I took out my cigarette and lit it up and took a long puff.

This was victory. I had to applaud myself.

A bottle of three ships whiskey was just next to my left leg. I picked it up and drank straight from the bottle.

It was burning yes but I didn't care.

" Yizwa boss"

Me: Burn him up. I don't want any trace of him.

" Sure sure boss yam "

I got up. I had been sitting on the corpse. I took the bottle of whiskey drank one last time then smashed it unto this son of a bitch.

Victory. That's what my heart was screaming. Victory.

"Mommy! "

Said my four year old son when I came into our yard. I picked him up put him on my waist.

Me: How was creche?

Jamal: Good mom. We drew pictures.

Me: You gonna show me?

He nodded.

Me: Mommy missed you.

Jamal: Jamal missed mommy too.

I kissed his lips.

Me: Where's daddy?

Jamal: He left with.. With

I felt my palms sweating already.

I hope this son of a bitch did not come up with any hoes In my son's presence.

I swear I'm going to kill him.

Me: With who?

Smoke was already coming out of my ears.

I'm not someone you'd wanna mess with and I don't beg anyone's ass.

He better know that if he was double crossing me I won't take shit lying lightly.

Jamal: I.. He said Not to tell you.

I laughed in disbelief.

I'll get him. I'll get this son of a.. Nxa.

We went into the house. He left my son alone. Alone!

I trusted this bastard with my son and he leaves him alone? He's going to hear from me.

Me: " Are you hungry? "

He nodded panting his long eyelashes. I kissed his neck.

I was trying not to get angry because his father didn't even bother feeding him.

I put him down when we got in the house washed my hands then made dinner for the both of us.

He was telling me about his day and even thou I was listening; my mind was on that son of a bitch and why I hadn't killed him yet.

The sting of alcohol hit my nostrils and I could feel my face turn pink.

He laughed as I turned annoying me even more.

" Look at you all pretty and pink " then he burst out in laughter again.

" You left my son alone? "

He came to me I was counting from one in ascending order in my head.

The last thing I wanted was to black out.

" I saw you coming in. Baby I need some love"

He said tearing the shirt I was wearing. I bit my lip in anger and pushed him away so bad he fell on his butt.

" You should thank your God you're my son's father. That's the only reason you're still alive! "

I clicked my tongue and walked out to the bathroom.

I had to be at work by 9PM. I had hardly rested.

It was 7H30 PM. Jamal was sleeping.

I threw myself on the bed and just looked up.

I could hear the voices in my head but I refused to listen.

" You're mine. I own you"

His laughter filled the room. I saw his shadow on the wall.

Me: " I refuse to bow down to a fallen angel "

" Look at your life. Do you really think the heavens will accept you? You killed another one today. I can bet you going to kill another tomorrow "

Me: " I am not like you! "

He laughed again and the windows started shaking. His laughter was loud and deep.

" Your heart is as cold as mine. You might not want to admit it but you represent me. Oh Jacqueline stop lying to yourself. You're evil my little devil "

He laughed before he disappeared. I sighed.

I heard a few cries of help. I don't know how they knew me and I hated this.

I hated hearing all these voices and it drove me mad.

I decided to take a bath while having a bottle of wine. I was drinking straight from the bottle.

" God please show me the way. It's hard Lord but I need you "

" Stop!!! "

I screamed. The wine wasn't helping. I got out and went for the vodka.

I didn't even care about the burning sensation.



"Raphael stop running "

He laughed before stopping then looked at me.

Me: " Don't give me that look"

Raphael: " What look mom? "

I smiled. It felt good hearing him call me mom. It was heartwarming.

Me: " I've packed you lunch"

He frowned.

Me: " You're 6. I'm not going to give you money Raphael"

Raphael: " But mom

stop running "

He laughed before stopping then looked at me.

Me: " Don't give me that look"

Raphael: " What look mom? "

I smiled. It felt good hearing him call me mom. It was heartwarming.

Me: " I've packed you lunch"

He frowned.

Me: " You're 6. I'm not going to give you money Raphael"

Raphael: " But mom Luke carries money to school "

Me: " He's 7 and you're not Luke "

Raphael: " Maybe if I had a father he'd understand "

He didn't wait for me to reply but took his bag and went out.

I sighed. It had been six years since I left Bogosi and I was a doctor now.

I still couldn't believe my sister was dead and two years later I lost Ma.

I looked out the window as his transport drove off.

Me: " God give me strength "

I was exhausted. I had been working night shift and really needed to sleep.

My phone rang just as I was about to put my head down.

Me: " Ma? "

I heard a sweet soft voice say " Mama"

I melted.

Me: " Angel? "

Vashti: " I miss you mama"

Me: " I miss you too baby. Shouldn't you be at school? "

She was staying with Bogosi's mother. She was lonely and even thou I didn't like being away from my daughter she begged me after losing both her sons so I agreed to let her stay with her once she starts school.

She was 5 and doing Grade R.

Me: " I'll come get you on Friday "

I had my own surgery now and even though it was a lot of work I made sure to make time for my kids.

Vashti: " I have to go to school now. I love you"

Me: " I love you too"

My eyes immediately closed themselves.

I was drained.

I had moved to the units now and I had two yards one being the surgery.

I knew I had to wake up soon to make lunch for Raphael and hoped he comes back in a good mood.



Six years. It had been six years since I was here.

I looked around at this wall and the tiny picture of my son just under my window

It was the only picture I had of him. Thinking about him always brought tears to my eyes.

I always wondered if he thinks about me but brushed it off when I remembered he doesn't know me.

" He does think of you "

I looked up and saw her she was glowing as always.

Me: " I'm tired of you driving me crazy "

Ambriel: " He needs his father's presence in his life"

Me: " I'm in jail. I've been here for six years. I was sentenced to thirty years in prison with no chance of parole"

Ambriel: " But with God-"

Me: " Don't start with the religion shit. I'm definitely not in the mood"

Ambriel: " But I -"

Me: " Go! Just Go! Leave me alone! "

Ambriel: " Are you going to go back to Mafikeng or just settle in Porchefstroom after all your wife is here"

Me: " You still here? "

Ambriel: " You're the reason you're still here. If you don't change your son will be married with two kids when you get out of here "

She disappeared and I sighed.

I didn't like that she always leaves me in thoughts.

I had been transferred to Porchefstroom correctional services after spending two years at Rooigrond.

At least I had never been ass fucked.

I don't know how it is that I had my own cell but I was actually glad.

I didn't have friends here I didn't feel like I have purpose.

All I did was study and read.

What Ambriel said echoed in my mind and for the first time ever I thought about getting out.

Write your opinion

Ntutu 2019-05-04 13:25:20

Wow!! Explosive intro