Vagar: "I don't need to keep reminding you who's the boss"
Me: "I'm surprised you think I ever get to forget "
Vagar: "Good because it won't be nice having to torture you"
Me: "What could you possibly do? "
Vagar: "You're not untouchable Jacky. You should know that "
I kept quiet. Unfortunately I had no words.
Vagar: "Now that box has your clothes. I'll give you thirty minutes to get ready. "
He walked out.
Clothes? As if. I sighed.
I had an uneasy feeling that I couldn't quite explain.
I put on the furry bra and matching thong all black. I put on the furry belt and wore the heels.
I had to shower with the showering gel he provided and had to put on the perfume.
There was even a long trench coat and I had to wear thigh high black leather boot heels.
There was a stylist who came in and did my hair.
She also did my makeup.
After that Vagar came back.
Vagar: "Wonderful "
It was a Friday night.
He took my hand and we left. I didn't even know where we were going.
I was used to performing in the club. All I knew was that I was getting a fat cheque for whatever awaited me.
Me: "Where are we going? "
Vagar: "You my dear will be entertaining inmates "
Me: "The Fuck? "
Vagar: "Yep. You'll just show them what they're missing out on"
Me: "That's... Humiliating "
Vagar: "It's not something you're not used to. It's just a bunch of horny guys. They're just like those thirsty niggers at the club just caged "
Me: "Why me? "
Vagar: "You're the best I have. You know that "
I rolled my eyes as we got out.
We were using a rather discreet entrance.
Me: "Don't you have vodka or something? "
He gave me a small bottle and I gulped down the entire contents.
It burned my throat yet I felt it was too little.
Fuck. I chose this life.
I was laying on my back on my bed when my cell was opened.
I had been deep in thought which was probably why I hadn't slept.
I still didn't flinch until the guard slapped my cheek.
Me: "The Fuck? "
Guard: "You're one lucky bastard. Stand the Fuck up"
I got up then followed him.
I didn't know where we were going.
We arrived at sort of a visiting room.
Me: "And then? "
He forced me to sit down with the other guys.
There were five of us.
Suddenly music started playing. The other four were gang leaders.
I honestly don't know why I was picked. They were playing Nicki Minaj.
She was Lindi's favourite. Just hearing her voice reminded me so much of her and of her son.
Guy: "Been wanting to tap that booty but I'm stuck here"
Me: "What booty?"
Her heels made noise. They were fighting with the floor and her perfume filled the entire room.
I looked at her shoes first then went up.
Me: "It can't be"
I whispered only to myself.
That definitely looked like Ambriel.
The man who came with her spoke.
Man: "As requested gentlemen Jacky. Remember no touching. You can look but that's where it ends "
She rolled her eyes.
The music blasted more loudly then she slowly opened her trench coat then dropped it.
I laid back as I watched this girl doing her thing on The table.
Surely an angel wouldn't do that.
From what I had read on that book it's impossible.
Her butt was all out and damn I am a guy after all.
She knew her stuff which low-key made me wonder what she could do in the sheets.. Fuck it had been years after all.
Her eyes met with mine. She gave me what seemed like a death stare.
I wasn't any scared.
She then came to me and gave me a lap dance.
Me: "Are you trying to make me come? "
Jacky: "You look so much like your son"
I swear that made her push her from me.
Her heel met with my chest as she stood up.
The music stopped.
Man: "What the fuck Jacky? "
Jacky: "This son of a bitch pushed me. I was fucken defending myself! "
I couldn't stop coughing.
Guard: "Just go man"
The man dragged her away.
The guy that had been sitting next to me spoke.
Guy: "You ruined our show. We paid a lot of money for that! "
Me: "Fuck you! "
I was still coughing. When I stood up the guy punched me on my stomach.
I couldn't defend myself.
Suddenly everyone was having a piece of me. I had never been beaten since I got here.
They beat me until I couldn't move.
My vision got blurry then it was lights out for me.
Raphael: "Your phone mom"
He gave it to me.
I was busy making breakfast for us.
I took it and answered even though I couldn't recognise the number.
Me: "Hello? "
Caller: "Dr Mokoena we're calling from the porchefstroom correctional service"
Me: "Uhm hello "
Caller: "It's about Neo. He's been admitted at the public hospital and seeing that you're his frequent visitor we thought we should let you know "
Me: "Oh my gosh is he OK? "
Caller: "He's been badly beaten but fortunately there has been no reports of internal bleeding. Beatings happen in prison"
Me: "Thank you for Letting me know "
Caller: "You're welcome "
I sighed.. That wasn't how I expected my day to start.
The past month I had been going around in my "search" for Bogosi.
It was unsuccessful but I didn't stop praying.
It didn't help that Jacky wasn't of any assistance.
I had been sceptical about telling Ntombi and Bontle but with the news of NEO I made up my mind.
Raphael: "Mom? "
Me: "Huh? "
Raphael: "The pot is burning"
I had zoned out and forgot I was cooking.
Thank God it was just the eggs.
We ended up having oats for breakfast.
I told him to go bath after then I bathed myself and Vashti.
We went to my car and drove to the Molise residence.
Bontle was the one who opened for us.
Bontle: "I missed you all"
She gave us all hugs.
Bontle: "Are you OK?"
Me: "Yes but I need to talk to you and your mom about something "
As if on cue Ntombi came.
Ntombi: "About what? "
Bontle: "Kids go play "
We sat in the lounge with their focus on me.
Me: "About Bogosi"
Bontle: "Have you found him? "
Me: "I... Uhm... Not exactly "
Ntombi: "You're not making sense"
Me: "I had a visitor and she's the one who told me that he's alive and he's... He's a junkie"
Bontle: "Did she say where? "
I shook my head.
Me: "I've been searching for him ever since to no avail. "
Ntombi: "I want to meet her. I want her to tell me exactly what she knows "
Me: "That's -"
Ntombi: "Tsaone I wasn't asking you. Summon her here"
Ntombi: "No Bontle. I haven't seen my son since she broke up with him. I've already lost kgosi And I know he'll never come back but at least his brother is still alive. My hope has returned "
Me: "I'll talk to her. We might have to pay her a visit"
Ntombi: "I'm giving you today "
She stood up and left us.
Bontle: "I'm sorry about mom"
Me: "It's OK. I get where she's coming from"
Bontle: "Thank you. I mean we had lost all hope"
Me: "Come to think of it Jacky was a God sent"
Bontle: "God works in mysterious ways. He did say that we've entertained angels without knowing it"
Me: "I just... I hope we find him"
She held my hand.
Bontle: "We will. We should just trust in God and lean on Him"
I wanted to make things right.
I didn't care that he was a junkie. I just wanted him.
I was sitting under a tree outside while doing the laundry.
Jamal was in the house.
He came running to me as I was rinsing the clothes.
Jamal: "He won't wake up mom"
He was crying.
Me: "Daddy? "
We had to have breakfast alone because Chris was sleeping and I assumed that he went to a night vigil or something which was why he was still sleeping.
Jamal: "Come mom. Come wake him"
Me: "Daddy is tired"
He just cried.
Me: "OK sorry baby. Let me just hang these then we'll go wake him"
He wiped his tears.
Jamal: "OK mom"
I hang the clothes I had been rinsing.
I took his hand after and we went into the house.
I went to our bedroom.
Me: "I'll wake him OK? "
I slapped Chris and usually he'd spring up but nothing happened.
I started shaking him but still nothing.
Now I was getting scared.
Me: "Chris wake up"
I shook him furiously this time.
Jamal was now crying and I refused to believe that something could have happened.
I touched his cheek. He was cold.
There was absolutely no life in him.
Me: "No. No. No! "
For the first time in years tears embraced my cheeks.
Me: "Chris baby... Please wake up"
My son and I were both crying as we tried to wake him up.
He had spoken of dying of death but this hurt so much too much.
I cried hoping that a miracle happens and he wakes up.
He had to.
For me and for Jamal.
What was life without him?