Tsaone's husband.

She had told her all she needed to know and believed that they were done.

There was no point in them keeping contact.

Tsaone: "Please. It would mean a lot to her"

Jacky: "I just watched my man being taken away. He died in his sleep. Her son is alive so I don't have to do anything for her"

With that said she hung up and throwing her body on the bed cried herself to sleep.

It hurt. It hurt too much for her.



I stared at my phone cried herself to sleep.

It hurt. It hurt too much for her.



I stared at my phone feeling very bad.

If only I had known then I would not have pushed.

Jacky was in pain I could only imagine how she felt.

Their son was so young for him to lose his father like this was just too sad.

That night I prayed for her. I prayed for God to heal her heart and give them comfort.

As strong as she seemed she was only human.

I knew the pain. I had lost all of my family and I also knew I had to be there for her.

She had given me hope and I could see that beneath all that bad girl appearance was a good hearted person.

Her experience in life had probably made her that way but we all need someone in our circle when the going gets tough.

I could only imagine how Vashti would feel losing her father. That would break me.

In the morning I woke up and took a bath.

I went to prepare breakfast when I was done.

I was humming my own song in my mind.

Raphael: "Good morning mom"

Me: "Morning baby "

He rubbed his eyes.

Raphael: "Church? "

Me: "Of course"

Raphael: "I miss dad "

Then I remembered the call from prison everything was just going south.

Me: "I'm sure he misses you too. We'll go see him soon"

Raphael: "OK. I can't wait "

Vashti came when I was setting the table.

Vashti: "Morning"

Me: "Morning baby "

We drove to church after breakfast.

It was great.

Ntombi pulled me aside after the service.

Ntombi: "What did she say? "

Me: "She's in a bad space now. "

Ntombi: "I want my son back Tsaone. I don't think you understand "

Me: "Her boyfriend passed away yesterday. The wounds are still fresh. I cannot be selfish and expect her to help us"

Ntombi: "I never thought I'd hear you sound so selfless "

Me: "Excuse me"

I left the kids were waiting for me in the car.

I wanted to sort out things at work so I can take a few days off.

I wanted to go to Jacky and offer her support.

Ntombi's sudden hate for me was one I couldn't comprehend.

To think I had allowed my daughter to stay with her yet now all of a sudden she was like this to me.

I put everything to the back of my mind as I drove home.



I cannot believe that a mere stripper was the reason I got the beating of my life.

I didn't get the fuss. The bitch mentioned my son and I retaliated. Was I suppose to keep quiet?

Should I have acted like I'm cool with that?


Now I was in pain but about to be discharged from hospital.

There was no reason for them to keep an inmate since I had woken up now.

My body was in too much pain that I wished I was outside so I can kill this bitch with my own bare hands.

I wouldn't feel any remorse because she did this to me.

What was it about her? What did she have? Fuck Now I probably had enemies.

The guard came and fortunately I could walk. I had a few broken ribs and my faced looked like shit.

They had done a number on me even broke my left arm.

So I was taken back to my cell.

After about an hour I was told I have a visitor.

I just went.

Thembi gasped when she saw me.

Me: "I know "

I said rolling my eyes. At least I could talk even though my face was swollen.

Even the rolling my eyes exercise hurt.

I just remained strong because I'm a man.

Thembi: "I can't ask how you are because wow you look like hell"

Me: "Where's my son? "

Thembi: "You want him to see you like that? "

Me: "He's old now. He's 12"

Thembi: "He misses you. So much "

Me: "I miss him too. I thought you would bring him"

Thembi: "I'm glad I didn't. You look like hell"

Me: "You don't have to keep reminding me"

Thembi: " I've been thinking "

Me: "About? "

Thembi: "Maybe he can finally meet your other son"

Me: "That's a good idea. I'm impressed "

She rolled her eyes.

Thembi: "He's lonely. It'll do him good to know he has a sibling "

Me: "You should have made a child with that piece of shit you were with "

Thembi: "I'm the one who should hate you. You killed my boyfriend "

Me: "I'd do it again if I have to"

She stood up.

Thembi: "I'll see you when I Bring Your son. Hopefully you'll be looking better then"

I was taken back to my cell.

I took the book again.

I was Willing to try God.

Both my sons needed me in their lives.

It had been six years.

Acts 2:21 "And it shall come to pass that whoever calls the name of the Lord shall be saved "

Me: "But how? "

I turned the pages again.

I needed answers.

Romans 10: " 9 If you declare with your mouth “Jesus is Lord” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. "

OK that sounded easy :I had declare with my mouth and believe in my heart.

I sat up on my bed.

Me: "Where do I start? "

Ambriel: "Say whatever comes into your heart"

I couldn't see her but I could hear her voice.

Whatever comes into my heart? OK.

I closed my eyes and listened.

Me: "Lord I come before you seeking change. I pray that you get into my heart and bring in the change. I believe that Christ died for our sins and declare with my mouth that Jesus is Lord. Amen "

Then I opened my eyes.

I couldn't believe that those words came from my mouth.

Me: "Wow"

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