" For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning. "

I closed my Bible and started praying thanking God for blessing me with the gift of a new day.

I was grateful for his protection his mercy and his grace which endures forever. I was grateful because I was still alive not by my own will but because of his will.

I'd reflect back on my life and realise how God has really protected my family and I. His hand has and always will be on top of our lives.

I wasn't alone. I was with my kids. I needed to raise them in a prayful environment and they had to know the importance of praying from a young age.

Vashti: " Amen"

Me: " Let's go prepare breakfast "

Raphael: " We going to church? "

Me: " Yes it's Sunday "

Raphael: " I can't wait. I love church mom. "

I smiled looking at him. I'm really blessed here.

I made breakfast for us then we ate with me feeding Vashti.

I cleaned their faces then we left.

I sat them at the kids section and went to the praise and worship team.

Sometimes I do think of Bogosi and wonder how things would be if he was still here.

The truth is although we divorced but this church is not the same without him.



Sundays are probably the only days I get to fully spend with my son. I always make sure they're worth it.

I was a teenager when I had him and regardless of the circumstances I will always love him.

I only want the best for him and I try to give him the best life I can afford him.

Everything I do I do it so he may have a better life.

Chris: " I met a man who told me all about my life"

Me: " What? "

He was coming in and I was surprised he was sober.

He sat down on a chair and looked at me.

Chris: " I.. Can I please hold my son? "

Me: " You're asking? Wow"

Chris: " Jacky please. I don't want to fight with you "

I gave Jamal to him. I was surprised by his humbleness.

Chris: " I don't have much time left. I know it's probably too late but I wanna turn my life around. I want to start going to church. I want to get a job and be a better father to my son even though it won't be for long"

Me: " Did You decide perhaps to try drugs today because you talking crazy? "

Chris: " Jacky I love you and our son. I've been a jack. Thank you for taking care of us"

Me: " Ok Chris now you are freaking me out. What the fuck is going on with you?"

Chris: " He told me to tell you that no matter how much you run God will find you and you'll be who he wants you to be "

Me: " Don't. Don't tell me about God. You have no idea what I've been through "

Chris: " Because you've never opened up to me. "

Me: " Our relationship was based around sex. You know that "

Chris: "I used to be such a believer. I was a Christian loved and praised God. I actually look back and can't recognise this person I've turned to be "

Me: " You weren't like this when we met"

Chris: " I want him to meet my family. I wanna make things right"

Me: " You can start by taking a bath. You stink "

He laughed and stood up putting Jamal down.

I was actually still stunned by his sudden change. He was cursing when he left the previous day and now he's all redeemed.

That was interesting for me.

Jamal: " I'm hungry mom"

Me: " You want cocos? "

He nodded so I took a bowl and made his cereal.

I gave it to him then washed the dishes. I wasn't working today.

Unfortunately tomorrow I was.

I sometimes wish I had a normal job but I don't really have any education.

" You can't run away forever "

I suddenly started feeling dizzy so I leaned by the room Divider. This voice was more calmer and I was surprised because God doesn't usually talk to me.

I'm used to Satan and his fables. I'm used to hearing spirits talking and seeing demons and ghosts but this this was different.

It had been a while.

Jamal: "Mama? "

I snapped out of it.

Me: " You... You done? "

He nodded. I took his bowl and washed it.

His father came looking all clean and fresh.

Me: " You look like a snack"

He laughed.

Chris: " A complement from you? "

Me: " Just know this is a rare thing don't get used to it. I'd still kill you if you weren't his father"

I said pointing at Jamal.

Chris: " What is with you and your obsession with killing? "

Me: " I'm a murderer. I'm a sinner "

Chris: " There's no one righteous "

Me: " Go to church and preach there. "

Chris: " Actually I should. I need to "

Me: " Please I should. I need to "

Me: " Please pray for me"

Chris: " I'd go with Jamal but I don't want us to fight. A kiss? "

Me: " Just get the fuck out"

He laughed going out.



For the first time ever I decided to attend one of the sermons often held in the prison.

I've never been interested I don't even know how I went there but I did.

It felt weird I even chuckled a bit in disbelief.

I never saw myself as someone to go to church and I still didn't see myself as a believer in God.

Different Pastor's come here three times a week to share the word with us.

Wednesday Friday and Sunday.

On Sunday it's often a full service. I've never been interested in this.

The other prisoners looked happy to be here and were very cheerful. Myself? I was just numb.

I even felt like leaving but I couldn't get to it.

Buhle: " This is a surprise "

Me: " Don't remind me "

Buhle: " It's Pastor Jenkins. I promise you'll be blessed "

Me: " Yeah whatever "

Suddenly everyone became quiet and you could feel that the atmosphere had changed.

This person had stature. He didn't have to demand respect but just walking in he was dressed in it.

Me: " That's him? "

She nodded.

Buhle: " He comes once a month so I must admit you're pretty lucky. "

Me: " Who is he? He carries so much respect and integrity "

Buhle: " He's the humblest man I know. It's all God. His glory shines upon him. This man has given many of us hope of a better tomorrow. He's truly God-sent. "

Jenkins: " Hallelujah? "

People shouted " Amen"

Jenkins: " Greetings in the wonderful name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Are you happy to be here?"

Was I? I highly doubted.

.I actually felt like just getting up and leaving.

Everyone was excited anxious but I... I really felt out of place.

This was outside my comfort zone. I believe the only reason I was sitting there was because of Raphael.

Jenkins: " I have a very short message for you. "

That was music to my ears.

Jenkins: " Psalms 30:5 which reads For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning. "

It took me a few minutes to try and understand that.

I was analysing it in my mind.

Me: " In his favour is life? His anger lasts a little while? Who is this he? "

I had a lot of questions running through my mind that I was not even concentrating on the sermon.

When I snapped back into reality everyone was quiet and I noticed they were all looking at me.

Me: "What? "

Jenkins: " He's willing to answer whatever questions you might have. Everything in his word "

Me: " Uh… Ok "

I didn’t know what to say.

Buhle: " He's also a prophet sees the unseen. "

She whispered to me.

Now it was really time for me to get the hell out of here.

Jenkins: "You don't have much time left. Soon very soon your destiny will be revealed unto you. Rejoice for your light has come. "

I stood up. People were still looking at me but I didn't care.

I had to leave…

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Ntutu 2019-05-04 13:40:33

Oh his Grace is enough for us and he is a loving father. There is no name above his.