When the Creator of all human beings made men he instilled in each a conscience. It's what some call intuition our daily guide who alerts us when we in danger or pokes us when we on the wrong path so as to return us to righteousness.
Man was not made perfect that's not controversial and anyone can acknowledge that.
Like any humanbeing Hope had her conscience eating at her. She did at that time what she considered to be right. She never at one point thought of the repurcasions of her actions.
She didn't stop to think of how that would affect someone she once loved with her all. Does "once" mean she no longer did? Definitely not but somehow her mind had managed to convince her otherwise.
"How could I have been so heartless?" she'd scold herself but who cries over spilled milk? It doesn't change anything instead it's like a cancer which eats you inside whilst everyone who sees you on the outside thinks all is well.
It's interesting how humanbeings are able to hide all the pain they carry all the guilt and pull on such a convincing act which can even fool its owner.
That's how she dealt with it. By pretence. In front of her family in front of her classmates in front of her Boyfriend all was well but when she's alone the demons in her mind would come and devour at her soul at her spirit.
Is she not also human? Was it wrong for her to get hurt? She felt her emotional walls cracking and there was absolutely nothing she could do.
There was only one person who could help her who truly understood and loved her. Kristen.
That's the thing about lust it doesn't last absolutely no pun intended. It poses as love it comes as convincing and convenient at that time but when it wears off it completely disappears without a trace.
What she felt for Kevin was no longer there. Her mind had betrayed her. Lust had consumed her.
It left her in such turmoil that she couldn't even realize what she had until unfortunately she lost it.
Was she ever going to find such love again? Was Kevin really the one?
What if she left a diamond while chasing after glitter?
Would things ever go back to how they were? Will she be able to move on from this?
Only God knows.
Meanwhile like every marriage Kristina's marriage also had its ups and downs. Yes their love was growing each day and so was their son but they also had their own misunderstandings nothing they'd go to bed without solving.
Prior to graduation Krissy was of course able to find an internship at her husband's company.
Career wise everything was falling into place.
Eric However wanted another baby. Their son was not even a year old but somehow he wasn't enough for him.
"It's not a bad idea" he assured his wife. What she was thinking about however was 9 months of constant cravings and unbalanced hormones and the pain of child labour.
Why couldn't he see it from her point of view? He wasn't going to be the one carrying the baby hence he was talking so easily.
"I'll be with you every step of the way"
That was still not convincing enough for her.
"Can I at least think about it? " said Krissy who didn't want to disappoint her husband.
For her there was nothing to think about. She was going to make sure she doesn't fall pregnant at least not now.
What her husband doesn't know really won't kill him.
Really? The truth always has a way of coming out.
What was going on through her mind though? How was she going to make sure she doesn't conceive?
Only she can answer such a question.
Varsity. I don't know hey. If it was still the old me I'd be excited about all the fresh girls I'd be seeing all the virginities I was going to break and all the hearts I was going to steal.
Unfortunately that wasn't the now me. I don't even think I wanted anything to do with a female unless it's just pussy.
To think I had left and changed my ways for someone I really saw a future with
only for her to betray me like this?
It still didn't want to register it couldn't.
I vowed never to love again never to let a girl so close to me again. No one makes the same mistake twice.
The alcohol didn't even do anything to me anymore it was no longer an escape. My mind would convince me I need something stronger while my conscience would tell me I don't.
I had to get my act together but at the same time it was hard. It was hard letting go. It was hard forgetting about it.
I had isolated myself from everyone and from everything I loved to do.
What I did know is when she killed my baby he/she died with a piece of me. It would have been better if I didn't know it would have been better if she had just deceived me with lie but this lord this.
It hurt. The truth hurts. Reality hurt. I couldn't even focus on the things that matter on my baby brother.
Maybe varsity was the break I needed maybe getting my degree and making something of myself was something I Needed to focus on and leave all this dating to people who manage to make it work.
I once loved a girl and look at where it got me.
I groaned. It was Brandon and from his tone he was probably pissed. I don't know who gave him the permission to come as he wishes into my house.
I was laying topless on my bed while looking staring at the ceiling.
I heard his steps approaching before he frowned when he saw me.
Brandon: Look at you.
Me: I'm not in the mood man.
Brandon: This is so not like you man.
Me: I've heard enough lectures from mom and dad if you also gonna preach you know where the door is.
He sighed and sat down next to me.
Brandon: So it's varsity next week?
Me: You mean the stupid orientation.
Brandon: It's something to look forward to though.
Me: Yeah can't wait.
Brandon: Better yet the freshers party.
Me: Ain't they in March?
Brandon: Well yea though better get prepared in time.
Even his presence didn't bring any change in my mood.
Maybe if they left me alone for a bit I'll actually be able to think.
I know it's caring but they were really annoying. I was alive could that not be what matters?
I didn't even remember when last I even ate. Probably when mom came and forced the food on my mouth.
All I needed was space. Space to work on myself and on my emotions.
I still felt like killing Hope and that stupid boy but I couldn't have that on my conscience at least not now.
Had I known this is how fucked up love is I wouldn't have allowed my heart to deceive me like this.
I used to be so in control of my life and emotions but now it seemed I had completely lost control of everything.
Calvin was sitting with his father while drinking a cup of whiskey. He had been on the hideout ever since he knew who was on his tail. He couldn't risk his entire empire go down for a girl. Yes he loved her like he'd say but she just was not worth losing everything.
A small part of him felt bad for all he had done for him but a big part of him was convinced it was a display of affection an act of the love he had for her.
It's been more than a year and he still couldn't forget about her.
"There are better girls than her way better" His father said finding it hard to believe he still hadn't forgotten about a girl he can never have not unless he's willing to risk everything they own.
"I was her first her everything. I love her" Calvin said convincingly.
But was it really love?
People can never intentionally hurt those they love. They nurture and protect them instead of hurting them and destroying not only their physicality but their emotions as well.
His father didn't know what else to say. He couldn't have his son risking his liberty for love.
To him love simply wasn't enough.
" I gotta have her back " He said very sure in his mind that it's what he wanted.
"You know it's too big a risk" His father reminded him. He knew very well that Anthony was not someone to mess with. He was a ruthless killer and unfortunately he had nothing to lose unlike his son.
" I'll think of a way" he said gulping down a shot of whiskey not even minding its burning sensation.
It's really hard letting go of someone you love.
But is fighting destiny really worth it? Karma always wins.